Hello, readers/writers

I love to write, especially Fan Fictions. Most of the time the ideas pop into my head as I'm reading or watching something. I go "Man, this would be awesome if this happened..." and poof, instant fan fiction. I am a perfectionist and I am crazy critical of my own work, so I don't update often, not because I don't have something, but because I don't think it is good enough for reading. Also a side note, I have a preferred character in my head, unless it is unnecessary. Usually all my added main characters are tall, red/ginger haired, green eyed, insanely smart, and ultimately female. I don't know why, but it is my view on my favorite character. Deal with it, women are as good as men in some things.

Anyway some of the Fan Fictions that I have 'in-the-works' are

Currently, I am editing and attempting to finish all of my posted Fan Fictions, so the first chapter is a note explaining this. I hope to get at least two up/back up before summer.

For those of you trying to find my Wattpad profile it is here.

Happy Reading!!!!!!

Favorite Characters in...

Ranger's Apprentice - Halt

NCIS - Timothy McGee

Alex Rider - Yassen Gregorovich

Artemis Fowl - Holly Short

Epic - Ronin

The Avengers - Clint Barton/Hawkeye

X-men - Charles Xavier/Professor Xavier

How to Train Your Dragon - Toothless and Hiccup (you can't have one without the other)

Maximum Ride - Gazzy and Iggy (you can't have one without the other)

And for some copy and paste info about myself...

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, hyper or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wished that dragons exist in our time, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a story stuck in your head, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a teenager, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you feel alone in the world and think no one understands you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fan fiction, copy this into your profile

If you firmly and truly believe that the world WILL NOT come to an end in 2012, Copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read this, copy this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're hopelessly addicted to chocolate, paste this into your profile.

If you realize that by joining this site, you are a part of something special, paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile.

Chocolate chip cookies are the best!! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that girls are equals to boys, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think that child abuse is wrong and should be stopped completely, copy and past this into your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny and started laughing aloud copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book,and join the fun in the adventure copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If you do your homework while watching TV, copy this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile. (Hm not so sure about being an animal.)

I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT! If that's ever happened to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

The girl you just called fat? She's been starving herself and lost over 30lbs. Now she almost has an eating disorder. The boy you called stupid? He has disabilities and studies over 4 hours every night. Now he's getting depressed. The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting on make-up, doing her hair, and spending her money on clothes, hoping people will liked her. The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. There's a lot more to people then you think. Post this on your profile if you're against bullying.

It's the 50's, and a black man drinks from a white water fountain. A white man approaches him and says, "Excuse me, that is for whites only. You are colored." The black man then raises his head, and replies, "I was black when I was born. I'm black when I'm cold. I'm black when I'm hot. I'm black when I'm sick, and I'll be black when I die. You sir, are pink when you're born. Blue when you're cold. Red when you're hot. Green when you're sick. And purple when you die. Now who's the colored one?" Whoo-hoo! Go anti-racists!

If you like music, copy this into your profile.

If mint chocolate chip ice cream is REALLY YUMMY, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you support finding a cure for breast cancer, copy this into your profile.

If you believe racism is wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.

Disagreeing with Obama is NOT racism!! Copy and paste this if you agree!!

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are proud to be pro-life and are not afraid to stand up and give a voice to the voiceless, copy and paste this into your profile

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If books are your life and you couldn't possibly live without them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

There are many things worth dying for, but only a few worth living for. If you have something worth living for, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you want to see the world someday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want to be a writer someday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a very wide variety of interests, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you are a MOVIE QUOTER, which means you go around quoting movies for fun, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy this into your profile.

If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it, then copy this into your profile.

Copy and Paste this into your profile if you've ever wondered if these things have a word limit... or are determined to find out by sticking as much junk in as possible! :D

If you've ever had a "yeah whatever..."moment, copy and past this into your profile

If you don't believe that James and Sirius were bullies, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you were shocked that Snape was not all that bad, copy and paste this on your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer: "Where to begin?"

If you are anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you feel as obsessional about a random thing as I do, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

If you guys love to read, copy and paste this into your profile.

If FanFiction.Net is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you frequently have conversations with yourself and/or fictional characters from your favorite books, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people tend to misunderstand you copy this to your profile.

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I walk, talk, eat and sleep on earth, but I live my life in a completely different world." If this sentance describes you, copy and paste on your profile.

Copy and paste this to your profile because you have nothing better to do.

If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.

If you like filling your profile with 'copy this into your profile' thingys, then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!! XD

If you ever wondered who made up all the 'copy this into your profile' thingies then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have an obsession, post this on your profile to tell all those who think that you aren't normal to get stuffed, because obsession RULES!

If you think being popular sucks, copy and paste this on your profile

If you had ever gotten writer's block in a sudden and random moment, copy this to your profile

If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this onto your profile.

95% of girls feel like they need a guy to complete them. If your one of the 5% who don't copy and paste this onto your profile.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. She was kind, caring and polite like all princesses were. She lived in a castle far far away. One day while picking flowers a dragon captured her and took her to it's lair that was hidden far from the kingdom. She stayed with the dragon for months. Then one day a handsome knight in shining armor came and shouted "FEAR NOT FAIR MAIDEN! FOR I AM HEAR TO RESCUE YOU FROM THIS FOUL BEAST!" 95% of girls who would be the princess would scream "MY HERO!" if your one of the 5% percent who would say "No thanks I'm good here." copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

Chocolate is YUMMY! If you are a chocoholic, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile.

Did you know the average person only reads three books per year? If you do not even believe it is possible to read that little, copy and paste this to your profile (I guess I'm not an average person...)

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love the Ranger's Apprentice series copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hate writers block copy and paste this to your profile.

And some lists...

50 Ways to get Kicked out of Wal-Mart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Don't bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout. (this is not stealing, they did not own the items yet, they were simply 'moving them around')

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. (be creative with the gift-wrap tubes used in point 6).

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off
and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen
you in so long." etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them 'Bob', and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary).

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

15. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don't actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys).

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. If the cashier protests, kill them.

20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right darn it!!" Make a scene.

21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other
aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

26. Climb things.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to "boobs".

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling "Red Rover."

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a 'Shnerple' looks like to assist them.

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale
battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above.

34. Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask
the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as
possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
Mission Impossible.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags against their will.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies."

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo.

43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's using an alternative alphabet of your choosing.

45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as 'A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vasceline'.

47. Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
the food court, buy a drink, and say you don't get out much and ask them to put a little umbrella in it.

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity. . . .

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you're woken up, shout, "AMEN! Or PAYING ATTENTION!"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone's gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write something crazy
7. Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Skip down the hall instead of walking and see how many looks you get.
9. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is to go.
11. Sing along at the opera.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work are and play tropical sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
14. When money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"
15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!"
16. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're gonna have to let one of you go."

Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( What other time do I have to work on my hair?).
On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how . . . ?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion, right or are u a secret dictator jus trying to suggest it).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well . . . a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (. . . and you thought?. . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that the whole point)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what else?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash or was it supposed to have loony peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh . . . fly Delta?)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (. . . was there a lot of this happening somewhere in Sweden?)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm. . . . .something must have gotten lost in the translation . . . )
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Oh sure, go ahead, destroy a universal child belief! I don't blame
the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

SECRET!!!
[1] I need to tell you a secret. First, look at number 5.
[2] The answer is to look at 11.
[3] Don't get mad and look at 15.
[4] Calm down, don't get mad, look at 13.
[5] First, look at 2.
[6] Don't be that angry, look at 12.
[7] This is a very important message: Go to number 5.
[8] What I wanted to tell you is, THE ANSWER IS AT 14.
[9] Be patient, and look at 4.
[10] This is the last time I'm gonna do this. Go to 7.
[11] I hope you're not mad when I say look at 6.
[12] Sorry, look at 8.
[13] Don't get mad and look at 10.
[14] I don't really know how to say this, but look at 3.
[15] You must be really mad, but look at 9.

And some random things I find funny

Silence is golden, and duct tape is silver.

When you fall I will be there.- Floor

I'm not clumsy it's just that the floor hates me, the chairs and tables are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.

If laughter is the best medicine, then how can you die laughing.

Oh, the irony . . .

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

Dear Math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.

A.B.C.D.E.F.G.H.J.K.L.M.N.O.P.Q.R.S.T.U.V.W.X.Y.Z, the only letter missing is'I', because I'm me and I don't like to fit in

D* put this

R* on your

E* page if you

A* prefer your

M* imagination

S* over reality

HATERS=
H-having
A-anger
T-towards
E-everyone
R-reaching
S-success
Don't be a hater!

The difference between normal people and HTTYD fans

Normal people: Hear a shriek and ignore it

How To Train Your Dragon Fans: hear a shriek and yell "NIGHT FURY! GET DOWN!"

Normal people: see a mini Toothless figurine and say "eh, it's just a piece of plastic"

HTTYD fans: see a mini Toothless figurine and scream "Oh my word! That is the cutest thing EVER! I must have it NOW!!!!!!!!!" (I did)

Normal people: when asked what they need while fighting a dragon will say a weapon

HTTYD fans: a doctor?! Plus 5 speed?! A shield!

Normal people: when chased will call out for anyone to help

HTTYD fans: Will call out for their dragon.

Normal people: don't know the stats for the different dragons

HTTYD fans: Nadder: Speed 8, Armor 16. Zippleback: attack 11, stealth x2. Monstrous Nightmare: firepower 15. Terrible Terror: Attack 8, venom 12. Gronckle: jaw strength 8 (thank you, Fishlegs)

Normal people: What in God's name?!

HTTYD fans: What in Thor's name?!

Normal people: When asked how to defeat a dragon without killing it will not know.

HTTYD fans: will instantly know to show them an eel, scratched them behind their head, give them some dragon-nip or reflect the light off something to let them chase it.

Normal people: will buy maybe the plushies from the HTTYD merchandise or nothing at all.

HTTYD fans: Will search every store for every collectible, clear a whole shelf in their room for them and make a saddle and tail piece for every Toothless plushy and figurine they have.

Normal people: saw the HTTYD movie once in the cinema and maybe once at home.

HTTYD fans: watch the movie again and again until they can recite every line off by heart (Example: *changes to Scottish accent* excuse me, barman, I believe you brought me the wrong offspring. I ordered an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here, this is a talking fish bone!)

Normal people: whistle a popular song while they work

HTTYD fans: whistle the HTTYD theme while they work

Normal people: don't REALLY care when the second movie is released.

HTTYD fans: will count down the days till the premier and check YouTube every day for the next trailer (cursed teaser trailers!!)

Normal people: will give whatever they can to people as gifts

HTTYD fans: will never under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES give a Gronckle's egg to someone.

Normal people: when telling someone to change their ways, will be nice about it.

HTTYD fans: will say, "You've got to stop all...this."

Normal people: "Astrid? Don't you mean 'asteroid'?"

HTTYD fans: *dreamily* "Astrid..."

Normal people: when in danger, "we ain't gonna live!"

HTTYD fans: "chances of survival are dwindling into single digits now..."

Normal people: will 'keep calm and carry on'

HTTYD fans: will 'keep calm and wait for How To Train Your Dragon 2'

Normal people: won't really care what they use for a belt buckle

HTTYD fans: will never use anything bone-like. EVER!

Normal people: if you want to get yourself killed, jump off a cliff or stab yourself or something

HTTYD: if you want to get yourself killed, go with the Gronckle.

Normal people: wisest quote - 'learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to note stop questioning' - Albert Einstein

HTTYD fans: 'if you get blasted, you're dead' - Gobber the Belch

Normal people: will ignore this

HTTYD fans: will post this into their profile

Things you are NOT allowed to do in Ranger's Apprentice, and what will happen to you if you do. Copy paste this on your profile if you love RA as much as I do!

1. You are NOT allowed to sing "Greybeard Halt". Halt will make you spend the night in a tree. A PINE tree O.O

2. You are NOT allowed to answer a question with another question. Halt will glare at you and make you feel stupid.

3. You are NOT allowed to say "But I thought..." Halt will say "you're and apprentice. You're not supposed to think" or "If you thought about it, you wouldn't ask"

4. You are NOT allowed to give Tug more than one apple a day. Halt will say "One is quite enough." Tug however, will tend to dissagree.

5. You are NOT allowed to question Halt's skills for ANY reason. Odds are he'll kill you. Painfully.

6. You are NOT allowed to tell anyone that Halt's not really grim all the time. He'll knock you into next week and then kill you.

7. You are NOT allowed to sing "We're off to see the wizard" on your way to visit Malcolm. He'll turn you into a lizard.

8. You are NOT allowed to send your Christmas wishlist to Erak. He'll brain you with a battleaxe. After stealing everything on the list.

9. You are NOT allowed to sing "Santa's comin' to town" when you see Erak coming. He'll brain you with a battleaxe.

10. You are NOT allowed to ask why, exactly, Keren's name is Keren. He'll hypnotize you.

11. You are NOT allowed to sing "Dude looks like a lady" when you see Keren. He'll throw a blue rock at you.

12. You are NOT allowed to hum the James Bond theme while tracking things with Halt. He'll shoot you with an arrow.

13. You are NOT allowed to hum alien music as you near Healers Clearing. Malcolm will kill you.

14. You are NOT allowed to use the "Green Giant" jingle when you see Trobar. He'll steal your puppy.

15. You are NOT allowed to to talk about your wonderful recipe for clam chowder in Skandia. You'll be brained.

16. You are NOT allowed to iceskate on the pond in Skandia. You'll be assigned to the paddles (But hey, at least you'll get to stare at Will)

17. You are NOT allowed to kill Alyss and Evanlyn when they stare at Will with you. Will will NOT marry you (Shame...)

18. You are NOT allowed to sing the munchkin theme song around Will. He'll shoot you.

19. You are NOT allowed to call Halt "Lucky the Leprichon" he'll kill you.

20. You are NOT allowed to ask Will about Crocodiles. He'll think you've gone mad.

21. You are NOT allowed to ask Halt to do an impersonation of Demo Man. He'll shoot you.

22. You are NOT allowed to switch Halt's coffee to decaf. You will die a slow painful death.

23. You are NOT allowed to oil the hinges on the door of Halt's cabin. He'll kill you if the intruders don't.

24. You are NOT allowed to threaten Will. Horace will challenge you to single combat and stick you with his dagger.

25. You are NOT allowed to ride Tug. He will throw you off and Will will shoot you for trying to steal his horse.

26. You are NOT allowed to write out the key to the Couriers Code. Crowley will rant and shoot you so full of arrows you will be remembered in death as 'The Porcupine'.

27. You are NOT allowed to fight a mad axeman with only your two knives. Gilan will throw you off a cliff so that he doesn't have clean up the mess.

28. You are NOT allowed to say "no offense" to Svengal, he'll take offense, with a battle axe

And random extremely funny things...

Two ladies died and went to heaven. A little later they both started talking they asked each other why they died. The first lady said she died of a heart attack and the second said that she lady froze to death. "Why did you die of a heart attack?" asked the second lady. "I had a feeling my husband was cheating on me so I looked all over my house and I couldn't find her anywhere and I was so stressed I had a heart attack so I laid down and died."

"Well maybe if you looked in the freezer, we would both still be alive!"

One day a woman caught a magic frog while jogging. The frog gave her three wishes for catching him, but with one catch: everything she wished for, her husband would also get, only he'd get 10 times more than her. First she wished to be the most beautiful woman on earth. "Are you sure? Your husband will be 10 times more beautiful than you," the frog clarified. "Oh yes, I'm sure." ZAP! The woman was instantly beautiful, but she was still only the second most beautiful on earth, her husband being first. "My second wish is that I wish I was the richest person on earth," she told the frog. "You sure? Your husband will have 10 times more money than you." "Oh yes." "Okay, then." ZAP! Trillions and trillions of dollars appeared in a safe in the woman's house. However, her husband was granted with even more money. "What's your third wish?" the frog asked. "I wish for a mild heart attack.

A couple of strangers were drinking at a cliffside bar overlooking the ocean. Both of them look a little drunk, when one says to the other: "Hey, look at the wind whipping up the side of that cliff. It moves pretty fast. I'll bet I could jump off of the ledge, catch the wind in my coat, and get lifted right back up to the bar!" "No way", says the other guy, "you'd fall to your death." "Well, I'm going to try it!", says the first, and at that he walks over, stands on the ledge, and leaps off in a swan dive. Sure enough, he comes sailing back up in no time, and lands on his feet right in front of the bar. "I can't believe it!" says the second guy, "that's impossible" . So the first drunk does it again: he jumps off the cliff, catches the wind in his coat, and comes sailing back to the bar. "Go ahead", he says, "try it, it's great!" "Well, OK, I'm just drunk enough to give it a go", says the second fellow. So he climbs the ledge and leaps off the cliff, only to fall screaming to his death on the rocks below. The first guy walks back to the bar and sits down to his drink. The bartender steps over, looks him in the eye, and says to him: "You know, you can be a real jerk sometimes when you've been drinking, Superman".

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

Quotes from Books/Fan fiction

"We believe in ordinary acts of bravery in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."-Divergent, Dauntless Manifesto

"Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knifes."-Divergent, Tris

" Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other peoples business."- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Marauders Map, Mr. Moony/ Professor Lupin

“I don't damsel well. Distress, I can do. Damseling? Not so much.”-Maximum Ride, Max

“Fang, fang. I love you. I looooove you. I love you thiiiiiiiiiis much!”-Max, Max during her surgery(getting her chip removed)

“There is one bright side to this," said Fang.
Yeah? What's that?" The new and improved Erasers would mutilate us before they killed us?
He grinned at me so unexpectedly I forgot to flap for a second and dropped several feet. "You looove me," he crooned smugly. Holding his arms out wide he added, "You love me this much."
My shriek of appalled rage could probably be heard in California, or maybe Hawaii.”
― Max, Max and Fang

“Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren’t missionaries.” –FBI investigator “No? Well, for God’s sake, don’t tell them. They’d be crushed. Thinking they’re doing the Lord’s work, and all.” –Max

“Have you ever been to Colorado?” –FBI investigator “Is that one of those square ones, in the middle?” –Max

“I wanted to grab the front of his shirt, throw him against the wall, get some answers. But I’m trying to outgrow that kind of thing.” –Max

“Can we see him?” –Iggy “Ig, I hate to break this to you, but you’re blind.” –Max

“Of course, the prince gets his own bed all to himself.” –Max “That’s right. The prince has a gaping side wound.” –Fang

“So, Fnick, can I change the channel? There’s a game on.” –Iggy “Make yourself at home, Figgy.” –Fang

Gasman: "What does that mean" (points to a sign that says Stay Off the Third Rail!) Fang: "It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn." The Angel Experiment, pg. 254

Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parents?" Max: "Um, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to a test tube, please? The Angel Experiment, pg. 93

Fang: “Holy (insert a swear word of your choice here).” The Angel Experiment, pg. 383

Max: “Did you know that wasn’t me, the other Max?” Fang: “Yeah.” Max: “When?” Fang: “Right away.” Max: “How? We look identical. She even had identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could you tell us apart?” Fang: (grins) “She offered to cook breakfast.” Max and Fang: (laughs) School’s Out – Forever, pg. 398-399

Ter Borcht: “You haf a malfunctioning chip, you get debilitating headaches, and your leadership skills are sadly much less than ve had hoped for.” Max: “And yet I could still kick your doughy Eurotrash butt from here to next Tuesday. So that’s something.” Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 136

Ter Borcht: “Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?” Gazzy: “I have x-ray vision.” (looks at ter Borcht’s chest and then looks appalled) Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 137

Ter Borcht: “Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?” Nudge: “You mean, like, besides the wings?” Ter Borcht: “Yes. Besides de vings.” Nudge: “Hmm. Besides de vings. Um… I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!” Ter Borcht: “Hardly a special talent.” Nudge: “Yeah? Let’s see you do it.” Gazzy: (in ter Borcht’s voice) “I vill now eat nine Snickers bars, visout bahfing.” Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 138

Ter Borcht: “Does anysing on you vork properly?” Iggy: “Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony.” Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 139

Ter Borcht: “You don’t speak much, do you?” Fang: … Ter Borcht: “Vhy do you let a girl be de leader?” Fang: “She’s the tough one.” Max: Dang right. Ter Borcht: “Is dere anysing special about you?” Fang: “Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.” Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 139

Gazzy: (in ter Borcht’s voice) “I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!” Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 140