if at first you don’t succeed, spam the bitch with pointy stuff

Anatidaephobia: The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you

Diplomacy is the art of being able to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip

All right, mission rule number one. Naruto, no murdering the client. Rule number two, Tazuna, don't taunt the shinobi on anti-psychotics

when there’s fire on water that’s god saying get the fuck out

“So a little bait-n-switch, some political maneuvering and then… world domination!”

To the Internet, My Minions.

Sasuke's hair often looked like he'd gotten into a fight with a weedwacker and the weedwacker had won.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Last night I played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished

Join the army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Florida: We're number one! Wait! Recount!

Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks.

Be kind to your offspring. They get to choose your nursing home.

“Destroy is such a strong word! I prefer ‘redecorated for free’.”

"A wise man once said, "I don't know - go ask a woman."

"If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught, then lie."

-- Inari had gone off on another one of his bitch fits, and it was pissing both Naruto and Sasuke off. If the brat didn’t shut up, then Sasuke was going to give him A Thousand Years of Pain…

…Chidori style.

That would hurt. Bad.
--

Disclaimer: if I owned Naruto, there would be more sneaking, less overpowered eyes, and a lot more people suddenly falling over dead. Also Sasuke would be struck in the face with a log every time someone used Kawarimi no jutsu.--

"Reality bites with a variety of sizes of teeth."

"I'm NOT insensitive... I just don’t care”

“If you wish that your life was a fairytale, you obviously haven't read the original stories”

“Most religions boil down to one point- don’t fuck with the gods.”

I'm not a vegetarian because i love animals; i'm a vegetarian because i hate plants.

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is my ceiling!

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

"And that is why I haven't been hit by any cast-iron skillets in my 20 plus years of life. Not because I don't deserve it, but because I don't fuck around with people that hit people with cast-iron skillets."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

"You can't spell slaughter without laughter."

"You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!"

"Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window."

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons!
For you are crunchy And taste good with ketchup"

That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.