-“Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.”

-“I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it.”

-Whoever said nothing is impossible obviously never tried to slam a revolving door shut.

- Don't regret doing things; regret getting caught.

- "Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do insult them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes."

- "An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!"

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella.

BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say ‘RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "THAT WAS FRICKING AWESOME"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the person rejects you

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'it’s because your gay isn't it?'

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields