I read. I write. I CRITIQUE. So if you're a coward, tread lightly here.

Things that irk me are: litterbugs, dunderheads, and bad fanfiction--namely, Mary-Sues. If you love your people, don't torture them...Don't subject them to the scary place that is the cavern of your deepest and most unashamed fantasies. Spare us...the gri-ieef...Help me, I'm dying...

Sue,

Sue,

Sue...

Yeah. I pretty much don't like her. Now go away!

Oh, yeah. You need a reason to like me: I have purtiful chocolate-brown hair that shines like the sun and dances lightly upon the wind. I have deep blue eyes that are so serene and soulful that but one glance into them will surely have you falling madly in love with me. You've never met me before in your life, but somehow you just magically know that we are destined to be together. My laugh is like tinkling bells. My beauty is legendary. You can't look away. My name, you beg me--what is it? M-m-marrrry Suuuueee!!!!

Ha ha ha. I was just kidding. Who am I really? I'm the literary genius that you've been waiting all your life to discover. You click on the link to my story, thrilled by the captivating title, and thank your lucky stars that you stumbled upon my brilliant work. But oh...what's this? You can't understand a single word of what I've written, due to bad grammar, run-on sentences, non-existent paragraph spacing, profuse spelling errors, and a complete disregard for the basics of the English language. Wow...sucks to be you.

Still here? Pissed off yet? Ooooh... poor baby. Well. Think about it like this: You're walking along in a bee-ay-ewtiful park enjoying the scenery, communing with nature and having awesome, intense spiritual experiences when...gasp! a banana-peel appears on the ground in front of you, reeking and drowning out the beauty surrounding it with its blatant, unapolagetic hideousity. For a moment you stop and contemplate what must have been the sheer rudeness and ignorance of the individual that so uncaringly left behind his trash to ruin your day.

And that...is what bad fanfiction is, people. TRASH that ruins the day.

There is no escaping it. And struggling to deny it only makes you look like a poor, deluded fool that was dropped on his head as an infant.

Anyhow, I've shared my greatest pet peeve. What else is there about me? Well. I'm American, I like four-leaf-clovers and funny little people with big, hairy feet (hobbits), and I love to dance in public. Shocking, yes? Well. I've got some pretty cool moves and I'm not afraid to show them.

I'm sarcastic, I'm arrogant and proud of it, I'm cruel and inhuman beyond belief, and my favorite color is blue. I think the British language is an entirely seperate one from the American language and that the former was butchered along with most of the revolutionary soldiers, becoming what is known today in America as the English language. What pisses me off is when people don't speak either dialect but still profess to be magnificent writers.

If you have a problem with me, I'm happy for you. If you're falling in love with me, I can't help you. But the answer is No. If you want to be my friend, make sure you are not a litterbug, a dunderhead or a writer/praiser of bad fanfiction. If you're anything else...there's a great site called bored.com that will magically solve all of your problems.

Good day to you.