I am obsessed with reading, yet I can't spell to save my life. II type wiith a typiing quiirk becau2e what oriigiinally 2tarted out a2 a joke went two far and now iit2 2econd nature. II can't 2tand annoyiing people, II belong two way two many fandom2, and II have a very 2hort attentiion 2pan for 2omeone my age. II'm iin hiigh 2chool and II piity anyone who try2 two read my profiile. II really 2hould ediit iit...

-The 15 Commandments/Rules/General Standards of My Life-

1. I believe that being in love is merely to being in a state of perceptual anesthesia.

2. A good friend helps find your Prince Charming. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you

3. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

4. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

5. I don't trip, I test gravity. It still works.

6. Life isn't about the number of breaths I take, but the moments that take my breath away. Like choking.

7. I really wouldn't mind it if you want to kill me, but I might struggle a bit. Because you know, most people object to being killed quite a lot.

8. An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!', I am the person who pushed the optimist off in the first place

9. When I wish upon a shooting star, all my dreams might come true, but usually the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. So, I'm pretty much screwed, no matter what I wished for, unless it was death by meteor.

10. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. Its what gives my life a little flavor.

11. Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.

12. My prayer: (i'm not mocking anyones faith, this really is my prayer) 'Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.'

13. My classifications of people: Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when I don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good!

14. Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

15. I love to smile. It scares people.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

I hope the Boogieman gets you.

Bare facts are too pricey, so we buy cheap opinions.

Beware! For my place of employment has given me a NEW weapon...THE BUBBLE WRAP!

'I wished upon a falling star to make me stronger. It came true because the next day I was able to stand while watching you walk away.'

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils"

Two wrongs may not make a right, but three rights make a left.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

The worst time to have a heart attack is when you’re playing charades. No one will believe you.

I’m not sleeping. I’m just looking at the insides of my eyelids

Hear no evil. See no evil. Make some evil

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

I am a fruit-loop in a world full of Cheerios.

You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I make the Riddler look like a therapist

If you have no idea who the Riddler (from previous statment) is thats your loss not mine

Directions to Llama-land:
Left at the rainbow, Right at the unicorn. And if you've passed the penguin, you've gone too far.

Having the love of your life say, "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

if payback's a bitch and revenge is sweet then im the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet

i know you're probably thinking...OH NO SHE DIDN'T! but i just totally did ;D

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned."

They say greener grass on the other side but its probably just artificial turf.

Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for.

Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you.

If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

'Make a bet with me, and I will win. Fight me, and you will loose. Tell me I can't, and I will. Tell me to, and I won't. Dare me, and I'll do it. Say I can, and I will.'

'Try and run from me and I'll trip you before I kick your ass.'

'If I had a baseball bat I'd hit you with it.'

'Hurt the ones I love about again and I will show you the meaning of hell on Earth'

'Touch me and you will loose your life.'

'You really shouldn't have pissed off the person who can make your life a living hell.'

"He who laughs last didn't get it."

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility

agree with me now- it will save sooo much time

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

You call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing.

We're not sarcastic, we're hilarious. We're not annoying, we're just cooler than you. We're not bitches, we just don't like you. We're not obsessed, we're just best friends.

I'm not afriad of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

It doesn't matter whether the glass if half-full or half-empty. Just drink the damn thing and get it over with.

Remember, it takes forty-two muscles to frown, twenty-eight to smile, but hey, it only takes four to reach out and to punch someone.

Advice is what we ask for when we already have the answer but wish we didn't.

Don'y play games with a girl who can play better.

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is not.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame

The past. It's done. It's unchangeable. Move on.

Anyone can give up. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it all together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength.

No one was perfect...well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

If it wasn't for physics and the law, hell, I'd be unstoppable.

Fear nothing. Risk everything.

Growing old is mandatory...but growing up my friends, well that is optional.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why people appear bright until you hear them speak.

With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good...

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.

Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.'

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Forever isn't as long as it use to be.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

FINE= the real definition:

F.reaked Out

I.nsecure

N.uerotic

E.motional

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down. I bet you can't resist passing it on when you're done

When someone has amnesia, how come they remember how to talk?

This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination.

SUPPORT THE BUNNY!

(\_/)
(O.o)

If you have ever fallen down the stairs copy this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane copy this into your profile

If they are right copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their minds (including yourself...but that's a given), copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. -evil laugh-... parking garage... yellow bunnies... blue m&m's... Aston Martin...

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 12 hours just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever randomly burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever had a really (and I mean really) obvious revelation, such as "my gosh, I get it, it's called fall, because the leaves fall from the trees!" copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly stupid, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you think that dumb girl from the Eggo commercial should just give her father some freakin' waffles already, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turky Bird thing shoud go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. (Lucky is just a normal leprechaun who wants his cereal)

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile

if you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen.
My friends are the kind of people that would spend hours trying to drown a fish. ...But I love them to death

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Will share their umbrella with you
BEST FRIENDS: Will take yours and scream "RUN, BITCH RUN!"

Friends: Ask why you're cryin
Best Friends: has a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Friends: say you can do better
Best friends: Will call him up and say "You have seven day to live"

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "LETS DO THAT AGAIN!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

Friend: Asks me for my number
Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friends: Help you get over a boy
Best Friends: will go up to the boy punch him then say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

Friends: know only a few things about you
Best Friends: could write a very embarssing biography about you

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Get angry at you for calling them late in the night
BEST FRIENDS: Ask why it took so long for you to call

FRIENDS: Wonder about your love life
BEST FRINDS: Could blackmail you with it

Friends: Will help you find prince charming
Best Friends: Would kidnap him and bring him to you

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool withyou at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

Friends: fade
Best Friends: Are forever

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap!!

Find a guy whos calls you beautiful instead of hot,

Who calls you back when you hang up on him,

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,

Who holds your hand in public and in front of his friends and family.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he loves you and how lucky he is to have you.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Guy's point of view
(Here's the take on relationships from a guy's POV. NOT MINE)

We don't care if you talk to other guys.We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room
and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it's
off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without
even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a
little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we
freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say 'thank you.'
Kiss us when no one's watching.(If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.)
You don't have to get dressed up for us.If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the
need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you
own.
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.
Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's
or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
Don't take everything we say seriously.Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is
in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care.
You have girlfriends for
that.
Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'.I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand im not sayin i wouldn't like it ether.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do (A real boyfriend):
When she walks away from you mad, follow her
When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and dont let go
When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong
When she ignore's you, Give her your attention
When she pull's away, Pull her back
When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying, Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared, Protect her
When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesnt answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay
When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up
When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand
When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does
When she misses you, she's hurting inside
When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away
When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
Tease her and let her tease you back
Stay up all night with her when she's sick
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
Give her the world
Let her wear your clothes
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
Let her know she's important
Kiss her in the pouring rain
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking babe?"

Holdin Hands-
Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

Cuddling-
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

Movies-
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

Loving each other-
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into
her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too...
And mean it.

Laying below the stars-
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now make a wish about something you would like to happen Between you and your crush...

Guys repost this if you agree.

Girls repost this if you think it's cute.

SPONGEBOB GOT PATRICK,
TIGGER GOT POOH,
BELLA GOT ALICE ,
AND I GOT A COOL FRIEND LIKE YOU

"The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it find me."

.: There's three ways to do things:.
.: The right way :.
.: The wrong way :.
.: And my way, which is wrong too, but faster!:.

When life give you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

This has got to be one of the most clever
brainteasers I've seen in a while.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Tu madre! Yes, you just got burned in Spanish. Would you like some ice for that Spanish burn?

after a year in therapy my psychiatrist said "maybe life isn't for everyone"

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

Life was so simple when boys had cooties

I make the terminator look like the cowardly lion!

We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do?

Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer.

heads or tails? heads: your mine, tails: im yours

When the world is ending, I'm throwing the party!

'Try me and see what you get.'

'I'll protect my friends because I know they're worth protecting.'

'I don't give crap what they said because everybody has a talent. they are wrong and I know you can be the best you are.'

'Do you really want to try and hurt me?'

The best things in life are unseen. That's why we colse our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who never will. So don't worry about the people in your past. There is a reason they didn't make it to your future.

Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do, and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Screw me over and I'll do it to you twice as hard. Call me crazy, but you really have no idea.

Everyone has a wild side--me and my friends just prefer to make them public

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn)

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick

i had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back
of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone
we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Stupid Warnings:

This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily.

1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap

12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use

15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

16. On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

17. On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

18. On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

19. On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with head colds off those fork lifts.)

24. On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

25. On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

26. On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

27. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

29. On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

30. On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you superpowers
(Great go ahead and ruin a childs hopes and dreams)

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile!

If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile

If you have ever slapped/punched a relative because they took something of yours, copy this into your profile

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

my daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

from his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

copy and paste this if you are against child abuse and want to kick all of the abusers butts cause you hate 'em!

I went to a party, Mom
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a Sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didnt drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom
Something I expected least.

Now Im lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own bloods all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.

Im sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put Daddys Girl on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
Id still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom
Im getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And Im so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say I love you, Mom
So I love you and good-bye.

one message: dont drink and drive!

Just had to add this. I saw the movie AVATAR!! If you haven't you don't know what your missing!! there are seriously NO words in man kind to discribe this magical wonderful movie, it is to good to be healthy! I just about cried! (my dad didn't even want to leave the theatre sp)!

R.I.P.- Zoe Nightshade, Bianca di Angelo, Castor(son of Mr. D), Pan, Quintus/Daedulus, Lee Fletcher, Silena, Beckendorf, Michael and all of the other Demigods who fell fighting for Camp Half-Blood.

They will never be forgotten.

The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.

Adults are just kids with money.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?

Why is verb a noun?

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?

Why is it called after dark when really it's after light?

"It's not strange to argue with yourself. It's only strange to argue with yourself and lose."

You see someone whereing a leather jacket and you think 'thats cool', you see someone whereing a leather vest and you think 'thats weird', the key to coolness is in the leather sleves. (I have leather sleves )

Apperantly my best friend is a figment of my imagination, who knew?

Excuse me, but I have values to twist and minds to warp.

I am the future of America. Be Afraid. Be very Afraid.

Exactly how much fun can I have before I go to hell?

COME TO THE DARK SIDE EVERY OTHER THURSDAY!! (its the day they have cookies!:) )

Never frown because you never know who's falling in love with your smile!

"THE DAY I LET THEM WIN IS THE DAY I...is that a goat?"

okay this may seem really weird but i just sent an email to one of my friends and you know those subject bar line thingys well for no reason what so ever (besides my strangness) i wrote this much in it: I'MMMMMMMMM BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRR$EEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD (and yes there is a dollar sign in there for no good reason, and wow they should really limit the number of words you can put in the subject bar, anyway on to the actual email)

You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.”

you are actually crazy enough to read right to the bottom of the page to get to this point and are reading this right now, then copy and paste this into your profile.