You know you’ve read too much Harry Potter Fanfiction when…

1) Dumbledore is a manipulative bastard and knew about EVERYTHING and did nothing about it

2) NO really! The Dursley’s physically abused Harry more than the author says! I swear.

3) All the characters are obviously gay. No matter who they ended up with

4) Draco and Hermione totally had a fling at some point.

5) Hermione is really a pure-blood and we all know it.

6) SIRIUS DID NOT DIE! And neither did Cedric, the Potters, Dumbledore or anyone else. They are all in hiding.

7) Harry would totally go for anyone, even the giant squid. And Draco, especially Draco.

8) The real reason Voldemort hates the world is because he can’t have Harry as a lover. Really.

9) The Marriage Law…. yes it exists.

10) Everyone is sneaking around and having sex when they think no one is looking.

E V E R Y O N E.

11) Blaise, Charlie, and all those characters that are only named once? Yeah, they’re main characters.

12) The Weasley’s are all totally manipulative fakers who were promised money/power to befriend Harry. It was all planned.

13) Who cares that Harry and Ginny/Ron and Hermione are happily married (with kids) in the epilogue!? Harry wants Hermione and vice versa. That’s that.

14) Ron is an insensitive jerk and is unnecessary to the plot

15) It doesn’t matter that she’s a teacher, Minerva McGonagall is lesbian for one of her students…usually Hermione Granger.

16) Severus and Lily were so together, but James somehow forced her into marriage

17) Which is why Severus is totally Harry’s father

18) Snape, Dumbledore ,Lupin, Sirius, Moody, Malfoy Sr. , James, Voldemort, the LeStrange brothers, Dolohove, Pettigrew and any other male character can be Hermione’s father

19) Or boyfriend

20) Dumbledore is NOT GAY! Because clearly he is in love with Professor McGonagall

21) Voldemort has a kid, and it can be anyone. Yes, that includes Harry.

22) There is clearly more to Gringotts and the Goblins. Which includes (but is not limited to) a hospital in the bank and a special team of Goblin assassins. [yes really]

23) Harry Potter is obviously freaking rich to the point where he could buy the continent

24) Luna is a seer, and yes Crumple-Horned Snorkacks exist.

25) Harry is a Slytherin…and so is everyone else apparently

26) Harry and Hermione still have a chance. You know it.

27) Incest? Who cares.

28) Fleur clearly never wanted to marry Bill. She wanted to marry *insert any and all other characters*

29) The above is also true for all other characters.

30) The main character can easily somehow end up in the U.S.

31) And suddenly lose their British/Scottish/Irish/whatever they originally had accent

32) Or they have it TOO MUCH and suddenly they all sound like leprechauns

33) J.K. Rowling CLEARLY planned this entire thing out but didn’t bother to tell anyone….or write it in the books for that matter.

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
There are real life newspaper headlines.

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter.
╰ ╮╰ ╮

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really?? Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

╰ ╮╰ ╮
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

╰ ╮╰ ╮
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

╰ ╮╰ ╮
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect! If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
╰ ╮╰ ╮

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
╰ ╮╰ ╮

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
╰ ╮╰ ╮

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
╰ ╮╰ ╮

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

╰ ╮╰ ╮
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?! Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
╰ ╮╰ ╮

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
╰ ╮╰ ╮

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
╰ ╮╰ ╮

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
╰ ╮╰ ╮

And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

~"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

~"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." -Lily Tomlin

~"If you can't convince them, confuse them." -Harry S. Truman

~"A real friend is someone who walks in, when the rest of the world walks out."

~"I would rather be hated for who I am, then who I'm not."

~Don't laugh at me because I'm weird, for I laugh at you, because you're normal.

~I used to have superpowers, then my therapist took them away.

~Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was blamed.

~When i was younger i hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly type used to come up
to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me 'You're next.' They stopped that crap after i started doing the same
thing to them at funerals.

~A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

~The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

~Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

~Your ridiculous opinion has been noted.

~Knowledge is power, power corrupts. Study hard, be evil.

~Bow down! Bow down! Bow down before the power of Santa! Or be crushed BY HIS JOLLY BOOTS OF DOOM!!

~Randomness is the base of conversation.

~A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected, a best friend goes up to him and says, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

~A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend would be sitting net to you saying, "Damn that was fun!"

~A good friends would ask you what's wrong when you cry, a best friend would have a shovel in their hand ready to kill the
person who made you cry.

~When I'm down i like to whistle...It makes the neighbors dog run to the end of the chain and gag itself.

~The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so they can tell when their really in trouble.

~Long ago when people cursed and beat the ground with sticks it was called witchcraft. Today we call it golf.

~A friend helps you up when you fall, a best friend walks past and says, "Walk much dumb-ass?"

~I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Taken from General Unknowns page

-If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

-Guns don’t kill people. Bullets kill people.

-Trying is the first step toward failure.

-Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

-My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

-You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

-You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

-Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

-I ran with scissors, and lived!

-You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh,you hurt, I hurt, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

-It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 muscles to reach out and bitch slap that motherfucker who made you frown.

-I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

-I agree with the dictionary. girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

-I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

-They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people

People are more violently opposed to fur over leather because its safer to harrass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

You Say Pink
I Say Blue
You Say Paris Hilton
I Say She's Dumb
You Say Zac Efron
I Say Byakuya Kuchiki
You Say Techno-pop
I Say HUH?
You Say I'm Weird
I Say I'm Different
You Say Anime Sucks
I Say SCREW YOU

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

"Don't take life seriously, no one ever makes out alive anyways"

"I have strong opinions...but I don't have to agree with them" - President Bush

"The customer's always right! If not, look left!"

"Love is like a warm bullet." - My dad O_O

"Whatever tickles your pickle" and "Dude! You owe me a car!" - Gabi

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its students." - Louis Hector Berlioz ( I wonder who he is?)

" Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings." (I love this one!)

"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."

" I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar." (This one makes me smile a lot!)

" The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think." (It's sadly true...)

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." (Poor people!)

"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'" (Oh so true!)

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling." (That quote would most likely represent me.)

"Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer." (Yea!)

"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room." (Heh...funny...)

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants" - A. Whitney Brown

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush (Go Bush!)

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else." (Yup!)

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my butt when I ask where the toilet is?
2People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually..
3When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. You're darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?’ No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the stupid floor.
6People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7When something is 'new and improved!’ Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, c couldn’t be new.
8When people say 'life is short'. What the heck?? Life is the longest freaking thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'has the bus come yet?’ If the bus came would I be standing here dummy?

SOME WAYS 2 MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY!!

1.at lunch time, sit in ur parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down

2.page urself over the intercom. dont disguise ur voice

3.everytime someone asks you 2 do something, ask if they want fries with that

4. put ur garbage can on ur desk and label it "in"

5.Finish all ur sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy"

6.Order a diet water whenever u go out 2 eat--with a serious face

7.specify that ur drive-through order is "to go"

8.As often as possible, skip rather than walk i do this all of the time

9 don t use any punctuation

10.sing along at the opera
11.go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems dont rhyme

12. put mosquito netting around ur work area and play tropical sounds all day

13. five days in advance, tell ur friends u cant attend their party cuz ur not in the mood

14.Have ur friends address u by ur wrestling name, Rock Bottom

15.when the money comes out of the ATM, scream "i won! i won!"

16.when leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run 4 your lives, they're loose!!"

17.AND THE FINAL WAY 2 KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY...PUT THIS IN UR PROFILE 2 MAKE SOME1 SMILE.

15 Ways to Get Kicked Out of WalMart

1-wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf

2-Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.

3-Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price

4-Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"

5-when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"

6-start a fish stick fight

7-walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"

8-(this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"

9-walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do

10-slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart (just make sure he doesn't have any girls with him)

11-attempt to fly off a high shelf

12-throw confetti on random people walking into the store

13-whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line

14-stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section

15-walk up to empoyees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you away...to aisle 8..

80 of all teens would cry if the Jonas Brothers were on a 20 story building about to jump. The other 20 would bring a chair and popcorn and shout jump! Copy and Paste if your one of those 20.

IF NICK JONAS SAID THAT BREATHING WASN'T COOL 95 OF GIRLS WOULD DIE. PLEASE PASTE THIS ON YOUR PAGE IF YOU WOULD BE THE 5 LAUGHING YOUR HEAD OFF.

95 of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top
of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this if you are part of the 5 that would sit there with popcorn and a camera and yell "DO A FLIP!!"

Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading #1, will try it.

3. And discover that #1 is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will show this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I'm such an idiot. :D

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Hot damn! THIS COOKIE IS AN EVIL GENIUS!"

You live off of sugar and caffeine.

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason.

Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

You're jealous cuz the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

No tresspasing, violaters will be shot and survivors will be shot again.

Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

People are boring, they are only amusing if you push them down a flight of stairs.

When life gives you lemons make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.

My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.

When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!

If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.

I'm perfectly sane, it's the world that's crazy.

I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look to astonished.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tommorow in Australia.

Vegetarian: Indian word for 'lousy hunter'.

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified.

Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Order a diet water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

I'm not cynical, everything just sucks.

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well... basically... your house burned even faster.

Guns don't kill people. I do.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!

Heh. I'm looking forward to regretting this

It's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

I used up all of my sick days...so I'm calling in dead.

Things to do in an elavator.

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you'd prefer having an anime guy as your boyfriend then some one in real life, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have your own little world, copy this to your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

Put this in your sig if you laughed your ass off when you realized that "Yagami" backwards is ' I'm a Gay".

If you think that it's not fair that the guys in manga and anime are almost always better than the guys in the real world, copy and paste this in your profile! Then add your name. List: Mit-chan007, Ni-Chan, vampgirl8, omg.whoamiagain, xXx.Murakami.xXx, MariFerolla, Bakagirl101, The Original Natsuko, HarukaTenshiSushi, wcatz

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. (HELL YEAH!)

If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get, like, two reviews, copy this into your profile

Why does Byakuya always frown? Because the last time he smiled, Renji had a stroke.

Why does Unohana always smile? Because the last time she frowned half of Squad 11 died of fright.

RenjixRukia 4ever!

333 ways to get kicked out of walmart

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!! You're ALIVE!! It's a MIRACLE!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _
6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!"
8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"
9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"
10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"
11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men
13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them
14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice
15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts
16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens
18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap
20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor
21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"
23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation
24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."
25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...
26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it
27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."
28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song
29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"
30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!" Then run out of the store screaming
31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?
32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles
33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them
34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out
35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"
36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room
38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"
39. TP as much of the store as possible
40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal
41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."
42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke
43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off
44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department
46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom
47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"
48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens
49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts
50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners
51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!
52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night
53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras
54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand
55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face
56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by
57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken
59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"
60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"
61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name
62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters
63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans
64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again
65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you
66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!
67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing
68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!"
69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head
70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"
71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!"
72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.
73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."
74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.
75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song
76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store
77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead
78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you
79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles
80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."
81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down
82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham
83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags
84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle
85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions
86. Swing on the half price banners
87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed
88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty
89. Hold Barbie for ransom
90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"
91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart
92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"
93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"
94. Do your own radio show over the intercom
95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask
96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up
97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!
98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you
99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over
101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund
102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby
103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."
104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items
106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!"
107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"
108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"
109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit
110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"
111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around
112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"
113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend ur having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!! NOOOOOO!!" Then start rolling around
114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."
115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy frys. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the frys above their head like there getting married
116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"
117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in
118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.
120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.
122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart
124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things 125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.
127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.
130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.
132. Light a match under a sprinkler
133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.
134. Buy something that is like 5 and give the cashier all pennies.
135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!! I haven't seen you in so long!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.
136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"
137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.
138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
139. start hitting on the mannequins.
140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.
141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.
142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.
143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.
144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"
145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.
146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!"
147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!"
148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel
149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!
150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!"
151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.
152. Ask for Goat Milk
153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.
154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"
155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people
156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!"
158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"
159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!
160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.
161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"
162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!"
163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.
164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker!
165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins
166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.
167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.
168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.
169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face
170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.
171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.
172. Start playing the violin.
173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!"
174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.
175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.
176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce lika a bum
177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!"
178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily
179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.
180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.
181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically
182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"
183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"
184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff
185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.
186. Walk around in a court jester costume
187. Run at people with a pitch fork
188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack
189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them
190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."
191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"
192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people
193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'
194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.
195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day
196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals
197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera
198. Yell curse words at people
199. Knock down as many displays as you can
200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.
201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people
202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away
203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"
204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle
205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces
206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"
207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.
208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.
209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.
210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.
211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"
212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.
213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.
214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"
215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"
216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock
217. Tap dance through the store
218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican
219. Rip open every package you see
220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.
221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)
222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."
223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.
224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"
225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.
226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!"
227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.
228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.
229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.
230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.
231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.
232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target
233. Throw a party in a busy isle
234. Test drive lawn mowers
235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store
236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around
237. Carry a bomb and make it explode
238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it
239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager
240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by
241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"
242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.
243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar
244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!"
245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers
246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)
247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.
248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"
249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"
250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it
251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"
252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda
253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"
254. Order a pizza from the cashier
255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred
256. Start a food fight
257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"
258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.
259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you
260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt
261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"
262. Flip off the manager
263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...
264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"
265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!"
266. Throw a dance party
267. Write on the floors
268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.
269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.
270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.
271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.
272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"
273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.
274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.
275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!"
276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.
277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!
278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.
279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase
280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra
281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.
282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow
283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks
284. Flirt with the manager's wife
285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.
286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil
287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"
288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...
289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in
290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."
291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.
292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"
293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)
294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.
295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)
296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"
297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"
298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"
299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint
300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"
301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas
302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey
303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar
304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over.
305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.
306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!" 307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.
308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.
309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"
310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.
311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."
312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"
313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"
315. Spit in the manager's face
316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad
317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car."
318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt
319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles
320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"
321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"
322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!"
323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people
324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance
325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"
326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.
327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"
328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.
329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"
330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.
331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"
332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.
333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!

100 things to do in a elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift.
3. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
4. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
5. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".
6. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
7. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
8. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
9. Shave.
10. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
11. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
12. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off
13. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
14. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
15. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
16. One word: Flatulence!
17. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
18. Do Tai Chi exercises.
19. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
20. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
21. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
22. Meow occasionally.
23. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
24. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
25. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
26. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
27. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
28. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
29. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
30. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
31. Leave a box between the doors.
32. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
33. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
34. Start a sing-along.
35. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
36. Play the harmonica.
37. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
38. Lean against the button panel.
39. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
40. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
41. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
42. Bring a chair along.
43. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
44. Blow spit bubbles.
45. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
46. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
47. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
48. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
49. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
50. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
51. Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?"
52. Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?"
53. Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes
53. Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened.
54. Scratch yourself excessively saying "ing headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"
55. Set out a pinic set on the floor and suggest to the other passengers to join you in afternoon tea
56. Break wind and blame it on the person next to you
57. Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax
58. Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"
59. Have sex with your imaginary friend
60. Say you have just won the lottery and you are on your way to collect your winnings. See how many people are listening to you
61. As the lift descends, shout "Bombs away!"
62. Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia
63. Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"
64. Perform a striptease
65. Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"
66. Fake an orgasam when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever
67. Let your mobile phone ring - dont anwser it.
68. Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"
69. Say "this new g-sring is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it.
70. Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days"
71. Suggest to the other passengers that you all should play a game of twister. Then get out the board and lie it on the floor
72. Paint the walls of the lift.
73. On entering, ask the passengers if they want to be your friend. Burst into tears if they say no.
74. Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"

75. Get back to nature - go in naked
76. Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"
77. Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 ...oh heres my floor"
78. Serve tea and coffee
79. Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont
80. Act like the sergent of the lift. Order people around. Tell them to get in line.
81. Suggest to the other people that your should play musical statues. Bring a tape recorder along too
82. Teach the people french. Dont let them leave till they get it right
83. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
84. Insist, the lift ride costs £2.50
85. Describe in detail, how you're "hung like a horse"
86. Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency
87. Yodel
88. Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"
89. Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again.
90. Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.
91. Try breakdancing
92. Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"
93. Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war".
94. Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.
95. Force people to read to Kama Sutra while asking "do you wanna try this one?"
96. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..."
97. Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!"
98. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
99. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
100. Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.