Author has written 1 story for Lilo & Stitch. Quick backround: im 6 foot 5 19 dislexic slightly skilled in europen armed combat, particualy intelegent(if you like i can explain some quantum makanics is),liking of fire, explosives and thnigs that generaly damage stuff. Also bloody good on most games with guns, my hero is gordan freeman and Im English (i don't have a stupid english accent they put on tv, Ive never heard any one speak like that in my life) and im a mackum(which is my accent). I don't know why but I can't stop reading stitch and angel mush. WHY are they so cute. Hear are some coolflash vidios I found and This ones from you tube, funny as hell but there is a lot of swaring http://youtube.com/watch?v=xz37H9YV5pw If you are on fanfiction.net for some other reason than writing pure romance fics or totally rearranging the original story because some slash romance story didn't happen, and you're getting tired of the people who are, copy this and paste it onto your profile. If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile. Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are unconcerned by the dismal state of their education, or the fact that their fanfiction is raping the English language. If you're part of the five percent of fanfiction writers/readers who do care about such things, cut and paste this, and then leave reviews for those poor souls who know not what they do. Main charicter: Gareth. Just another soldier in the empire army, blue ops, and is only on earth for a diplomatic mission(aka comunity service for a incident involving him, a psycker, a small city and a lot of alchol). he dosent realy want to be there so he complains and thinks the main purpose of work is finding new and inventive ways of not doing work and eats a lot. In battle though his skill with a gun is quilaty, his armour is almost as tough as stitch(shame about the soft jelly bit in the midle), with his trusty war hammer he can deal with most thing close and personal(is often seen walking across a battle field, hammer in hands, going to give that FG sniper a piece of his mind) and with a few minor psycik skills hes deadly. Enjoyes blowing people to peices way more than is healthy Fears: lictors, angery women and angels(not angel the cute experement, angelS, its a long story) Pet hates: small people, fluffy, cute, musicals, cats(especialy kitens), angels and god(z) Enjoys: practial jokes, movies in general, TV, food, the cold, annoying sainten and war Experiments 325: The black dragon (F): organise gang warfare, hates 323: looks like bonnie but grey n black speacks in cockney rhyming slang 326: The bad wolf (M): organise gang warfare, hates 322: black and white looks like Clyde (smokes cigars) sounds like the godfarther 218: Geno (F): drain and store electricity for later use: golden brown female version of Sparky, energy based like Sparky. 461: Rhino (M): charges and head buts things, is a sort of failure hurts head every time he hits something hard: Richter / triceratops (dinosaur with big shield head thing), light green and cream under belly colour 310: Flirt (F): breaks up experiment couples, has song to seduce males like Angels: looks like Angel but shorter with longer antenna that trail the ground, she’s purple and dark pink, unbearably sexy to experiments. 047: Helen (F): doctor: lime green version of Angel antenna slowly change from green to red 2/3rds down, no V on chest with very puffy fur in Hawaiian humidity, hate most male exps for constantly hitting on her, is suprisinly strong and sadistic for her form, for beating up exps that hit on her repetiably, groped and atempted rape. 014: Miss Harland (F)(If you get why i find this funny you live near me): teacher, mid wife, child raiser, hates children, jumba can’t raiser pups to save his life, short round, dark green. was made redundant after jumba figuared how to make growth acceleraters (compulsive drinker) 621: twilight (M): channels dimoncional energy, is made from what looks like liquid mercury (but isn't) 5 foot tall back hinged legs, T-rex feet, semi-circle wings, wolfs face. 525: Titan (M): reforms metal, eventually turning into a giant meck, also uses other materials for special purposes e.g. plasma for weapons: starts as small spider and builds on its self(like a replecater), one stage looks like a robot stitch with a plasma cannon on a arm. 400: Frenzy (M): Axe wielding maniac (4 cleavers, 1 double handed battle axe): like stitch, fur made of thousands of tiny little spikes coloured red and black. 577: Black root (F): designed to find a forest, once found literally root herself and suck the life out of it growing more powerful. Sort of like Angel made of dark wood no antenna or V on chest, plant roots for fingers and toes, leafy ears (dead autumn), 4 arms: once gathered enough life energy she mutates into a new form which sucks life better this process repeats till there is no more nature. ??: Becca (F): breeder, eyes turn pink when loses control of herself, failure has to much self control and refuses programming before she breeds: looks like Angel minus the v on larger chest and very dark navy blue. ??:Ann(F): 2nd attempt at a breeder pure white fur, larger chest very kinky blue eyelids ??:Richard (M): breeder, can sense if female is pregnant, failure to afraid of Helen to follow program, like stitch, ghost white, grey belly and eye patches, yellow inner ear.(Mambo no 5 comes to mind when I think of this experiment)(i wounder how many people know why i called him richard?) 6??: Swan (F): shape shifting assassin, knows explosives, weird 5??: golem (M): rock golem, reforming of stone ?? (M): pirate, cutlass tri corner hat pirate clothes plasma pistol (gla) light red like stitch 5??: pyro (M): looks like fire acronack from Arcanum, the more fuel it has the bigger and hotter it becomes but the faster it consumes fuel ??:??(M): incredibly annoying by asking stupid questions and saying stuff looks like holio, stupidly annoying voice ??:??(M): designed to be a rageing alcoholic ??:??(F): designed to turn crowds and protests into violent angry mobs ??:??(F): breaks ornaments coloured like 625 body like 624, hyper permantly wild bit of a nymphomaniac and insominack ??:Harry(M): off white version of stitch pink nails, acts camp to creep out guys but isn’t gay Random I think i know what that (makes strange hand jesters) guy who came up with lilo and stitch, where he got the idea for hamsterviel, or at least subconsously. Monty pythons quest for the holy grail, i know it seams far feched but watch it and listen to how the french knight on the castle wall speeks and sounds, its very similar, even down to the type of insults he uses and one of his insults was "you mother was a hamster". I think this is where the idea came from, at least subconsously, and if not, the simalarities are striking. Dancing in the RAF: the link is taken from a serious multi national air traffic control training vidio. which the minstary of defence decided to turn into a charity event http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEUGOOjMkGI seriously this is in the official air marshaling training vidio. Engineering Jokes(stolen from lancaster uni) To an Optimist, the glass is half full. To a pessimist, the glass is half empty. to the Engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. As every Engineer knows, Power = Work/Time. Since Knoledge = Power and Time = Money. Therefore Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving this for money. Money = Work/Knowladge. Therefore the greater your knowladge, the more you have to work for your money. Thus, as knowladge approaches zero, money approaches infinity regardless of the work done. Conclusion: The less you know the more you make.(especialy true for estate agents) coming up: ghosts, tea and springs and why burnt toast should be respected and posibly feared Rants the japanese, gay people and swords. the above have very little to do with each other, apart from my annoyance for them all. Don't get me wrong theres nothing wrong with them, the japanese are a hard working industrilised people, swords are famous weopens of old and gay people are . . . . . . weird. Anyway, the reasion i want them all wiped of the face of the earth is because every one else thinks they great, super, better than every one/thing else. and that pisses me off, cause they're not, the japenese arn't super humans, gay jokes arn't funny, gay people arn't more intelegent than most and swords are NOT better than axes. the japanese: as i've said a hard working industrilised people. but people don't care about that they like their tecknology (which these days is being out done by microsoft) their (crapy) cartoons, (terible)games and their (creapy/desculting and down right indesent) fetishes (got more to write just can't be bothered now) gay people: whats so fasinating about gay people, they're gay, wow (someone needs to come up with a way of projecting sarcasm without having to write it), the last thing i wanna see when i switch on a TV is two guys making out, its disgusting and unatural. Whats worse is that people think its ok to be gay, it'll be a epedemic soon. I can't belive im saying this but because george bush is against gays, up with bush. I'd even get rid of lesbians, although im male, a part of me tells me that it's disgusting, and I'd get a lot of hate mail from anti-feminists for only getting rid of just gay stuff. Gay jokes arn't funny, not gay people arn't funny, steven fry is funny, jokes about gay people arn't funny, which is why the good comedians stay clear of this subject(with the exception of steven fry). Camp people: As i said above i got nothing against gay people apart from them being gay, how ever i do hate camp people who have the steriotypical gay personality, its just weird guys wanting to go shoe shopping or cloths shopping plus the high pitched voice and even worse the lisp its like the guys are compleatly lacking testosterone (i'll have to finish this latter) swords: aka weopens for namby pambies. This is, i think, the fault of games designers and bad TV shows and movies, because they know nothing about weapons(as i will say again later). I don't hate all swords, just the long ones. The romans used short swords and big shields, everyone should know this, efectifaly creating a wooden/metal wall and small manuvarable swords into the rib cages of barbarians. The barbarians on the other hand, naturaly, went for the long sword(apart from the more intelegent ones that went for axe's, hammers and piks), because they where big. and as everyone knows they got slaughted by the thousands. You can't swing a long sword well, all the grip is at the bottom and all the weight is above it making it unwieldy, where as an axe has the grips spaced out making them easier to swing and as is well known and correct(for once) axe's pack a hell of a lot more force than a sword cause its all the weight on a smaller area. (got a lot more to write just can't be bothered now) samuri swords: I thought this deserved its own little mini section. Appossed to common belief they wern't that sharp, at least compaired to todays cutting edge blades (couldn't help myself). Yes they where better than the mold cast swords the rest of the world was used but the rest of the world need lots of weopens cause they where busy killing eachother, unlike the japanese, who spent there time phosophlising on their mountain islands. A european smith could make a few swords a day, cast, tempered, hammered and sharpened ready for the pub fight later that night. Where as the samuri sword took 3 generations (about 80 years by todays standards) to make one, which makes it a good thing that they didnt get into many wars. This was because they where made from folded steel which by the end did make it stronger and allow it to be sharpened more but personaly I dont thing its worth it. The samuri sword would be sharper and stronger than a mold sword but it still wasn't anything special, just to put it in perspective, flint weopens from the stone age is tougher and sharper than a samuri sword. Now about the whole chopping people in half milarky, its pritty much bull, yes a modden samuri sword will but they're made in a factory from molds and modern steal and sharpened with lasers so they don't count cause if i really wanted to I could get a mug with a rim that sharp. An old samuri sword would of been able to lop off limbs with ease but through the rib cage its just not gonna happen, nor is it going through plate armour, but please bare in mind you can fairly easly lop off limbs with a sledge hammer. Ok now onto cost, (am nackered going to bed) People are Idiots: A well known fact, and is a prity safe assumtion. Generaly once i get to know people they become stupid infurating morons, charvas, emoes, bimbos, whores, incompetant, incontenant, bastards, smelly, thick, arseholes, american(see later rant), unimagnative, dull, drab, spoilt, hindle, biologists(not to be confused with medical), anything ending with an ology, stuck up, aragent, babyish, egotistic, vain, ape, desiese riden, obease, bovine, egotistical, concentric dick, weiner, nerd, dork, geak, anime fan, ambigious, air head, ditz(although this can sometimes be a good think), hag, tramp, bitch, tart, floozy, coprophagiac, smeg head, armchair-philosphizing, grandiose, cerebrally-challenged, moronic, pea-brained, nit-witted, dense, chicken-brained, anorexic, bint and of course idiotic, or very likly a mixture of the above. Few people get good praise, but then again only few people deserve it. People who don't think people are idiots: well they're people and therefore idiots The chain of command: My "superior" will get my respect, when the little turd bag earns it. This is why i can't hold down a job in the survice industry, because its usualy some aragent little tit in charge, who i will openly mock, insult, and generaly be rude to his/her face and in one case punched him in the face. The only place I have ever had any respect for anyone was in a works experince placement when i was 14-15 in an engineering firm, they where great, every one had erned eachothers respect, they where a team not a chain. I only had one problem with them, 3 days after the receptionist left on holiday, everything stopped, seriously, no paper, no one new how to change the photocopier ink, no milk, no coffe, no beacon, no telephones and the day after i left the water was cut off followed by the electric. Americans: not much needs to be said, prity much everyone who isn't american and most americans hates americans, so i don't actualy have to say or explain anything. Anime: I can't be bothered to write a rant cause i'd be hear till the end of the universe, so hears a link, every thing they say is ture EVERY THING!! Anime is for the mentaly impaired of use out there, who think themselves to "good" for looneytoons but not smart enough to get the rare intelegent joke in the simpsons(if you don't think they've done any, then you havn't got em) and their choice to watch anime becomes an obsesion (almost always) and is reflected in their person and personalaty. In general they're fat (by european standards not american) and stupid or skiny and geaks, both lacking self confedence and social skills, so they hide away in their rooms and basements and are all thick headed as i will go on about later. I had a friend who became obsesed, in half a year he has done 4 pieces of hamework, we get about 3 a week, as a result has been kicked out of a class and will be kicked out compleatly before he finishes the academic year(he has now), he uses weird words in the midle of sentences and stuff like /@~@\ when on msn, right now i want him to get hit by a bus. But good news anime isn't art, look it up, and don't just think its me who hates it, there are thousands most of which are art students, art teachers, art critics, great art admirers, art buyers ,intelegent people and japanese people(a suprisingly large amount of them, because they can't get away from it and thats how forigners see them). People that can't hold guns proply: how difficult can it be, you ask? well for the mentaly impaired, TV and movie fans, increadbly. because they wanna shoot just like there favorite character or star. They just can't seam to get their heads around the idea that the star or animater has absolutly no idea how to use a weopen. one of the biggest things that i hate is holding a pistol in each hand, sure with several years (or most of your life) of practice you might be able to get a shot close ish to what you where aiming at, and people in the wild west MIGHT of used two guns(most probly one at a time so they didn't need to reload). And you can't aim at 2 targets a once, you've only got 2 eyes, and you need both of them to "know" where the target is, you might be able to "see" both of them but hitting them is another matter. I've see people paintballing aiming at the targets at the practise range, gun in each hand, seriously, because he was trying to balance the guns and watch 2 targets at once 7/100 shots from his left gun hit the target and only about 1/4 to a 1/5 hit from his rigth gun. I've also seen people shooting with the stock in there armpit and even when running like a mad cow shooting from the hip is not exceptable. norr is shoting with the stock in you stomach to all you fat people out there. And when shooting a single pistol it is not ok to cup your spair hand under or around the hilt like TV stars or action movie heros, and it is most definatly not a good idea to dive sideways shooting (saw a different kid doing this, he broke his arm. "Stars" dive onto crash mats not large rocks. on the plus side i thought it was as funny as hell and shot him when he was down and claimed a point) People who use words and things that they don't understand: several people have tryied to explain how things work in L&S, or the science behind it and i think its my fault they all stopped pe-maturaly, because i can't stand wrong science or mathamatics, stuff like gramma and spelling i don't mind so much (although if i can do it proply, so should you). Dark matter is another thing, lots of people think is something cool, but if you've looked on wikipedia or in a proper physics book (proferabily the book) and understood what it was going on about, its a theroy to make a theroy of a theroy work, came up with by theoretical physists, which are strange people even by physists standards (my physics teacher said that theoretical physists should be kept at arms length unless a stick is avalible, in which case they should be kept a stick pokeing length), and what it does? nothing. it reacts with nothing it has no physical propities apart from being heavy, you can't even see it or feel it, how dull is that, where as anti-matter is much more fun. I think disney should hire a physist and re-make L&S. I recently watched holio(the black hole experiment) anti-anti-matter is just plain matter( just like i didnt do nothing means you did something and timesing 2 minous numbers makes a positive number), and that black hole should of crushed the earth in a matter of nano seconds (if not faster) and why was anti-anti-matter needed to close it? the core of a black hole is just a lump of something increadbaly dence, so you'd have to close it with ANTI-MATTER and you'd need the same amount of anti-particals as particals in the black hole, in other words an anti-black hole, which would also destroy the world, not by crushing it with massive gravatational forces, but by annihilating it. Metals: people don't know the physical propities of metals, gold for one is a popular metal for things like armour to be made of in idiots fics and stories of other variaties. please some one go on realaty tv (cause that would give me 2 resions to give you whats coming to you) get a lot of money and buy gold armour and I'll buy an axe and I'll show you how soft it is, and what an idiot you are for thinking gold would save you. gold is a really soft metal if you droped it on concrate the gold would deform, plus gold is very heavy, thats why kings never used it. Even the writer watson sword (who seams to be kinda more intelegent than others) made a mastake in this area, tungston is used in bullets but only to give it weight, not actualy made of tungston, only in high volocity weopens use it. Tungston it's self is soft, its used as light filiments and to make cristmas bobals look shiny, i know the army makes anti-tank shell out of depleated uranium which is also soft and even less practical, but that gets through armour by vapourising it and boiling the crew inside (lovely). small arms just don't have that kind of force. People that underestimate humans: I'm human (although considering some of the things that are classed as human, i sometimes wish i wasn't), most probaly your human(yes i belive in alians) the people next door are probaly human (unless you live on a farm in the middle of no where) and im sure you've heard stuff on the news about the things humans can do. I really hate it when people think humans wouldn't stand a chance against alians. We have guns that can go through a 10 foot thick reinforced concrete wall (though what do you expect shooting at some thing soft like concrete), we have bombs that can vaporise cityies and we've built an underground lab where they're planning to creat a void or blackhole or spacial distortion to another dimension (SERIOUSLY). A nuklear war head will kill stitch, no douts, compleat vaporisation because stitch is indistructable the same way the titanic was unsinkable. If stitch did go on a killing rampage, the police would get involved and before long the army then navy and airforce, shortly followed be some guy in a suit saying "fuck the little bastard" before sending a 9 foot nuclear warhead down his throat, and if he does surive, which he won't cause the energy from a nuke vaporiese everything near it, hawaii would be flatened and sink beneath the waves, drowning the little bugger anyway. Profanity: people either use this way to much, or have some morbid fear of it. One of my biggest hates is the BFG from quake or doom (i forget which), people that call it the big fragging gun should be strangled with their intestines, its the BIG FUCKING GUN, says so in the manual. Big fragging gun is for wimps and noods, some experienced players call it the BULLSHIT FOREVER GUN, which is ok because it does the gun justace, unlike fragging (i spit on people that use fragging). Whats wrong with the odd FUCK or SHIT when approprite, it can be very affective. Thick headed people: what do i have to say, people that don't listen to resion get on my neves. particualy people that refuse to beleive things like the world runs on greed, polar shift, the people who do charaty are, in the long term, making things much worse(the ression africa is in so much trouble is because we "helped" them). Some people say im thick headed but if you can provide solid proff, i'll accept it, what i hate is when people don't think 40 years of scientific proff and it being on the physics syiblous as proff. But then again oil did come from metiors not dead dinosuarse. People that use things like :D and ;-): its not cleaver, its not funny and just says you are mentaly retarded or worse, an anime fan, I know this because chavas don't use them. People that worship "important" or famous people: peoples whos lives revolve around celebs should be gunned down as soon as they stoop for a copy of heat magazen, i wouldn't bow for the queen or the pope and i would very much like to slap the presedent (doesn't matter which one so long as i can) because they're all just human. If there was something really astounding about them, I might show them more respect than to the guy over the fence at the back of my house, but there isn't, so i won't. Si-fi snipers: this requires a smij of scence and science, why do laser snipers need long barrals? the ones that shoot light, it wouldn't need a barrel, light can't be rifled and it goes perfectly straight any way. this was a request by a friend, but i can't come up with anything cause it doesn't bother me that much. Snipers on xbox live: there are no worse unskilled misirable scum on xbox, with the exception of team killers, than snipers. One of the most irritating things is that many of them think they're briliant for doing so, its not like its difficult, on most games there is no bullet time, no bullet drop or wind, just a slite shake. They're all skill less pompus arseholes who spoil the game for everyone else, and if your are using a sniper on xbox live and can't get a 3 to 1 kill ratio you don't deserve an xbox. Call of duty 3: americans, naturaly, play as the "good" guy, as in the allies so if you play as the axsis, such as me, your permentaly out numbered and if you do come out fighting the americans leave because they're getting beatten. I once played a war in rouen, axis obvisouly and outnumbered 2 n a half to 1, not great odds, as is guesable i lost. And in the score board they where bragging with the usualy (puts on stupid voice) "AAAARRRRGGGG WE BEAT 'OU WE BEAT 'OU AAARRRRGGG" and "SUCK MY COCK!" and stuff like that, i warned them that I'd get a rifle if they didn't quieten down, they yelled insults at me, next match i got my rifle, axis won, i got a 23 to 1 kill ratio. When the score board came up again, would you belive it puts on stupid voice "YOUR CHEATEN YOUR FUCKEN CHEATEN" "YOU BASTARD, THERES NO WAY YOU COULD DO THAT YOU FUCKING WANKER" etc etc. then there was one of those strange silances when i started to talk "I didn't cheat, i just have something youz don't have, its known as skill" the first sounds, strangely enough where my team laughing which was quicaly dround out by the entire allied team screaming there heads of, so i couldn't make out a word of it, after another 2 matches the allied team was next to empty because they're a bunch of sore lossers. It doesn't just happen to me, my friend joined a capture the flag in poisson near the end, out numbered out gunned and surounded. match ended the higest scoring, an allied BARer, player yelled stuff like "IM THE BEST, I PAWNED ALL YAS YOUZ GOT OWNED SUCK MY COCK" etc etc next match started first kill my friend, MythicMadTelsa, made and first in the match was that BARer. An hour later the match ended my friend got 154 kills 0 deaths, no glitching. That showed him, bastard. Call of duty 3 again: The allied guns are way over powered, how alliesd players are so crap is beyoned me. the m1 grand is a nOObs gun, its head seaking. I admit I have a tendency to knee cap people, but that doesn't matter with the m1 its a head shot. Me and my friend got auto team balanced onto oposing teams natuarly we went to kill each other, he shot me in the foot he admited it himself and i died, if you don't kill them with the first shoot you just keep pulling till they die in a hail of bullets. the tomson and BAR are stupidly over powered, you can use them both to sniper with, the 30 calliber is infantaly superior to the german one. All allied players are nOObs in my eyes and any that do get a decent score, its the weopens not them. Communism: People are always down on comunism, its something that spawned in america simply because the russians did it and at the time america didn't like the russians. If you look at it without the all isms are bad POV, comunism isn't as bad as people make out and the free market isn't as free or pleasent either.(got sidetracked by a friend on msn about this subject, finish later) Stitch and Angel Lovers and Haters: People generaly fall into five groups wether they like stitch and angel. G1 they take the world at face value, so they like stitch angel cause disney says so. G2 people have some imagination but imediatly brand angel as a bitch , high maintence, etc most probably because they have self esteam problems or watch to many teen dramas. G3 People that go with a croud they happen to find themselves in, which could go either way. G4 People with an imagination that can look past disneys shortfalls and give Angel a REALish personality not a one off any any american teen drama. G5 They don't know who they are so can't pass preference. Lilo get depressed cause Stitch goes off with Angel: this is some thing that really gets on my nerves, her best friend leaves for an other girl, oh no i don't think she can go on being the drama queen disney has portrayed her as (sarcasum people, sarcasum). It is a plot that was crap to start with and has now been reused at least 20 times, and believe me, is still crap, no matter who the writer. If someone gets scuicidle thoughts because they're having to shair a best friend with his/her boy/girlfriend, how are they going to cope with the riggers of life, its not all rosses and gum drops, and if someone does get as mopy and or mood swinging as lilo does in many of these storys she should be shot, be done with it and call it a murcy killing. And before any one gives me any of that "oh but lilo has no other friends like stitch" and "no one understand lilo like stitch" and "everyone thinks shes weird and is mean to her". First off, well woop de fucking do, if shes not willing to try to make friends let her rot, of course there are few people in the world that are like stitch after all he's an alien. No one understands her, well everyone in the world suffers that. Lastly Im weird, i have a gang of weird friends, we're weird together, there are other weird people in the world, just have a look, its not that hard. Then theres the cheery on the cake "lilos really is in love with stitch" or vica versa, one word, bolix. So please stop writing this crap. Fantacy: Once upon a time it may have been good (like before disney got to it) nower days its one of the things that spoils games and movies industries. Its be so over used and over cooked its just a flavourless mush, there hasnt been any fresh fanticy since well before my time, as in books and ledgands and local stories. Every country has its own legand of the siren, my favorite is the scottish version. A beautiful lass with a beautiful voice sits atop a clif and draws sailors into the rocks at its base then walk down to the beach and loot the dead, when she wasnt doing that she was having her way with the local maried men. After a while the local women got sick of this so one day when she was singing on the cliff edge they snuck up behind her and shoved her over the edge, simple and subtle. I'll finish these when i stop ranting at the screen and start typeing again. |
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