Epic Quotes

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

I didn't slap you, I just high-fived your face

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . . .

Life was so simple when boys had cooties!

I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A SQUIRREL!

There are 3 types of people in this world: those who can do math and those who can't.

Rules only apply if you're caught

"Pain is your friend, it tells you when you're seriously injured, it keeps you awake and angry but the best thing about it is it lets you know that you're alive."

"Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit."

"If you love someone, don't put their name in a heart, because hearts can be broken, keep it in a circle so it carries on forever"

"I didn't loose my mind, I sold it on Ebay"

"When in danger, or in doubt, Run in circles, scream and shout."

"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up"

Sometimes you make me so mad I want to throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.