edwardcullen001
 You know you're addicted with Twilight if... When you see a box labeled "Forks", you think there's something imported from Forks, Washington in there. You use Twilight for every single school project that pops up. You break up with your boyfriend because he doesn't glitter in the sun like Edward. You promise your friend that if he can find you an Edward, you'll give him the answers to your homework for the rest of your school-life. When your best friend's mom drives fast and you scream, "OMG! You drive fast! You're a vampire and you didn't TELL me?" You drink red drinks and yell, "Whoo! I'm a vampire! But I'm a vegetarian one, because I don't kill people! Only red berries!" You compare every guy you meet to Edward and are honestly disappointed when they never measure up. You see the name Edward- then you and your friends starts to freak out. For a long while after you read Twilight/New Moon, you acted as a missionary for the books, asking everyone you talked to if the had read them. You stand firm by your belief that anyone who says that Twilight is just a crappy, unrealistic love story should be taken to the edge of a cliff and pushed off. The space in your bookshelf where you place your Twilight books is like a sacred place. You don't want anyone to borrow, even touch, them in fear of them getting destroyed. -0- Edward vs. Normal guys A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!” Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.” Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.” Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb” Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!” Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.” A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you. Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano. If you die, a normal guy would find another. If you die, Edward would kill himself cause life without you isn’t worth living. As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!” As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.” As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice. As you come back to the house, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you. A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast. Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday. While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress. Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female. A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio. Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours. While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.” While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you” A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares. Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away. A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates. Edward Cullen buys you a car. -0- I'll st αч up tιll TШILIGHT WN 55 Annoying Things to do in an Elevator 1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air 39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS: 1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring an iPhone. Play music with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out loud and walk out triumphantly. 14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.) 15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 24. Snore. Loudly. 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 34. Hum the tune of "It's a Small World." 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect. 36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam. 37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby. 39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if heshe did it. 42. Dress like the professor. 43. Cross-Dress. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master... He had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher... He had no medicine, yet they called Him Healer... He had no army, yet kings feared Him... He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world... He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us... If you believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit then copy and paste this in your profile. If it wasn't for God, our week would be Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Frightday, and Shatterday. If you ignore Him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says... "If you deny Me before man, I will deny you before My Father in Heaven..." Roses are red, Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life 30 Good Reasons why GIRLS are always the BEST 1. We got off the Titanic first 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. Its possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We have ways of getting what we want easily. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. It's a little bit better if you tell a girl you look act like a guy compared to telling a guy you act like a girl. Get it? 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We have style. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. There's the saying "Ladies first." Mathematical proof of the Grand Theory of the Evilness of Girls: girls = time x money (Girls are time and money) BUT time = money (Time is money) THEREFORE girls = money squared BUT money = square root of evil (Money is the root of all evil) THEREFORE girls = square root of evil squared THEREFORE girls = evil 101 Ways to Annoy People 1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. Stuff That Makes You Think · What disease did cured ham have? · Why do we say we "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every hour and a half? · Why are they called marbles if they're made out of glass? · What color hair do bald men put on their driver's license? · How do you throw away a garbage can? · When two airplanes almost collide, why is it a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be a "near hit"? · Why do we shut up, but quiet down? · How did the "Keep off the Grass" sign get there in the first place? Interesting and insane laws: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. (Hmm... I'm not that sure all of the suicide terrorists will be scared off by that.) It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. (What... the...) It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Whoever passed this law was obviously half-asleep.) It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. (Oh great. Looks like we'll have to wait an extra hour to have lunch then.) It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (In that case most of the world should be locked up in prison.) It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (I'm sure we'll all be thinking of our stomachs when the building's on fire.) It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday. (Makes sense if you think about it, but on first impression...) It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (This might be better off in the "Only in America" section.) It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (A pity. That's a novelty I'd pay money to see.) It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Strange, but not illogical until you take into account that there is no coastline at all in the state in which this is a law...) It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. (AHH! HELP! FIRE!) The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Whoever came up with this? We should give him a Nobel Prize for such a masterful logical conclusion.) Take Time to Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is twenty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line! The Six Truths Of Life 1. You can't lick all of your teeth with your tongue. 2. You just tried to do the above. 3. The first truth is a lie. 4. You're smiling now because you're realizing you're an idiot. 5. You'll copy this into your profile for some other sucker to read it. 6. There's still a stupid smile on your face. BEST FRIENDS VS FRIENDS FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN!" FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance FRIENDS: Will watch my pets when I go away BEST FRIENDS: Won't let me go away FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN!" we messed up! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste! FRIENDS: Friendship is over when you have an argument BEST FRIENDS: Calls you after you had a fight. FRIENDS: Expects to always be there for them. BEST FRIENDS: Expects to always be there for you. FRIENDS: Will pick you up when your fall. BEST FRIENDS: Will push you back down and laugh. FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry. FRIENDS: Will say you can do better. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and say "You have seven days to live" FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with me BEST FRIENDS: will kidnap the band with me. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying BEST FRIENDS: Will hand you a Kleenex and ask you “Who do I have to kill?” FRIENDS: Has your back. BEST FRIENDS: Has a KICK ME sign to put on it. FRIENDS: Will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS: Are the ones who sold it to you FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail BEST FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you in your cell going "THAT WAS FUN! WANNA DO IT AGAIN?" FRIENDS: Don’t let you do stupid things BEST FRIENDS: Don’t let you do stupid thing ALONE FRIENDS: Wonders about your romantic history BEST FRIENDS: Could blackmail you with it! FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped me FRIENDS: Hides me from the cops BEST FRIENDS: Is probably the reason they’re after me in the first place FRIENDS: Wont let me make an idiot of myself in public BEST FRIENDS: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. -The Best Friend Pledge- 1. When you are blue, I will try and dislodge whatever is in your throat. 2. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 3. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 4. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could get until you stop whining. 5. When you are confused, I will use little words. 6. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me. I don't want whatever you've got. Jk (sort of). 7. When you fall, I will ask if you're okay, sit there and laugh at your clumsy butt. Man: Haven't I seen you some place before? Woman: Yes, and that’s why I don't go there anymore Man: Can I buy you a drink? Woman: Actually I'd rather have the money. Man: How did you get to be so beautiful? Woman: I must have been given your share. Man: Your face must turn a few heads. Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs. Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out. Woman: Okay, get out. Man: I think I could make you very happy. Woman: Why? Are you leaving? Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me? Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. Man: Can I have your name? Woman: Why? Don't you already have one? Man: want to see a movie? Woman: I've already seen one. Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone." Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy: Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing". Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today." Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account." Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there? Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter" Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized !" Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!" Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. The below statement is true. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Regular lions say ROAARR. Angry lions say BLARGAROARIMMAEATYOU. Sad lions say roooaaar. Mountain lions say: OMG EDWARD CULLEN RUN! One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome torture on screen. The other was just about a guy with a saw. Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!" (What if they actually do? Hmm… You use more muscles to scream bloody murder of course.) A wise man once said, “I don't know, go ask the women!" (Yes, you have to admit women are better. Very smart of him. I’ll go give him a cookie.) Men are like slinkies. They bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again My best friends are the kind, that if my house was on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen. But you gotta love 'em, right? My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem... 364 days a year, parents tell children not to take candy from strangers. On Halloween, they tell us to go wild. What's up with that? Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Jonah. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Jonah. There is nothing more depressing than a hollow chocolate bunny. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. You can't have any of my nothing! When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn’t take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face. (…) If every cloud has a silver lining, then hundreds of people have been struck by lightning looking for it. (Ooh! Where’s the silver- AAH! I JUST GOT STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!! Oh yeah, real smooth.) The harder you try, the dumber you look. If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you’re not alone. And yet, you are alone. So very alone... (Hello… lo… lo… lo… echo… echo…) There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE its weird. Smile at people you don’t like, it makes them wonder what you did... Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. (And they sure wish they could, too.) I'm not random; I just have many tho- OOH A SQUIRREL! Elmo knows where you live! My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom. Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. (And break some bones in the progress…) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. (YOU’RE EXPELLED!!) Hand over the chocolate or I will sing. (glass shatters) I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God! WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff… I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me? Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. (Floor: You bet I do… Your feet stink.) Go hug a cactus! It's all fun and games until the flying monkeys attack. (Eek! It just stole my banana!) Don't worry. When you have kids of your own, you forgive your parents. All girls listen up! Remember the seven B’s: Books Before Boys Because Boys Bring Babies… Or, if you want, it could go: Boys Before Books Because Books Bring Boredom. It’s your pick. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that. Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? (Me. Yes, I only trust me, which is why I’m talking to myself.) You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, loser! Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. (Right? Right?) I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y". I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, friends before guys. If you get scared at a movie, just throw candy at the people sitting in front of you. (That way, they’ll get mad at you, and you’ll have another thing to be scared of.) When someone says to try to take a walk in their shoes, just roll your eyes and say their shoes are too small. Yeah! I love wearing straight jackets, too! I get to hug myself! The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women. Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over. Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is a human's way of saying you can't fire me, I quit. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more. Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse! Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. (One… Two… Three… Fo- #!+) Education is important; school however, is another matter. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. (YES! They so are.) I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Now that is a cooler form of exercise!) People who act friendly have an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese? (Good question.) When two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? (Another good question.) The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up. All I want is a gorgeous, immortal, cold, silver Volvo owner that sparkles in the sunlight and bites me...is that too much to ask for? (Apparently so.) Blondes may have more fun, but Edward prefers brunettes! Ha! Go brunettes! I have been diagnosed with OCD: Obsessive Cullen Disorder. Like you don't gasp every time you see a silver Volvo. Every time a guy ignores me, I know it's just because he's a vampire in love with me, and he is too polite to drink my blood. YOU REALLY KNOW YOU'VE REACHED THE POINT OF NO RETURN, AND ARE TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH TWILIGHT, WHEN YOU WATCH WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, JUST IN CASE SOMEONE CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? "Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." -Anonymous Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it. Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey? If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door... "Everyday is a gift, that’s why they call it the present. "Tragedy is when I cut my finger, Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die"- Mel Brooks "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something." Crazy is a relative term in my family! Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich. "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to." Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you! I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. "If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life." --Tommy Lasorda No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go "Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." "An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed." Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up Guys should be like lattes-rich, strong, and hot I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever. I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard Let's flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn) Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world? My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together. Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! Don't frown, even when you’re sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile. You have to have darkness for a dawn to come. Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world. Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set. The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. A smile is the shortest distance between two people. Tell the truth and run. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. Education is important, school however, is another matter. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... Music is love in search of word. It's a fusion of Jazz and funk-is called 'Junk'! If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? When French people swear do they say pardon my English? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? How is it possible to have a civil war? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible? Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse? "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it? "When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade" Assassination is an extreme form of censorship The sun has set, the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison!! Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them Don’t mess with me I've got a stick He said I love you, I laughed and said sorry I'm allergic to bullshit I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later. One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons! I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. When I say LOL I'm not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say. When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office. I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us! Darth Vader-Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! Luke Skywalker-Nah, the rebels have cake. Darth Vader-ooh! Can I be a rebel?! I smile because I have no idea what's going on! Life was so simple when boys had cooties I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I don't obsess! I think intensely. All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. "When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it." "Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it." "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else" "Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real." "I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not." "Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?" "What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy." "Guns don't kill people. I do." "If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side." 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite gender. 2.Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, or yellow? 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 6. Name of a person of the same gender as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. Do you like California or Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Are you done? If so scroll down (don't cheat- -) THE ANSWERS 1. You are completely in love with this person 2. If you chose Red: You are alert and your life is full of love. Black: You are conservative and aggressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If your initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is is soon to blossom. S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If you were born in: Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experiance a major life changing experiance for the good. Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate. 5. If you chose... Black: Your life will take on in a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides with you and would do anything for you, but may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. This is how many close friends you will have in a lifetime. 8. If you chose California: You like adventure. Florida: You are a laidback person. 9. If you chose... Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people. 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come before your next birthday You know you're obsessed with Twilight if... You start going up to random people to tell them you want an Edward! You think your next door neighbor looks like a vampire, or he really is a vampire. You try to control your thoughts because Edward might hear them. You've read Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse at least 5 times each! You check on this site 5 times (or more) a day to see if there's any new Twilight news. You think your best friend's crazy for not reading Twilight, New Moon, and/or Eclipse. When you see a box labeled "Forks", you think there's something imported from Forks, Washington in there. Twilight has ruined any and all future reading for you. You use Twilight for every single school project that pops up. You break up with your boyfriend because he doesn't glitter in the sun like Edward. You have nothing to do, so you go to www.stepheniemeyer.com and read everything on the site twice. And then go to the Lexicon and do the same thing. You promise your friend that if he can find you an Edward, you'll give him the answers to your homework for the rest of your school-life. When your best friend's mom drives fast and you scream, "OMG! You drive fast! You're a vampire and you didn't TELL me?" You drink red drinks and yell, "Whoo! I'm a vampire! But I'm a vegetarian one, because I don't kill people! Only red berries!" You buy your friend her own copy of Eclipse so that she doesn't have to steal yours for any amount of time. You plan on naming your children after characters in any of the books in the Twilight series. You walk around school looking for pale-skinned, inhumanly beautiful classmates with red or gold eyes. You see a shadow, think it's Edward, and start talking to it. Before you go to sleep at night, you start thinking about Twilight before you can fall asleep. You compare every guy you meet to Edward and are honestly disappointed when they never measure up. (pffttt ya.) Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two 1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.. 2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. 3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. 4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. 5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them. 6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. 7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. 8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you. 9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. 10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. 11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around. 12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you. 13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to. What a Boyfriend SHOULD do: What a guy means, when he says some stuff- "You know how bad my memory is!” “Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.” "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt." “Take a breath honey. You work too hard.” "It‘s a guy thing" "Can I help with dinner?" "It would take too long to " "I have no idea how it works." "I cant find it." “Don’t fall for someone unless they’re willing to catch you.” ( OMG Edward Cullen) When life hands you lemons, throw them back and demand Edward Cullen A Dads Poem Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow. Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home. Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone. But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home. But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats. one by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed. At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. each of them was searching, for a man who wasn't there. "Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, "Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day." The words did not offend her, she smiled up at her Mom and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique. "My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. "Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart" With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud. "I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far. You see he was a fireman and died just this past year when airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away." And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day. And to her mother’s amazement, she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side. "I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out. And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose. And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far. ‘They’ say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends. Take the time...to live and love. Until eternity. May you be blessed. A Prayer of Edward-- Our Edward, Do YOU remember the 90s??... Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if You remember watching -Doug -Ren & Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Animaniacs -Gargoyles You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!" You just cant resist finishing this . . . "in west Philadelphia born and raised . . ." You remember -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You remember reading "Goosebumps" You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not When everything was settled by -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -ms. mary mack When kick ball was a daily activity. When we used to obey our parents You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape. You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular. You remember The Original Game Boy. You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny. You remember watching -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow -and Ghostwriter on PBS You remember when Yo-Yos were cool. You remember those Where's Waldo books. You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum. You remember watching -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -ghost busters You remember Ring Pops. If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!" You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players. Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your life with them. You played and/or collected "Pogs" You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere. One word. . . . . . . .trolls. Windows 95 was the best. You watched the original cartoons of -Rugrats -Wild Thornberry's -Power Rangers -Rocket Power. All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand. You collected those Beanie Babies. Carebears Lambchop's song never ended. Silver dollars, which were cool to have. Everyone watched the WB. If you even know what an original walkman is. You know the Macarena by heart. "Talk to the hand" . . . enough said You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace. You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground. Before the MySpace frenzy . . . Before the Internet & text messaging . . . Before Sidekicks & iPods . . . Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . . Before Spongebob . . . Before Tupac was shot. When light up sneakers were cool. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs. When gas was 0.95 a gallon. When we recorded stuff on VCRs. You had slap bracelets! You Actually played outside until it was dark! Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear. Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days . . . Lessons Learned in Twilight: Team Edward , just because! Team Bella because, if I had a boyfriend that hot I would be falling so he could catch me a lot too Team Rosalie because if I were that hot, I would brag too. Team Alice because, I would soooooooo go shopping with her! Team Jasper because, we all know his hair is PRO! Team Emmett because, we all need a big brother like him Team Carlisle because, all doctors should be this hot Team Esme because, she is the friendliest vamp EVER! Team Jacob because, if Bella takes him, that means I get EDWARD! when you live: live like your dying. when you laugh: laugh until you cry. when you love: love them like theyre leaving forever. when you dance: dance like nobody's watching when you learn: study like theres a huge test every day when you speak: speak like its judgement day when you sin: sin with the knowledge that Jesus died for your sake when you sing: sing like a mute person who just got their voice back when you read: absorb the words as if you were there when you pray: pray like your talking to your best friend when you eat: eat with the knowledge there are others who havent eaten in days when you drink: drink with the knowledge that ppl have died from dehydration when you walk: walk with the knowledge Jesus is walking with you, and there are others who cant walk when there are only one set of footsteps in the sand: know it is then that Jesus carried you when you're hurt: heal with the knowledge that there is always somebody who has it worse when your sick: get well with the knowledge ppl die from worse diseases every day when you run: run as far as you can, but make sure you find your home when you party: party hardy when you make a goal: exceed it when you cry: cry knowing that eventually there wont be anymore tears when you get mad: take it out on an inanimate object, not a person when you read this: read it with the knowledge that i sin, and although I wrote this, I don’t always follow the rules. I'm like an electrical plug. Leave me alone and I will do my thing, but if you mess with me I will electrocute you and possibly burn down your house. Don't be afraid, you will soon find comfort in inanimate objects. When something doesn't work right, cuss. It's the secret password. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb,(JACOB) copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile Whenever I get happy or calm all of a sudden I look around for Jasper. Team Edward cause Jacob doesn’t sparkle. It's not a complete day unless I scare the crap out of one of my friends. It's you and me against the world...we attack at dawn. If you are a walking, talking Twilight series encyclopedia and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile. I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me? It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone! Why spell it out to you if I can scream it in your face? Who ever said that words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary. How come parents always say, "Don't take candy from strangers," But on Halloween, it is encouraged? 1 . A day without sunshine is like night. 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 13. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand. 14. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? 20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name? 21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?' 22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off. 23. Light travels faster than sound.. That' s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Where are my crayons? First. Get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct. Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it! 1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column. 2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want. 3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex. 4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family...) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots. 5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11. (Go with your instincts!) 6. Finally, make a wish. And now the key for the game... 1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game. 2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love. 3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out. 4. You care most about the person you put in 4. 5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well. 6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star. 7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3. 8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7. 9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. 10. 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life I went to an insane asylum to talk who led the building. I ask him, "How do you know if someone is insane?" "Well," he replies, "we fill a bathtub with water and offer them a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket; they have to empty the bathtub quickly." "Oh," I say, "so they will take the bucket because it is the biggest and holds the most water." He looks at me, "No. A normal person would pull the plug. Now, would you like a room with a bed near the window or by the door?" Social Studies teacher- Today, we will be practicing the Socrates way of teaching. You aren't allowed to tell your point of view, just ask questions to help people get to your point of view, kind of like steering them in your direction. Me- Would you rather have the nicest house in a bad neighborhood, or the worst house in a nice neighborhood? Maria- Bad house in nice neighborhood. Me- Why? Maria- So people wouldn't come to steal from me. Me- Why? Maria- Because I have the nicest house and people would like it. Me- Why? Maria- They would want to sell my stuff to get money. Me- Why? Maria- So they can buy other stuff. Me- Why? Maria- Because we give money to get items. Me- Why? Maria- Because we don't trade anymore. Me- Why? Maria- It isn't right to trade a diamond necklace for a taco, it doesn't work that way!! Me- How did we get from talking about houses to tacos?! OKAY MY LIFE IS DONE NOW! The below statement is true. Edward Cullen made every girl want a bloodthirsty vampire instead of a knight in shining armor. An enemy of my enemy, is my friend. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away. I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless. I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like fire. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes. Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words. It’s great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who’s bald. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over! A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. The cops never find it as funny as you do. Having the love of your life say that you can still be friends is like your mom saying you can still keep your dog after it died. Rosalie is the most beautiful, Emmett is the Strongest, Alice is the perkiest, Carlisle is the oldest, Esme is the nicest, Bella is the clumsiest, Edward is the fastest, But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous. Sometimes a road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional. Live forever, or die trying. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject If you wish to make a man your enemy, tell him simply, "You are wrong." This method works every time. Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity. Do that again and I'll give you a paper cut RIGHT IN FRONT OF JASPER! I keep trying to kidnap Edward but every time I try Alice is there waiting for me with a baseball bat. How does she- Oh. Right. Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop! If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment. I tried to call 911 the other day, but couldn't find number eleven on the keypad! When you laugh, I'll laugh, you cry, I cry, you fall down that ski slope, I laugh even harder. The second mouse gets the cheese. It's Band GEEK, not Band NERD. If you are going to try to insult me, at least do it right! If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? If you know you have an unhealthy obsession with one or all of the Cullens (coughEdwardcough), but you don't really care because even though admitting you have a problem is the first step to healing, frankly, you don't wanna heal. In my world, pages 73-381 of New Moon don't exist. If you can't beat them, join them God made man, and then said, "I can do better than that," and made woman. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. Someone told me: Go to hell! Me: I can't. They put a restraining order on me... Engineering: 'How will this work?' Science:’ Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts:’ Do you want fries with that?'" Boys are like slinkeys... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs(except Edward Cullen of course!!) Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark 'I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow does not look good either.' 'May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and a big bag of money.' 'Cute but evil. Things even out.' "If you hit me at 30mph, there's an 80 chance I'll live. Hit me at 40mph, and there's an 80 chance I'll die...Please stop trying to hit me." 'Roses are red, I'm perfectly sane, it's the world that's crazy. Here's a riddle, two guys destroyed your bike with a bat and a crow bar, one of them wasn't me. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and its gone. If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', whats the opposite of 'progress'? Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. Procrastinate NOW! The voices in my head tell me I need therapy. The newscaster is the person who says “Good evening” and then tells you why its not. I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me in kick boxing. The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you do succeed, try not to look to astonished. I am convinced that my superpowers are locked inside of me, and can't be released until my mom makes me a superhero costume. for some strange reason, that doesn't seem to be on the list of high priorities for her! If Procrastinators formed a club, would they ever meet? We live in an age where the pizza delivery will reach your house before the police. I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser. Heck is the place for people who don't believe in Gosh. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every-time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Sarcasm is one more service I offer. Compassion costs extra. Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. I will temporarily rule the world, forever. Life is like robbing a bank; so worth the while! You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there- (A good one!!) Let's see. My first impression: I hate you. Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon. Don't look at me with that tone of voice!. Silence is golden, duck-tape is silver. It's a wonder they haven't locked you up yet. A good friend would come and bail you out of jail. A true friend would be sitting there beside you saying, "Man that was fun! Let's do it again!" Question: if some one with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?? Who ever said that anything was possible has obviously never tried to ski through a revolving door... Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them. You've gotta die in creative ways. They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a If it's not nailed down, it's fair game. To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy When in doubt, use brute force. When that doesn't work...RUN!! Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together. Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy. You can't fall off the floor, but you can always pick yourself back up. Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough. If you mess with anything long enough, it'll break. Push something hard enough and it will fall. You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes! I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest. Schizophrenia beats being alone. Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum. Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. Never knock on Death's door... Ring the bell and run away... he hates that! This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force. There is darkness. There is chaos. There is evil. They are not now, nor have ever been the same thing. Warning: trespassers will be shot. Warning: survivors will be shot again. Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in Australia. Unless you're in Australia, then start worrying. If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years. –Socrates. You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal. –Anonymous. The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. -George S. Patton Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire. –Anonymous. If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. -Leo C. Rosten Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak." "Lottery: a tax on people who don't understand statistics." "Main reason Santa is so jolly: because he knows where all the bad girls live." "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize." "If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?" "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you." If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?" "If you can read this . . . I can slam on my brakes and sue you!" "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them." "Straight is something crooked that was bent." "Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!" "I want revenge. Is that so wrong?" "Chaos, panic, and disorder...My work here is done." The problem with reality is a lack of background music. I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back. If I won't be myself, who will? "If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." "If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it." Eat right, exercise, die anyway. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day. In theory, everything works. Do unto others before they do unto to you. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!" If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation. Your village called, they want their idiot back. Welcome to loserville. Population: you. "I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight" My mechanic told me,"I couldn't repair your brakes,so I made your horn louder." "I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay." "I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down." Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain). Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. I need someone real bad...Are you real bad? Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder. All men are idiots...and I married their king. The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. Reality is a crutch for people that can't handle drugs. Out of my mind...be back in five minutes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Hang up and drive. God must love stupid people. He made SO many! I said "NO" to drugs, but they don't listen! Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU are still an idiot. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Where there's a will...I want to be in it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink! Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Always remember that you are unique...just like everyone else. I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit. I wasn't born a bitch, men like you made me this way. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either! Who were the testers for Preparations A through G? Madness takes a toll, please have exact change. EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people. Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes. Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings. My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her...or something like that. Stop repeat offenders! Don't re-elect them! One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Never punch a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. I never argue with an idiot. They drag me down to their level, and then beat me with experience. "Comfort the Disturbed and Disturb the Comfortable" -Unknown -"Fiction is a lie and good fiction is the truth inside the lie" -Unknown He shouldn't let his mind wander, it's too little to go out on its own. He had a good idea once, but it died of loneliness. His men would follow him anywhere, But only out of curiosity. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people are just out of film. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. God grant us the senility to forget the people you never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones you do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you. 'School prepares you for the real world, which sucks.' 'It's okay if you want to drop dead.' Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women. So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face. When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you. I hear your silence loud and clear. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either. Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf. I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. I do not deny everything. Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store. Love me or hate me, personally, I couldn't care less. Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. The road to success is always under construction. Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children. Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow? Education is important, school however, is another matter. Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick. Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually they're pretty slow. Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? Help, I've fallen and I can't...Hey nice carpet! Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance? There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life! Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Cheese…Milk's leap toward immortality. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid? It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths The cops never find it as funny as you do. I am a proud part of the "Chasing Jacob Black Out of Town with Pitchforks Club.(But I think it should be with grenades.) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says, ‘If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.’ The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Someday my prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest. When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them. The best things in the world are free -- and worth every penny of it. Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind. I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Let's flip a coin. Heads, We'll be together, tails, we'll flip again. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world? My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Why are the Force and ducktape the same? Both have a light and a dark side and hold the universe together. You have to have darkness for a dawn to come. Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I love you. I was doing fine until I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world. Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set. Tell the truth and run. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic ... maybe we should have amateurs build everything. If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit? Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets? Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?? When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade. Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery. Always forgive our enemies - nothing annoys them so much. If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Let me know if anything I say offends you - I might want to offend you later. One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons! I smile because I have no idea what's going on. Life was so simple when boys had cooties. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. I ran with scissors and lived! I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I don't obsess! I think intensely. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. Come join the dark side. (We have Edward Cullen) All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. My favorite word is sarcasm. It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead, I have a life Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have. There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day. Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips. Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. Somebody needs a Happy Meal. Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. My heart is not a playground I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter. If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out. If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you. Love can come in many different colours. What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy. The 10 Commandments of Twilight 1. I am the best book out there, you shall have no better ones than I. 2. You shall not take Edward Cullen's name in vain. 3. Remember to keep release dates calendared. 4. Honor the Cullen's for gracing you with their presence. 5. You shall not kill humans or shape-shifting wolves. 6. You shall not love both Edward and Jacob equally. 7. You shall not steal Twilight books from your friends to see how they will react when they can't read them anymore. 8. You shall not lie, for Edward will know that you did anyways. 9. You shall not covet Edward. 10. You shall not covet Edward's Volvo, or various Cullen cars. Everyone is entitled to being stupid, but you just abuse the privilege. I would say "screw you" but I think to many people already have. I am really trying to imagine you with a personality. Oops, I can't. Not the brightest crayon in the box, now, are we? Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. You're a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal. You just won't leave me alone, will you? You know, people like you are the reason why people like me need medication. Is it time for your medication or mine? Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot! Roses are red, List 5 reasons why I shouldn't talk to you. And then read them over and over. If stupidity was a crime, you'd get the electric chair. 10 Commandments of a Teenager 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box." Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over. "Let's eat grandpa!!" "Where am I to go, now that I've gone too far?" My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. Oh, you think I'm kidding. "Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils." "It takes forty-six muscles to frown, but only four to flip 'em the bird." "Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda." Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward (into a vampire), God is Carlisle. That and when every one of us woke up and saw Carlisle, we thought he was God. And God (Carlisle) said, "Let there be Edward," . . . and it was good. I am the future of Britain. Be very, very afraid. Even if the voices aren't real, they got some great ideas. Sometimes I get the urge to run around naked . . . but then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking. What not to say to the police: "You're not going to check the trunk, are you?" Oh my God, look at you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident? Some call it stalking; I call it love. I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" The Logic behind Rock, Paper, Scissors I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to "magically wrap around" Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody! A rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shoot, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.” A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle. Girl: Slow down, I’m scared. Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No it's not, please, it's so scary. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, slow down. Guy: Now give me a big hug She gave him a big hug Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself, It's really bothering me. The next day in the newspaper, a motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loves him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy this in your profile. |
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