my name is of no importance so you can call me Nilena.

My favorites are-

movie: Rent, Moulin Rouge, Producers, X-men, LOTR,
T.V. Show: Lost, Buffy, Angel, Grey's anatomy,
music: mostly rock like linkin park.

QOUTES:

LOST

Kate: Somebody's in there.
Jack: Sawyer.
Sawyer: Right behind ya, jackass.

Jack: to Kate about Sawyer All I'm going to get out of him is a snappy one-liner and if I'm real lucky, a brand new nickname.

Sawyer: I saw a guy lying there with an ankle holster. So I took the gun. Thought it might come in handy. And guess what?
shouts
Sawyer: I just shot a bear!

Jack: Stand up.
Sawyer: Why, you wanna see who's taller?

Jack: You picking up a little Korean there, Michael?
Michael: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know how to say "faster" and "idiot".

Hurley: to Sawyer, commenting on his glasses Dude! Looks like someone steamrolled Harry Potter

Kate: I can take care of myself
Sawyer: Yeah, real good care...
shouts
Sawyer: Me Kate. Me throw rock.

Grey’s Anatomy

Dr. Richard Webber: Just shut up and count backwards already

Dr. Meredith Grey: My mommy's a filthy whore.

Dr. Meredith Grey: I have custody of a penis?

Dr. Cristina Yang: Even George manages to get some action.
Dr. George O'Malley: Correction: George got some syphilis.

Dr. George O'Malley: to Alex You gave me syph!

Dr. Cristina Yang: about Burke He's seen me naked a thousand times.
Dr. George O'Malley: Bad! Bad images in my head!

Family Guy

Stewie Griffin: Hey, Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at McDonald's with a bag full of burgers. You know it's funny, I tried to walk home and, um, a lot of hungry deer walking around at this hour of the night and, um, oh here's where the story gets fun, uh, you may have noticed I'm missing an ear. Managed to, uh, pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-Eleven. So when you are ready to apologize, just talk into this cup

Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple

Brian Griffin: Hey Bartender! Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

Brian Griffin: Well, Peter, if you pull a party out of your ass you better stand up.

Chris Griffin: The government is here! Run, E.T.! Run!

Glen Quagmire: Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy!

Stewie Griffin: Oh, I must give you my e-mail address. It's loismustdie, all one word, at yahoo dot com

Peter has accidentally unleashed the 10 plagues
Peter Griffin: There has to be some explanation for this.
Brian Griffin: You want an explanation?
slaps Peter
Brian Griffin: GOD
slaps Peter
Brian Griffin: IS
slaps Peter
Brian Griffin: PISSED

Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

Stewie: What the deuce?

Peter Griffin: I'm going to go to the bathroom.
walks into an outhouse
Peter Griffin: Lois, I don't think it's a toilet. It's just a hole.
an animal knocks over the outhouse
Peter Griffin: OH! OH GOD IT'S EVERYWHERE! IT'S IN MY RACCOON WOUNDS!

You Might Be A redneck if you have used a barstool as walker

If you have worn a strap bra with a strapless dress you might be a redneck

If your NIPPLE has been bitten off by a BEAVER, then you might be a redneck.

Rent

Collins: sung In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or the way that she died!

about his parents message on the answering machine
Mark: There are times when we're dirt broke, hungry, and freezing, and I ask myself, why the hell am I still living here?
beat
Mark: And then they call. And I remember

Life Cafe Waiter: They all walk into the Life Cafe No, no, no, not tonight!
Mark: What?
Life Cafe Waiter: You always come here and never order a thing all night!
Mark: Not true, last week I had a tea!
Life Cafe Waiter: You couldn't pay.
Mark: Oh yeah...

Mimi: Give in to love or live in fear.

Maureen: You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends. But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.

Collins: Merry Christmas bitches!

All: To Dance!
Mimi: sung No way to make a living, masochisms, pain, perfection, muscle spasm, chiropractors, short-careers, eating disorders

Mark: And who are you two supposed to be?
Collins: Bond, James Bond
Angel: and Pussy Galore... in person

Mimi: There's only us, There's only this, Forget regret, Or life is your to miss, No other road, No other way, No day but today.

Angel: Hang on, hold this, honey.
He gives Collins his bag
Angel: I saw this on television once.
he overturns a trash can
Collins: Baby... whatcha doing?
Angel: You'll see.
He picks up the trash can and walks up the loft steps
Collins: You're drunk!
Angel: No I'm not!
he smashes the padlock with the trash can
Roger Davis: Watch your fingers!
Angel smashes the padlock again
Roger Davis: That's an all-service woman you got there, Collins.
Collins: the padlock falls off That's my girl!
They high five, Collins gives him back his bag
Collins: Here you go, baby. You gonna put the trash can back?
Angel: No!

Roger Davis: You were the song all along/ and before this song dies... / I should tell you, I should tell you/ I have always loved you/ you can see it in my eyes... Mimi!

Collins: about Roger This boy could use some STOLI!

Collins: So with a thousand sweet kisses...
Angel: If you're cold and you're lonely.
Collins: ...I'll cover you. With a thousand sweet kisses...
Angel: You've got one nickel only.
Collins: ...I'll cover you.
Angel: With a thousand sweet kisses...
Collins: When you're worn out and tired.
Angel: ...I'll cover you. With a thousand sweet kisses... I'll cover you!
Collins: When your heart has expired!
Collins, Angel: Oh lover, I'll cover you!

Gordon: I'm a New Yorker. Fear's my life.

Maureen: There will always be women in rubber flirting with me...

Mark: This is not my bar mitzvah

Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung I can't control
Roger Davis: Sung Control your temper
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung My destiny
Roger Davis: Sung She doesn't see
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung I trust my soul
Roger Davis: Sung Who says that there's a soul
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung My only goal, is just to be
Roger Davis: Just let me be!
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung in time with Roger There's only now, there's only here. Give into love, or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today.
Roger Davis: Sung Who do you think you are? Barging in on me and my guitar. Little girl hey, the door is that way.
Mimi: Sung No day but today.
Roger Davis: Sung The fire's dead anyway.
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung No day but today.
Roger Davis: Sung Take your powder, take your candle.
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung No day but today.
Roger Davis: Sung Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silouette.
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung No day but today.
Roger Davis: Sung Another time, another place, another round, a warm embrace.
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung No day but today.
Roger Davis: Sung Another dance another way, another chance, another day
Collins, Mark, Mimi, Angel: Sung No day but today.

Roger Davis, Mark: On answering machine Speeeeeeeeeeeak.
Beep

Collins, Mark, Maureen, Mimi, Joanne, Angel, Roger Davis: To people living with, living with, living with... not dying from disease. Let he among us without sin be the first to condem La Vie Boheme

Joanne: This is weird.
Mark: It's weird.
Joanne: Very weird
Mark: Fucking weird.
Joanne: I'm so mad that I don't know what to do. Fighting with microphones, freezing down to my bones, and to top it all off, I'm with you!
Mark: Feel like going insane? Got a fire in your brain, and you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
Joanne: As a matter of fact...
Mark: Honey, I know this act: It's called... the tango Maureen.

Maureen: in a very slinky rubber cat suit on New Year's Eve - talking to Mark's camera Hii-yah! Whatchu want, huh?
Mark: Filming her You can take the girl outta Hicksville, but you can't take the Hicksville outta the girl.

Mark: sung The opposite of war isn't peace!
Joanne: What is?
Mark: It's creation!

Mark: I feel like I just sold my soul.
Joanne: Yeah, for $3000 a segment!

Mimi, Angel: sung To hand crafted beers made in local breweries, to yoa, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese. To leather, to dildoes to curry vindaloo. To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou.
Collins, Maureen: sung Emotion, devotion to causing a commotion. Creation, vacation...
Mark: sung Mucho Masturbation

Mimi, Joanne: I'd be happy to die for a taste of what Angel had! Someone to live for, unafraid to say I love you.

Maureen, Mimi, Joanne: I die without you

Joanne: sung She cheated!
Mark: sung She cheated!
Joanne: sung Maureen cheated!
Mark: sung Fucking cheated!

Mimi: Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

Collins, Mark, Roger, Angel, Ali, Paul, Steve, Pam: sung Will I lose my dignity?
Collins, Mark, Roger, Angel, Ali, Paul, Steve, Pam: sung Will someone care?
Collins, Mark, Roger, Angel, Ali, Paul, Steve, Pam: sung Will I wake tomorrow, from this nightmare?

Mark: Hey look, all our shit's back.

Life Cafe Waiter: sung So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad, three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platters, and one pasta with meatless balls.
Roger: Ugh!
Collins: It tastes the same.
Mimi: If you close your eyes!

Collins, Mark, Maureen, Roger, Mimi, Joanne: No day but today!

Mimi: You were always runaway, hit the road, don’t commit, YOUR FULL OF SHIT!

Buffy: about a demon and a vampire You get fangs, I'll get horny... I mean.

Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Oz: We attack the Mayor with humus.
Cordelia: I stand corrected.

to Jonathan
Xander: Oh! Oh! He's like, your kryptonite.

Spike: Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey.
Riley: Because you are.
Spike: Well... yeah. But that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture, you're never gonna be able to hold onto her.

Anya and Willow are about to do a spell
Anya: This isn't gonna get all sexy, is it?
Willow: I'd be shocked.

Buffy: We saved the world. I say we party.

Willow: Happy hunting.
Buffy: Wish me monsters.

Andrew: Get out of my brain!

Anya: It's like we live in Slayer Central. I swear, if Buffy rooms or boards one more of the potential girls, I'm gonna call a health inspector.
Spike: I like my plan better. Get up, get out, get drunk, repeat as needed. It's just more elegant.

Buffy: You know me, not much with the damseling.

Spike: You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head, they'd at least make it so that I could attack criminals and that sort.
Buffy: Right, because muggers deserve to be eaten. You'll just have to get your rocks off fighting demons.
Spike: looking at her suggestively There are other ways.
Buffy: And to that, an extreme "See you later."

Buffy: I now have my weapons categorized from A to Z, from "axe" to..."zee other axe".

Spike: Oh, poor little lost girl. She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love.
Buffy: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot. Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in? Your job is to kill the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes.
Spike: I'm in love with you.
Buffy: You're in love with pain. Admit it. You like me... because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up?
Spike: Hello. Vampire. I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. What's your excuse?

Willow: Ask her to dance.
Riley: Right. Dance. Wait. No.
Willow: What's the matter?
Riley: I can't dance.
Willow: Then, talk. Keep eye contact. Funny is good, but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel.
Riley looks frightened
Willow: A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.

Spike: Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.
Buffy: Spike...
Spike: It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me you bloody well better use that 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you.
Buffy: I just told you it did.
Spike: I know, I hear you say it, but... I've lived for sodding ever, Buffy, I've done everything. I've done things with you I can't spell, but I've never been close. To anyone, least of all you; until last night. All I did was hold you, and watch you sleep, and it was the best night of my life. So I'm yeah. Terrified.

Buffy has said that Spike only loved her because she was unattainable
Spike: You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I'd prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker; I follow my blood, which does not always rush in the direction of my head. So I've made a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you, it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.
Buffy: I don't... I don't want to be the one.
Spike: I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.

Buffy: What part of punching you in the face do you not understand?

Buffy: jumps down from window What are you doing here?
Spike: I...
Buffy: Five words.
Spike: counts on his fingers Out... for... a... walk.
Spike: pause ... bitch!

repeated line
Faith: Five by five

Buffy: See, that's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple, really. You slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell, and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll come across a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it.

Spike: Drink?
Buffy: A world of no. So any idea what's causing this?
Spike: Oh. So that's all. You just come to pump me for information?
Buffy: What else would I want to pump you for? I really just said that, didn't I?

Drusilla: as The First What reason do you have to live?
Spike: Her. Because she believes in me.

Anya: We're just kinda thrown by the, you having sex with Spike.
Buffy: The who whatting how with huh?
Anya: Okay, that's denial. That comes before anger.
Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike.
Anya: Anger.
Xander: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact but well-muscled...
Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike, but I'm starting to think you are.

Jenny Calendar: Well, you really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Giles: Well, I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
Jenny Calendar: That's not where I dangle it.

to Giles
Cordelia: God, you really were the little youthful offender. You must just look back at that and cringe.

Xander: Uh-huh. Go away.
Spike: Now why would I do that when it's bugging you so much having me here? They have chicken wings, too. Also, a sort of a flower-shaped thing made from an onion. It's brilliant.
Xander: Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?
Spike: Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip won't zap me. I could eat you that way, beats the onion thing to Hell.

Willow: Our friends are in trouble. Now, we have to put our heads together and get them out of it. And it you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!
Cordelia: We're sorry.
Xander: We'll be good

Spike: I'm insane. What's his excuse?

Xander: Being popular isn't so great. Or so I've read in books.

Buffy: Can you vague that up for me?

Spike: Dawn, I get that you're scared, but I'm your sitter, so mind me. I'm not about to let any of those buggers lay so much as a warty digit on you.

Giles: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her.
Buffy: What'd she make you do?
Giles: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance. Then we ate cookie dough, and talked about boys.
Buffy: laughing I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my "fun time Buffy party night" involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, so if you wanna trade... no... wait... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.

the gang is fighting a troll
Anya: How can I help?
Willow: Uh, distract him from Buffy. Uh, piss him off.
Anya: I don't know how!
Willow: Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off.

Willow: I wish Buffy was here!
Buffy: I'm here!
Willow: I wish I had a million dollars!
everyone stares ant her
Willow: Just checking.

Spike: And just what brings our good principal to this neck of the gloom?
Buffy: I'm showing him our operation. Us.
Spike: Fine by me. Big fight against evil coming up. The more good guys we've got, the longer we'll all live.
Principal Robin Wood: Is that what you are? A good guy?
Spike: I haven't heard any complaints. Well, I have heard a few complaints over the years, but then I just killed whoever spoke up, and that was pretty much that.
Buffy: He's joking.
Spike: No, I'm not.

Joyce: I... love... what you've neglected to do with the place.

Willow: I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow.
Willow: Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a "meow" before.

Faith: I've had my share of losers, but you - you boinked the undead.

Faith: You can't trust guys.
Buffy: You can trust some guys. Really, I've read about them.

Buffy: Hey. Look at us. We came up with a plan, a good plan.

Buffy: I can't believe you got into Oxford.
Willow: It's pretty exciting.
Oz: That's some deep academia there.
Buffy: That's where they make Gileses.
Willow: I know. I can learn, and have scones.

Buffy: What should we do with the trio over here? Should we burn them?
Willow: I brought marshmallows.

Willow: impersonating Vamp Willow I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!

Spike: How was your walk, pet?
Drusilla: I met an old man. I didn't like him. He got stuck in my teeth.

Spike: Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. Ah... God... I wish I was dead.

Willow: So, how did it go?
Xander: On a scale from one to ten? It sucked.

Xander: You're considered somewhat cool.
Oz: I am?
Xander: Is it because you always tend to express yourself in short, non-commital sentences?
Oz: Could be.

Buffy: I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it.
Xander: Yay?

Willow: This is so frustrating.
Oz: Nothing useful?
Willow: No, it's great. If we wanna make ferns invisible or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here.
Oz: Our lives are different than other people's.

Willow: When I'm with a boy I like I can't say anything cool, or witty - or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.

Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but... you know what I mean.

Xander: I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans.

Xander: Is it too much to ask for a little backup?
Buffy: I'm here for you Xand. I'm supporto gal.

Angel: I lurk.

Dawn: Lurk much?
Spike: I wasn't lurking, I was standin' about. It's a totally different vibe.

Xander: Are you ready to get down, you funky party weasel?

Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words.

Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander.
Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go? No, I don't mean that either.

Buffy: I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were.

Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
Angel: I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend.

Oz: So, do you steal weapons from the Army often?
Willow: Well, we don't get cable, so we have to make our own fun.

Spike: So when do we destroy the world, already?

Xander: Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're looking for, we're facing the apocalypse.
Spike: Really? You're not just saying that?

Xander: It's time for me to act like a man... and hide.

Buffy: You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend.

Xander: We're right behind you, only further back.

Xander: Yep, vampires are real. A lot of 'em live in Sunnydale. Willow 'll fill you in.
Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a lot.

Cordelia: So does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: I'm 17. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.

Willow: Xander, wanna stay and help me?
Xander: Are you kidding?
Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up.

Angel: I can walk like a man but I'm not one.

Buffy: We're not all gonna make it. You know that.
Spike: Yeah. Hey. Always knew I'd go down fightin'.
Buffy: I'm counting on you... to protect her.
Spike: Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight.

Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?

Cordelia: I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time.
Giles: Yes, do bring that up as often as possible.

Giles: I'll bring the weaponry.
Buffy: I'll bring the party mix.

Xander: Oooh gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.

Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with deadboy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?

Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh?

Buffy: Add it up, it all spells duh.

Buffy: Are you crazy? You just don't sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk, you stomp, or... yodel.

Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it, this is never good.

Buffy: Do you really love Xander?
Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet.

Buffy: God. I am so mentally challenged.

Buffy: Hey, I know. Why don't you kill them?
Giles: I'm a Watcher, I haven't the skill.
Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log.
Giles: A slayer slays. A watcher...
Buffy: Watches?

Buffy: I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.

Buffy: I don't get it. Why would anybody want to make a girl?
Xander: You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around?

Buffy: I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and it's just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale.

Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.

Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day.
Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything.
Willow: Wow, harsh.

Buffy: Love makes you do the wacky.

Buffy: You need a personality, stat.

Buffy: Oh look, a bad guy.

Buffy: Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit because that's how stupid I feel like saying this.

Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.

Buffy: She saw these scores and her head spun round and exploded.
Giles: I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?

Xander: Does anyone remember when Saturday night meant date night?
Cordelia: You sure don't.

Xander: Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person.

Xander: How could you let her go?
Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area on my jaw will attest, I did not "let" her go.

Xander: I don't get this. The candy is supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff-never mind.

Xander: What's taking you so long?
Spike: Give me a second I'm packing.
Spike starts loading things into a bag
Xander: Hey. That's my lamp, you can't steal my lamp.
Spike: You're what, shocked and surprised? Do I have to remind you that I am Evil?

Spike: I did a couple of slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag.

Buffy: When Giles sends me on a mission, he says "please." And afterwards I get a cookie.

Jenny Calendar: You're here again? You kids really dig the library don't you?
Buffy: We're literary.
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.

Willow: Nailing crosses around her doors I'm going to have a hard time explaining this to my dad.
Buffy: You really think this'll bother him?
Willow: Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go to Xander's house just to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year.
Buffy: Yeah, I see your point.
Willow: Although it is worthwhile just to see Xander do the Snoopy dance.

Buffy: Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
Giles: Oh, please.
Spike: Giles, make her stop.
Giles: If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.

Anya: This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
Xander: Okay, remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
Giles: Please don't.

Spike: I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away.
Xander: That's not exactly one of my fantasies, either.

Spike: We're out of Weetabix.
Giles: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all. Again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.

In response to being asked to fight a troll
Spike: I would, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.

Buffy: Every time you show up like this, you risk all your parts, you know that?
Spike: I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you and I... are you naked under there?
Buffy: Get out.
Spike: No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part...

Xander: All right, where is he? Where's the creep who turned me into a spider-eating man-bitch?
Buffy: He's gone.
Xander: Dammit. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm tired of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm through being everybody's butt-monkey.
Buffy: Check. No more butt-monkey.

to Giles
Jenny Calendar: You have got to read something that was published after 1066.

waking from a nightmare
Willow: Don't warn the tadpoles.

Giles: Only a true creature of evil can survive his touch.
Xander: So, what's the problem? We send Cordy to go fight this guy and we go for pizza.

Drusilla: We're going to destroy the world, wanna come?
Angel: No, I'm more interested in destroying the slayer.
Spike: Well, she's in the world so that should work out.

Cordelia: This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer's a basket case, I'd say we've hit bottom.
Xander: I have a plan.
Cordelia: Oh no, here's a lower place.

Buffy: Giles, are you sure about this?
Giles: Why wouldn't I be?
Buffy: Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer, have you ever run a store before?

Willie The Snitch: What are ya going to do with him?
Spike: I'm thinking maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush anything. I've been hurt before.

Spike: If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and move me.

Buffy: Spike, you're a killer. And I should've done this years ago.
Spike: You know what? Do it. Bloody just do it.
Buffy: What?
Spike: End... my... torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around. Take me... out of a world... that has you in it. Just kill me."

Buffy: Hi, Oz!
Oz: Hi.
Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
Oz: But you're not a rat. So call it an upside.

after Xanders basement leaks
Spike: My soddin' chairs all... sodden.

Spike takes a lackadaisical approach to saving Giles' life
Giles: You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me.
Spike: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cup o' tea, cup o' tea, almost got shagged, cup o' tea.

Spike: Uh... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I had done that... even if I didn't make it... you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways... Every night I save you.

Spike: I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore.

Spike: I wish I was dead.
Buffy: Well, if you close your eyes and wish real hard...

Xander: Hey, I happen to be...
Spike: A glorified bricklayer?
Xander: I'm also a swell bowler.
Anya: Has his own shoes.
Spike: The gods themselves do tremble.

Buffy: Spike loves me.
Xander starts laughing
Buffy: I'm not joking.
Xander: Oh, I hope not. It's funnier if it's true.

Joyce: Honey, did you lead him on in any way?
Buffy: Uh... I do beat him up a lot. For Spike, that's like third base.

Buffy: Have you completely lost your mind?
Spike: Well, duh, where have you been all night?

Spike is chained to a bathtub
Spike: I'll bloody kill you.
Buffy: What are you going to do, lick me to death?

to Warren
Andrew: You keep leaving me, I hate it when you leave me. One time you died and I became a Mexican.

Buffy: Giles, are you breaking up with you car?
Giles: Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty.
Buffy: Little two door tramp.

to the ghosts
Anya: Shut-up repressed crybabies.

Spike: Passions is on and Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll...
Giles: You'll what? Lick me to death?

Buffy: How did you do it? How'd you get your soul back?
Spike: Saw a man about a girl. I went to seek a legend out. Traveled to the other side of the world, made a deal with a demon.
Buffy: Just like that?
Spike: No, not just like that. There was a price. There were trials, torture, pain and suffering... of sorts.
Buffy: Of sorts?
Spike: Well it's all relative, isn't it?
Buffy: Meaning?
Spike: Meaning I have come to redefine the words pain and suffering since I fell in love with you.

Spike: singing I hope she fries./ I'm free if that bitch dies./... I'd better help her out.

Watching TV
Spike: Pacey, you blind idiot, can't you see she doesn't love you?

Spike: Nice job of blending in, girls.
Vi: We're a bunch of 15-year-olds in a demon bar. How much blending did you think we were gonna do?

Xander: Hey, I see sitting where there should be dancing.
Anya: Come share in the joy of our groove thang.
Willow: And despite that, I succumb to the beat.

Xander: Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us.
Oz: I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed.
Giles: I, ah, uh, uh.
Willow: Well maybe it doesn't work. Like a piece of art.

Xander: Also, sometimes I'll say something about Anya and Willow will get this look, this what-the-Hell-do-you-see-in-her look.
Spike: I know that look. A lot of people never really got Dru, you know.
Xander: She was insane.

Olaf: You there, do you know where there are babies?
Spike: to Xander What do you think, the hospital?

telling Buffy about a new assignment
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: You will go tonight. Look over his apartment. Anything of note, report back here.
Buffy: I just love it when you take charge, you man, you.

Buffy: I think we need to get him some fresh blood.
Willow: Do you want me to kill Anya?

Spike: Oh you have got to be joking. What now?
Giles: It has to access the cerebral cortex via the... optic nerve.
Spike: Oh bollocks. All the rubbish people keep sticking in my head, it's a wonder there's any room for my brain.
Giles: I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?

Dawn: So it might not work?
Giles: Well the stone's just a catalyst for the process. The rest is up to Spike.
Spike: And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?

Giles: Everything's terrible. Total catastrophe.
Buffy: Giles, what's wrong?
Giles: Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen.

Giles: Let me get this straight: you think I'm evil if I take a group of teenage girls on a camping trip and I don't touch them?

Anya: sings Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes. They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies. Bunnies. It must be bunnies. Or maybe midgets.

Giles: Spike, I have a mission for you.
Spike: Oh, really? 'Cause, you know, sometimes our missions end up with you trying to kill me. I'm not fond of those.

Buffy: You're a dope.
Spike: I'm what?
Buffy: You're a dope, and a bonehead, and, and you're shirty.
Spike: Have you gone completely Carrot-top?
Buffy: You see this? This may actually help me fight my war. It may be the key to everything and the reason I'm holding it is 'cause of you. Because of last night, the strength you gave me. I'm tired of defensiveness and weird mixed signals - I've got Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth. I don't know how you feel about last night, but I'm not gonna...
Spike: Terrified.

Spike: Just give me something, a crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday, there's a chance.
Buffy: Spike... the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious.
Spike: shouting Aaaarrrggghh. Gaaagggghhhhhh. What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?
Buffy: Which question do you want me to answer first?

Spike: I'm drowning in footwear.
Sits up
Spike: Weird dream.

to Warren
Spike: Help me out here Spock, I don't speak loser.

Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
Buffy: I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
Angel: See my point?

Angel: Um, am I gonna see you this weekend? You, uh, you-you probably have plans.
Buffy: Right, birthday. Um, actually, I, I do have a thing.
Angel: Oh, a thing. A date?
Buffy: Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. Older man. Very handsome. He likes it when I call him 'Daddy'.
Angel: Huh, your father. It is your father, right?

Willow: Where's supportive boyfriend guy?
Oz: Oh, he's picking up your dry-cleaning, but he told me to tell you he's afraid you're going to get hurt.

Joyce and Dawn are staying with Spike
Spike: Just don't break anything. And don't make a lotta noise. Passions is coming on.
Joyce: Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?
Spike: Oh, no, no. She can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for God's sake.
Joyce: Ah, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.

after meeting Cordelia
Wesley Wyndam-Pryce: My. She is cheeky, isn't she?
Faith: Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait.

Giles: We can't let you go until we're sure that you're impotent or...
Spike: Hey.
Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you're...
Buffy: Flaccid?
Spike: You are one step away, missy.
Buffy: Giles help. He's gonna scold me.

Spike: about the gang This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

Giles: You can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or feels.
Buffy: Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof. That's the one for me."

Xander: singing It could be witches, some evil witches...
Willow and Tara glare at him
Xander: still singing ... which is ridiculous 'cause witches, they were persecuted Wicca good, and love the earth, and women power, and I'll be over here.

Willow: We did a whole duet about dish washing. There was an entire verse about the couscous.

Willow: I've done some homework and found out the only solution is the final solution.
Xander: Nuke the school? I like that.

Spike: Oh, someone put a stake in me!

Xander: You gotta lot of volunteers in here.
Spike: I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Willow: Uh, the preferred term is-
Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. That's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I feel really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story

Little Girl:
Can't even shout, can't even cry.
The gentlemen are coming by.
Looking in windows, knocking on doors.
They need to take seven, and they might take yours.
Can't call to Mom, can't say a word.
You're gonna die-a-screaming, but you won't be heard.

Glory: I am a God.
Spike: The God of what, bad home perms?

669

Spike: Mark my words, the Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass — (Concerned, Glory looks at her ass.) — back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion-victim ex-God like you. (She kicks him out of the chains he was in resulting in him hitting the wall and breaking a chair in the hallway) Good plan Spike! (sarcastically).

Angel

Cordelia: So, um, are you still... 'Grrr'?
Angel: Yeah. There's not actually a cure for that.

As a vamped-out Russell stalks Cordelia, Angel bursts in.
Russell Winters: You made a big mistake coming here.
Cordelia: You don't know who he is, do you? Oh, boy! You're about to get your ass kicked!

Doyle finds a bra in Cordelia's messy living room and holds it up.
Cordelia: Oh, that is so high school. "Ooh-ooh! Cordelia wears bras! She has girl parts!"

Angel has just saved Rachel from a violently abusive boyfriend, while Spike watches — and narrates — from the rooftop.

Spike as Rachel: How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing?
Spike as Angel: No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth.
Rachel steps closer to Angel; Angel steps back, warding her off with his hands.
Spike as Angel: No, not the hair! Never the hair!
Spike as Rachel: But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
Spike as Angel: No — helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough!
Spike as Rachel: I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
Spike as Angel: Ah. Say no more. Evil's still afoot... and I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile — AWAY!
They leave. Spike lights up a cigarette.
Spike as himself: Go on with you. Play the big, strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way. The Ring of Amara, a visit from your old pal Spike, and — oh, yeah — your gruesome, horrible death.

Angel: I don't know about you, but I had a nice day. You know, except for the bulk of it where I was nearly tortured to death.
Doyle: Aye, you stood up.
Angel: Oh God. I was this close to tellin' him everything. One more hot poker and I was givin' him the ring, your mom, everything. How is your mom?

Cordelia's new apartment is perfect, aside from a hostile ghost.
Cordelia: I am NOT leaving this apartment!
Angel: It's haunted.
Cordelia: It's rent-controlled!

Doyle answers up the phone and mixes up the A.I. slogan
Doyle: Angel Investigations - we hope you're helpless!

Cordelia: All of a sudden, rich and handsome isn't good enough for me. Now I expect a guy to be all brave, and interesting... and it's YOUR fault! Both of you.

Doyle: to Angel The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.

After kissing Cordelia
Doyle: Too bad we'll never know... shifts to his demon face ...if this is a face you could learn to love.

Wesley: Hello. I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian fighting axe when I suddenly thought, "Perhaps Cordelia has had a vision." Perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil.
Angel: We seem to be evil-free at the moment.
Wesley: I also packed along a "Word Puzzle 3-D", if either of you has the nerve to take me on.
Cordelia: Gee, Wesley, I'd love to… but unlike you, I'm not in my eighties quite yet.
Wesley: If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me — Cordy's gorgeous friends Serina and Emily enter — sick with envy.
Serina: to Wesley Hi. I'm Serina. Nice axe.
Wesley: Oh, no, this old thing? he accidentally embeds axe in the wall

The Angel Investigations team is at the home of a wealthy new client.
Cordelia: Oh, I've missed that smell!
Wesley: Camembert, I believe.
Cordelia: What? No, money. I like to smell a little money once in a while.
Angel: She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.

Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow.
Faith: You're kidding.
Angel: In front of people.
Faith: And here I am talking about my petty little problems.
Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective.
Faith: "Copacabana"?
Angel: "Mandy". I don't want to dwell on it.
Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path

Cordelia and Wesley try to clean up the long-deserted Hyperion Hotel.
Cordelia: Oh, this place is never gonna get clean.
Wesley: Buck up. It's just a little dust.
Cordelia: Oh, this isn't mere dust. This is "Son of Dust". This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust. I give up.
Wesley: I suppose will just have to move our offices back into your apartment, then.
Cordelia: And, I'm dusting

Wesley: I am not a sheep!
Cordelia: You are such a sheep. You've never had a single opinion you didn't read in a book.
Wesley: At least I've opened a book.
Cordelia: Oh don't even try with the snooty, Wooly Boy. I was top 10 percent of my class!
Wesley: What class? Advanced bosoms?

Wesley: What about my salary? That's fixed too.
Cordelia: What if every time you identified a demon in one of your big old books, we gave you ten bucks? Or a chicken pot pie?
Wesley: Wait, I have another idea — no. Get a vision!
Cordelia: Well, it's not like you can hit me in the head and wham, it happens!
Wesley: What if we test that theory with one of my big old books?
Angel: Children, stop bickering.

Angel: I smelt her, I know her scent.
Wesley: You can't just...
Angel: You had sex last night with a bleached blonde
Wesley: Good Lord!

Cordelia has dyed her hair black.
Wesley: What happened to your head?
Cordelia: Excuse me?
Wesley: Your hair. It's.. new. It's great. When did this happen?
Cordelia: Ten days ago.

Cordelia returns to the hotel with a large red stain on her blouse.
Angel: Cordelia. What happened?
Cordelia: It's not blood, it's cocktail sauce. Courtesy of Mr. Star Shmoozer here.
Angel: I mean your head. Your hair. It looks.. great. When did this happen?
Wesley: Ten days ago. Pay attention.

Angel is on a diving board above an empty pool that may or may not be a mystic nexus point.
Angel: I'm either coming back with a cure... or you're gonna see something kinda funny.

Angel has just fired Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley
Cordelia: What just happened? Can someone explain to me what just happened here?
Wesley: I believe we were fired.
Gunn: Canned.
Wesley: Let go.
Gunn: Axed.
Wesley: Shown the door.
Gunn: Booted.
Cordelia: All right! I get it. But... what just... happened?

Drusilla: Dead already? Bad soldiers!

Angel is roused from bed by someone belting out "The Star-Spangled Banner".
Angel: Is there a reason you're here?
the Host : There is. What's today, Thursday? Tomorrow night the world's gonna end. Thought you might wanna know.

Lorne startles a woman in the library.
Claire: You.. You're.. here for the children's reading program.
Lorne: Yes. Yes I am.
Claire: It's not until tomorrow morning.
Lorne: I know. I never perform without checking out the space first. Get a feel for the room.
Claire: Oh. Well. The kids will flip over your costume. It looks so authentic.
Lorne: Thank you.
Claire: Except for the horns. But those are probably hard to fake.
Lorne: If you only knew.

Lorne: Just remember, keep your head down. Xenophobia, kind of a watchword where I'm from.
Gunn: I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I mean, I think she's kinda fly.
Wesley: Xenophobia. Fear of foriegners.
Gunn: Oh. Can we forget I just said that?

Gunn: I've got a plan.
Wesley: Oh thank god! What is it?
Gunn: We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of the Baby Jesus.

Wesley: to Rondell If you don't mind, I'd prefer a clean kill. The last time I was merely wounded. It took months to heal. Wounded, if I recall, in an attempt to help you

Cordelia: Lemme break it down for you, Fred.
Cordy as Buffy: Oh, Angel, I know that I am a Slayer, and you're a vampire and it would be impossible for us to be together, but—
Wesley as Angel: But... my gypsy curse sometimes prevents me from seeing the truth. Oh, Buffy...
Cordy as Buffy: Yes, Angel?
Wesley as Angel: I love you so much, I almost forgot to brood.
Cordy as Buffy: And just because I sent you to Hell that one time doesn't mean that we can't just be friends. Wesley as Angel: Or possibly more?
Cordy as Buffy: Gasp! No! We mustn't!
Wesley as Angel: Kiss me!
Cordy as Buffy: Bite me!
Angel: entering How 'bout you both bite me?
Fred: You're back!
Gunn: How'd it go?
Angel: I think those two pretty much summed it up.

Fred: Who's Darla?
Gunn: Angel's old flame, from way back.
Fred: Not the one who died?
Gunn: Yeah. No, not that one, the other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire.
Fred: Do y'all have a chart or somethin'?
Gunn: In the files. I'll get it for you later.

referencing the Cordelia/Wesley kiss from season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Gunn: Hey, is it true that you and Wes were... you know, that you had a little...?
Cordelia: Humiliating kiss where he drooled all over my chin? Yeah, but I've worked really hard to repress it. Wesley: Right. Well, as much as I'm enjoying this forced death march down memory lane...

Gunn: Hey, what is it with you Sunnydale folks and repression? I mean, you three are the most denying-est folks I've ever met

Wesley: watching Fred with Connor Adorable.
Gunn: So sweet.
Wesley: I meant the baby.
Gunn: I meant the hot mama.

Angel: I saw their production of "Giselle" in 1890. I cried like a baby. And I was evil!

Angel has bought tickets to a ballet instead of a rock concert.
Gunn: No, this is not Mata Hari. This is tutus and guys with their big-ass packages jumping up and down! This is just — I will never trust you again. The trust is gone.

Lorne: singing to lullaby melody Go to sleep, lullaby / You've been fed and you're sleepy / You'll be with Uncle Lorne / Who in no way resents not being asked to go to the ballet / And is certainly not thinking / Of selling you to the first vampire cult that makes him a decent offer...

Angel has just bought some mini-Hockey sticks for him and Connor to use when Connor is older
Angel: Hockey is just a great sport, greatest sport known to man!
Gunn: Dude, Hockey is the WHITEST sport known to man.
Angel: That's as may be, but the games are indoors and usually at night.
Gunn: Oh perfect for you then.
Wesley asks Angel something to which Angel responds whilst Gunn dribbles the Puck about a bit then shoots at the gap under the weapons cabinet
Gunn: He shoots...HE SCORES!
Angel: Yeah with no defender...
Angel and Gunn start having a mini-game, where Angel robs Gunn of the puck, shoots and badly misses, breaking the window
Angel (embarassed): Yeah well...they're not even regulation size...

Angel and Gunn are using a rope to climb up the side of a building.
Gunn: Damn! This is so much harder than it looks on Batman.

Wesley and Lilah are laying in bed, sleepily chatting.
Wesley: So Angel knows about our relationship. Big deal.
Lilah: A dollar! You owe me a dollar!
Wesley: Oh, damn!
Lilah: You called this a 'relationship'. sing-song voice You lost the be-et. You said it fir-irst. Wesley hands her a dollar Sign it first, as proof.
Wesley: Proof of what?
Lilah: Of now. Of this. she nuzzles his nose; they kiss

Willow: How've you been?
Cordelia: Higher power. You?
Willow: Ultimate evil. But I got better.

Wesley: A lot's happened. Not just Angelus. I've been-I've changed. I've seen the darkness in myself. I'm not sure you'd even begin to understand.
Willow: I flayed a guy and tried to destroy the world.

Willow: You must be Angel's handsome yet androgenous son.
Connor: It's Connor.
Willow: And the sneer's genetic, who knew?

Gunn: OK, so what are we dealing with?
Fred: Eight legs, three heads, horns...?
Lorne:Hey!
Fred: No, offense.
Connor: Two legs, one head, no horns.
Lorne: Lemme guess: green?
Angel: No. Kind of... mocha.

Angel: Guess what I'm doing now? Not using my windpipe.
Spanky: Vampire.
Angel: Capital "V." And there's something else you should know about me. I have no problem spanking men.

Knox: He was fired... Oh, I'm sorry, he was SET on fire.

Wesley: Don't you think it's a bit unseemly, adding "Y"s to the end of people's names?
Gunn: Does that mean I have to call you "Wesle"?

Wesley: (Shocked) Spike?
Angel: (Angrily) Spike.
Harmony: (Gleefully) Blondie Bear?

Spike sees Angel & lunges at him, but passes through him, & ends up in standing the middle of a desk
Spike: Bugger (Spike's first word after being ressurected)

Spike: I must be in hell.
Lorne: Er... no, L.A., but a lot of people make that mistake.

Spike: So that's how it works, huh? Reality bends to desire?

Spike: Then why even bother? Try to do the right thing, make a difference...
Angel: What else are we gonna do?
Spike: so that’s it, then. I really am going to burn.
Angel: Welcome to the club.
Spike: Least I got company, eh? You and me, together again. Hope and Crosby. Stills and Nash. Chico and the --
Angel: Yeah, are we done?
Spike: Never much for small talk, were you? Always too busy trying to perfect that brooding block-of-wood mystique. God, I love that.
Angel: Not as much as I loved your nonstop yammering.
Spike: The way you always had to be the big swingy, swaggerin’ around, barkin’ orders...
Angel: Never listening...
Spike: Always interrupting...
Angel: And your hair. What color do they call that, radioactive?
Spike: Never much cared for you, Liam, even when we were evil.
Angel: Cared for you less.
Spike: Fine.
Angel: Good. (they sit in silence) There was one thing about you...
Spike: Really?
Angel: Yeah, I never told anyone about this, but I--I liked your poems.
Spike: You like Barry Manilow.

Angel: Look, Lorne...I have things. I'm busy. Lorne stares I'm brooding.
Lorne: Turns around to see television is on. Oh, you're watching hockey!
Angel: Yeah, but my team is losing.

Fred: slurring, as a demon bumps into her. Hey, you want a piece of me, buddy? That's right, keep walking. You walk alone! You walk alone!
Wesley: Careful, that thing's loaded.
Fred: So am I. I mean, wow. Wes. Wesley, puts her arms around Wesley's neck I am totally drunk-faced! Wesley: Because you can't hold your.. What are you drinking?
Fred: Nothing.
Wesley: You can't hold that.
Fred: Oh, yeah? Lightweight? How much have you had?
Wesley: holds up a beer bottle Including this, I've had... about 1/3 of a half of this beer.
Fred: That's weird, right?
Wesley: Yes, I think so. I think that's weird.
Fred: There's Gunn. Let's go ask him if that's weird.
Fred and Wesley walk up to Gunn, who's facing away from them.
Wesley: Hey. Hey, Gunn. Is something weird going on? Gunn turns toward Wesley without moving his hands, which are together just below his waist Charles, you just peed on my shoes.
Gunn: looks down, confused I'll be damned. zips his zipper That's weird.

Spike: You pissed in the big man's chair? That's fantastic!
Gunn: Spike, could you turn off the warm fuzzy?
Spike: What? The Lorne thing? Wore off. I just think that's bloody marvelous.

The lights in the Wolfram & Hart elevator suddenly go out.
Eve: That's odd.
Spike: I know what this is. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME TO HELL, PAVAYNE!
Emergency lights come on and an alarm sounds.
Spike: Oh. Well, that's just something I say... when, uh... it gets dark.

Spike: Heard what happened up top, offing your dad and all. I don't know if you know this, but uh, I killed my mom. Actaully, I already killed her, then she tried to shag me, so I had to uh--
Wesley: Puts up hands, defensively Thank you! I'm... very comforted.

The rest of the Fang Gang is preparing to remove Lindsey's tattoos with a ritual
Wesley: Reading from scroll "Sprinkle ingredients with the arterial blood of an unclean." A demon.
Lorne: Chuckles We're unclean, Like you're so April fre-- You sure that thing said, uh, "arterial blood"?
Wesley: Sorry.
Lorne: Why don't they ever need the urine of an unclean? I've got plenty of unclean urine.
Gunn: Pulls out a sharp knife
Lorne: Chuckles weakly Look, uh, think I'm making some right now.

Spike: Angelus? They'll let anyone in here.

Angel: You're a Nazi?
Spike: What? Oh. No, I just ate one.

Spike: Sneaky bastards, the SS. Don't ever go to a free virgin blood party. Turns out, it's probably a trap.
Angel: You were captured at a free virgin blood party?
Spike: I know. Who would've thought.

Angel: We are not going to kill anyone, understood?
Spike: Heil Hitler.

Spike: Anyone read Nazi?

A spell has transformed Angel into a puppet.
Fred: Oh, my God! Angel, you're... Cute!
Puppet Angel: Fred, don't...
Fred: But the little hands! And the hair! scratches his head.
Angel: Hey! You're fired.

Puppet Angel: teeth gritted. I do not have puppet cancer!

Puppet Angel: slamming a TV remote on a table petulantly. Stupid plastic piece of crap!

Spike: barges into Angel's office. Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink... stops in mid-thought when he sees puppet Angel sitting at the desk.
Puppet Angel: anxiously. Spike...
Spike: staring. Look at you.
Puppet Angel: gesturing with his hands. Just turn around and walk away.
Spike: still staring. You're a—
Puppet Angel: Spike!
Spike: starts laughing uncontrollably. You're a bloody puppet!

Puppet Angel and Spike are scrapping in the lobby of Wolfram and Hart with the entire staff watching. Spike: laughing hysterically. You're a wee, little puppet man! Angel punches Spike in the face. Ow! laughs; Angel punches Spike in the face harder. Ow! Hey! That's enough

Puppet Angel: What's everybody looking at? Well?!
Spike: They're looking at the wee little puppet man.

Being attacked by Werewolf Nina.
Puppet Angel: Bad Nina!

Lorne: My little prince! Ohh... what did they do to you?
Puppet Angel: ripped to shreds. Nina tried to… eat… me.
Lorne: yells out. Medic! to Angel. You're gonna make it, Angel. Just don't stop fighting. yells out. Doctor! Is there a Geppetto in the house?!

Angel has been run through with a large sword by Spike. There's a creepy demon bug on his back, dangling from where the sword exits his body.
Spike: Fuss, fuss. The thing was about to strike. It was on your back. What was I supposed to do?
Angel: Ask me to turn around.
Spike: Heat of battle. There wasn't time.
Angel: You just like stabbing me.
Spike: I—I'm shocked— shocked that you'd say that. I much prefer hitting you with blunt instruments.

Gunn: singing Three little maids who, all unwary,/ Come from a ladies' seminary,/ Freed from its genius tutelary—/ Three little maids from school!/ Three little maids —
Gunn notices Wesley is at his door.
Gunn: rap style. ...and ya don't stop with all the ladies in the... gangsta but ... go spoken. What's up?

Spike: It's bollocks, Angel! It's your brand of bollocks from first to last!
Angel: You can't ever see the big picture. You can't see any picture!
Spike: I'm talking about something primal, all right? Savagery, brutal animal instinct.
Angel: And that wins out every time with you. You know, the human race has evolved, Spike!
Spike: Into a bunch of namby-pamby, self-analyzing wankers who could never hope to triumph against--
Angel: We're bigger, we're smarter, plus there's such a thing called teamwork, not to mention the superstitious terror of your "pure aggressors"!
Spike: You-just-want-it-to-be the way you-want-it-to-be.
Angel: IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I WANT!
Bewildered Wesley enters
Wesley: Sorry. Is this something we should all be discussing?
Angel: pauses No.
Wesley: It just...sounds a little serious.
Angel: It was mostly...theoretical...We...
Spike: We were just working out... Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?
Wesley: ...Ah. You've been yelling at each other for forty minutes about this?
Angel and Spike look at the floor
Wesley: thinks for a moment Do the astronaunts have weapons?
Spike and Angel: No.

Spike: Harmony just pulled me out of a very promising poker game down in Accounts Receivable, so this better be good. Oh, and, by the way, all the guys down there agree that astronauts don't stand a chance against cavemen, so don't even start.
Angel: Look, I can't do this anymore.
Spike: Admitting defeat, are you?
Angel: You and me. This isn't working out.
Spike: mock-dramatic. Are you saying we should start annoying other people?

Fred: dying. Cavemen win. Of course cavemen win.

Fred: final words. Please, Wesley...why can't I stay? dies.

Illyria: You break so easily. Why do you bother getting back up?
Spike: Right. We need to set some ground rules. First off...no more punching me in the face. Secondly, when I punch you in the face, you tell me how you feel so I can write that down on my clipboard. Third...no touching my clipboard. Fourth...
Illyria: I enjoy hurting you.
Spike: Well, we're gonna have to fix that, 'cause... (Illyria kicks Spike in the face. Spike punches her. Illyria punches him across the room)
Wesley: How goes it?
Illyria: I've been hitting the half-breed. He makes noise.
Spike: We're off to a bit of a rough start, but don't worry. I'll break her.
Wesley: She's not a horse, Spike. You know, this room is equipped with automated training devices, and you don't have to test her by just... allowing her to pummel you.
Spike: We're working on the basics. But don't worry-- I'm writing it all down.
Wesley: Ok. Fine.
Illyria: You reek of frustration. Curls off of you like smoke.
Spike: Actually, love, we call that scotch. 12-year Lagavulin, if I'm not mistaken. Good choice.
Wesley: It's nothing. I'm just, uh... I had a...slight disagreement with Angel.
Spike: Oh, old broody-pants got you wound up, eh? Keep in mind, he can't get laid without maybe going crazy. Makes it funny.
Illyria: In my time, a leader would punish your insolence with death.
Wesley: We’re not being insolent, Illyria.
Spike: I am.

Angel is giving Connor a tour of Wolfram & Hart.
Connor: What is she?
Angel: She's a ... to be honest, I really don't know. She's some sort of ancient demon.
Connor: She have any powers?
Spike: Glad you asked. So far, I've established that she can hit like a Mack truck, selectively alter the flow of time, and, uh ... possibly talk to plants.
Illyria: I'd like to keep Spike as a pet.
Angel: Connor, this is Spike and Illyria. Guys, this is Connor.
Connor: Hi. Umm... I like your outfit.
Illyria: Your body warms. to Angel This one is lusting after me.
Connor: Oh... no, I--I-- It's just that--it's the outfit. (whispers to Angel) I guess I've always had a thing for older women.
Angel: (to himself) They were supposed to fix that!

Angel: (about Buffy) How'd she ever fall for a centuries old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil?

Angelus: Violate our women!
William the Bloody: Violate in succession!
Darla: Concurrently.
Angelus: Concurrently? You never let us do that!

Illyria: I've grown wary of this world since my powers were depleted. Strange… though I've been made more human, this place remains disconcerting.
Spike: Yeah, well, I'm afraid that never goes away. Anyhow, I thought Wesley was giving you a primer on all things human.
Illyria: He and I are no longer having intercourse.
Spike: Yeah, I… you what? What?
Illyria: He has ceased communication with me.
Spike: Oh! Oh. Communi—
Illyria: My recent reversion to the Burkle persona disturbed him. And he will not tell me why.
Spike: You don't know? You may not think you're as powerful as you were, Highness, but looking like Fred, for some of us… it's the most devastating power you have.

Illyria and Drogyn are playing "Crash Bandicoot" while waiting to hear from Angel.
Illyria: I play this game. It is pointless, and annoys me. Yet I am compelled to keep playing.

Lindsey: Everybody goes on about your soul. A vampire with a soul. Nobody ever mentions the fact that you're really a vampire with big brass testes. This is gonna be a circus. I mean, win or lose, you're about the pick the nastiest fight since mankind drop-kicked the last demon out of this dimension. And that you don't do without me. If you want me, I'm on your team.
Angel: I want you, Lindsey. pause Thinking about rephrasing that.
Lindsey: Yeah, I think I'd be more comfortable if you did

Angel: This may come out a little pretentious, but… one of you will betray me. Spike raises his hand Wes. Spike: Oh… can I deny you three times?

Illyria: Try not to die. You are not unpleasant to my eyes.
Gunn: Uh, thanks. You... try not to die, too.

Spike: (looking at Gunn's wounds) You're supposed to wear the red stuff on the inside, Charlie boy

A horde of demons and monsters is bearing down on the surviving members of Angel's team.
Gunn: Okay, you take the thirty thousand on the left…
Illyria: You're fading. You'll last ten minutes at best.
Gunn: Then let's make it memorable.
Spike: And in terms of a plan?
Angel: We fight.
Spike: Bit more specific?
Angel: Well, personally, I kinda want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work.