sMoEpGhAiNe
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Joined 09-11-10, id: 2534239, Profile Updated: 02-02-11

╔══╦╦╦╦╦╗╔╦═╦╦╦══╗
╚╗╔╣║║║║║║║║║╩╠╗╔╝
Ѽ
─║║║║║║║╚╣╠╗║║║║║─ - isn't that sooo cool! (tell me if you think it is)
─╚╝╚══╩╩═╩╩═╩╩╝╚╝─

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool.

You know you live in 2010 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job .

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you don't believe life is fair shit...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen down the stairs copy this on your profile

If you have ever fallen UP the stairs copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutly no reason, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull or vice versa copy and paste this on your profile

92 percent of the population has moved onto rap. If your one of the 8 percent who stayed with rock, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever tripped on your own feet, copy and paste this on your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this on your rofile

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you were going to say it copy this on your profile

If you have ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head against a desk for no reason copy this on your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the conversation copy this on your profile.

/watch?v=e6tHm3NejXA&feature=channel

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Wisp by Cris reviews
Edward wins more than he bargained for at what was supposed to be a friendly poker game. AH. Ysar made me my banner!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 63 - Words: 325,303 - Reviews: 14444 - Favs: 6,258 - Follows: 6,714 - Updated: 6/16 - Published: 4/22/2012 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Small Town Girl by KatelovesEdward1 reviews
High School has never looked so good as Edward Cullen takes a rather possessive interest into the shy miss Bella Swan...story much better than the summary give it a read it may just suprise you ;D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 53,742 - Reviews: 252 - Favs: 236 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 9/22/2014 - Published: 8/23/2010 - Bella, Edward
Denial by shadowglove reviews
SLASH. AU. Jacob is in denial. Bella is his sister. Edward is in his mind. And apparently, according to Alice, everyone in the wolf tribe are destined to imprint on a vampire...and will also catch a case of the Gay Flu too. Pack/Coven Fic
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 73,760 - Reviews: 718 - Favs: 580 - Follows: 659 - Updated: 7/14/2014 - Published: 12/21/2010 - Jacob, Edward
Twilight on the BLUE LAGOON by knicnort3 reviews
Bella was one of the popular sophomores in her high school, but when a class trip goes awry she finds herself marooned on a tropical island with Edward Cullen, the resident school geek. The two must overcome their differences and learn to work together in order to survive. If you're a fan of 'Twilight' and 'Blue Lagoon', this is the story for you! *more info inside* AH, AU, E/B
Crossover - Twilight & Blue Lagoon - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 34 - Words: 136,646 - Reviews: 4457 - Favs: 3,328 - Follows: 1,969 - Updated: 4/20/2014 - Published: 7/11/2012 - Bella - Complete
To Win You Have To Lose by tueststercus27 reviews
Edward is a cocky, arrogant high school student, who thinks he can get any girl in the school, but what happens when his friends make a bet that he can't even get the loner, Isabella, to even go to prom with him. Can he win Isabella's heart? AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 20 - Words: 85,455 - Reviews: 207 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 140 - Updated: 12/22/2011 - Published: 6/30/2010 - Bella, Edward
Protected Memories by xMysterious Moonx reviews
After Edward left Bella, she was changed by an unknown vampire who watched the whole scene. As the change occur, she lost her memories. Now their paths has clashed again. How will the Cullen cope? Will Bella remember? Or were they destined to be apart? Hiatus.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 21 - Words: 66,678 - Reviews: 255 - Favs: 126 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 11/18/2011 - Published: 3/7/2010 - Bella, Edward
Valentine's Day by laraandkurtisfan97 reviews
I stared at the enemy and unclasped my hand. Blood dripped to the ground. I glanced once more at Shane's motionless body before I heard the glass fall to the ground, shattering into tiny pieces. This was it. This was how I was going to die
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 107,347 - Reviews: 282 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 9/4/2011 - Published: 6/25/2010 - Claire D., Shane C. - Complete
Forgotten by You May Call Me reviews
Bella is a vampire. She was "born" the same year as Carlisle. What will happen when Bella comes to Forks? What if the new vampire changes the Cullen's lives forever. But will she be a ally or enemy? What lurks beneath her pretty face? Who will she let in?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 41 - Words: 149,986 - Reviews: 865 - Favs: 874 - Follows: 587 - Updated: 6/29/2011 - Published: 11/23/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
One Hell of a Mess by JasperCanBiteMeAnyday reviews
Alec is a normal human boy. Renesmee moves to town and they fall in love. But she must face the same harsh reality her father did - humans don't belong in the supernatural world. Add in some werewolf obsessive love and you've got one hell of a mess.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 29 - Words: 108,951 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 4/23/2011 - Published: 3/13/2011 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Alec
Time Heals All by Amelioration reviews
Under Amelies Orders, Claire's been sent to another 'Vampire' town. But what will happen there? More importantly, will Claire be the same when she comes back? If not, how will Shane and the other Glass House housemates react? R&R
Morganville Vampires - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 18 - Words: 16,898 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 87 - Updated: 4/21/2011 - Published: 1/23/2010 - Claire D., Shane C.
Broken Spirit by LauraHannah90 reviews
When Charlie threatens to send Bella for mental help, he doesn't back down - but moving on is far from what Bella wants to do. As she ignores the help of others, she sinks deeper. That is until someone unexpected comes to help her through. New Moon AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 132,833 - Reviews: 348 - Favs: 191 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 3/8/2011 - Published: 5/11/2010 - Bella
Oops, he did it again! by JasperSAYSrelax128 reviews
When the family goes hunting,Emmett and Jasper Bella-sit. They decide to play truth or dare. Contains Jasper in Wal-Mart, Bella kissing, Emmett in jail? and Blue paint...will Emmett get in trouble...AGAIN? Won the Fanpire Fanfiction Best Humor award!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 51 - Words: 68,268 - Reviews: 3137 - Favs: 1,774 - Follows: 591 - Updated: 1/26/2011 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Complete
Challenging Humanity by mehek18 reviews
Bella Swan is mute and new to Forks High School. Edward Cullen is the popular, but sweet, captain of the Varsity team. Bella hides away from attention, but what happens when she catches the eye of the captain and his friends? AH AU CANON. Now ALL EDITTED
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 26 - Words: 119,696 - Reviews: 709 - Favs: 777 - Follows: 642 - Updated: 1/21/2011 - Published: 9/1/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Twilight Chronicles by Jammeke reviews
Things the character would say—if I had anything to say about it.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 9,736 - Reviews: 531 - Favs: 479 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 10/1/2010 - Published: 1/8/2009 - Complete
Falling for a Superstar by DareToDream17 reviews
Bella is dragged along to see the famous Cullen Brothers in concert and even worse, meet them. Things do not go as she plans when she makes a big entrance and catches a certain superstar's eye. The arrogant superstar finally meets his match.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 45,245 - Reviews: 397 - Favs: 227 - Follows: 206 - Updated: 9/23/2010 - Published: 12/12/2009 - Bella, Edward
Death and Poison by Lovenyx125 reviews
Edward never came back in New Moon and Jasper left because of the onslaught of painful emotions. 50 years later, when Victoria is about to attack, the Cullen's go to the Volturi for help. Aro lends them his best fighters Death and Poison. But why do Death and Poison seem so familiar?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 53 - Words: 62,172 - Reviews: 1585 - Favs: 597 - Follows: 435 - Updated: 6/8/2010 - Published: 5/20/2009 - Complete
Here We Go Again by emmettlover24 reviews
SEQUAL TO 'I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN'. What happens when Edward leaves Bella again. Bella runs into a new coven and ends back up with the Volturi. Then not only do the Cullen's come back, but also a enemy of Bella's. Who is this mystery girl with the Cullens?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,071 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 4/8/2010 - Published: 2/26/2010 - Edward, Bella
I Will See You Again by emmettlover24 reviews
Bella gets kidnapped by the Volturi the night before hers and Edwards wedding. The Volturi changes Bella. They won't let her call or see the Cullens. 107 years later she goes to Forks on a mission and runs into them. Will they recongnize her?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 34 - Words: 65,617 - Reviews: 791 - Favs: 570 - Follows: 286 - Updated: 2/25/2010 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Snow in Fall by Kungfuvampiredragon reviews
Paul imprinted on a boy, and he thought he was gay, but he found out the boy was actually a girl. PaulxOC. Ch. 22 is up!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 107,034 - Reviews: 689 - Favs: 401 - Follows: 365 - Updated: 2/24/2010 - Published: 3/25/2009 - Paul
Unfinished Business by HourGlassGirl reviews
Edward left Bella after her birthday, Jake and the pack didn’t get to her in time when Laurent found her and she was changed. What happens thirty years later when the Cullen’s return to Forks and find Bella a vampire?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 19 - Words: 53,484 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 172 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 12/25/2009 - Published: 4/11/2009 - Edward, Bella
Bella with the Volturi by CullenCrazy360 reviews
What if the wolves were late... Laurent bit Bella and Edward never came back. The Volturi found her bleeding... 50 years later...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 35,282 - Reviews: 302 - Favs: 242 - Follows: 227 - Updated: 12/22/2009 - Published: 3/2/2009 - Bella, Edward
Guarding It All by Cherette reviews
Five years after Edward left, Bella finds herself in the hands of the Volturi. The thing is, she is still human. When the Cullens visit Volterra, how will they react to finding Bella working for the Volturi? Will she accept them back into her life? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 44 - Words: 177,960 - Reviews: 2871 - Favs: 1,238 - Follows: 933 - Updated: 11/24/2009 - Published: 10/21/2008 - Bella, Edward
Sacrifiction by MoldyMoo reviews
**AU SEQUAL TO NEOFICTION** Is that right anymore? Not-so-AU...Will Edward and Bella lose their only daughter? Where's Jacob Black been all these years? DISCONTINUED
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,166 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 6/19/2009 - Published: 8/9/2008 - Complete
A Neverending Night of Sorrow by InsaneGrizzlies reviews
SEQUEL TO DUSK READ FIRST.With everyone torn apart and unhappy, things are not looking good for the separated Cullens.But some people just won't quit; an age-old dispute is brewing and the only way to live past it may just be the most deadly for everyone.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 62,395 - Reviews: 368 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 8/9/2008 - Complete
Unexpected Little Things by iloveeverythingyou reviews
What if the gorgeous Edward Cullen doesn't have the strength to stay away from Bella? What happens when he bites her on her first day in Forks? And what happens when it seems everyone is out to get them? Edward&Bella
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 40 - Words: 76,278 - Reviews: 1784 - Favs: 709 - Follows: 429 - Updated: 3/25/2009 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Unwelcome Past and True Eternity by Secret Hate of Indecision reviews
After Edward left Bella in Forks, 2 years later, Bella gets into a car accident and gets changed. But who changed her? And, 40 years later, Bella meets the Cullens in high school. Only...a lot has happened in 40 years. Lots of romance and fluff! R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 84,851 - Reviews: 694 - Favs: 718 - Follows: 333 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 7/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dusk by InsaneGrizzlies reviews
Bella was changed three years ago, and "joined" the Volturi. When she's sent to Forks, she finds not everything was how she thought it to be, and discovers a whole new way to life. But of course trouble won't wait for long.... AU. Finished!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 75,357 - Reviews: 443 - Favs: 312 - Follows: 154 - Updated: 8/9/2008 - Published: 3/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Without You by passionfornight reviews
Edward has gone hunting and Bella is left alone. With Bella being Bella we know that something is going to happen.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 28,328 - Reviews: 434 - Favs: 218 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 6/28/2006 - Published: 6/6/2006 - Bella, Edward - Complete