Yo! I'm, like, a ninja! 8D All I'm gonna tell you is that I'm female and called the Crazy Bassoonist. Now for some things I just wanna put here:

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(What were you supposed to do? Throw them at the people sitting near you?)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(I blame the parents for that one)

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.

If every locker you have ever had/have hates you and wouldn't/doesn't open up for you...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

If you double space everything, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (My best friend's little sister is my best friend there.)

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile. (I've been called the Queen of Random.)

If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

If one of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and you LOSE that it's weird. If you DISAGREE completely with this statement and find it happening on a regular basis, copy and paste this into your profile.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid a--.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. (There's just something hilarious about Eb.)

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

~MY 9 NAMES - IT'S FUN!~

1. YOUR REAL NAME

Nichole

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:
(first 4 letters of real name + izzle.)

Nichizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
(fav color and fav animal)

Black Snake

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
(your middle name and the street you live on)

(nobody can know)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:
(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)

Meeni (8D)

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME:
(Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite soft drink)

Green Dr. Pepper

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME:
(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any
letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd
letter of dad's middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and
last letter of your moms middle name)

Ieuordn

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:
(both parents middle name)

Georgann Lorenn

9. YOUR GOTH NAME:
(Black and the name of one of your pets)

Black Mini-Me

Ninjas Zombies

"You're blind. You're not supposed to talk." -Me to friend pretending to be blind

"So...you're the Pink-Loving Asian Long-Lost Prince of France?" -Me to a friend who thinks he's royalty

Bassoons Bass Clarinets

"I need to suck on my reed." -Bass Clarinet Friend

"Your mother." -Oboe-Royalty Friend

"You know what 'tuba' spelled backwards is? 'A butt.'...I'd like to hear the bassoon, bass clarinets, bari sax, and the butts..." -My band director being immature