Hi there! Welcome to my profile. I love reading, and occasionally indulging my imagination with writing. I enjoy reading both het and slash. Just a warning, I'm a sporadic updater at best. I write when inspiration strikes, no more. I believe that forcing myself to write would do both myself and my stories injustice. My writing is also 100% self-indulgent-- I write what makes me happy, so don't expect literary masterpieces here. Feel free to pm me whenever! And reviews are always, always welcome. I read each and every one of them.

Just some general information about me:

Age: Older than 13, younger than thirty.

Gender: Female

Name: None of your business

Hobbies: Reading fanfiction, reading in general, watching movies, Solitaire, listening to music, etc.

Favorite pairings:

Harry Potter-- Tom Riddle or Voldemort/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Luna Lovegood

Naruto-- Itachi/Naruto, Kakashi/Naruto, Gaara/Naruto and occasionally Sasuke/Naruto (I do prefer Sasuke's older brother though)

Hikaru no Go-- Sai/Hikaru

Final Fantasy 7-- Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aerith, Vincent/Cloud (thanks, Esama)

Bleach-- Byakuya/Hisana, Gin/Rangiku, Ishida/Nemu, Ichigo/Rukia, Byakuya/Ichigo

Prince of Tennis-- Fuji/Ryoma, Tezuka/Ryoma

Katekyo Hitman Reborn-- Reborn/Tsuna, 18/27, 69/27

Fullmetal Alchemist-- Roy/Ed

Eyeshield 21-- Shin/Sena, Sena/Everyone

Kuroko no Basuke-- GoM/Kuroko, Akashi/Kuroko

Teen Wolf-- Peter/Stiles

Twilight-- Aro/Bella

Fanart:

Yay, still can't believe that people actually drew stuff for my stories!!!! The links are posted below :)

Aihi8 has drawn a beautiful picture of Hisana and Rukia together: aihi8.deviantart.com/art/Hisana-and-Rukia-539795826

The wonderful Brokenteeth has done an amazing job also, at yuuin.tumblr.com/image/121699681350. Seriously, if you have time, check it out it's awesome

Current Works in Progress:

Announcement: I've decided to start a tumblr account for my works (mainly WTL). The url is cooliogirl101.tumblr.com (coolio101 was taken grr) and on it, I'll post short drabbles, unfinished excerpts from future chapters, answer any questions you may have, omakes from past rewards, etc. This is largely experimental, but if you guys show an interest, I'll continue it :)

6/10/15

Okay, finished chapter 14 of WTL faster than expected. Going on vacation, so next update won't be until the end of July, probably. Hopefully the long chapter this time makes up for that :) Also, if anyone does any fanart for this story, I will love you forever

6/2/15

Posted chapters 11, 12 and 13 of Walk Two Lifetimes. Target date for next update is June 19, so keep your fingers crossed for that :) No promises though

4/5/15

Chapters 9 and 10 of Walk Two Lifetimes posted. Chapter 11 maybe 10 percent done? Idk I have it planned out but have some problems with actually writing it. Expect an update early May or so.

3/17/15

Chapter 9 of WTL is 80% done and will likely be posted at the end of this month. I have some preliminary plans for Chapter 10, so hopefully I can get started on that soonish too.

3/6/15

Posted Chapter 8 early, Chapter 9 is ten percent done. My muse is actually inspired for once so lets hope this lasts.

3/4/15

Chapter 8 is fifty percent done! Hopefully I'll get around to posting it sometime this month :)

2/13/15

Byakuya Interlude posted, next chapter is about 5% done.

12/8/14

The next chapter is taking a bit longer than expected to write, but I've mostly gotten around the massive writer's block I've been having and it's about 40% done now. I'll probably post it around next week or so, hopefully.

10/19/14

Walk Two Lifetimes: Byakuya Interlude is about 25% done, and will probably be posted after the next chapter. Chapter 6 is roughly 5% done and will hopefully be posted around Thanksgiving?

9/28/14

From Homeless Thief to Vampire Queen: Hiatus for now. Can't really scrounge up any interest in this fandom anymore, sorry.

Walk Two Lifetimes: New story! Currently have the next two chapters pretty much completely planned out, and after that...only a vague idea of where I want to take things, so updates will probably slow down after Chapter 6. My muse seems to be pretty happy with this story so far, so expect updates soonish. As soon as I figure out how the hell I'm going to go about not failing school.

7/5/13

From Homeless Thief to Vampire Queen: Finally updated! I don't have any plans of abandoning this story, but updates will be few and far between. However, I do plan on updating again this summer. To be honest, I've lost a lot of interest in Twilight. Canon!Bella pisses me off a lot, which is probably why I go out of my way to make my Bella as different as possible. Still, writing this is too fun for me to give it up, at least for now.

Searching for a Silver Lining-- On hiatus. Like with Twilight, I'm also taking a break from Harry Potter. While I still occasionally read it, I currently have zero inspiration for writing it, and I apologize for that.

(\_/)
(o.o) This is Bunny.

Favorite Witty/Funny Lines/Insults (NOT MINE) :

- "When you were born something terrible happened; you lived."

- "I don't know what makes you tick, but I hope it's a time bomb."

- "I like you, I have no taste, but I like you."

- "You were born at home, but when your mother saw you she went to the hospital."

- "Someday you'll go far, and I hope you stay there."

- "Next time you give your clothes away, stay in them."

- "Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go."

- "You're something that someone would only meet in a nightmare."

- "You have such a big mouth; you could eat a banana sideways."

- "There's only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in half; I don't want two of you around."

- "Was the ground cold when you crawled out this morning?"

- "If you ever need a friend, you'll have to get a dog."

- "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."

- "I will always cherish the initial misconception I had about you."

- "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

- "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."

- "You do serve at least one useful purpose in life, as a horrible example."

- "I'm busy now; can I ignore you some other time?"

- "Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?"

- "It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."

- "Don't say things like that; it just makes you sound stupid. In fact, don't talk at all. It just makes you sound stupid."

- "Thinking isn't your strong point, is it?"

- "If I've said anything to offend you, I mean it."

- "I would love to insult you, but you wouldn't understand."

- "One good thing about you, you’re easy to ignore."

-"Why do you get up in the morning?"

- "You're a person of rare intelligence; it's rare when you show any."

- "Hey, I’m sorry, I’m not being rude; it’s just that you don’t matter."

- "I wish we were better strangers."

- "I'd explain it to you, but I don't have any crayons with me."

- "Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?"

- "Are you a moron, or are you possessed by a retarded ghost?"

- "Don't try so hard, I couldn't like you any less."

- "You’re having delusions of competence."

- "I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared"

- "I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect."

- "Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

- "Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids."

- "The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."

- "Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back."

- "Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."

- "If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people get married more than once?"

-" I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere."

- "On the other hand, you have different fingers."

- "Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."

- "It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living."

- "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."

-"Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs."

-"When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia."

-"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"

-"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

-"Murderer? Well, that's a harsh word. I prefer to think of myself as a Mortality Technician."

-"Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry."

-"The "bishop" came to my church today.. that guy was an imposter, he never once moved diagonally."

-"Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from."

-"Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy."

-"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."

-"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."

-"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."

-"Caution: I drive like you do."

-"Why can't you be a non-conformist like everybody else?"

-"Out Of My Mind; Back In Five Minutes"

-"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."

-"I told my wife she should treat me like a fine wine... -- She locked me in a dark cellar..."

-"Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge"

-"If God intended men to smoke, He would have set him on fire."

-"Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?"

-"Cause of death: drowned in absurdity."

-"Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it."

-"Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement."

-"Earn cash in your spare time, blackmail your friends."

-"I never pirated it...it was donated. by the file fairy. I put a blank CD under my pillow at night.."

-"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."

-"Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens."

-"Those who fail history class are doomed to repeat it."

-"Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children."

-"If you're at the airport and see mistle toe above the conveyor belt... You can kiss your luggage goodbye!"

-"FATAL ERROR: Size of thought exceeds available memory."

-" "My dad wants to show he's not mad by taking you out hunting with him" "

-"We totally deny the allegations, and we're trying to identify the allegators."

-"How to get out of a speeding ticket: Always carry a cooler with a big red cross on it - 'Officer, I MUST get to the hospital' "

-"When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions."

-"No shoes, No shirt, No service.. So do I have to wear pants?"

-"On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say... oh, somewhere in there."

-"If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous."

-"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change."

-"Bob's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!"

-"When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting."

-"If spelling tests tell you how well you spell, then what do urine tests tell you?"

-"The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon."

-"I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars."

-"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."

-"No, I don't trust in god. He'll have to pay up front, like everybody else."

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your nec k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?

Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?

Set sail in a general that way direction.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.

When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.

Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.

So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored

Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

Friend's will always be like “well you deserve better” but best friends will be prank calling him saying “you will die in seven days”

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil

Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.

“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”

Yes, life can always get better, but worse is more likely. (I personally came up with this one.)

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live.

The White man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK,
hen I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism.

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

FEMALE COMEBACKS!!
pick up line comebacks, add to it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

This has got to be one of the most clever
brainteasers I've seen in a while.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

FUNERAL:
When you rearrange the letters:
REAL FUN

Beware! For my place of employment has given me a NEW weapon...THE BUBBLE WRAP!

'I wished upon a falling star to make me stronger. It came true because the next day I was able to stand while watching you walk away.'

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils"

If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing

Two wrongs may not make a right, but three rights make a left.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

The worst time to have a heart attack is when you’re playing charades. No one will believe you.

I’m not sleeping. I’m just looking at the insides of my eyelids

Hear no evil. See no evil. Make some evil

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Tu madre! Yes, you just got burned in Spanish. Would you like some ice for that Spanish burn?

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

I am a fruit-loop in a world full of Cheerios.

You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes.

Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

after a year in therapy my psychiatrist said "maybe life isn't for everyone"

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!

We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do?

Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer.

Directions to Llama-land:
Left at the rainbow, Right at the unicorn. And if you've passed the penguin, you've gone too far.

heads or tails? heads: your mine, tails: im yours

When the world is ending, I'm throwing the party!

Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

if payback's a bitch and revenge is sweet then im the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet

i know you're probably thinking...OH NO SHE DIDN'T! but i just totally did ;D

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned."

They say greener grass on the other side but its probably just artificial turf.

Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for.

Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you.

If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

'Make a bet with me, and I will win. Fight me, and you will loose. Tell me I can't, and I will. Tell me to, and I won't. Dare me, and I'll do it. Say I can, and I will.'

'Try and run from me and I'll trip you before I kick your ass.'

'If I had a baseball bat I'd hit you with it.'

'Try me and see what you get.'

'Hurt the ones I love about again and I will show you the meaning of hell on Earth'

'Touch me and you will loose your life.'

'You really shouldn't have pissed off the person who can make your life a living hell.'

'I'll protect my friends because I know they're worth protecting.'

'I don't give crap what they said because everybody has a talent. they are wrong and I know you can be the best you are.'

'Do you really want to try and hurt me?'

"He who laughs last didn't get it."

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility

agree with me now- it will saw sooo much time

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

You call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing.

We're not sarcastic, we're hilarious. We're not annoying, we're just cooler than you. We're not bitches, we just don't like you. We're not obsessed, we're just best friends.

I'm not afriad of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?

It doesn't matter whether the glass if half-full or half-empty. Just drink the damn thing and get it over with.

Remember, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, twenty-eight to smile, but hey, it only takes four to reach out and to punch someone.

Advice is what we ask for when we already have the answer but wish we didn't.

Don'y play games with a girl who can play better.

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is not.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame

The past. It's done. It's unchangeable. Move on.

Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it all together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength.

No one was perfect...well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

The best things in life are unseen. That's why we colse our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who never will. So don't worry about the people in your past. There is a reason they didn't make it to your future.

Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do, and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Screw me over and I'll do it to you twice as hard. Call me crazy, but you really have no idea.

If it wasn't for physics and the law, hell, I'd be unstoppable.

Fear nothing. Risk everything.

Growing old is mandatory...but growing up my friends, well that is optional.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why people appear bright until you hear them speak.

With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good...

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.

Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.'

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Forever isn't as long as it use to be.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

FINE= the real definition:

F.reaked Out

I.nsecure

N.uerotic

E.motional

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face

Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,

Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,

Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,

Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,

Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,

Calling me FAT wont make you PERFECT,

So why bother?

Really Good Questions

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
What is Satan's last name?
Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"?
If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?
Do they bury people with their braces on?
How far east can you go before you're heading west?
How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?
If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.
If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still considered a virgin?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a New York driver's license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has expired?
What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?
Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
Can you daydream at night?
Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?
Can crop circles be square?
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Can animals commit suicide?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?
Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?
Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?
If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
Do prison buses have emergency exits?
Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
Can a black person join the kkk?
When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?
If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?
If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?
Who was Sadie Hawkins?
If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?
What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?
If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?
Do you yawn in your sleep?
Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?
If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?
Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?
How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.
Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
Why can't donuts be square?
Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?
What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object?
If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?
Why do overalls have bel loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?
Do people in prison celebrate halloween... if so how?
Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?
Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?
What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?
What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king?
Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
How come cats butts go up when you pet them?
What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time?
How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?
Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?
Why are dogs noses always wet?
If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?
Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation?
Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ass?
Do bald people get Dandruff?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Can you cry under water?
Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?
If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
How come all of the planets are spherical?
How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off?
when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords?
Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?
Why do they put holes in crackers?
Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?
What do people in China call their good plates?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs?
Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?
Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US?
Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?
If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?
What are the handles for corn on the cob called?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer?
Do your eyes change color when you die?
Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials?
If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?
If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?
If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?
On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
What do you call male ballerinas?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?
Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee?
Can bald men get lice?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?
If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Does the postman deliver his own mail?
Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?
What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand?
Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?
Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space?
Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
Is "vice-versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant?
How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?
Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
Was Jesus a virgin when he died?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?'
If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?
If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anythong to do with steam
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?