NAME: Everyone Calls Me Blondie :) (Cause Of My Blond Hair!Ya Stalker :P )

AGE: 16

FAV BOOKS: I love the twilight saga and the host by Stephanie Meyer,Hush hush and Crescendo by Becca Fitzpatick,The hollow and The Hollow by Jessica Verday,Shiver and linger by Maggie Stiefvater,Hex Hall by Rachel Hawkins,The morganville vampire series by Rachel Caine,Blue blood by Melissa de la cruz,Need and Captivate by Carrie Jones,The night world series by L.J.Smith,The book thief by Marcus Zusak,Angus,thongs and perfect snogging by Louise Rennison,The house of night series by P.C and Kristen Cast,Withering tights by Louise Rennison,I am number four by Pittacus Lore,Rosebush by Michelle Jaffe,The strange Angel Series by Lili st.Crow,Angel by L.A Weatherly,The Secret Hour by Scott Westerfeld,Tithe by Holly Black,Beautiful Dead by Eden Maguire,All Of The Pretty Little Liar Series by Sara Shepard,Dark Secrets 1 and 2 by Elizabeth Chandler,By Midnight by Mia James,Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles,The Clearing by Heather Davis,Finding Sky By Joss Sterling,The Dark Divine and The Lost Saint by Bree Despain,Evernight by Claudia Grey,Generation Dead by Daniel Waters,Lament and Ballad by Maggie Stiefvater,Little Black Everything By Alex Coleman,Personally I Blame My Fairy God Mother By Claudia Carroll,Hello Heartbreak By Amy Huberman , Die For Me by Amy Plum...(Too many to name!)

FAV COLOUR: Blue and silver

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB?: Team Edward all the way! although suppose team all the twilight lads ;)

FAV MOVIES: Way too many to name so i will go by genre!Horror,comedy,romance!

PETS: 5 yorkshire terriers and a 21 yr old cat :L

LANGUAGES: English,Irish and French, Bit Of Japanese And Even Smaller Amount Of Romanian And German :)

I just don't care if anyone doesn't like me , i was not put on earth to entertain everyone :-)

Dedicated to Girls*(Must Read)

She says,
"Yew are Just a Good Friend!"
Her Eyes Say,
"I Can't See Yew to be Anyone's Boyfriend!"

She says,
"Go Away!"
Her Eyes Say
"Don't Ever Go Far From Me"

She says,
"Don't Kiss Me!"
Her Eyes Say
"Don't Follow My Words!"

She says,
"I am Confused!"
Her Eyes Say
"I Just Love Yew!"

That's Why Eyes are the Most Beautiful Part of a Girl! :)
"Girls Say Something But, Their Eyes Reveals the Fact"
'Feelings Can't be Hide!!'
That's Why Girls Seems to b Complicated :-)

Lovable Story A Boy Found A Tear In His
Lover's Eye
So He Hugged HerStill The Girl Continued To
Cry
Boy Asked : Why?
The Cute Girl Replied : If
For Every Tear , I get A
Hug From U Then I
Would Cry Forever

READ THIS!!!

Guys Get Mad Easily
Girls Get Sad Easily

Guys Can Forget,
But Cannot Forgive
Girls Can Forgive,
But Cannot Forget

Guys Care The Most About
The Quantity of Love
Girls Care The Most About
The Quality of Love

Guys Break-Up When
They Feel Love From Another
Girl
Girls Break-Up When
They Feel The Feeling of
Separation From Her Man . . .

Boy: wat would u do if i punched u?

Girl: i would punch you back..

Boy: and if i slapped you?

Girl: i would slap you back..

Boy: and if i loved you? girl: :)

Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella

Each time I carelessly fall down

And I promise to remember Edward

Whenever I'm out of town

I promise to obey traffic laws

For Charlies sake of course

And I promise to remember Jacob

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Carlisle

Whenever I am in the emergency room

And I promise to remember Emmett

Everytime there's a huge boom

I promise to to remember Rose

Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty

And I promise to remember Alice

When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me

I promise to remember Nessie

When I see that beautiful bronze hair

And I promise to remember Esme

When someone tells me they care

I promise to remember Jasper

Whenever my stomach isn't curled

And I promise to remember the Volturi

When someone speaks of dominating the world

Yes, I promise to love Twilight

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the Twilighters know

.ılı.--Volume--.ılı.Min- - - - - - - - - - -Max
Play Pause Stop

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."
"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!)
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- When there's a will, I want to be in it.
"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!"
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird. If you agree but you've done this, too, copy this and put it in your profile

A friend will bail you out of jail.

A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, THAT WAS AWESOME , LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you.
A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down
Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."
Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number
Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they're after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade
Best Friends: Are 4 Ever:)

To maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Everytime someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping and you are woken up shout "AMEN!"

5. Put decaf in the cofee maker for three weeks once everyone has gotten over their caffine addictions switch to Expresso.

6. Skip down the hall instead of walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

8. sing along at the opera.

9. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

10. When leaving the zoo, satrt running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your life! Their loose!"

this is the sweetest Mary-Lynette and Ash paragraph ever read the whole thing really it amazing -

Mary-Lynette: Do I ever cross your mind?

Ash: No

Mary-Lynette: Do you like me?

Ash: No

Mary-Lynette: Do you want me?
Ash: No

Mary-Lynette: Would you cry if I left?
Ash: No

Mary-Lynette: Would you live for me?
Ash: No

Mary-Lynette: Would you do anything for me?
Ash: No

Mary-Lynette: Choose--me or your life

Ash: My life

Mary-Lynette runs away in shock and pain and Ash runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Now isn’t that the cutest thing you've ever read! I love Mary-Lynette and Ash!:)xxx

25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day when you get your own house i'm going to come in and jump on the furniture, leave the fridge open, and mess with the thermostat!"

funny stuff:

boys are like trees... the take fifty years to GROW UP!

when you are rejected, friends say: its ok you deserve better anyway! best friends go up to him and say: its because your GAY isnt it!

lets flip a coin- heads we are together, tails we flip again

having the love of your life say that we can still be friends it like your dog dying and your mom saying you can still keep it

i make the cowardly lion look lik the terminator

im so gangster, i carry a squirt gun

THANKS stephanie meyer, now i will NEVER get a MAN!

i DONT obsess! i think intensley...

there are three kinds of people in this world, ones who can count, and ones who can't

FUNNY QUOTES :

Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Guys with Emo hair are like a billion times more sexy than other guys.

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

My goal in life is to have everyone I have ever come into contact with fall in love with Twilight series, and, more importantly, EDWARD!

You're intoxocated by my very presence

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed...Unless the doctor is Carlisle, in which case, screw the apples!

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

Ever stop to think...and forget to start again?

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

After I read New Moon, I tried to book a plane down to Forks, so I could kick Jacob's werewolf ass!

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back

A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

He Said:

I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.

She Said:

You wear pants don't you?

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thnaks for embracing it.:)

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you.

f you've ever fallen going up the stairs, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull (or Vice Versa) copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you truly believe, there is a John Quinn or Ash Redfern or James Rasmussen or Morgead Blackthorn or a Galen Drache somewhere for you (doesn't mean his name has to be the same) copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'butterfly, Enrica (i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, Paper Hearts and Paper Cuts, mahalo4ursupport, Kuro Uchiha, inuyasha1106, kamiry, VampireMistressNuricoUzumaki, Jasper's Delicate Angel, FAXfan, hakilund, Maximum-Ride-Addict22, Fangslittlegirl08, Lundybundy15, EmoticBiotic,Dublinangel!!!!!!

I'm the kind of girl who would rather love a guy from a book than in real life because guys in books can't hurt you.

Im the kind of girl that jumps on shelves in ASDA (part of the WallMart Family) trying to get to the books on the higher shelf,unhinges the shelf and backs away sloooowwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyyyy...lol

If you want to be a Wild Power, Copy and Paste this to your profile

If you Love Love Love LOVE LJ Smith

If you are a Vampire Addict, Copy and Paste this to your Profile (Night World, House of Night, Vampire Academy, Twilight...)

If you LOVE JEZ REDFERN, copy and paste this to your profile

If you almost cried when Jez got staked, copy and paste this to profile

If you have ever Fallen UP the stairs, Copy and Paste this to your Profile (I'm really clumsy ._.)

If you think Morgead Blackthorn is better than Edward Cullen, copy and paste this to your profile (Morgead is way more manly and sexier than Edward)

If you think Morgead Blackthorn is Better then Jasper Hale, Copy and Paste this to your Profile (HELL YEAH)

If you think Morgead Blackthorn is better than Jacob Black, Copy and Paste this to your Profile (Morgead beats everyone in my book)

If you think Jez Redfern is Better than Alice Cullen, Copy and Paste this to your profile

If you think LJ smith deserves More credit for her Awesome work, copy and paste this to your profile (Yeah, such amazing books but she's not noticed that much TT_TT)

(\ _ /)
(O.o )

This is Bunny.
Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

Join the dark side. We have cookies!

I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips

The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.

A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.

Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!

There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

History lesson: the dinosaurs didn't go extinct, Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I ran with scissors - and lived!

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: I'm too old for glow in the dark stickers

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

I see regular people! Run for your lives!

Consciousness: That annoying thing between naps.

A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.

You say physco like it's a bad thing...

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. She Said: You wear pants don't you?

People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.

I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.

Cute but psycho - things even out.

If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em.

Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had!

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!"

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Love your enemies. It pisses them off.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

One day we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

I intend to live forever...so far so good

Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again

Embrace the inner rebel - don't sit up straight

Sure I have super powers! I just don't wanna show you

You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you

I am not weird... just plotting

I don't obsess! I think intensely!

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried to slam a revolving door

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried.

Shit happens. But mostly to me, so don't worry.

CULLENISM: my new religion.

DRACULA? Pff, more like Edward Cullen...

I have OCD: Obsessive Cullen Disorder.

I thought I had found my Edward Cullen... but it was just another idiot with fangs.

If Edward Cullen was real, I'd like, totally stalk him.

WARNING: Having a vampire boyfriend may be hazardous to your health. (Not that you'd care.)

Why so sullen, Edward Cullen?

THANKS TO TWILIGHT, now if that certain boy seems to ignore me, it's only because he's a vampire, and he's polite enough to try and resist my blood.

EDWARD CULLEN: he's bringing sexy back... yeah!

EMMETT CULLEN is a sexy beast. Literally.

JASPER HALE: Making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts.

In my mind: Edward loves me, Alice is my BFF, and Jacob wants me.

I like my men cold, dead and sparkling.

If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing Edward.

Twilight, twilight, twilight, twilight, twilight, twilight. What obsession?

Oh, for Fork's sake.

YOU REALLY KNOW YOU'VE REACHED THE POINT OF NO RETURN, AND ARE TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH TWILIGHT, WHEN YOU WATCH WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, JUST IN CASE SOMEONE CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS.

I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.

If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English.

I'm smiling because they haven't found the bodies yet

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I uesd to have super powers but then my theripist took them away.

The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

"If the heart is one of the strongest muscles, why is it so easy to break?"

"Forgetting doesn't make it better, it just makes it hurt again when I remember" bella...Damn you EDWARD

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile

I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic.

I'm not the girl your mom warned you about. Her imagination was never this good.

One day you're going to wake up and realize how much you care for her, and when that day comes she'll be waking up next to the guy who already knew.

Who are you to judge the life I live? I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be, but before you start pointing fingers make sure your hands are clean.

What all girls really want is someone to want them back.

When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.

Three simple rules: If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer will always be no. If you don't step forward, you'll always be in the same place.

Yo mama so fat that when she stepped on a scale it said, "One at a time, please."

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass: Sometimes it's better to leave it alone than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt.

Brunette: I was listening to Eminem last night. Blonde: You were listening to candy?!

My phone might be on loud, or an inch from where I'm sitting, but I still check it every ten seconds just to see if you've texted me.

It's hard to wait around for something you know may never happen, but it's even harder when you know it's everything you want.

It's the times we're so crazy that people think we're high. It's the times we laugh so hard, we can't help but cry. It's all the inside jokes and "remember when"s. Those are all the reasons why we're best friends.

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Love me or hate me, I'm still going to shine.

Promises mean everything, but once they're broken "I'm sorry" means nothing.

It's funny how someone can break your heart and you still love them with all the little pieces.

I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me and say, "You're next." They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

I like him. He likes her. Story of my life.

If you've got friends like mine, raise your glasses. If not, raise your standards.

I close my eyes and all I see is you.

I am getting so tired of slitting the throats of the people who say I'm a violent psychopath.

You can't break the girl that thinks nothing of you.

The best things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream.

You think I'm messed up? You should meet the rest of my family.

My friends are the kind that if the house was burning down, they'd b making s'mores and hitting on the firemen.

24 hours in a day… 24 beers in a case… Coincidence?

Buy me another beer you’re still ugly.

Remember my name… you’ll be screaming it later.

Don’t annoy the crazy person.

Well-behaved women rarely make history.

Not till I see yours first… then I can run like fuck if necessary.

Keep honking I’m reloading.

What do you mean I have ADD? Oh look, a butterfly!

Would you like a kick in the nuts with that?

I did not say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.

If I look lost and confused please return me to the bar.

And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be?

I don’t need your attitude I have one of my own.

Have a crappy day.

It makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Don’t regret doing things… regret getting caught!

I have super powers I just don’t want to show you.

Cute is what we aim for.

Maybe someday you’ll see you made a mistake leaving me for her.

We’re just silly little girls who fall for stupid boys.

Cute is holding hands in the car & kissing at all the red lights.

I wish I was eight again because all he’d have to do was tag me and I’d be it.

I’m trying to see things from your point of view but I can’t stick my head that far up my ass.

You’ll always be my friend… you know too much.

You’re a good friend but if zombies are chasing us I’m tripping you.

Everything in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

I’ve got the same old heart with a brand new beat.

Most girls blend in but I hope to make a scene.

If one day I actually start to matter please let me know.

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

You might not like us now but trust me you’re gonna hate us later.

So I’m basically your average teenage girl; my hair never goes the way I want it to go, my room can’t stay clean for more than a day, and there is this guy I’m absolutely crazy about.

I’m through with love… thank god there’s still SEX.

I only look sweet and innocent.

Me and you… we could make the world jealous.

Love comes unexpectedly.

Your village called… their idiot was missing.

Are you stoned or just stupid?

Come to the dark side… we have cookies.

I eat babies!

CAUTION: I’m not like other girls.

What can I say? I’m just different.

You laugh cause I’m different. I laugh because you’re all the same.

One day your life will flash before your eyes… make sure it’s worth watching.

Trust no man, fear no bitch.

What are you on?

All I want is for one guy to prove that they’re all not the same.

Haters make me famous.

Judge me and I’ll prove you wrong.

Make it happen shock everyone.

If people talk behind you’re back its because you’re ahead of them.

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Tell the truth and run.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

"When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade"

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else"

"Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real."

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not."

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Ever had writers block when talking?

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Smile, and the world will smile back at you. Laugh, and they'll all think you're on drugs.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

"This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence."

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

Can't stand me? Then sit down

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

A guy gets a girl 11 real roses and one fake rose. When he gave her the 12 roses, he said,"I'll love you until the last one dies."

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

Sweetie, if you're gonna be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

Friends believe in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomato juice, make Bloody Marys; but if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades . . . well, now, that's a message.

You have to take the good with the bad, smile when you're sad, love what you've got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change, and things go wrong, but just remember: life goes on.

What's this thing you call "normal"? Is it contagious? OMG! Don't touch me! I might catch your "normal"!

Keep your head held high; there are people who would kill to see you fall.

I want a man that when I come running up to him with tears streaming down my face, the first thing he says is, "Baby, whose ass do I have to kick?"

Life's too short and nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bull crap, and never have regrets, because at one point what you did was exactly what you wanted.

I name inanimate objects.

& sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of on-going traffic; but then I realize I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here we should dance.

What upsets me is not that you lied to me; it's that from now on, I can no longer trust you.

Never underestimate the power of a good cry.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable . . . like a coma?

Yo mama so stupid she got in a fight with a gumball machine because it wouldn't take food stamps.

Real love stories don't have happy endings because real love stories never end.

Do you know how hard it is to let you be so close to me when I know I can't have you?

I'm called a tomboy because I can beat a lot of guys at a lot of things and still look good doing it.

My name must taste good--it's always in someone's mouth.

People are going to want you, need you, exceed you, take you, love you, hate you, play you, rate you, save you, and break you, but that's what makes you.

Don’t piss me off or I’ll possess you.

When life gives you lemons, squirt the lemons in Life's face

Boy, I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid...

When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

HA HA HA! HAHAHAHA...wait...what?

Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run! Death hates that.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?

Sarcasm is one more service I offer.

When all else fails, try bashing your head against the wall some more.

Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight of stairs.

I did not hit you, I just high-fived your face.

Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after you found it?

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Sometimes you just have to jump off the bridge and hope you learn how to fly on the way down.

Help I've fallen and I can’t...hey nice carpet!

I’ve stopped listening, why haven’t you stopped talking?

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Yeah, you have the right to your own opinion, but I have the right to think you're stupid.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?!

Music is my boyfriend.

Just when I think you said the most stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking.

Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes I have to wonder if I'm a goldfish.

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?"

I've got things to break, people to laugh at, objects to drool over and who knows what else.

A stranger will stab you in the back, a friend will stab you in the front, a boyfriend will stab you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over."

"If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

"Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!"

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."

A day without sunshine is like...night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest. And he who laughs first doesn't get it.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

How many of you believe in physokineses? Raise my hand.

OK. . .so what's the speed of dark?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Eagles may soar, but bunnies don't get sucked into jet engines.

Why do psychics have to ask your name?

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.

Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate.

Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense..

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

Generally, generalizations are wrong.

Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?

If you can't beat them, join them. Then take over.

Whatever you are, be a good one.

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.

Belief gets in the way of learning.

If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.

We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.

Cheese... Milk's leap towards immortality.

If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

Cynics are made, not born.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you

Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?

Come join the dark side. (We have Edward Cullen)

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead, I have a life

Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way

My heart is not a playground

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.

Twilight: because we all secretly own two copies.

Love can come in many different colours.

Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong.

What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.

Guns don't kill people. I do.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

huh. It figures, all the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip and slide.

I find "good morning" contradictory

Don't hate yourself in the morning...sleep till noon

Boys are like trees - they take fifty years to grow up.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. (me: Just hope that you have something to change it to)

Some day we'll look back on this, and plow into a parked car.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, edamn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line!

OU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.H.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.H.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

15 Things to do when you’re in Wal-mart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,

" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,

"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. then eat it.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. ( I love this one! )

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" (this one is my fav me and my little sis used to do this its really fun y'all should try it.)

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..

"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

79 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
38. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
39. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
40. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
41.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
42. Shave.
43. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
44. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
45. One word: Flatulence!
46. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
47. Do Tai Chi exercises.
48. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!"
49. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
50. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
51. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
52. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
53. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
54. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
55. Leave a box between the doors.
56. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
57. Start a sing-along.
58. Play the harmonica.
59. Lean against the button panel.
60. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
61. Bring a chair along.
62. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
63. Blow spit bubbles.
64. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
65. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
66. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.
67. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
68. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
69. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.
70. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"
71. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.
72. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
73. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe.
74. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.
75. Make chalk drawings on the walls.
76. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, darn it!"
77. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
78. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.
79. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.

80.Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.

Hold an auction.

Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.

Throw a rave.

Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."

Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"

Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

Drum on every available surface.

Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

Propose to the other passengers.

Challenge people to duels.

Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.

Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a lighter.

Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.

Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.

Shout "Food fight!"

Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

Elevators were practically MADE for river dance!

Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

Make sushi.

Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex."

Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops

moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

Practice your kung fu.

Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

Fly a model airplane.

Do yoga.

Play the accordion

Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you
would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)
--

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)
--

The human heart creates enough pressure when it
pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a
hour

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)

“The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who's the best dressed and who's having sex,
Who's got the money, who gets the honeys,
Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess
And you still don't have the right look
And you don't have the right friends
Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends
High school never ends…”

YOU REALLY KNOW YOU'VE REACHED THE POINT OF NO RETURN, AND ARE TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH TWILIGHT, WHEN YOU WATCH WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, JUST IN CASE SOMEONE CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

You're intoxicated by my very presence

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator.

Thanks Stephenie now I will NEVER get a man.

It's all fun and games until the flying monkeys attack.

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with...

Don't worry. When you have kids of your own, you forgive your parents.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good...

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Suicide is Man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me, I quit."

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, bitch.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want.

Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

"Yeah! I love wearing straight jackets, too! I get to hug myself

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun

Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science: ‘Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work? Liberal Arts: ‘Do you want fries with that?

I blame my attitude on videogames.

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again.

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is human’s way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

I hear your silence loud and clear.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

How can I miss you if you never left?

I'm not with stupid anymore!

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls… and poles… and other stuff…

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard.

Your mom looks like Voldemort

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought… Don't call me emo or I'll cry big fat juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT!

Umm, I'm sorry, but your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out. Could you please go visit a therapist and work that problem out? And do try not to be raped

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist

When someone says to try to take a walk in their shoes, just roll your eyes and say their shoes are too small.

When a boy that you don't like is a complete jerk, stand up on the cafeteria table and scream to the world that he is on the herpes website.

If you just end up digging your hole deeper, throw away the shovel and climb back out.

If a vampire dazzles you into something that are reluctant to do, just scream that Emmett, Jasper, and Edward Cullen are going to hunt him down, because only they are allowed to dazzle you. (Only Twilighters will get this, sorry guys!)

Being scared is a good thing, it means you still have something to lose.

Don't give your heart away until your man is locked up in an iron cage and can't run away with it.

If you get scared at a movie, just throw candy at the people sitting in front of you.

If math class is getting too boring and quiet, scream "THE VOICES IN MY HEAD WON'T SHUT UP!" (Trust me guys, this works! I did it and my math teacher flipped and everyone burst out laughing. I mostly screamed it because the kid behind me kept leaning forward and whispering 'pop goes the weasel' in my ear all period!)

When there is nothing to do during class, proclaim to the entire class that you are on a mission for world domination and the first to contradict you will be the first to die. (I did this is science and math. The teachers got a kick out of it and a ton of the kids have offered to help me in my conquest to rule the world if their lives are spared and they get to rule a country. Now we have this huge thing about it and the entire class has this inside joke that we crack up about around people and scream about world domination)

Only look someone in the eye if they will look you in the eye.

It doesn't mean the same thing when someone says they love you over the phone, than when they say it to your face.

Some people say a girl's best friend are high heels and clothes, but I say heck no! Flip-flops and chocolate are a girl's best friend!

Don't give up on the future because the past may have failed you.

We will never accomplish the unthinkable if we think about it first.

Midnight is a form of dawn for those who desperately await the coming of a new day.

Some may judge a book by a cover, others may judge it by its first page, but I shall judge it by its ending, because that is when we have experienced the entire thing.

Do not run from the past, and do not hide from the future, because they are coming at you from both directions and will eventually catch you.

Eternity is beyond our comprehension, but love is the closet thing we have to it, because love defies even the deepest grave.

Tears are but a way of shedding the previous depression, and living with a new determination.

I'll believe we are safe when someone puts down their nuclear bomb and stops aiming it at my country.

Go hug a cactus!

"Fictional men are better"

There are people in Africa that can't afford sarcasm, and yet, you abuse it.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

Life was so simple when boys had cooties!

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

Elmo knows where you live!

Forever isn't as long as it use to be.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

Your eyebrows are as beautiful as an enormus caterpillar.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!

-BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom.

-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

-BE nice to losers. one day they might be cool!

-Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. -

- "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

- You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

- He who laughs last didn't get it.

- When there's a will, I want to be in it.

-Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

-The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."
"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!)
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!"

Its not long til you become a senior citizen and you can strut around with that SEXY tank of oxygen.

On Rock, Paper, Scissors

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to "magically wrap around" Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody! A rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shoot, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"

Let's flip a coin, heads we'll be together, tails we'll flip again.

To eat, or not to eat... That is the question.

The Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlies sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the Twilighters know

real men sparkle

Edward prefers brunettes, take that blondes

WARNING: I have a habit of tripping over flat surfaces

Team Edward, because Jacob doesn't sparkle

if they ruin the Twilight movie, I swear not even Jasper will be able to calm me down

WARNING! having a vampire boyfriend may be hazardous to your health not that you care ;)

come to the dark side, we have Edward

WARNING: I drive like a Cullen

How can you not love a guy that would provoke the VOLTURI for you?

Edward Cullen ruined all mortals for me

READ TWILIGHT, or I'll provoke the Volturi and blame you

Cullen Boys, because they don't make them like that anymore

in my world pages 73-381 of New Moon don't exist

I like my men cold, dead, and sparkly

1) I NEED TO TELL YOU A SECRET (LO0K AT #5)
2) THE ANSWER IS (L0OK AT #11)
3) D0NT GET MAD (L0OK AT #15)
4) CALM DOWN DONT BE TICKED OFF ( L0OK AT #13
5) FIRST (L0OK AT #2)
6) D0NT BE THAT MAD (L0OK AT #12)
7) I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI...LOL
8 ) WHAT I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS...(THE ANSWER IS ON #14)
9) BE PATIENT (L0OK AT #4)
10) THIS IS THE LAST TIME IMMA DO THIS (L0OK AT #7)
11) IM NOT MAD WHEN IM SAYIN THIS (L0OK AT#6)
12) S0RRY (L0OK AT #8 )
13) D0NT BE GETTIN ALL HYPE (L0OK AT #10)
14) I D0NT KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS (L0OK AT #3)
15) YOU MUST BE REALLY TICKED OFF (L0OK AT NUMBER #9)

You know it's 2010 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave!

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years!

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name on my space!

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the T.V!

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job!

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling!

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends!

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5!

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5!

11.) Now you're laughing at your self stupidly!

way to Annoy the Heck Outta Folks At the Movie Theater...
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3d glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
When someone walks by you in the aisle scream, "Ahhhhhh! Bad Touch!"
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
During a love scene, stand up and run to the screen shouting "Hooters!"
Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer’s name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that’s showing a movie you’ve already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos:!...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I was hoping it was going to be frozen... darn.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And...I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash!!...)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and put this on your profile to bring a smile to someone (maybe even a chuckle)...

Girls are like apples

on trees. The best ones

are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach

for the good ones because they

are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples

from the ground that aren't as good,

but easy. So the apples at the top think

something is wrong with them, when in

reality, they're amazing. They just

have to wait for the right boy to

come along, the one who's

brave enough to

climb all

the way

to the top

of the tree

Rose: Do I ever cross your mind? Dimitri: No

Rose: Do you like me?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Do you want me?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Would you cry if I left?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Would you live for me?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Would you do anything for me?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Choose--me or your life

Dimitri: My life

Rose runs away in shock and pain and Dimitri runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

A good friend won't eat anything except what is offered to them at your house. But a real, true friend will add to the grocery list what they ate already.

A good friend is afraid to bring up politics with your parents for fear of offending them. But a real, true friend already knows all their good

A good friend will let you tell them about your really bad day over the phone. But a real, true friend will be over in ten minutes with a chick flick and a gallon of ice cream.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries

A good friend makes you say "Excuse me" after you burp. A best friend will try to out-burp you.

A good friend laughs at all your jokes, even if they aren't funny. A best friend will just look at you like you're mental and say "Are you serious?"

A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting there next to you saying "Man, that was fun!"

Good friends will keep all your secrets. Best friends will stand on the nearest lunchtable and shout it to the entire student body.

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass

FRIENDS: bail you outta jail

BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: dare you to scream into the street

BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BESTFRIENDS:Will repost this crap

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

Friends: Bring you a tissue to dry your tears.

Best Friends: Have a shovel ready to bury the asshole who did this to you.

FRIENDS:never ask anything to eat or drink

BESTFRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS:Call your parents M. Mrs and grandma and grandpa

BESTFRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BESTFRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall

BESTFRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain

BESTFRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected

BESTFRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail

BESTFRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number

BESTFRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BESTFRIENDS:Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BESTFRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS:Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing

BESTFRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BESTFRIENDS:Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BESTFRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BESTFRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS:Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough

BESTFRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we dont waste

Bad pick-up Line Come-backs

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Woman: It's gonna hurt when I hit you upside the head

And this made me almost DIE from laughing:

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Liquid plummer-"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."

Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets"

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances"

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children."

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping."

Sleeping pills-"Warning: may cause drowsiness" One would hope.

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark"

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." Are you sure? Lets experiment.

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe."

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain."

Hair dryer-"Do not use while sleeping" But thats the only time I have to work on my hair!

On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regaular soap" And that would be how?

Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving sugestion: Defrost" But it's just a sugestion.

Tesco's dessert (printed on bottem of the box)-"Do not turn upside down" Too late! you lose!

Marks and Spencer Bread pudding: "Warning: product may be hot after heating." Wow, I would have never guessed!

Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?

Boots childrens cough medicine: "Do not drive or operate machinary." We could do alot to reduce construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year old off those fork lifts.

Korean kicthen knife: "Keep out of children." Hmm...I think something got lost in translation.

Christmas lights; "For indoor and outdoor use only." As opposed to outer space.

Food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." Now I'm curious.

Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: may contain nuts." But no peas?

American Airlines package of peanuts; "Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts." Someone got paid big bucks to write this one...

Swidish chainsaw:"Do not attept to stop chainsaw with hands." Raise your hand if you've tried this.

Child's surperman costume: "Wearing of this garmet does not enable you to fly." Oh go ahead. Thats right, destroy a universal childhood belief

Type your name with your elbow. hlllyh...well its kinda sorta not really looks like Holly

Stand up. Close your eyes. Spin around three times. - aww crap i tripped!!

What's your favorite article of clothing? my black jeans

What's your favorite childhood memory? with my cousins in the shop

One word that would best describes you? weird

What is your favorite month in the summer? December

What's your favorite number? 4

What is the nicest thing anyone ever said to you? You look way prettier then her

What does your username mean? exactly what it sais

What is your favorite Disney movie? 101 dalmations

What made you smile today? my cute dogs

Last thing you said out loud? "i just fell off the bed...what!...i did it delibritley

Last rainbow you saw? months ago. I wanna rainbow!

Do you want a haircut? no my hair is long and blonde im leaving it

Are you musically inclined? heck NO!!..i suppose i do play the triangle very well!:D

Have you ever been in a fight? i dont think so...WAIT i am irish:)

Grab the book nearest to you, and go to page 111, Paragraph 6."Flossie said 'what pot?who's got a pot?wheres my pot?I WANT MY POT!"(from 'withering tights' by louise rennison)

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? air?

What is the last thing you watched on TV? big brother

Without looking, guess what time it is: 11:25 p.m

Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 11:28 p.m

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? my dogs barking

When did you last step outside? What were you doing? going to the dentist;(

Before you started this survey, what did you look at? fan fic

What are you wearing? black jeans,black top and navy cardigen

Did you dream last night? umm nothing i can remember...

When did you last laugh? myself falling off the bed

What are on the walls of the room you are in? pictures and posters

Seen anything weird lately? my family???

What do you think of this quiz? umm stalkerish... how did u know i was thinking about this quiz??!! oh my god can u read my mind!!!

What is the last film you saw? message in a bottle or leap year i cant remember?

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? A book and a big house in america

Tell me something about you that I don't know: umm i dont know if i should tell u personal stuff... i mean you already have my name are you trying to get all this info so u can stalk me??

If you could change two things about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? animal cruelty and child abuse

Do you like to dance? yes actually i do

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Isabella

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Fhionn (irish boys name,prononced fee-uyn)

Think of a random phrase. He had everything a dream boy should have.back,front,sides.head

Get the closest book to you and what is on page 213, 5 lines down? "Jo said 'Exactly.And it was his arm.At first it was on the back of my seat but then it kinda snaked around my shoulders"

What is the weather? its dark outside

Rubber ducky or pink platypus? rubber ducky

If you could be king/queen of the world for 30 seconds what would you do? what kind of question is that? what could i possibly do in 30 seconds??

Are you a vegetarian or a meat eater? meat

What Not To Do in a Horror Movie

1 Listen to the creepy music when entering the woods or scary house.
If you hear creepy music GO THE OTHER WAY and listen for NICE music.
Run like heck if it's the music from Jaws, even if you're no where near an ocean.

2 Never get intimate EVER at anytime, having sex will immediately end in your un-timely death or your lover might turn out to be the killer, monster, alien or the boogyman.

3 DO NOT RUN UPSTAIRS...EVER. if you MUST escape a killer in the house go outside and go to a local club. They never attack in public. Do not mention the killer at the club or people will think you are insane. Act normal, dance, nothing more.

4 If it makes an unearthly noise, growls, sprouts hair or makes any unnatural smells, RUN AWAY FROM IT! Do NOT go to investigate because then you'll end up being something's chew toy.

5 If you think you've killed it, you didn't. Keep shooting him until the police arrive. If you can chop it's head off. DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK TO IT UNTIL THE POLICE ARE THERE AND HIS BODY CANNOT ESACPE!

6 Keep a flashlight with you at all times, make sure to have a fresh batch of batteries out of the package.

7 DON'T SIT BY THE WINDOW, or any other thing the creature, alien ect. can see you through!

8 Never assume the aliens can't open the door, they can master space flight, they're SMART enough to turn the freakin' doorknob! Also they have LASER GUNS!

9 Do not take a shower, yes it's gross but you can wait until after the killer/monster/etc is gone and dead.

10 STAY OUT OF THE CLOSET! If you DO end up in the closet do not put...actually if you end up in the closet, there's no hope for you...No not THAT closet mutters perverts.

11 If you run something over jusr keep driving, DON'T go back to check! Just assume its dead and go HOME.

12 If you have time to stand and scream repeatedly while the monster, killer, ect. slowly comes after you... that time could be used RUNNING away from it! Don't stand there like an idiot.

13 Stay out of any delapitated buildings, towns, gas stations...if it looks like it can collapse, stay away.

14 Ignore the car. It won't work you will be dead before you can get the keys into the ignition.

15 If the phone rings and you hear heavy breathing get the kids you are no doubtly babysitting and go to your neighbors house and call the cops.

16 Do not go to the wild party your friend is throwing because their parents are out. That's how they get you all.

17 If the zombies are slowly coming after you, don't allow your idiots friends to try and get them to do the Thriller dance, Zombies hate dancing and they will no doubt eat your friends' brains out!

18 If the doorbell rings, do NOT answer it its not the pizza guy or your hurt friend. In fact STAY AWAY FROM THE DOOR!!

19 If you're the new kid and the neighborhood has a reported haunted house do not take the dare to go in it, EVER.

20 That nerd over there, yeah, do NOT tease him. EVER he WILL turn out to be the murderer.

To maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Everytime someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping and you are woken up shout "AMEN!"

5. Put decaf in the cofee maker for three weeks once everyone has gotten over their caffine addictions switch to Expresso.

6. Skip down the hall instead of walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

8. sing along at the opera.

9. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

10. When leaving the zoo, satrt running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your life! Their loose!"

MP3 SHUFFLE (Put your iPod or whatever on shuffle and answer the questions!) (I USED MY PLAYLIST!)

1. How does the world see me? Teenage dream-Katy Perry (Not Bad:D)

2. Will I have a happy life? Hollywood-Michael Bublé (cool,maybe i'll move there!!!)

3. What do people really think of me? Girlfriend-Avril Lavigne (...)

4. Do people secretly lust after me? Our song-Taylor Swift (...)

5. How can I make others happy? Tonight i'm lovin you-Enrique glacious (wrong spelling!)

6. How can I make myself happy? Lipstick-Jedward (alright)

7. What should I do with my life? Get on the floor-Jennifer lopez ft.pitbull (dancing?)

8. Will I ever have children? Never grow up-taylor swift (Is that a yes or no?)

9. What is some good advice for me? U smile-Justin bieber (awwww)

10. What do I think my current theme song is? Lovebug-Jonas brothers

11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Baby-Justin Bieber (???)

12. What song will play at my funeral? What part of forever-Cee lo green (unusual...)

13. What type of men do you like? Mine-Taylor swift (if i like him i would want him to be mine!)

14. What is my wedding day going to be like? Sparks fly-Taylor swift (awww...sweet!)

15. Why am I here? A place in this world-Taylor swift (fitting)

16. What will people remember me for? Firework-Katie perry

17. What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow? Check it out-Will i am and nicki minaj (love it!!!)

18. Are there people outside waiting to take me away? Impossible-Shontelle (good!)

19. What will this year be all about? The story of us-Taylor swift

20 - If you reached the top of Mount Everest, you would scream: For the first time-The script (love this band!)

21 - The next time you stand up in front of a group of people, you'll say: Louder-Parade (Cen fáth?)

22 - Your message to the world: Lets get lost-Beck and bat for lashes

23 - Your deepest secret: WE R WHO WE R-K$sha (haha:D)

24 - Your innermost desire:Take It All-Adele

25 - Your oldest memory makes you think:Tell Me Why?-Taylor Swift(???)

26 - Somewhere in your wedding vows, you'll include:The Best Day-Taylor Swift (Aww...)

27 - When you wake up in the morning, you mutter:The Man Who Can't Be Moved-The Script (Odd,Love This Song)

28 - Right now, your feelings are: Beauty and the Beast- Broadway musical

29 - The day you fall in love will be the day that: Tied Together With A Smile (Sweet...)

30- You’d describe you best friend as:Born This Way-Lady GAGA

31- You'd describe yourself as: Who You Are-Jessie J.

32- Your friends describe you as: Gravity-Pixie Lott(?)

33- In an elevator you are most likely to: Pack Up-Eliza Dolittle

34- Your philosophy in life is:Fearless-Taylor Swift (Yup :D )

Music Is My Drug

Tall girl Short guy = Awkward !

Tall girl Tall guy = cute ! _

Short girl Tall guy = Adorable !

Short girl Short guy = Awwhh ! :)