![]() Author has written 1 story for Fairy Tail. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. Come join the dark side - we have cookies! I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird? My favorite word is sarcasm. There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day. Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. Boys that make you cry aren't worth crying over; boys that are worth crying over won't make you cry. Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Life was so simple when boys had cooties I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator! I ran with scissors, and lived! Thanks Stephenie now I will NEVER get a man. I hear voices, and they don't like you. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems. You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on. It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken. (i m part brunette:D) Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway. FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandma, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Granny, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!" FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying BEST FRIENDS: Already has the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Bitch drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!" FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kicks his ass FRIENDS: Bail you outta jail BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night BEST FRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you in the process FRIENDS: Will be embarassed when all goes silent and you start to sing the song that has been stuck in your head for days BEST FRIENDS: Will be singing along with you FRIENDS: Tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping with you FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick BEST FRIENDS: Are there when you're sitting in a bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone FRIENDS:dare you to scream into the street BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!" BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the Hell out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you FRIENDS: Will tell you they know how you feel BEST FRIENDS: Will sit down and cry with you FRIENDS: Ask nicely for your stuff BEST FRIENDS: Just shout "GIMME" FRIENDS: Wait to call you at a reasonable hour BEST FRIENDS: Will call you at two in the freaking morning FRIENDS: Won't let you do stupid things BEST FRIENDS: won't let you do stupid things 'alone'. «FRIENDS: Will take you to buy a pregnancy test «BEST FRIENDS: Will stand right next to you screaming "NAME IT AFTER ME!" FRIENDS: Will buy you lunch BEST FRIENDS: Will eat yours FRIENDS: will come and ask you to get a drink with her if some strange boy grabs you on the dance floor and you need an 'out'. BEST FRIENDS: Will push herself in between you and the punk, wrap her arms around you, and say. "I'm sorry she's here with me, find your own date." FRIENDS: Will not try anything that will embarass you while near your crush. BEST FRIENDS: Will cackle evily and try to push you 'by accident' into him while standing next to him. FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Return your stuff right away. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. FRIENDS: FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. Friends: Will share their candy. Here are some sayings that I love: “I have a life, I just choose not to use it.” “Kill your enemies. Kill your friends’ enemies. Kill your friends.” “I’m a pyrotechnition. If you see me running, try to keep up.” “You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun on your shoulder!” “Last night I was looking up at the stars wondering… WHERE THE HECK IS MY CEILING?” “Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?” “Violence is always the answer, and if it’s not solving all of your problems, you simpy aren’t using enough of it.” “Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon.” “You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?” “Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?” “We are not retreating… we are advancing in another direction.” “I’m right ninety-seven percent of the time. Who cares about the other four percent?” “They say ‘Guns don't kill people, people kill people.’ Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. That depends on whether you’re in a nursing home or not.” “If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” “Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!” “If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.” “Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door…” “If at first you don't succeed, blame it on bad parenting.” “Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.” “Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.” “I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.” “I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.” “You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.” “Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.” “When life throws you lemons, cut ’em open and squirt the juice in its eye.” "When life throws you lemons, throw a brick back.” “When life throws you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.” “When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 2 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them." “Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.” "Never say 'Things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge." "The light at the end of the tunnel is the train coming." "Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head." "I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again." “Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss." "Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you’ve been good this year… he died laughing." “It’s not dead till you poke it with a stick.” “Fire is a good servant, but a terrible master.” “There are too many wishes, and not enough stars.” “Dude. Calm down. It’s gym class.” “Either snow it up for a snow day or don’t snow at all!” “Facebook is like a refrigerator. You check it when you’re bored but nothing ever changes.” "Gotta go. I’m not really going anywhere, but neither is this conversation.” “I cry, I feel better. Then I remember why I’m crying and cry harder.” “I do know, I just don’t feel like telling you!” “Santa Claus is a creeper. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, he comes down your chimney in the middle of the night with a giant sack of toys--see what I mean?” “I have six locks on my door. Whenever I go out I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they’re always locking three.” “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” “It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.” “He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.” “When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.” “A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now.” “Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.” “I learned law so well. The day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” “Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.” “Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.” “If you're going through hell, keep going.” “I wanna be just like Barbie; that bitch has everything!” “You can’t spell slaughter without laughter.” “To the world, you are one person. But to one person, you are the world.” “Would you like a side of epic with that fail?” “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” “Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.” “When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.” “There are worse things than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?” “What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” “There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.” “The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.” “Knowing is half the battle. The other half is punching someone in the face.” “I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.” “Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.” “Some say the glass is half empty; some say the glass is half full. I say, “are you gonna drink that?” “All people have the right to stupidity. Some abuse the privilege.” “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?” “They say no one is perfect. Well, I’m no one.” “Do not drink and drive--you might spill the drink.” “When life gives you lemons say “screw you” and go find an orange.” “Never argue with an idiot. They’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.” “A word to the wise isn’t necessary--it’s the stupid people that need the advice.” “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, that way, when you yell, the name will carry.” “Get your facts straight, then distort them as you please.” “Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?” “How many people have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.” “I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” “I wear a necklace ‘cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.” "I don’t forgive people because im weak. I forgive people because I’m strong enought to realize that everyone makes mistakes." "By the power vested in me, I now pronouce you deleted and blocked! You may now kiss my ass!" "If Barbie’s not a slut… then why do we have to buy her boyfriends?" "If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question." "You think I’m screwed up? You should meet the rest of my family!" "The shit you heard about me might be real… Then again it might be as fake as the bitch who told you." "Money can’t buy you happiness, but somehow crying in a Porche is a lot more comforting than crying on a bicycle." "Forgive your enemy, but remember the fucker’s name." "Help a man when he is in trouble, and he will remember you next time he is in trouble." “Alchohol doesn’t solve any problems, but neither does milk." "Three out of two people have trouble with fractions." "He said… 'Why do you wear a bra? You have nothing to put in it.' She said… 'You wear pants, don’t you?' " "Best friends. We’re the kind of people who laugh at a joke three times. The first time, when it’s told. The second, when someone explains it. The third, five minutes later when we actually get it." "Pain doesn’t hurt when it’s all you’ve ever felt." "We’re not sarcastic - We’re hilarious. We’re not annoying - We’re just cooler than you. We’re not mean - We just don’t like you. And we’re not obsessed - We’re just best friends." "When people you don’t even know hate on you, you know you’re the shit!" "Friends help you with your crack addiction. Best friends are the ones who sold it to you." "Got acne? Just ask your girlfriend what to do. Oh, that’s right! You don’t have a girlfriend!" "We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police." "The world is going to hell, and I am driving the bus." "I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug." "If you can’t convince them, confuse them." "If Google didn’t exsist, we’d all be screwed." "If you had a broken heart, you’d be dead. So shut up." "They keep saying the right person will come along… I think a truck hit mine!" "We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be NEW friends!" "The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns left." "Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home." "Having children is hereditary. If your parents never had children, odds are you won’t either." "A classic is a book that is much praised, but rarely read." "My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." "We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public." "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." "If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining." "If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments." "How is it one careless match to start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?" "I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you." "I saw a woman wearing a shirt that said 'Guess' on it… so I said 'Implants?' " "Crowded elevators smell different to midgets." "The main reason Santa’s so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live." "It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end." "My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too." "I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die." "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I’m going to mop the floor with you’re face.' I said, 'You’ll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.' " "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?" "After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF!" "What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time…' A southern fairytale begins 'Ya’ll ain’t gonna believe this shit…' " "Déjà vu - When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before, it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends." "Life’s a bitch, ‘cause if it was a slut, it’d be easy." "You know, they gotta luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like 'Fuck it - just grab a pile of shit. We’ll get a bag at the airport.' " "Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends." "There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch fire to learn that it’s hot." "People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened." "What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon." "A friend is someone who will help you move. A BEST friend is someone who will help you move a dead body." "How do you get a sweet, little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet, little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!" "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole more as they get older. Then it dawned on me… they were cramming for their finals." "Don’t piss me off! I’m running outta places to hide the bodies!" "I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying." "Constipated people don’t give a crap." "Regular naps prevent old age… Especially if you take them while driving." "English people have different ways of saying things. We say 'elevator' they say 'lift.' We say 'president' they say 'stupid psychopathic git.' " "Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot." "Adults are always telling me that there are starving children in Africa who would love my food, so I'm gonna walk up to a starving child and tell them that there are obese children in America who would love to be as skinny as them." "No te compliques, cada dia nos brinda algo distinto, !Aqui y ahora!, no te apendejes." 98% of girl teens would cry their ass off if they saw Justin Beiber get hit by a car. If you are one of the 3% who would say "Finally my ears will stop bleeding" post this on your profile If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile. Chocolate is YUMMY! If you are a chocoholic, copy and paste this to your profile. If several inanimate objects just seem to hate you (STUPID COMPUTER!) copy and paste this to your profile. If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile. If you can't live without music copy and paste this on your profile. If you love Fanfiction.net, copy and paste this into your profile. 95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 ft tall building about to jump. If you are some of the 5% who brought popcorn and friends, copy and paste this to your profile If Joe Jonas was about to jump off the Eiffel Tower 95% of all the girls in the world would die. Would you be one of the 5% with popcorn yelling "do a flip!"? If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventilated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile If you have ever done anything stupid in your life, copy and paste this into your profile If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. Copy this and paste it on your profile if you think sarcasm is a conditioned reflex. If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile! If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile. FAKE ASS FRIENDS & REAL FRIENDS...WHICH DO YOU HAVE? FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong. REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!" FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you. "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed." ”Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.” "Dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives." "We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police." "The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble." “Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.” "God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends." "Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge." "If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days." "At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other." "If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it." "The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'" "If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all." “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” Girl Comebacks! Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the ends of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I could see you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together. Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together. Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing. Man: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Woman: About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell. Man: It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out. Woman: Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else. Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone. Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts. Man: May I see you pretty soon? Woman: Don't you think I'm pretty now? Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep. Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave. Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. or Stop. Man: I'd go through anything for you. Woman: Let's start with your bank account. Man: May I have the last dance? Woman: You've just had it Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world? Man: So you wanna go back to my place? Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? Girls, copy and paste this on your profile! |
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