HI PEOPLE!

I'm changing my bio again!

Why?

BECAUSE I BLOODY WANT TO THAT'S WHY! AND YOU FOOLISH MORTALS CAN'T STOP ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(cough...hack...choke) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM YOUR EVIL OVERLORD...BOW DOWN TO ME! (Gets whacked over the head by her sock monkey companion and returns to normal. Well...normal for her)

Sorry...got carried away. I am a LotR fanatic, obsessive movie collector, pyromaniac, psycopath, and many other things that are considered classified information by the CIA, FBI, and all those other "Top Secret" Government operations. SO DON'T PRY UNLESS YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR FOREVER AND FIND YOUR PICTURE ON THE 8:00 NEWS UNDER THE HEADLINES 'ALIEN PREDATORS STRIKE AGAIN'. But here's some information that all you stalkers out there wouldn't be interested in...maybe.

Name: Lauren

Age:between 10 and 20...as it shall be until the day i die

D.O.B.: NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS LOOSERS!

Gender/Sexuality: Straight female who has no problems with the homosexual community (i welcome gays with open arms...and a camera)

Religion: Pastafarian (i love the Flying Spaghetti Monster and his Noodley Appendage)

Hobbies: Reading, writing stories, drawing japanese cartoons, watching tv, teling people to 'go to hell' in Japanese, watching dvds, and annoying the heck outta people

Fav. Movies: LotR (all 3...duh), XXX (Vin Diesel is my HERO), Black Hawk Down, Hot Shots 1&2, The Princess Bride, Saving Private Ryan, Top Gun, Ladder 49, Gladiator, The Ring, White Noise, Van Helsing, The Alamo, Master and Commander, The Bourne Identity/Supremecy, I Robot, The Rainmaker, Four Brothers, Oceans 11, Serenity, American Outlaws, Swordfish, October Sky, The Green Mile, Cold Mountain, The Guardian, Gridiron Gang, Pan's Labyrinth, RENT, and Hart's War

Fav. TV Shows: Stargtate SG-1 (IT'S OVER!! WHY...oh, the inhumanity...WHYYYYYYYY), Andromeda, Firefly (I'm a Sci-Fi freak...sue me), Roar (when they show it), The Pretender, Charmed, Angel, Gilmore Girls, ER, Law and Order, Cold Case, Without A Trace, 24, Yu Yu Hakusho, CSI, CSI:NY, Full Metal Alchemist (Ed is awesome and Al is mine), InuYasha, and The Dead Zone (GO Anthony Michael Hall)

Fav. Musical Artists/Styles: anything except for most rap

Fav. Sports: Tennis and Softball/Baseball

Fav. Sports Figures: Derick Jeter, Andy Roddick (CUTE), Andre Agassi (I literally ran into him), James Blake (CUTE), and Leyton Hewitt

Fav. Actors: Elijah Wood, Hugh Jackman, Enrique Murciano, Chaney Kley (who died July 24, 2007 due to Sleep Apnea), Michael Shanks, Christopher Judge, Nathan Fillion, Hal Sparks, Djimon Hounsou, Eddie Cahill, Carmine Giovinazzo, David Boreanaz, Heath Ledger (who died January 22, 2008), Matt Damon, Will Smith, Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Jensen Ackles, David Wenham, Michael Landes, Jake Gyllenhall, Colin Ferrall, Mark Whalberg, Christian Slater, Garrett Hudland, Christian Bale, Vin Diesel, and Vic Mignogna.

Favorite Slash Pairings: Danny/Martin - Without a Trace, Harry/Draco - Harry Potter, AlbusSeverus/Scorpius - Harry Potter, Sirius/Remus - Harry Potter, Roy/Ed - FMA, Jack/Will - PotC, Danny/Flack - CSI: NY, Loki/Bartleby - Dogma (Do not meddle in the affairs of Slashers...because you are cute and go well with OTHER MEN)

Quotes:

"When lost in a fog, yell 'Oden' and walk forward." -Greg (councelor from camp)

"I'm gonna break free, crack your skull open and drink a beer over your fuzzy corpse!" - Seamus Harper, Andromeda

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you'll get"-Forrest Gump

"A 5 ounce bird cannot carry a 1 pound coconut!" - Castle Guard, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"- Edmund Burke

"It's all about the man next to you...and that's it" - Hoot, Black Hawk Down

"Nobody asks to be a Hero...it just sometimes turns out that way" - Sgt. Matt Eversmann, Black Hawk Down

"You tell your men you are soldiers and that's your flag. You tell them nobody takes our flag. And you raise that flag so it flies high where everyone can see it. Now you've got yourself a castle." - Irwin, The Last Castle

"My love, you are strong and will do well in life. I love you and my children deeply. Today and tomorrow, let each day grow and grow. Keep smiling and never give up, even when things get you down. So, in closing, my love...tonight, tuck my children in bed warmly. Tell them I love them. Then hug them for me...and give them both a kiss good night for Daddy." - Soldier's Narrative, Black Hawk Down (credits)

"...oh, yes! And one more thing, dear Lord. About our enemies -- ignore their heathen prayers and help us blow those little bastards straight to hell. Amen again." - Lt. Col. Hal Moore, We Were Soldiers

"They don't like it when you shoot at them. I worked that one out myself." - Mal, Firefly

"Somewhere, far far away, Martha Stewart weeps." - Martin Fitzgerald, Without a Trace

"All right, as you all know, we have a new member of the team joining us today - Martin Fitzgerald. Let's make sure we give him the frosty welcome that all rookies deserve." - Jack Malone, Without a Trace

"Shut up...stop swearing to God...and tell us why you were trying to run." - Danny Taylor, Without a Trace

"about Danny's leather jacket They make those jackets for men?" "snickers excuse me" - Jack and Sam, Without a Trace

"I was nothing more than an almost innocent bystander." - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean 2

"Positive Mental Attitude my Perky Mortal Ass." - Beka Valentine, Andromeda

"The Scots don't know peace"- Greg (councelor from camp)

"after breaking into a practically empty bank safe At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime." - Zoe, Serenity

"Issues? You bet your ass I have issues!"-T Shirt

"This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight... turbulence and then explode." - Mal, Serenity

"Cry me a river and drown in it." - Seamus Harper, Andromeda

"You're right, we take all the money we got saved right now, we could maybe buy a moderately-sized gerbil. " - Mal, Firefly

"What about Jack? I can't leave without him! sees him being chased by zombie-type things Never mind! Let's go!" - Will Turner, Pirates of the Caribbean 2

"SHORTY? WHAT ELSE YOU WANNA CALL ME? A HALF-PINT, BEAN SPROUT, MIDGET? I'M STILL GROWING YOU BACKWATER, DESERT IDIOTS!" -Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist

"Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a little plastic rocket..." - Mal, Serenity

"Can I make a suggestion that doesn't involve violence, or is this the wrong crowd for that? " - Wash, Serenity

"I have the right to remain silent...I just don't have the ability"- Ron White, Blue Collar Comedy Tour

"Damn you Ice Cream...come to me! How dare you disobey me!"- Molly (girl from camp)

"I'm a Magical Fairy!" -Amanda (girl from camp)

"Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90 pound girl cuz... I don't think that's ever getting old." - Wash, Serenity

(In whining voice)"We're on babysitting duty?"-Col. Cameron Mitchell, Stargate SG1

"...and then you try to feel their credit account. It has a sort of aura." - Mal, Firefly

"Geek, Yes!"- All of us who played Dungeons and Dragons at camp

"I wish you would stop looking for beauty in things that want to kill us." - Tyr Anasazi, Andromeda

"Kaylee, what the hell's going on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkey's maybe got loose?" - Mal, Firefly

"I am the sock fairy...I haunt your dreams!"- Molly (girl from camp)

"I would say "let God sort them out," but someone told me He was dead." - Tyr Anasazi, Andromeda

"Tell us, what's it like living in a constant haze of stupidity"- Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

"I thought i was crazy, Urameshi but you take the prize! The hell was that? You don't make bombs go boom in your face!" - Jin, Yu Yu Hakusho

"Well...one of us should have died!"- Yusuke, Yu Yu Hakusho

"Well, if it's a fight they want...can't someone else give it to them?!" - Doyle, ANGEL

"Good to know she's...grown as a person!" - Angel, ANGEL

"Are you still, you know...grrr?" "Yeah. There's...not really a cure for that!" - Cordelia and Angel, ANGEL

"You ended your sentence with a preposistion. Bastard." - Jack, Stargate SG1

"Fascinating. How do we kill it?" - General Landry, Stargate SG1

"Personally, I'd like to just kill you and call it a day. But let's make it your desicion shall we?"- Van Helsing

"Want to kill me? I'd prefer you give it some real effort and stop wasting my time" - Tyr Anasazi, Andromeda

"For 7 down the clue was 'Celestrail Being'. Jack put Uma Therman." - Sam, Stargate SG1

"If your going to kill someone, kill them. Don't stand around talking about it."- Anna, Van Helsing

"AAACHOO! Sorry...I'm allergic to bullshit"- Det. Spoon, I Robot

"I just want a day where I can build missiles and tweak fire control in peace" - Rommie, Andromeda

"General Hammond, permission to beat the crap out of this man." - Jack, Stargate SG1

"Live Free or Die!" -?

"I want the usual. Hundreds of grandchildren, domination of the known worlds and for all of my enemies to die in horrible accidents that can't be traced back to me. How about you? " - Charlemagne Bolivar, Andromeda

"You know that 'We come in peace' business? Bite me." - Jack, Stargate SG1

“Tell him fine, there's no way I'm dying before you do, you morally bankrupt Colonel with a God complex.” - Edward Elric, Full Metal Alchemist

holding up Izumi by her collar “Hey, listen, I've got a hostage here. Is everyone forgetting about that? Come on, isn't anybody paying attention here! Helloo!" - Greed, Full Metal Alchemist

"what other job lets you set your boss on fire? going once...going twice..." "Sold...but if you go up in flames, i get your office!" - Mac Taylor and Danny Messer, CSI:NY

"Time travel only happens in movies...or under the influence of controlled substances" - Don Flack, CSI:NY

"Hn...the ninjas are revolting." - Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

“That's it! My head as a trampoline is where I draw the line. - Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho

“If I wake up and we've lost I swear I'll kill you all.” - Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

"If the demon is truly big...then we are no match for it. It's irrational...it's impossible...it's against my religion!" - Miroku, InuYasha

“I had to tell you in person. I'm pregnant... Pretty sure it's yours, anyway. There's at least a one in-hmmm-ten chance.” - Vala Malduran, Stargate SG1

“Sir, if you don't mind, your wound is bleeding all over my lab.” - Sam Carter, Stargate SG1

“I hope you diplomatically told him where to shove it.” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

Stuck in a continous time loop with Teal'c “If it were just me, I'd agree, but what about Teal'c? Come on, is this the face of a crazy man?” Teal'c and Hammond look at him “Bad Example…” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

“Yeah, miracle of birth, my ass. I'll tell you what a miracle is, birth control that works.” - Dave Dixon, Stargate SG1

“Is mental illness contagious?” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

“It’s always suicide-mission this, save-the-planet that. No one ever stops by just to say ‘hi’ anymore.” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

“You know, we really should come up with a new strategy. One that does not include us dying.” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

“Is that proper military terminology? What exactly does ‘funky’ mean, Seargant?" - Frank Cromwell, Stargate SG1

“My name’s Jack; it means…what’s in the box.” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

after a group of trainees fail a battle simulation “Okay! We're all dead, and there's an armed Goa'uld running around the base! I have a problem with that! Does anyone else have a problem with that?” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

“Permission to barge in, Sir.” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

“Do you people practice being vague?” - Jack O’Neill, Stargate SG1

“You know, I've never been on a stakeout before. Shouldn't we have, like... donuts or something?" - Daniel Jackson, Stargate SG1

“In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.” - Teal’c, Stargate SG1

"You've got three minutes...before I shoot you as in intruder in my home." - Jack O'Neill, Stargate SG1

“I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.” - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean 2

“She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.” - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

“A wedding? I love weddings. Drinks all around!" - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

“If you were waiting for the opportune moment…that was it." - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

"But why is the rum gone?" - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

"Nobody move...I've dropped me brain!" - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean 3

"...my peanut!" - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean 3

"Sir! The prisoners...they've started...singing!" - British Soldier, Pirates of the Caribbean 3

"Why don't you both go ashore and leave the ship in MY command? (Jack and Barbossa stare at him) ...Temporarily!" - Will Turner, Pirates of the Caribbean 3

(while pretending to drink tea) "As the civilized say... (lifts pinky) ...that's gay!" - Peter and Cole (friends)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T MARRY HIM, JOHN!" - Victor (friend)

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...in my pants!" - Alysia (friend)

"Shit, there's glass!" - Lena (friend), while running up a steep sidewalk barefoot

"The Popos is here! Y'all better run, man, these white cops are crazy. They killed Cornbread! They killed him! He didn't even do nothing!" - Jack Mercer, Four Brothers

"24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!" - Bottle Opener

"Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded" - Sparky, Bring it On

"It's raining Man-Juice?" - Catherine Willows, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

"Wihout trigonomitry, there'd be no engineering!" "Without lamps, there'd be no light!" - Brian and Bender, The Breakfast Club

"It's kinda social. Demnted and sad...but social!" - Bender, The Breakfast Club

"You have a bazooka, why don't you blow some shit up? Stop thinking Prague police and start thinking Sony Playstation!" - Xander Cage, XXX

"Let's get this straight. You might not want me here, but I definately don't want to be here! Two: I've never been under anyone's jurisdiction. And three: if you're gonna shoot somebody, shoot that monkey that sold you the suit. Now, I'm tired...I'm going to sleep!" - Xander Cage, XXX

(upon finding a hooker in his bed) "the things I'm gonna do for my country!" - Xander Cage, XXX

"It's spontaneous violent love!" - Elijah Wood, LotR Dvd Extras

"A couple kids came into the 3-5, said that a friend's football may have accidentally killed a man. I locked them up for fun!" - Don Flack, CSI:NY

"Remember: inside every girl, there's a boy..." - Paul, She's the Man

"Yeah...we usually don't let the realiters show a place until we get the stink of death out of the carpeting." - Don Flack, CSI:NY

"Stop...Drop...and Roll you son-of-a-bitch!" - Don Flack, CSI:NY

"You're fucking up my chi!" - Stan, Swordfish (sigh Hugh Jackman in a yellow towel...and nothing else. The game of golf never looked so...interesting)

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had. And add some extra, just for you." Philip Larkin

"Puritanism: the fear that someone, somewhere, is having fun." - Peter and Kevin (friends) in history class

"...so in conclusion, Dumbledore OD'd in a cave." "what...the fuck?" - Alysia (friend) and Me, conversation during lunch

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

Alright...I admit it. I have many many many favorite quotes. But...this is my profile...I can do whatever I like with it...so, DEAL DAMMIT!

Well...that's all for my bio. Read my stories! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll need serious therapy when your done. And if you don't read my stories...I shall hunt you down to the ends of the earth and hit you repeatedly with my shovel and stolen army tank.

PEACE OUT!