things i copied and pasted:

-Do you make an effort to be an idiot..or is it a gift?

-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a Christian, copy and paste this into your profile.

-I was thinking, while I was running... about not hitting trees, I hope.

-Forget love..I'd rather fall in chocolate!"

-Yes, I'm weird. No, I don't care."

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

OHHH My family branch in the 39 clues is MAdrigals

99.5 percent of teenagers and kids have a myspace and are literally addicted, if you are the 0.5 who thinks myspace is a dumb way to make friends, relationsips,etc. post this onto your profile.

1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3.

Only fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. fI you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie

If your friends are surprised that you haven't given them A.D.H.D., Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

You are one-hundred percent sure that Kurt is a Vesper spy (Yep)

You stay awake at night wondering if Shep is still in jail

You cried (or at least felt like it) when Irina died (Like a baby)

You've read all the books at least four times... and they still aren't old (read the 3rd 8 times and counting)

You wish Ian and Amy would just make up already!

You read a certain book series, listened to a certain music genre and/or watched a certain TV show, just because one of the characters liked it (Spice Girls, for Natalie)

Whenever you see something suspicious, you claim it's a Lucian spy sent to kill you (Or a different branch if you are a Lucian) (Every Freakin Time!!!)

You've read nearly every FanFiction on the 39 Clues fandom

You've dreamed about 39 Clues once... or twice... or more...

One of your favorite numbers is 39, 7, 5 or 19 (39 because... well duh. 7 for how many teams are in the series. 5 for how many Cahill branches there are. 19 for how many main characters there are)

Anytime someone talks about someone famous like George Washington, you're always telling them what Cahill branch they're from (George Washington's a Tomas)(History class...)

Whenever you see a famous guy like Benjamin Rush or John Hancock, you wonder if they're a Cahill, Vesper, or none of the above (Again with history class...)

You try to live up to the expectations of your branch: you're an Ekaterina, so you're constantly trying to get better at math and/or science; you're a Janus, so you're always practicing music, writing and drawing; you're a Lucian, so you're always trying to solve puzzles and get better at lying...er, I mean acting; you're a Tomas, so you're always trying to do brave things, like water skiing.

You buy everything 39 Clues you can get your hands on

You're going to buy the movie when it comes out, even if it stinks (which you know it will because that's how it is with books-turned-into-movies, they're never as good as the books themselves)

You hate it when people remind you that the 39 Clues aren't real, and come up with a hundred reasons why it vary well possibly could be real (I have! Think about it. If the Cahills are real, how would you find out about them? You couldn't! You couldn't find out via the Internet, because the branches kill, hurt and/or threaten anyone that posts ANYTHING about them on it. Books? No! Because vary few copies of books about the Cahills are made, and each branch buys books about their own branch, and destroys them. The news? No. Don't you remember? The branch pays off the news channels so they don't air anything! So how would you find out huh? Huh? Huh? That's what I thought!)

Most of your daydreams consist of at least one character from the 39 Clues series

You have a crush on one of the book characters (DAN CAHILL)

Whenever you get something 39 Clues related for your birthday, Christmas, etc. you start flipping out, rejoicing in being able to add to your 39 Clues collection (Got the Board Game this Christmas...SOOOOO Happy!)

You actually HAVE a 39 Clues collection (You know it!)

You spend most (if not all) of your allowance on the Card Packs (in between the books, of course)

You wish you could meet the people that play the characters in person

You wish you could meet all the authors

You've declared September 27th national "Cahills Made Up Day!" or something close to that (see book ten, page 326, line 18, words 4 through 6 for confirmation!)

You want to take a trip around the world, and stop at all the places Amy and Dan went (Already saving)

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile

If you belive in Jesus Christ put this on your profile. Did you know that 96% of people even if they say they are Christains will not stand up for him. So if your one of the people that is in the 4% group put this on your profile. If you denie it you are denieing Jesus Christ yourself. In the bible it says that if you denie him he will denie you right in front off his father. So put this on your file if you ever want to walk through the gates to heaven. Please do this.

Friends vs. Bes Friends

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shirt and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd home that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will give you their umbrella when it's raining.
BEST FRIENDS: Will take yours and yell "RUN GIRL RUN!!"

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "We screwed up again."

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!!!

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE:

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!
7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
8. WORLD DOMINATION! And the dark side is sooo much better than the good side!
9.you get to wear a white lab coat (ooh la la)
10.you can access our stock of cool evil gadgets (aka a blender and toaster.)
11.you get to wear tall black shiny boots and a black shiny belt (NO SUSPENERS! WE'RE NOT FIREFIGHTERS OR PEOPLE WHOSE PANTS FALL DOWN!)
12.you get to wear creepy masks
13. key word: POWER you get lots of it
14.all of the black capes have cool inside pockets to hold my secret bunny collection. did i just say that out loud?
15.we get a vacation unlike the jedi's
16.we can do dangerous things like sky diving or eating chili or sunbathing(though it is hard to sunbathe when you are wearing black)
17.we get to order our minons around
18.when no one is looking, we have funny faces contests
19.we love to mix stuff in the blenders and dare each other to drink it
20.sometimes, we hijack the tv studios and make our own commercials
21.HOT BAD GUYS!!!
22.you get to act stupid any time and people are to afrade to lauph at you
23.the reason you joined

•silence is golden, duct tape is silver
•even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas
•when life gives you lemons, you squirt them in your enemies eyes
•I didn't hit you I simply high fived your face

Strangers stab you in the front, friends stab you in the back, boys stab you in the heart, and best friends poke each other with straws!

How I learned to mind my own business :
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were shouting, '13...13...13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see What was going on...
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14...14...14'...

Twilight sucks. Percy Jackson rules! Here are some ways to prove my point:
Edward Cullen is a Stalker.
Percy Jackson Could Drown You in the Desert.
Bella Swan is a Wimp.
Annabeth Chase Could Break Your Arm.
Alice Cullen is a Freak.
Thalia Could Electrify You.
Jasper Cullen is a Cannibal.
Clarisse Could Kill You In 2 Seconds.
Rosalie Cullen Is Ugly.
Silena Beauregard Is Way Prettier.
Emmet Cullen Is Retarded.
And Grover, Well,Grover Will Be Grover

If aliens are looking for intellectual life... WHY THE HECK ARE WE SCARED!?

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy

this into your profile.

92 percent American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet copy and paste this into your profile. (I’ve done it cuz i got a leg prob! And don't u dare make fun or feel bad for me or I'll hunt you down and tie you up with duct tape!)

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.(24/7!)

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. (I think that's me! OH CRUD! Did I just say that!? AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! *is running away from cops*)

If you think that being unique is cooler than being popular, copy this on your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.( I want to SLAP these people senseless!)

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile. (My friends are nutjobs)

If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.

If you think you are really random, copy and paste this onto your profile

IF YOU CAN HURT YOURSELF DOING JUST ABOUT ANYTHING, COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR PROFILE

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you can easily finish a thick, chaptered novel in a day, copy and paste this onto your profile. (sadly, that book was Twilight)

When life gives you lemons...

Make orange juice, and let the world wonder how you did it.

Throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

Alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

Eat them and spit the pips in Life's eyes.

OK heres a touching story:

A boy and a girl who were dating were riding on a motorcycle one day. The girl asked the boy to slow the motorcycle down and he replied after a while, "

"Ok, but first give me a hug" and she gave him a hug. and asked him to slow down once more

He replied, "Ok, but first do you love me?" the girl replied yes and asked again for him to slow down.

He replied," OK but wear my helmet for me. It's too stuffy."and she did that and asked once more for him to slow down.

THE NEXT DAY

A news report was saying that yesterday a motorcycle crashed into the side of building. A boy and girl were riding on that motorcycle when it crashed, but only the girl survived. It tirns out that the boy had found out that his brakes werent working and decided not to tell the girl. Instead he wanted to feel her hug one more time and hear her say she loved him one last time, then he had her wear his helmet, so that she would survive. The girl now mourns for the loss of her beloved and sweet boyfriend.

SO SWEET RIGHT!?

PUNS AND JOKES

Did you hear about the man who had his whole left side cut off? He's all right now!

Q: A plane crashed yesterday and every single person died? Two people survived. How is this possible?

A: They were married

Q: Johnny's mother had four kids. The first was named May. The second was named April. The third was named June. What was the fourth named?

A: Johnny

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

40 ways to make the pizza guy feel nervous/annoyed/irritated when calling in your order

PRESS the ALT button + (AND) the F4 BUTTON!!!!!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!! ITS AWESOME :D :D :D

(\_/) This is Jumpy. She's very hyper.c(")(")

(\_/) This is bunny. Copy and paste
(+'.'+) bunny onto your page to help
(")_(") him gain world domination!

(\_/) this is fuzzy. she will stop global warming...
( i . i) by blowing up the sun.
(")_(") help her gain world domination first by copy & pasting her on your page!

(\_/)
(o.O)
(_) -this is Mr. Bunny. Copy and paste Mr.
Bunny onto your page to help him gain world domination!

(\_/) c(")(") -This is Bob. Bob enjoys sharp objects. I suggest you run from Bob... (LUV THIS ONE)

/\_/\ This is Kitty please
(+ . +) Help him by copying and pasting
(")_(") him onto your page. He speaks for the animals
in abusive homes, pounds, and with no home

9 Things I Don't Like

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their but to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why in the world would you keep looking after you've found it?

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the stupid floor.

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the freak?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I still be standing here? I don't think so.

about me:

Stupid reall warnings:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Spread the Stupidity

Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ...do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Three men were hiking through a forest...

when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:

' God, please give me the strength to cross the river.

Poof!!!

God gave him big arms and strong legs...

and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours,
having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:

'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'
Poof!!!
God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs...

and he was able to row across
in about an hour
after almost capsizing once
Seeing what happened to the first two men,
the third man prayed:

'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'

Poof!!!

HE WAS TURNED INTO A WOMAN!!!

She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream...

and walked across the bridge

WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict... She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines'.

Moral of the story:
No matter what language you speak or where you go,
BEHIND EVERY MAN THERE'S A SMART WOMAN!

Wanna go for a ride little girl?

A little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.
After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"

"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."

"NO!" says the little girl as she hurries down the street..

The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,

“Okay kid, my last offer!

I'll give you 20 Bucks and a big bag of candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we go for a ride."

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and screams out...

"LOOK DAD. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BOUGHT THE HONDA
INSTEAD OF THE HARLEY, YOU RIDE IT!"

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American
Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy. But I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length.. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm...)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to shut a revolving door.

When someone annoys you, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm out and smack them on the head.

Puns For Educated Minds

1.The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4.A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall... The police are looking into it.

10.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large

16.The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.A backward poet writes inverse.

18.In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19.When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine

Blond Joke



Non-Stop Flight
On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."

After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up. She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilot said, "Let me try." He went up to the blonde and politely tried to explain to her why she needed to return to her seat in economy class.

But the blonde only replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here." Frustrated, the co-pilot returned to the cockpit. He suggested that perhaps they should have the airline call the police and have her arrested when they land.

"Wait a minute," said the pilot. "Did you say she's blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde." So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.

"I'm sorry," said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.

"What did you say to her?" ask the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.

To which the pilot replied, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Chicago."

60 FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELIVATOR
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

51. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.

52. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"

53. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.

54. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.

55. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.

56. Make chalk drawings on the walls.

57. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"

58. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.

59. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.

60. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.

102 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart (or Target)

1. Take all the fudge, whipped cream, or anything like that, and make a slip n slide.
2. Walk up to any guy with his girlfriend and slap him crying out "but you said you’d love me forever and ever!!!"
3. Walking by someone, start singing a Barney song, when they join in, say "what a bunch of retards" and walk away.
4. Sit in the ice cream isle and (while eating all the ice cream from the carton with your hands) yell at anyone passing by that they cant have any, and to make your point, throw some ice cream at them.
5. Paint a 'mural' with the nail polish, when yelled at, ask them why they hate art.
6. Invite all your friends for a movie night at Wal-Mart. This must include turning off all the lights, opening all the bags of chips and cans of soda, and when watching your movie in the TV section, “shhh” anyone such as the manager and others and them lecture them about being rude.
7. Demand to see the manager at once, muttering about things like 'bad service' and 'rude employees'. Once face to face with the manager, insist that you need his/her autograph straight away.
8. Hide in the clothing racks. When someone starts searching through the clothes, jump up, saying, "Pick me!!!"
9. Walk around in the dishware and say to people as they examine cups and such, "Please don't touch that one. It is a very fine piece that I picked up in Volterra, Italy."
10. Ask someone for the time, and before they answer, break out into the chorus for the Phantom of the Opera.
11. Take all the money out of the cash registers and put it in a big pile and roll in it screaming “I’M RICH!!”, when the security comes, tell them that you inherited Wal-Mart, then lecture them about respecting their superiors.
12. On the intercom, broadcast very irrelevant conversations between teenage girls (OH NO U DIDN’T!!! he’s totally like going to dump her, he’s too hot for her, did you hear about that???) etc. (broadcast until it stops being funny)
13. Ride the little electronic cars at the front of the store.
14. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals throughout the day.
15. Walk up to an employee and in an official tone of voice say "We've got a code 3 in House wares". See what happens.
16. Turn all the radios to the polka station, then turn them off, but turn the volume as high as it'll go.
17. Play with the automatic doors.
18. Walk up to complete strangers and say "Hi!! I haven't seen you in..." etc. and see how they respond.
19. Leave small gifts in the hands of mannequins.
20. Play soccer with a group of friends using the entire store as your playing field.
21. As the cashier scans an item, say "Wow, magic!".
22. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" to carpeted areas.
23. Put M&M's on layaway.
24. Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell friends they can only come if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
25. When an employee comes and asks you if you need help, say "Why won't you all just leave me alone?!".
26. While looking at guns in the gun department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are.
27. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
28. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
29. Two words: "Marco Polo".
30. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
31. When a someone gives an announcement, assume a fetal position and start screaming, "No, no! not the voices again!".
32. When someone strays from their cart looking at something, take their cart and run away.
33. Follow people throughout the store staying about 5 feet away at all times until they leave the store.
34. Hold shopping cart races.
35. Ask newly hired employees about made up products, i.e. "Do you have any Shnerples here?".
36. Ride the bicycles around claiming that you're taking it for a "test drive".
37. Ask employees, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?".
38. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
40. Lay on one of the bed displays with a rose and stare at everyone that walks by with a grin on your face.
41. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
42. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."
43. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
46. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
47. Make a trail of Mountain Dew on the floor leading to the restrooms.
48. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
49. Go into one of the fitting rooms and yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
50. "Accidentally" get stuck in one of the frozen food doors. Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps you out.
51. Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.
52. Ask if you can buy a shopping cart.
53. Bring a friend and get in a shopping cart. Have them push you around while you yell "ye-haw!"
54. Constantly wink at a person you don't know. Follow them around and blow kisses to them.
55. Fill your shopping cart with matchbooks and gasoline and walk around smiling at people.
56. Find a parent with her kid in the shopping cart. Point at the kid and ask the parent, "What aisle are they selling these on?"
57. Gather a bunch of bouncy balls and bounce them into neighboring aisles.
58. Get 20 people together and play hide-n-go-seek.
59. Get a friend, put on as many articles of clothing you can find and start sumo wrestling (use diapers if possible) .
60. Go to the express lane and get an item, and say "wait, I forgot something“ Keep doing that until you have like 50, check out, then say "thanks, I forgot how much this costs," and walk away.
61. Go to the video game section and play one of the games for a minute the throw down the controller and start to bang on the display case when an attendant asks you what you are doing tell him your trying to change the game.
62. Go up to a guy and start crying saying I finally found you mommy! And see what he does!
63. Go up to someone and start taking items from their basket and put them into yours.
64. Go up to the clerk and say code Red! and see what they do!
65. Hide in the toy section, when someone comes close jump out at them throw a ball and yell "Pikachu I choose you!"
66. Joust with the electronic assist carts and wrapping paper.
67. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
68. Make the entire auto department smell by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
69. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
70. Page yourself and then after the employee says your name, say...“Oh that's me, I've got to go. Thank you.”
71. Play blind chicken with 12 friends putting a blind fold on one and them having that person trying to find you .
72. Pour bubble bath into the fountains in the garden section.
73. Repeat whatever the store clerk tells you.
74. Roll cans of soup down the aisles.
75. Run around the store yelling I'm a princess while holding a toy wand.
76. Run around yelling for your pet ferret "Stinky". check out all the funny looks you get!
77. Run up to a complete stranger, tag them, and say "You're it!"
78. Sample all the fragrances in the perfume department.
79. Set up a battle of laser tag .
80. Set up ten pineapples in the shape of bowling pins and start bowling with a coconut.
81. Start Humming the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Theme song. Whenever someone looks at an item near you scream "TURTLE POWER" and run away as fast as you can.
82. Strategically scatter those novelty dog poops throughout the store and wait for some to announce "cleanup on aisle ..." then yell "BAD FLUFFY!"
83. Take a snickers bar, go in the bathroom and smoosh the snickers bar in your hand and reach over to the next stall and say "uh do you have some toilet paper over there?"
84. Take all of the free AOL cd's on the end of the check out counter.
85. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
86. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
87. Time yourself for two minutes and throw as many shoes as possible onto the floor.
88. TP as much of the store as possible.
89. Try to fly on a broom. If anyone asks what you are doing tell them in a very annoyed voice, "the brooms don't work!"
90. Unload then entire bin of giant bouncy balls, get in the bin, have a friend put all the balls back on top of you. When someone walks by jump outta the balls causing them to fly everywhere.
91. Walk about 10 centimeters in front of a moving shopping cart and yell "Its gonna get me!"
92. Walk through the store pushing a cart that is upside-down.
93. Walk up to the automatic doors and walk back and forth through them and each time u go though look up at the sensor and yell "how does it work or ITS MAGIC!"
94. When a woman with children walks near you in the toy aisle, throw yourself on the floor,screaming "MOMMY, I WANT THAT TOY!"
95. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
96. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
97. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
98. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
99. Go up to a random person and begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
100. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
101. Wander around in a hospital gown and repeatedly say, "Why isn't mommie back yet?"
102. Go into the fitting room and yell loudly"I see london i see france!"

The Harry Potter Alphabet
A is for Avada Kedavra
B is for Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans
C is for Crookshanks
D is for Dobby
E is for Expeliarmus
F is for Fred
G is for Granger
H is for Harry
I is for Incendio
J is for James Potter
K is for Knotgrass
L is for Loony Lovegood
M is for Moony
N is for Neville Longbottom
O is for Order of the Phoenix
P is for Potions Class
Q is for Quirrel
R is for Ravenclaw
S is for Snivellus Snape
T is for Tom Riddle
U is for Umbridge
V is for Voldemort
W is for Weasley Wizard Weezes
X is for Xenophilius Lovegood
Y is for Yaxley
Z is for Zacharias Smith

IN REMEMBRANCE:
In Remembrance to Severus Snape,
A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor,

In Remembrance to Fred Weasley,
Who fought bravely to the very end,
And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half,
And will loyally await his soul mate and brother,
With many jokes,
He's got forever to think of them, right?

In Remembrance to Dobby,
Who was more free and full of love,
Than any elf, and most humans.

In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin,
The last real Marauder,
Who was not just a wonderful father,
An incredible husband and a brave hero,
As well as an awesome werewolf.

In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks,
Who died for the greater good,
And would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora.

In Remembrance to Alastor 'Mad Eye' Moody,
Who's motto 'Constance Vigilance' kept him alive.

In Remembrance to Tom Marvolo Riddle, A.K.A Voldemort,
Who was pretty cool and cute when he was younger,
But who got his butt kicked thoroughly in the end.

In Remembrance to Albus Dumbledore,
Whose past and wisdom confused us,
Whose seeming betrayal shocked us,
But who actually turned out to be an okay guy in the end.

In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange,
Because it was awesome how Molly Weasley got her with the Avada Kedavra,
She deserved everything she got in the end.

In Remembrance to Colin Creevey,
Who we really didn't know too well,
But took a lot of pictures and died fighting in the war,
So he must done something good...
Besides stalking Harry.

In Remembrance to Hedwig,
Harry's first real friend
Who lived and died soaring.

COCA COLA WENT TO TOWN

PEPSI COLA KNOCKED HIM DOWN

DR PEPPER PICKED HIM UP

NOW WE'RE DRINKING 7 UP.

7 UP CAUGHT THE FLU

AND NOW WE'RE DRINKING MOUNTAIN DEW

MOUNTAIN DEW FELL OFF THE MOUNTAIN

NOW WE'RE DRINKING WATER FOUNTAIN

WATER FOUNTAIN BROKE

AND NOW WE'RE DRINKING COKE!

about me:

favorite books:

39 clues

hunger games trilogy

harry potter

a kiss in time

percy jackson and the olympians

favorite couples:

Ian & Amy

Hamilton & Amy

Dan & Natalie

Percy & Annabeth

Jack & Talia

Peeta & Katniss

Elena & Damon

Worst couples:

Dan & Madison

Dan & Reagan

Amy & Jonah

Amy & Kurt

Sam & Freddie

favorite TV shows:

Glee

Icarly

Victorious

True Jackson VP

Vampire Diaries

Amazing Race

America's Next Top Model

Junior Masterchef

*well, i think that's just about it.*

Twilight sucks. Avatar rules! Here are some ways to prove my point (I, LucianGurl39, made this!):

Edward Cullen is a Stalker.
Aang Could Drown You in the Desert.

Bella Swan is a Wimp.
Toph Could Break Your Arm.

Alice Cullen is a Freak.
Zuko Could Burn You.

Jasper Cullen is a Cannibal.
Azula Could Kill You In less then 2 Seconds.

Rosalie Cullen Is Ugly.
Katara Is Way Prettier.

Emmet Cullen Is Retarded.
And Sokka, Well What Are You Gonna Do?

"Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic."- Anonymous

93% of teenagers would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. I'm part of the 7% who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?”

Did you know that 89% of statics are made up on the spot?

A few things to say to guys

Guy: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, and thats why I don't go there anymore

guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money.

Guy: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Woman: I must have been given your share.

guy: Your face must turn a few heads.
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Guy: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Woman: Okay, get out.

Guy: I think I could make you very happy.
Woman: Why? Are you leaving?

Guy: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Guy: Can I have your name?
Woman: Why? Don't you already have one?

Guy: want to see a movie?
Woman: I've already seen one.

Guy: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you

1. While you are you are making an order, randomly start pressing the numbers on the phone and tell the guy to stop doing it.
2. Make up a credit card name and ask if they accept it.
3. Ask for a Big Mac, French fries and a Large Coke.
4. Finish the order with: "Remember, this conversation never happened".
5. Tell him you’ve got another pizza delivery on the other line and you’re buying from the one who offers the lowest price.
6. Just give him your address and say "Surprise me". Then hang up.
7. Answer his questions with other questions.
8. Spell the ingredients.
9. Stutter every time you say something with the letter "P"
10. Ask him if they have pizza.
11. Say "Hello" and act as if he called you.
12. Make your order being very decided and secure, then when he asks you if you would like a drink with the pizza, act as if you were confused.
13. Change your accent every 5 seconds.
14. Ask for 56 pepperoni slices followed by an equation.
15. If he repeats the order to make sure, say "Ok, it’s 17.90, please proceed to the next window to pick up your order".
16. Explain him that you want to rent a Pizza.
17. Ask if you can keep the box. When he answers yes, make a huge sigh of relief.
18. Ask him if they exploit child labor.
19. Tell him to make sure that your pizza is dead.
20. Imitate the voice of the guy taking the order.
21. Eliminate the verbs of everything you say.
22. Tell him that there’s a surprise party at yours and that you would appreciate if the delivery boy could hide behind the couch until the celebrated one comes in to surprise him/her.
23. Ask if you could see the menu.
24. Warn them that they have no idea of what they are dealing with by supplying this order.
25. Ask him which ingredient is better for a meal with a specific type of wine.
26. Burp and then tell your dog that he should be ashamed.
27. Ask only for one slice.
28. Psychoanalyze the guy taking the order.
29. Complain about the service. Call again two hours later saying that you were drunk and that you are sorry about what you said.
30. Tell the guy taking the order to tell the one in charge to tell the supervisor that he’s fired.
31. Randomly start swearing to someone who is apparently next to you.
32. Stop speaking every 10 seconds and start playing an instrument.
33. Tell a secret code to the guy taking the order and tell him to memorize it for orders you’ll make in the future.
34. Ask for mushrooms as the first ingredient, then before you hang up, say "no mushrooms please". Then hang up before he can say anything.
35. when he repeats the order, correct him changing an ingredient, then correct him again, and again. The third time ask him if it’s his first day working there.
36. Breath loudly.
37. Ask him how many whales/dolphins had to die to make that pizza.
38. Avoid using the word "PIZZA" by any means. If the guy taking the order says it, hang up saying "Please, don’t use that word".
39. Make the order during a car chase on TV. When there are gunshots, yell "Aaarghhh"
40. If the guy taking the order doesn’t take any of the previous jokes, ask him if there’s any other who would take them.