A collection of humorous stories featuring a variety of dark witches and wizards. First up, a drunken party at Malfoy Manor leads to a war over pop tarts, a bathroom flooded with champagne, and confessions about a wedding in a food court.

This is a story about what happens when StarClan gets bored of the Clans' boring lives! Wacky things are about to occur! WARNING: RANDOM :). Rated "T" just in case.

One drunken night, Severus Snape asks himself a question that leads him to create a potion that he believes will reveal the answer to his question...when his apprentice Hermione Granger arrives the next morning to assist him with long overdue project all is not what it seems...and why is Severus Snape suddenly calling himself...Alan?

We all know what happened during the Horcrux Hunt, but what if something changed? What if Hermione left with Ron that night? What would have happened then? Let's find out ... HP/GW BW/FD Hermione&Ron bashing and some Molly bashing. Re-post

Some Earlier Chapters being edited. Hermione is insane or is she, one thing for certain, act or not, Hermione is annoying the Hogwarts staff. sequel to the prankster challenge, you don't have to read for this to sense.

Growing up is not an easy task. With a little help of magic and a certain wizard, will the youngest of McGonagalls turn into a respected young adult? Or will the war, either wizarding or muggle, take its toll on her beautiful mind? A set of stories concerning Minerva McGonagall - her school years and friendship with Albus Dumbledore.

Harry is hiding something from his classmates and professors, but what is it? Will Severus Snape be able to get Harry to tell him what is bothering him?

When Hermione returns to Hogwarts alongside many of her peers to complete her 8th year, she is not expecting the course of events that will lead her into a game of seduction, lies, deceit and mind-blowing sex. She certainly never expected it to have anything to do with what Draco Malfoy did to her at Malfoy Manor during the war.

Hermione Granger comes back to Hogwarts in order to peruse her profession as a Potion's Mistress which was inspired by none other than the surly Potion's Master Severus Snape. What will happen when Hermione finds that he is in fact alive and teaching Potions. With new additions to the staff and a few weary and worrisome characters what will happen to Hermione when she returns?

The Capitol scientists have discovered time travel, and President Snow has managed to contact Professor Dumbledore, offering him information from the future on how to defeat Voldemort. For a price, of course. What does he want as payment? Only twenty-four of Hogwarts' finest, ready to battle it out in the arena.

When all hope is lost, what would you do to survive? Neville Longbottom becomes a Death Eater. Hermione Granger accepts Draco Malfoy's protection and he accepts her help. Theo Nott joins the remnants of the Order of the Phoenix. Ginny Weasley fills Bellatrix's shoes, while her brother Percy toils as a bureaucrat. And all of them have a role to play in overthrowing Voldemort.

Tigerstar somehow managed to resurrect himself, at the cost of losing all his memories. StarClan, untrusting of the dangerous tom, sent Firestar back to defeat him if necessary. However, something went wrong. Firestar is sent back as a she-cat. Sparks fly. They do say opposites attract. But is this good or bad? Will they destroy the clans, or save them? Even StarClan doesn't know.

He utterly believed that he would die and finally be free when Nagini tore out his throat, and yet, somehow, he survived yet again to carry on his miserable existence. But when Severus Snape realizes that his new Life Debt is bigger than any he's ever incurred, will there be any way for him to repay it and finally be free once and for all?

When Severus' younger brother shows up at Hogwarts after the war to help look after the injured Potions Master, Harry feels a pull towards him that he can't explain. But the youngest Snape has a few secrets of his own, will he take a chance on something with Harry?

[HG/SS] [AU] The world hasn't been right since Albus Dumbledore somehow survived the cursed ring Horcrux. Now Dumbledore has forced Severus between a rock and a hard place. Can he kill the only woman who has ever truly loved him, or will he refuse and die himself? (COMPLETE)

The war is over. Severus Snape had survived and has resumed his post as Potion's Master. Hermione Granger completed her 7th year and had begun a teaching position at Hogwarts. When she arrives, she discovers that most of the castle is still under repairs. With her original room still under construction she is told that she must board with a fellow colleague.

A journal containing a record of all the pranks he and his late twin Fred got up to during their time at Hogwarts is given to George Weasley by his mother. What old memories will this spark?

What if Harry and Draco had become friends in Madam Malkins? What if Harry was sorted into Slytherin? This my first book in a nine book sires, following his time at Hogwarts to post Hogwarts. Weasley bashing, Dumbledore Bashing. Good Malfoy's, Bad Dumbledore and nice Snape. No Slash. Sorry I suck at summary's. Now fully beta checked.

This is an on-going series. Various Canon characters, whether together or not, written originally for the HP Humpdrabbles on LJ or for Tumblr. Various pairings, not all canon compliant, and prompted. Ch. 129 -131 - Ron x Hermione; 128 - Harry & Ginny; 126 & 127 - Ron & Hermione; 125 - Percy x Audrey; 122-124 - Ginny x Luna; 121 - Harry x Ginny x Luna; Ch. 120 - Ron x Hermione;

Snape has been trying his best to drive her to madness all term, but when Hermione manages to help him with a potion, things might just get interesting. AU after book 5, OOCness, SS/HG, and much shenanigans

A collection of 366 short stories (leap year) with a different pairing each chapter. Will contain: Het, Slash, Femslash, Cross-Gen, incest, and more (maybe). [366/366] Harry/Ginny: Ginny and Harry finally talk.

Harry gets caught sneaking around in the dungeons. Snape grounds him before realising he isn't one of his Slytherins. They are stuck with each other until the spell stops.

Five days in the year 1998. The most important days of Hermione's life. In which Hermione searches desperately, falls in love, breaks her own heart and his, and jumps. But how do they land? War-time, SS/HG, HEA, edited, Complete!

96 tributes were sent in; 48 of regular reaping age and 48 between ages 5-11. All of them will come out, but who will come out alive and who will come out in a box? Well, only time will tell.

Dark secrets and an even darker past threaten to destroy the boy on whom the entire wizarding world has pinned their hopes. Can Severus Snape find it within him to heal and accept the broken child of his nemesis, and in the process, ultimately heal and accept himself? (AU-ish w/ OC, but follows canon. Severitus - mentor/adoption - mentions sexual abuse, but no details - NO SLASH!)

Tonks is given the incredibly dangerous mission of breaking into Malfoy Manor by posing as a blonde pureblood. Sirius and Remus are assigned to help her. But everything goes mind-boggingly wrong when she runs into her own sister Hermione who has already infiltrated the Manor by dating Draco! A tale of love, war & mistaken identities! *With Sirius crossdressing*

When Harry is guilt tripped by Dumbledore to be the new DADA teacher after he finishes school. He finds him self by the edge of the lake having an emotional break down. Snape finds him and it is the last person harry wants knowing just how truly screwed up he is. Severus and Harry will discover just how much a like they are. I own none of these characters. They belong to JK Rowling

Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin House at Hogwarts has been charged with protecting a young girl who stand before unknown danger. Luna Lovegood is left all alone when her father goes missing. Professor Snape does not wish to trade his solitude but he cannot turn his back on duty. Could they end up saving each other?

Translation. After Sirius dies Harry asks help from Snape to finally learn Occlumency. Why does Snape hate Harry? Will their relationship get better or worse? Can they work together to win the war? And who is the boy with the blue eyes? Ignores HBP & DH The story is up on my LiveJournal account under the same username.

Set after book 5. Severus and Harry grow close when the Potions Master has to stay at Grimmauld Place over the summer to teach Harry Occlumency. But will their new love survive Hogwarts, and the upcoming battle? HPSS, SBRL, RWHG. COMPLETED.

Ron decided to help his son Hugo with his holiday homework one day.When Hugo mispronounces an incantation, Ron decides to correct his son using the same words that Hermione had used when they were kids. Hermione overhears and their reaction surprises Hugo and Rose. (and other Ron and Hermione family moments)

AU. When Lily died, Snape removed his heart and replaced it with a steel trap. But rescuing her daughter from the Dursleys in the summer of '92 is the first step on a long road to discovering this is less true than he'd thought. A girl!Harry story, covering CoS - GoF. Future Snape/Harriet. Sequel "No Journey's End" (Ootp - DH) is now posting.

AU after GoF. Trelawney makes a new prophecy about a mysterious Half-Blood Prince, and Dumbledore struggles to find out who it's about. Already walking a tightrope between two masters, Severus Snape feigns ignorance while making his own plans.

GUILT is eating Victoria alive, although she wouldn't admit it. However, thinking about the Potter's child and where he is at the main time wasn't helping. After all, the Potter's died because of her and Severus Snape. AU-Snape adopt Harry story. Take place before Harry's first year at Hogwarts. Rated: T just in case.

Severus encounters a hilarious and mischievous Unicorn, who by being bent on fulfilling the wishes of readers everywhere, transforms our Potion's Master back into a teenager. Follow Severus and Hermione as they learn what it means to live by the Unicorn Price. HG/SS, No Horcruxes.

Hermione Granger awakes to find an intruder in her room, and doesn't quite know what to do with him. Or how to keep her bloody cat from eating him. SS/HG

We've all read bad SYOTs, and cringed at their awful tributes. But this story isn't one of those. Oh no. It's so much worse. SYOT closed, but the fun is just starting.

Severus believes he is dying. Madam Pomfrey has a different diagnosis.

After two epic Games Panem has been thrown to the brink of potential rebellion, so the Gamemakers plan to tone down the Games to the simple concept of twenty-four teenagers entering and one surviving to hushen up the cries of revolt. But it won't be that easy; with the prospect of intense gore and an epic arena the tributes' screams may just be louder than ever.

Hermione couldn't believe she was falling in love at a coffee shoppe.

Snape and the Marauders were enemies in life, can they become friends in death? Sirius, Remus, Peter, James and Lily each have their chance to speak to Snape and exchange barbs and long overdue apologies. RIP Alan Rickman.

Unbeknownst to Ginny and Harry, her brothers have planned a surprise montage for their wedding reception of the boys' favorite memories of growing up with their baby sister.

Snape's playing around with his potions again, what could possibly go wrong?

"I'm just waiting for Hermione Granger, she disappeared for years now, and I want to see her." Harry pouted. The female leaned in and kissed Harry on the cheek, alerting a certain red-haired Weasley. Ginny marched over, "Don't you kiss my husband!" The female laughed, and mocked being hurt, "I can't believe it, you don't even recognize ol' Hermione. Brokenhearted, I am."

A series of One Shots and drabbles focused on the Harry/Voldemort/TR pairing. SLASH!

The magical world seems to turn against Harry Potter after the incident with the Dementors in Little Whinging, and Harry ends up in Azkaban. However, he will soon notice just who his real friends are, and his life will only become more interesting after this turning point. Completely AU! Partly OOC, slightly Dark/Manipulative!Harry, slight Weasley/Hermione/Dumbledore bashing.

Snape reflects on his treatment of Harry

Before his first Quidditch match, 11 year old Harry receives a gift. Canon with a twist ;) Oneshot. Disclaimer: I don't own the world of Harry Potter.

Everyone's experienced having a song stuck in their head, but what about Snape? A short one-shot to amuse. ;p

The Order has planned a raid on Malfoy Manor, ready to end the war. It would have gone well, if not for the Dark Lady's unexpected hobby: baking. And according to Sirius Black, she's pretty good at it, too! And what's this about a house elf ballet? Not deep or dark, kinda fluffy and fun. fem!Tom Riddle x Harry Potter (Harry's male)

Welcome to Guess That Cat! A show where I read you a poem, and you have to guess who it's about! Don't forget to call 2121212121 or SMS 4242424242 to submit your answers!

Hermione processes the death of someone she admired. Thankfully, Severus is by her side. (A small tribute to the enormous gift that is Alan Rickman.)

We all know that Snape and Muggles don't mix, but what would happen if he was forced to substitute at a muggle primary school for no less than a couple of months? And what would happen to Hogwarts' Potions lessons while he was away? [WARNING: some OOC since story includes the Muggle world]

What if Dudley and Petunia were magical and sought the goblins' help against Dumbledore's meddlings? The result is a new prophecy with far-reaching consequences. Completely AU, partly OOC, slightly dark!Harry/dark!Dudley, slight Dumbledore bashing. Rating because of several Death Eaters' deaths.

The 18th Annual Hunger Games Submit Your Own Tribute. Head Gamemaker, Brutus Laertes looks forward to his 24 tributes to make shine in their own flashes of Hunger-Games gore as the 18th Annual Hunger Games commence.

The cats who are insane, or supposedly so, get sent to the Asylum if they are determined to be mentally unstable. If they aren't insane already, the smiley faces will probably steal their marbles. (Formerly called Jayfeather's Candles and Jayfeather Candle.) WARNING: This story is completely inaccurate when is comes down to Asylums. Don't read if you find that offensive. HIATUS

25 Years ago the districts all betrayed the capitol and started the Hunger Games. Now it's the 25 year anniversary, and the *New* President has something in store for all of Panem. The districts will have to choose their tributes this year to show them that the Capitol means business.

After the 25th games, Roman Rasts - Head Gamemaker, is looking forward to his new bunch of tributes. SYOT

Come see your favorite cats participate in the first ever Warriors edition of The Amazing Race. Many teams will participate but only one will win the 1,000,000 mice prize. The teams will travel all around the world and compete in many events and tasks. One of the teams will be viewer's voter choice.

SYOT Closed. Imagine a world where Enobaria won the 75th Hunger Games. Brutus overpowered Peeta. Katniss kills Finnick and Johanna. Brutus kills Katniss. Beetee dies from electric shock. Enobaria kills Brutus in the final 2. There was no rebellion. No Mockingjay. 151 years later, the games are still going strong (or so everyone thinks.)

SYOT. The seventy-sixth Hunger Games arrive, ushered in by an uneventful Quell. But greater forces are at work than the entertainers of the Games, and greater problems are about to unfold for both the tributes and the masses.

The Dark Lord wins the Second Wizarding War and Hermione is a prisoner. She is forced to marry Voldemort's most loyal servant: Severus Snape. Her marriage thrusts her into a new world of pureblood high society and dangerous intrigue. Is there more to her new husband than meets the eye? AU after HBP.

Leo Featherbern, volunteer and tribute from District 2. Gender: M. Age: 14. Iona Birchwud, tribute from District 7. Gender: F. Age: 12. Brent Clenchdon, tribute from District 11. Gender: M. Age: 16. Willow Shine, tribute from District 4. Gender: F. Age: 15. May the odds be ever in your favor. (Human) COMPLETED!

During the summer before sixth year, Harry finds an injured bat in the garden and decides to try to heal it...and an unwilling Snape learns just what kind of a person Harry Potter really is. No slash.

An incident where Constance's mind reading abilities land her in an awkward situation. Rated T for... Well, you'll find out ;)

Seeking: An intelligent, capable wizard amenable to assisting a bright, independent, magically-formidable single witch in the conception of a child. Insemination only: no sexual congress; non-negotiable. Further contact will be established following receipt of preliminary letter of interest. Address all inquiries by owl to Joy Bundle c/o Hogsmeade Owl Post.

Harry Potter receives some very inappropriate Secret Santa gifts. 1/25 of my 25 Days of Fanfic, 2011! A secret santa ficlet, with toys of a different nature. EWE.

Harry didn't think life at Privet Dr could get any worse, until Snape showed up, half dead and bleeding on the Dursleys' new floor. Starts summer after OoTP, keeps everyone in char, follows canon, or what it could have been with a summer like this...

Crookshanks takes steps to oust his rival. There's only room for one ginger in Hermione's life, and it's him.