this is my way and if you don't like it get off this page

The Irony of Happiness
You have to let go of the happiness when it still is happiness; that is the only way to preserve it. Sometimes we hold on to little bits of life hoping it would never change but the more we hold on the more it changes, and then it turns into something which is exactly the opposite to what we had. But we still hold on, and that is the memory and pain we are left with

These words have been drifting around my mind since. As I lay in bed, I took advantage of absorbing the 3am sort of silence ... the kind thats marked by more than just the absence of sound...the kind of silence in which I can actually hear the pulsation of the world around me...thats what it felt like. And these words came back to me...I can't expand on them any more than they are self explanatory.

And then I thought - If only I had known them earlier...now they're something I'll never forget

“When it rains it reminds me of you. Although 2000 miles away is so far I still always walk outside in the rain and kiss it just for you. It never fails me. The rain will always come and I’ll always love you. Next time you see a storm on the horizon please don’t fear it’s just heaven doing me the favor of taking you my kiss. Walk outside and kiss the rain whenever you need me.”

“Take a chance.. You’ll never know what you will get ’till you have really tried. So, take a chance..

”A Dark Place Is, Always, A Bottom Of The Lantern. If You Fail To Plan, You Plan To Fail

“Don’t take life seriously because you can’t come out of it alive.”
-Warren Miller

” there is only two things Infinite, the universe, and human stupidity, and im not so sure about the first one” Albert Einstein

“It’s true we don’t know what we’ve got until its gone, but we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.”

“A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.”

“Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.”

“Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.”

“Time goes by, life goes on, and all I can think of is why you’re gone.”

IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

Life

By Ryukashin

Life is a gift and a curse

People say time heals all wounds

Well some never wounds never heal

In life you have to learn to love

But also cope with pain

Fore without pain there is no reason to live

Love

I gave it up

And regret doing it

Cause now I am incomplete

Without you something is missing

And that something is you

I would give anything to hold you

Cause I love you

I am what I am

I am what I am

Not what you want me to be

You call me names

You laugh at me

But I am what I am

You may see someone different

But you are different to

While I am what I am

What are you

A smile

All I want is a laugh

But you never do

You sit there morning your loss

The past is the past

Move on with life

The only thing you can do is move on

Laugh a little smile some

If needed I’ll help you through it

Share your pain, regret, and sorrow

No matter whats wrong I’ll be there

To hold you, to protest you,

Keep you safe when you call

But I ask only one thing

Just one smile

Abyss

This is my heart

The black void

Where no hope is found and all is lost

Fore there is no reason to hope

The dread of life is hard enough without

Hopes and dreams crashing down on me

This is my heart

It is that of an abyss

Where nothing resides but darkness

Choices

The never ending pain of life

Without pain nothing is gained

With it all can be lost

The choice is yours

Do you give up and cower before it

Or do you brave the possible loss it can bring

The choice is yours and yours alone

Alone in pain

It hurts to be alone

The pain is something that is eternal

When I am alone

Alone in a void

A never ending void

A void called my mind

A void that is only negated by love

The 213 Things.

1. Not allowed to watch South Park when I’m supposed to be working.

2. My proper military title is Specialist Schwarz not Princess Anastasia.

3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

6. Not allowed to play Pulp Fiction with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add In accordance with the prophesy to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product Get Over it.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.

11. Not allowed to join the Communist Party.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.

15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to Sic Brass!

16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my Samson like powers.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous Barbie Girl Dance while on duty.

19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if Im right.

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.

22. Must never call an SAS a Wanker.

23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.

24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.

25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.

26. Never tell a German soldier that We kicked your ass in World War 2!

27. Don’t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).

28. Don’t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

29. The Irish MPs are not after Me frosted lucky charms.

30. Not allowed to wake a Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

35. Not allowed to sing High Speed Dirt by Megadeth during airborne operations. (See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker)

36. Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn’t over).

37. Our medic is called Sgt Larwasa, not Dr. Feelgood.

38. Our supply Sgt is Sgt Watkins not Sugar Daddy.

39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

40. I do not have super-powers.

41. Keep on Trucking is *not* a psychological warfare message.

42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

45. I am not allowed to Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy’s little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies.

46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for magic beans.

50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.

51. Not allowed to quote Dr Seuss on military operations.

52. Not allowed to yell Take that Cobra at the rifle range.

53. Not allowed to quote Full Metal Jacket at the rifle range.

54. Napalm sticks to kids is *not* a motivational phrase.

55. An order to Put Kiwi on my boots does *not* involve fruit.

56. An order to Make my Boots black and shiny does not involve electrical tape.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not Why?

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

60. The Giant Space Ants are not at the top of my chain of command.

61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean I have been promoted three more times than you.

62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.

65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

66. There is no Anti-Mime campaign in Bosnia.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to Block out the space mind control lasers.

69. May not pretend to be a fascist storm trooper, while on duty.

70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

73. No military functions are to be performed Skyclad.

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

76. Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around is *not* a cadence.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.

78. I may not call block my chain of command.

79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.

81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

82. May not form any press gangs.

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with I recently had an experience I just had to write you about.

84. Must not use military vehicles to Squish things.

85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.

86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the field of honor.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as Mom.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as Dad.

90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony Romper Bomper Stomper Boo is probably not appropriate.

93. Nerve gas is not funny.

94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.

95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

96. Redneck Zombies is not a military training aid.

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are casualties of war.

103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.

104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a Cool Mint Listerine bottle is not a good combination.

105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.

106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CDs.

107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.

108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.

109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.

110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.

111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.

112. When saluting a leg officer, an appropriate greeting is not Airborne leads the wa- oh sorry sir.

113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from Full Monty every time I hear the song Hot Stuff.

114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.

116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.

117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.

118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.

120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.

121. I should not use government resources to waterproof dirty magazines.

122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

127. No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s IV is acceptable.

128. Shpadoinkle is not a real word.

129. The Microsoft Dancing Paperclip is not authorized to countermand any orders.

130. Im drunk is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.

132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.

133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.

134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.

135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.

136. Shouting Lets do the village! Lets do the whole *ing village! while out on a mission is bad.

137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.

138. Even if my commander did it.

139. Must not teach interpreters how to make MRE bombs.

140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.

141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove The Pen is Mightier than the sword.

142. Calvin-Ball is not authorized PT.

143. I do not need to keep a range card by my window.

144. K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free is not an authorized uniform.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke.

148. Putting red Mike and Ikes into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.

150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.

151. The proper way to report to my Commander is Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir not You cant prove a thing!

152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light batteries.

153. I should not assign new privates to guard the flight line.

154. Shouldn’t treat piss-bottles with extra-strength icy hot.

155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.

156. I will no longer perform lap-dances while in uniform.

157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.

158. The revolution is not now.

159. When detained by MPs, I do not have a right to a strip search.

160. No part of the military uniform is edible.

161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.

162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

163. Take that hat off.

164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

165. I do not get that time of month.

166. No, the pants are not optional.

167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

169. Not even if they *are* especially patriotic films

170. Not allowed to defect to OPFOR during training missions.

171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the Generals helicopter.

172. A full magazine and some privacy is not the way to help a potential suicide.

173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

174. Furby is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, its actually DOD policy).

175. We do not charge into battle, naked, like the Celts.

176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.

177. I am not to refer to a formation as the boxy rectangle thingie.

178. I am not A lesbian trapped in a mans body.

179. On Army documents, my race is not Other.

180. Nor is it Secretariat, in the third.

181. Pokmon trainer is not an MOS.

182. There is no FM for wall-to-wall counseling.

183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups.

184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something I saw in a cartoon.

185. My name is not a killing word.

186. I am not the Emperor of anything.

187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.

188. May not challenge officers to Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn.

189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

190. Must not make smores while on guard duty.

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

192. The proper response to a briefing is not Thats what you think.

193. The Masons and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

194. Shouldnt take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

195. Shouldnt use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.

197. I am not allowed to sing Henry the VIII I am until verse 68 ever again.

198. Not allowed to lead a Cou during training missions.

199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

200. My chain of command is not interested in why I just happen to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the Safety Dance and the Safety Briefing are never to be combined.

203. To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an Easter Desecration.

205. Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. (Broken clutch pedal, Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs, flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged)

206. Not allowed to get shot.

207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)

208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are hearing conversations from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism this was the same dinner.)

210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing Eat Pork or Die in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don’t have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.

213. Do not convince NCOs that their razor bumps are the result of microscopic parasites.