"If I had a leg for every time I fucked you, I'd be a god damn millipede." - A friend

"No Throm, you can't fit an entire man in your mouth with a 5." - No longer a friend

"Fuck you." - Anonymous

Now its time for some shit you won't even fuckin

"Why I Cry" by Ninja Sex Party (ya dumbass)

Lady, I

Have been told that you only date nice guys

Well, if that's how you judge a lover's worth

Your ass just hit paydirt

I'm the most sensitive man on God's green earth

Here's a rose bouquet

I also baked you some fresh crème brûlée

Now, mount this stallion and we shall ride

While also flying kites

Make love inside a rainbow through the night

And after sex, I'll cry

Cry

And also before sex, I'll cry

Cry

Girl, you know how I feel about you

It's like you're a fossil sample

And I'm an impatient paleontologist

'Cause I wanna date you badly

Watch a film with me

I love boring romantic comedies

Hop in my carriage, this is like your dream

Any movie we see

Can be a drive-in movie if we build up enough speed

Now it's almost dawn

I can communicate with newborn fawns

Now they'll perform an ancient forest dance

That will melt off your pants

Take my junk by the hand

This is romance

And during sex I'll cry

Thinkin' about sex makes me cry

Even when I use a sextant I cry

(They measure angles!)

Cry

Sorry, was that too sensitive for you?

Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.

I'll just be over here, thinking about a duckling riding on the back of a puppy.

Also, the duckling is wearing a tiny cowboy hat

Slightly tilted

- - - - - IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR COMER - - - - -

- - - - - (this includes anyone else who is fellin a bit down today) - - - - -

yep

thats right

keep reading

almost there!!

just kidding you fricken moron! You just got beaned again you fuUUUCccck

ok here it is now

are you ready?

you sure?

surely you're sure??

like for sure???

reminds me of shirley temple tbh

remember that show?

you probably dont

i dont

i just saw a commercial about it once

but that doesn't count tho

ok...

here goes nothin...

alrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalright

youre a little bitch ;))))))))))))