Hi there!

Well, I guess this is where I spill the beans. So: I’m female and around twenty years old. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people who were privileged enough to be a native English speaker (which means that I kick ass at about 4 other languages though ;-) ). So if you spot any mistakes – let me know.

Frankly, as I haven’t got ‘round to posting anything here, I am wondering why you’re wasting your time reading this.

Here are some quotes I find totally awesome. Some of them are taken from other authors' profiles/stories, some others are just from anime/books/TV series/whatever struck my fancy, the source is always there though*. Check out the profiles and stories of the mentioned authors, most of them (all of them really ;-) ) are exceptionally funny people!

If you're one of those people who have just been told for the umpteenth time that plagiarism is the root of all evil, destroys all and any aspirations you have for your future and will get you and your little black heart kicked out of school/university/your top-notch position in a very important company/political party and thus are feeling a little paranoid about source documentation, feel free to copy this into your profile. HOWEVER, always remember: Mind the Source!

Sherlock BBC

This series is just… Sorry guys, I don’t even have words for it. To borrow one of John’s comments: brilliant! If you haven’t seen it, you have missed out on so much.

(The quotes are all on Wikiquote, too if you’re interested: )

Molly Hooper: Listen, I was wondering. Maybe later when you’re finished—

Sherlock Holmes: You’re wearing lipstick. You weren’t wearing lipstick before.

Molly Hooper: I, uh, I refreshed it a bit.

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry. You were saying?

Molly Hooper: I was wondering if you’d like to have coffee?

Sherlock Holmes: Black, two sugars please. I’ll be upstairs.

[S01E01]

Sherlock Holmes: Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street.

[S01E01]

Sherlock Holmes: Did he offer you money to spy on me...?

John Watson: Yes.

Sherlock Holmes: Did you take it?

John Watson: ...No?

Sherlock Holmes: Pity, we could've split the fee. Think it through next time.

[S01E01]

Sherlock Holmes: I need to get some air; we're going out tonight.

John Watson: Actually, I've got a date.

Sherlock Holmes: What?

John Watson: It's when two people who like each other go out and have fun...

Sherlock Homes: That's what I was suggesting.

John Watson: No, it wasn't. At least, I hope not.

[S01E02]

John Watson: It's a head. A severed head.

Sherlock Holmes: Just tea for me, thanks.

John Watson: No, there's a head in the fridge!

Sherlock Holmes: Yes?

John Watson: A bloody head!

Sherlock Holmes: Where else am I supposed to put it? You don't mind, do you? I got it from the Barts' morgue. I'm measuring the coagulation of saliva after death.

[S01E02]

Sherlock Holmes: Flattered? "Sherlock sees through everything and everyone in seconds. What's incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things."

John Watson: Now hang on a minute, I didn't mean that--

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, you meant "spectacularly ignorant" in a nice way! Look, it doesn't matter to me who's Prime Minister, or who's sleeping with who--

John Watson: Or that the earth goes around the sun.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh God, that again! It's not important!

[S01E03]

[Sherlock and John are in Buckingham Palace]

John Watson: What are we doing here, Sherlock? Seriously, what?

Sherlock Holmes: I don't know.

John Watson: Here to see the Queen?

[Mycroft Holmes walks in]

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, apparently yes.

[They fall about laughing whilst Mycroft stares disapprovingly]

Mycroft Holmes: Just once, can you two behave like grown-ups?

John Watson: We solve crimes. I blog about it and he forgets his pants. I wouldn't hold out too much hope.

[S02E01]

Mycroft Holmes: I'll be mother.

Sherlock Holmes: And there is a whole childhood in a nutshell.

[S02E01]

Mycroft Holmes: My brother has the brain of a scientist or a philosopher, yet he elects to be a detective. What might we deduce about his heart?

John Watson: I don't know.

Mycroft Holmes: Neither do I. But initially, he wanted to be a pirate.

[S02E01]

Jim Moriarty: But don't be scared. Falling is just like flying, except there's a more... permanent destination.

[S02E03]

Merlin BBC(Yeah I know. I am just a sucker for BBC series.)

Arthur: I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth.

Merlin: Wow. And how long have you been training to be a prat?

Arthur: You can't address me like that.

Merlin: Sorry. How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?

[S01E01]

Arthur[laughs] Merlin is such a wonder, but the wonder is that he's such an idiot! There's no way he can be a sorcerer.

[S01E03]

Uther: When you failed to show up for patrol this morning, I feared you'd eloped with Sophia in a fit of passion.

Merlin: I wish he had, because then I wouldn't be stood in front of you looking like an idiot. Again.

Uther: This is becoming a near daily occurrence with you.

Merlin: But there was a mistake, and I would not say it was anyone's fault... not really... You could say it was mine.

Uther: Could somebody tell me what happened?

Merlin: Well...

Uther: Somebody with a brain.

Arthur: After Sophia left, I wanted to take my mind off her so I went for a hunt.

Morgana: So killing things mends a broken heart?

Arthur: No, but it's good fun. Merlin was meant to inform you that I wouldn't be back til later today.

Uther: Have you some kind of mental affliction?

Merlin: Probably.

Gaius: I'm looking into it, sire.

Uther: Well, I hope for our sake you find a cure or we'll find ourselves with a food shortage on our hands.

Merlin: Food shortage?

[Cut to Merlin in the stocks, being pelted with rotten fruit]

[S01E07]

Merlin: You would think the appeal of pelting the same person with fruit would wear off after a while, but oh no.

[S01E07]

Gaius: We have reached the point of no return. Uther has to be told.

Merlin: You're going to tell Uther that his new lady friend's a troll?

Gaius: That's exactly what I'm going to do.

Merlin: Good luck.

Gaius: Thank you, Merlin.

[S02E06]

Merlin: This isn't funny.

The Great Dragon: Oh, it is! It is! The thought of Uther marrying a troll! Was it a very public affair?

Merlin: Public enough. [The Great Dragon laughs] Don't laugh. If she can't be stopped, Arthur won't become King. Albion will never be born.

The Great Dragon: I'm sorry. You are right, of course

[S02E06]

Arthur: We must keep my father hidden.

Merlin: Why don't we disguise him?

Arthur: That might just work.

Merlin: We could dress him as a woman.

[S02E12]

Arthur: If I need a servant in the next life...

Merlin: Don't ask me.

[S02E12]

Arthur: You know, you've got a lot of nerve for a wimp.

Merlin: Well I may be a wimp, but at least I'm not a... dollop-head.

Arthur: There's no such word.

Merlin: It's idiomatic!

Arthur: It's what?

Merlin: You need to be more in touch with the people.

Arthur: Describe dollop-head?

Merlin: In two words?

Arthur: Yeah.

Merlin: Prince Arthur.

[S03E01]

Arthur: There's no better place to measure the mood of your people, than the local tavern.

Merlin: This is one of those moments where I tell you something isn't a good idea and you ignore me, isn't it?

Arthur: You're learning Merlin, slowly, but, you're learning. [Pause] Now remember, in here, you're not my servant, I'm just a simple peasant like everyone else.

Merlin: The simple part's right.

Arthur: What?

Merlin: I said the sun is very bright.

Arthur[Looks around] Yeah, yeah it is.

[S03E03]

Arthur: Are you saying I look like a toad?

Merlin: Yeah, and maybe one day you'll magically transform into a handsome prince...just magic's outlawed, that'll probably never happen. Come on, let's go.

Arthur: Merlin! [Merlin turns] I'm the one who gives the orders, remember?

Merlin: Yeah. [pause] You ready? Let's go.

[S03E05]

Arthur: You know what your problem is? All talk, and no trousers!

[S03E07]

Quotes from FFN authors

From Disgrunteld Minion: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/652456/Disgruntled-Minion

The man who smiles when something goes wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

From Sarah1281: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/674180/Sarah1281

92 percent of the teen population would be DEAD if Abercrombie & Finch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Repost this if you'd be one of the 8 percent laughing your ass off.

Quotes from AO3 Authors and stories

From A Fingerslip chapter 16, by Pawtal:

[It's a textversation between Greg and Mycroft.]

(Tues 2:49pm)
Did you have that chat with Sherlock?

(Tues 2:52pm)
Yes, I did.

(Tues 2:53pm)
And?

(Tues 2:55pm)
Success. I called him a pie.

(Tues 3:02pm)

(Tues 3:04pm)
Of course you did.

(Tues 3:08pm)
It was highly effective.

(Tues 3:10pm)
I think I’ll be the judge of that.

(Tues 3:12pm)
There’s method in the madness.

(Tues 3:14pm)
But what did you essentially say?

(Tues 3:17pm)
I don’t know, I… told him to be fruitful.

More of the same (A Fingerslip chapter 16)

(Tues 4:10pm)
Forget the diet. I’ve been cheating on it from the start.

(Tues 4:12pm)
*Gasp* Mycroft! What would Aunt Gertrude say?

(Tue 4:16pm)
She wouldn’t say anything. The bigoted old bat died 6 months ago. Do keep up.

(Tues 4:18pm)
Your family is exhausting.

(Tues 4:20pm)
I know. And now you know why I turn to desserts in times of need.

A Fingerslip chapter 17:

“You’re being horrendously soppy.”

“Drastic times call for… soppy measures.”

A Finger Slip 19

“Mycroft and I don’t go on datesWe… discuss.”

“Discuss?”

“Serious things. Important things.”

“We also eat strudel.”

“Can I go now?”

“Mycroft has actually taken to calling me Lestrudel.”

The Only One in the World; I Invented the Job by apliddellChapter 90:

“I’ve more important things to do than housework, John.”
“The last time I saw you do housework was the day before I moved in, when you tricked me into thinking you might tidy up from time to time by moving a dusty pile of newspapers from a chair to a table. So innocent, the John Watson of five years ago.”

Cemetery Road by revwestwood

Chpt. 11:

Mycroft sighs heavily. “No one can argue with that, Sherlock. In one night you’ve managed to get John skewered, shove a car engine into his chest, and then marry him without his consent in order to override his final wishes. Where would he be without you?”

Saving Sherlock Holmes by earlgreytea68

Chapter 8:

A frown of displeasure flickered over Sherlock’s otherwise adoring face. “You know how I told you I don’t have parents, I have a Mycroft?” he said to John. “And you said, ‘What’s a Mycroft?’”

John looked amused. “Yes.”

Sherlock nodded in Mycroft’s direction. “That’s a Mycroft.”

And from the same chapter:

“I need you to help me with some chemistry I’m working on,” said Sherlock.

That could have been a line, if uttered by any other person, but John knew Sherlock literally meant that he was working on some sort of chemistry experiment. “No, you don’t. I’m terrible at chemistry and you know it. What you need me to do is praise your brilliance while you run the experiment and occasionally scratch your shoulder because you’re too lazy to lift your own arm to do it.”

Sherlock looked pleased. “Yes, exactly.”