Emmett Cullen:Stronger than you since 1916.

Rosalie Hale:Better than you since 1916.

Jasper Hale:Charming ladies since 1843.

Alice Cullen:Quicker than you since 1901.

Edward Cullen:Sexier than you since 1901.

Bella Swan/Cullen:B.D SPOILER!! Even though she's a vamp... Clumsier than you will ever be since 1990

Renesmee Cullen:More special than you since 2008... Even though some people view her as a demon child who nearly ripped Bella to pieces...

Girls Don't realize these things;

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club (that is the best part of dating is cuddling!)

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

Love can touch us one time;
And last for a LIFETIME - My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

GO TO HELL SHOTS! If you HATE shots (needles), copy and paste in your profile.

By the way...

AU - Alternative Universe
AH - All Human
OC - Original Character/Other Character
OOC - Out of Character
IC - In Character
WIP - While in progress
Lemon - Graphic sex scene
Lime - Intense fluff (but not a sex scene) My word for intense fluff... HOTT FLUFF!
Fluff - A sweet moment shared between characters (like a kiss)

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

'At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping
it all over his lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him
by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to
football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by
jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to
the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch
certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You
thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him
by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked
him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus
carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm
so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you
how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the
country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You
thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their
children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.

If you love your dad, post this on your profile

Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

FEMALE COMEBACKS!!
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost
this...
If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 muscles to reach out and bitch slap that motherfucker who made you frown.

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

!FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool withyou at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap!

I have a shard shell, that much is true but just because I'm like you, just becuase I'm one of the guys, it doesn't mean I don't have feelings.

Yes, I look at you when you don't know.

Yes, I smile at your stupid jokes.

Yes, I like to play football so I can tackle you.

Yes, though I like you it doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy with someone else.

Yes, I wish we could be happy together.

Yes, I blush when you talk perverted.

Yes, I fear rejection.

Yes, I'm still that shy little girl inside.

Yes, fighting is a cover for when I want to cry.

Yes, I cry.

Yes, I do get my feelings hurt.

Yes, your little good charm likes to hang out with the team for other reasons.

Yes, I love it when you win and you carry me around.

Yes, I love spending an afternoon just talking with you and your boys.

Yes, I am a fifteen year old girl who is falling in love with someone who will never love her back.

Yes, your idiot friends are more trustworthy than mine.

Yes, When I get mad and start punchng you and screaming at you, I love it and need it when you hold me till I calm down.

Yes, I like falling asleep next to you.

Yes, I am jealous when I see you with her.

Yes, I'm happy you have her.

Yes, I don't understand love and I dont' know how to work with a mangled heart.

Yes, my heart is mangled and damaged.

Yes, I love it when you defend me

And Yes, I'm saying this again and again in my head every time you treat me like I'm one of your dudes.

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, she asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to cry.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked her for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one question.

She was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

You're never alone...

93 Percent Of the people who read this won't repost it.

Don't be one of those people.

Believe in God and he'll always be there to protect you.

phone:
ring..
ring..
ring..

boy: hello?
girl: hey!
boy: what r u up 2?
girl: just thinking about the greatest guy in the world..u?
boy: oh nuthing..
girl: r u ok?..u sound upset.
boy: im fine..just..
girl: just what?
boy: idk, iv’e just been thinking..
girl: thinking what?..
boy: ...silence
girl: please tell me, i love you.
boy: i think we should take a break.
girl: ...what? voice shaky
boy: look i cant take all ur drama anymore.
girl: i thought u said u loved helping me.. loved being there for me.
boy: i just cant take it anymore.
girl: ...please don’t do this.
boy: its just a break, we can go out at the beginning of summer...i promise. every girl i date till then will be a lie. i only love you.
girl: ...why...how...u said u would never turn into one of them.. a heart breaker.. what about Paris?
boy: look...i love you i swear i do, just we cant date.
girl: there’s more then my emotions right? theres another reason..
boy: ...no.. just we need to take a break.
girl: i cant promise i will be waiting here for you when summer comes.
boy: aight...
girl: i cant believe you, u said u loved me, u said im the one, u said u would never leave me... I’ve gave u so many chances... yeah w/e. leave me then.
boy: i love you.. i’m sorry.
girl: don’t say that... i better go.
boy: no i wanna talk.
girl: well i don’t, go call someone else.
boy: no i want u.
girl: you had me...u broke me.
boy: I’m sorry starts crying
girl: yeah, that’s what they all say... Ill see u at school. goodbye number 3.
boy: babe..don’t.
girl: dont call me babe! im not ur babe..bye.
boy: i love you..
girl: i lov...hangs up

the girl throws her phone at her wall and screams into her pillow..
she cant take the pain.
she reaches for her knife..
puts it on her wrist.. and watches as she slashes herself away.
tears run down her face. she stops.
she looks down.. she had cut her vein.
she couldn’t breathe...blood was pouring out of her.
she lay there on her carpet as she died.
she whispered to herself.. "maybe now he will care"
those were her last words.
the boy had called back to tell her not to cut.. but it was to late.
she lay there, cold.. her blood stained carpet and her ringing phone across her room where she had threw it.

the next day her parents found her dead; they informed the school.
they notified her friends and family.. they couldn’t believe it.
he loved her...she loved him.
what happend?

the school made an announcement..."students may i have ur attention please...we have terrible news. one of our students has commited suicide last night,
we are so sorry...we will need to see her closest friends and boyfriend."

the boys heart stopped...he knew it was her.. tears started to form in his eyes.
he walked down to the councelors office and saw her closest friends crying their eyes out.
they looked at him.
girls bff: do you know why she did this?
boy: ...yes..
girls bff: what? it was you wasn’t it? u killed her!
boy: no we broke up...we had to.
girls bff: no, u chose to.. u ass!!
boy: look u don’t understand, i tried to stop her.. i really did.
girls bff: yeah right, ur just like every other guy she dated, worthless...a liar. why did u break up with her, WHY?
boy: u wouldn’t believe me.
girls bff: dont give me that. tell me.
boy: i had a dream...
girls bff: and?...
boy: God told me i should break up with her.
girls bff: what?
boy: see u dont understand..
girls bff: no, no i don’t.
boy: never mind.. i better get to class.
girls bff: yeah u do that.

the boy has diabetes... he becomes too depressed to take care of it.. he goes into a coma and doesn’t come out...he dies.
he left a note in his journal..
"i love her, i shall be with her now."

If you've ever fallen asleep at around 2 am reading Twilight , New Moon, and/or Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile

~Copy and paste this on your profile if you're a true Twilighter/Fanpire/etc...~

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon copy and paste this onto your profile.

Here is 30 things to do in an exam if you know your going to fail it anyway:

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. (if someone actually does this please tell me)
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Masturbate.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 muscles to reach out and bitch slap that motherfucker who made you frown.

'AND SO THE LION FELL IN LOVE WITH THE LAMB'

One for the Girls!!
1) A couple is lying on the bed. The man says, "I'm going to make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
2) Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN.
3) What does it mean if a man is in your bed gasping for breath and screaming your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!
"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."
When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing
Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
Parents spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. The second half is teaching them to sit down and shut up
"The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people
If you hate someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way you are a mile away from them AND you have their shoes.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
when a guy tells u “girl, you must be a thief because you just stole my heart” reply by kindly telling him “I only steal valuable things”
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella

Each time I carelessly fall down

And I promise to remember Edward

Whenever I'm out of town

I promise to obey traffic laws

For Charlies sake of course

And I promise to remember Jacob

When my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Carlisle

Whenever I am in the emergency room

And I promise to remember Emmett

Everytime there's a huge boom

I promise to to remember Rose

Whenever I see something that holds pure beauty

And I promise to remember Alice

When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me

I promise to remember Nessie

When I see that beautiful bronze hair

And I promise to remember Esme

When someone tells me they care

I promise to remember Jasper

Whenever my stomach isn't curled

And I promise to remember the Volturi

When someone speaks of dominating the world

Yes, I promise to love Twilight

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the Twilighters know

"When life hands you lemons, throw them back and demand Edward Cullen."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor but since Carlisle is cute, screw the fruit."
"I'm not easily distracted I-Hey, is that guy sparkling!"

Did you know...

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If practice makes perfect & nobody's perfect, why practice?

2.

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.

3.

What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?

4.

Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

5.

What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?

6.

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

7.

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

8.

When someone with multiple personalities threathens suicide, can that be considered a hostige situation?

9.

What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?

10.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

11.

Why do they call it "common sense" when it's so rare?

12.

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

13.

If you get corn oil by squeezing corn, how do you get baby oil?

14.

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

15.

If electricity comes from electrons does it mean morality comes from morons?

16.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

17.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

18.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

20.

If God didn't want us to eat people, why did he make them out of MEAT?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

22.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

23.

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

24.

Psychics never win the lottery. Why is that?

25.

How can two space ships meeting always face the right way up in Sci-Fi movies?

26.

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

27.

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

28.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

29.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

30.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

31.

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

32.

If you blame someone for your failures, do you credit them for your achievements?

33.

If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?

34.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

35.

How come everyone's going so slow if it's called rush hour?

36.

Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker??

37.

Why do we chop a tree "down" and then chop it "up"?

38.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

39.

Why do we wash BATH TOWELS; aren't we clean when we use them?

40.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If money doesn't make us happy, then what does it do?

42.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

43.

If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it?

44.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

45.

When people say "I woke up on the wrong side of the bed," What side is the right side?

46.

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

47.

Why do we put suits in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase?

48.

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

49.

When Puerto Rico joins the union, where will they put the 51st star?

50.

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Girls Need To Realize: WRITTEN BY A GUY :)

We guys don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room

and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses
us off..

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without
even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy callsOR TEXTS but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m.

That it can't wait till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong..

We'll stop trying to convince you..

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood im in.

Let us pay for you!
dont 'feel bad'
We enjoy doing it.

It's expected.

Smile and say 'thank you.

Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the
need=2 0to
wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for who you are and not what you are.

Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when sh e's just in her pj's.

or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown,
Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.

It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'
i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever
else you can think of.

On the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; )

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a
guy, dont wait for him to change!!

Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population
and f ind someone who will treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.

Someone w ho will care for you even when you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.

Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes...and
say 'i love you' ..and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance.

Guys repost this if you agree.

Girls repost this if you think it's cute.

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this,
so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this..

ADVICE:

Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of
times.

Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his
shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a
peck on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it.

Laying below the stars
Girls: When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest
and close your=2 0eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.