I am leaving ffn for a little while, see everyone in six months.
This is my reason, my apology, my goodbye. And this is all there ever will be.

I am obsessed with time, understand this now.
I hate it, it controls every aspect of my life, and I'm always wondering when time will run out, because eventually I know it will, and it scares me, it cripples me, I loathe it.
It steals my memories, both good and bad, one at a time, and I dont even know it.
Perhaps I have spent too much time thinking on time, but even before I sat down to figure out what scared me most I had always had an uneasiness towards the concept.
After all why shouldnt I fear something that I cant stop, defeat, cant effect.
To timeI am nothing. I hate being nothing, because in all reality, that is whatI am, what else could I be?

And even thoughI constantly favor denial and fantasy, I know it is foolish, there is a voice that acknowledges the truth and whispers it to me when I dont want to hear it, even though that is really all I need to hear.

In the end nothing lasts,
Everything changes,
Fate makes it so,
And if you were to resist,
you would be broken,
Little by little,
Your happiness torn away,
As the people who bring you joy walk away,
The smiles fade as feelings grow, change, die,
A love once returned is now no more,
They changed,
You didnt,
And now your all alone,
Left to the memories of what had been,
Feeling the despairof what never was,
Hating yourself for being too weak,
Too afraid to change.

No one wants to change when they are living the highlight of their life,
No one who know that this moment is the happiest you will ever be wants to change,
And because they hold onto what should have been let free to grow, they die,
Happiness is brief and pain is constant,
But more often then not time moves too quickly,
And you lose sight of what has to be and what you want,
It's a futial fight that all must lose,
If you want to survive, that is.

For if you dont fight and you dont lose you will never know what a dangerous thing time is,
You'll go on living blindly never suspecting that time might be running out,
And when it does you'll be devistated, worse then broken,
Each second that ticks by leaves a deep cut,
One that scars,
You can ignore them, for a while,
But when you are alone,
And no one is around to care,
You feel the cuts, that never really healed,
And all the sudden you truly are alone.

The truth is cold and unbearable
Not even illusions last against time.

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