Welcome to my profile page. If you don't know what you are doing here then maybe you pushed that link accidentally. If you do know why you're here then feel free to view my profile.

I am currently in high school and if you think my stories suck then that's your opinion and I've been told that we are all entitled to our own opinions but I'm not really keen on getting bashed so if you don't like me then so be it.One other thing about me is that I make these really long sentences and in a while it gets really annoying so please bear with me because I really have so much ideas and couldn't really stop myself in writing much more than is necessary.

See? Only two sentences and it already looks like a whole paragraph.

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard.

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. When you are told "well you deserve better" by others, I will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth.

There are three men who need to get across a lake.

The first one prays to God, asking for the strength to get across.

He gets big muscles and swims across. But almost dies five times.

The second one prays to God for the strength and the tools he needs to get across.

He gets big muscles and a boat and rows across. But he almost dies three times.

The third one prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains.

He turns into a woman; walks four yards and crosses the bridge.

My name is Chris.

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong

I can't speak at all

Or else I'm locked up

All day long.

When I'm awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into an unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O, please God, have mercy!

O, please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Chris

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me.

If you believe child abuse is wrong, copy and paste this into your profile.

HE SAID: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've nothing to put in it. SHE SAID: You wear pants, don't you?

Hahahahahahahaha. Wait. What?

I have super powers. I just don't want to show you.

Hi. I have cool socks on today.

I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as I do.

Don't flatter yourself. I was looking at your friend.

ME?? SARCASTIC?? NOOOOO.

I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

Tell your boyfriend's pants it's not polite to point.

FAKE. It's the latest trend. and everyone seems to be in style.

When The Power Of Love Will Overcome The Love Of Power, The World Will Know Peace.

Secret Admirer: a stalker with stationary.

Who ever said, "Nothing is impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.

Don't follow me... I'm lost too.

Poke me. I dare you.

Doctors say I have Multiple Personalities. We disagree with that.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt... then it's hilarious.

DON'T DRINK WATER: fish have sex in it.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Dain bramaged.

You can't make a person love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.

"If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English." - Homer Simpson.

I'm so gangsta. I carry a squirt gun.

One night I looked up at the beautiful stars and began to think... where the HECK is my roof??

People are like SLINKIES. Basically useless. And yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.

Smile... it makes people wonder what you're up to.

I'm smiling because they haven't found the bodies yet.

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".