Hi! My names Emily and im 15. I'll turn 16 in January and i can't wait!! I live in the US and I love reading fanfiction. I can't write very well so I pretty much will only read and review! :)

Thanks to cr8vgirl for putting these on her profile!

Some examples of why the human race has probably come so far (note the sarcasm). You know, not all people have IQ points of forty-five. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Dang it! My dream-self is going to miss fixing her hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(What the heck is THAT supposed to mean? And, besides...I use soap for sensitive skin!)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But...the box said that it was JUST a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time? Besides...whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(shakes head We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we could just stop 5 year-olds from hijacking cars and using forklifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(No, really?!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(OK...? Something obviously went wrong in the translation...I hope!)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(In other words, don't use if floating in outer space)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(Nuts are fine, but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid BIG bucks to write this one. Wow, two sentences! 'You're a big kid now!' applause)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise both hands if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, go ahead! Just destroy children's dreams left and right!)

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.