(appears in a swirl of smoke with a spot light focused on her to create a heavenlyglow)

PEOPLE OF FANFICTION.NET! YOUR SAVIOUR HAS ARRIVED!

I AM THE MYSTERY AUTHOR AND I FIGHT FOR GOOD FANFICS EVERYWHERE WITH MY TRUSTY PEN AND NOT SO TRUSTY COMPUTER!

NO LONGER WILL FEAR GRIP YOUR HEARTS AS THE WEBSITE BECOMES FILLED WITH THE TERRIFYINGLY AWFUL STORIES WRITTEN BY THE ILLITERATE N00BS! I SHALL PROTECT THIS FAIR WEBSITE WITH MY VERY LIFE!

(disappears in another swirl of smoke, but end up coughing violently on the same spot she'd previously been on)

URM...AWAY I GO!

(runs away in a manic way)