![]() i love twilight!...thats it 4 now since im too lazy to write more (= - 11/20/09 Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916 Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843 Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901 Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916 Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901 Bella Swan: Clumsier than you since 1989 Carlisle Cullen: Smarter than you since 1640 Esme Cullen: More motherly than you since 1908 Renesmee Cullen: More special than you since 2008 Emmett's the strongest. But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make everyone feel jealous I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!" FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste! FRIENDS: Would read ignore this. BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap! Tell me thats not funny! My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live" Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you A good friend will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting next to you in your cell going "That was fun! Should do that again!" Good friends dont let you do stupid things, BEST FRIENDS don't let you do stupid thing ALONE Good Friend: Knocks politely at your door BEST Friend: Walks right on in and shouts ‘I’M HOME’ Good Friend: Will bail you out of jail BEST Friend: Will be sitting on the bench next to you saying ‘Damn that was fun! Let’s do it again!’ Good Friend: Will help you cry when you are rejected by a boy BEST Friend: Will go up to the boy and say ‘Its because you’re gay, isn’t it?’ Good Friend: Asks nicely for your stuff BEST Friend: Shouts ‘GIMME!!’ Good Friend: Waits to call you until a reasonable hour BEST Friend: Calls you at 2 in the freaking morning FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up! FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad" Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. Friends: Fade Best Friends: Are 4 Ever Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism You know you live in 2009 when... 1. You go to a party, sit down and take MySpace pics. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace. 4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV. 6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer. 7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling. 8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this. 9. You were too busy to notice number five. 10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five. 11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity. 12. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did. 13. You're sad because you fell for it and think you have to put it on ur pro. Twilight Oath I Love my Dad: At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came REMEMBER WHEN ..
WAS GROW UP? Dear Mommy, I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap. He loves me and I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap. He said He I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Love, Your Baby Girl SniffSniff SoOo SaD If you think that abortion is wrong and as terrible as it really is A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, she asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to cry. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked her for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. She was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." You're never alone... 93 Percent Of the people who read this won't repost it. Don't be one of those people. Believe in God and he'll always be there to protect you. Johnny brought a gun to school, Mommy, I was a good girl, I did But Mommy, when I went to school that day, When Johnny shot the gun, Mommy, please tell Daddy; And tell my little sister; And tell my wonderful friends; Mommy, tell my teachers; Mommy, why'd it have to be me? And Mommy, tell the doctors; Mommy, I'm slowly dying, Mommy, I ran as fast as I could, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to get married, But Mommy, I'm must go now, I love you Mommy, I always have, --In Memory Of The School Shootings-- One day, I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, Then it hit me Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks. Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would you keep looking after I found it? It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and let the world wonder how you did it. If life gives you lemons, throw them back, and yell I WANT EDWARD CULLEN "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust? One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me? Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control If two wrongs don't make a right...try three. 1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your 3 best friends. If it's not one of them...it's you. We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You just jumped off a bridge...damn, I'm gonna miss your sorry ass. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family. So it's one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu...I think it's Collin. A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going, "We fucked up, huh?" Keep staring I might do a trick. All things considered, insanity be the only reasonable alternative.'s -Let flip a coin-heads we'll be together, tails we flip again. -Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. -Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. -Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. -Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird? -There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day. -Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. -I'm going to live forever, or die trying. -If I had something good to say, I would have already said it. -Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a looser at the same time. -Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that. -Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -If you get a low enough SAT score, you should be able to park in the handicap space. -Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. -I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer. -Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? -When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. -Education is important; school however, is another matter. -Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. -You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder! -Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. -They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people. -I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole! -That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before. -Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. -Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. -The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. -I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. -If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either. -Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? -Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? -There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. -Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed. -High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. -It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. -People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House. -I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. -I do not deny everything. -Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store for a quart of milk. -The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory. -Always proofread to make you sure you don’t any words out. -I'm not short I'm fun sized. -Love me or hate me personally I could care less -Unless you've lived my life, don't judge me because you don't know, never have & never will know every little thing & detail about me -You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then. -When you get caught looking at him, remember he was looking back. -Girls are like phones, we love to be held, and talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! -I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago : ) -Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us -Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls. -"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda." -Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over -Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down. I bet you can't resist passing it on when you're done! Lessons I've Learned From My Mother My mother taught me to appriciate a job well done. -- "If you're going to fight, go outside! I just cleaned in here!" Love ya, Momma! |
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