I pulled up outside a seemingly empty warehouse, my hood keeps my face in shadows as I enter.

I spot people hiding in the shadowy corners and a large group of disguised people sitting facing towards the front where a raised platform sat.

As a masked woman started a standard intro to the meeting she made it to the new members section and said one of the names I go by. I stand and walk to the front and she hands me a communicator that was amplifying her voice.

"Hello my name is Lady Shade, and I am a fanfictionholic."

The warehouse seemed to quietly roar back, "Hello Lady Shade." Who would have thought popping my write-a-story cherry would induct me into a cult of obsessive writers.

95 percent of teens would cry if they saw EDWARD CULLEN at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this to your profile if you are part of the 5 that would sit there with popcorn and a camera and yell "DO A FLIP!!" (It would make me even happier if he took Bella with him. Before she was turned.)

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

TEN SURE SIGNS THAT YOU ARE AN OBSESSED FANFICTION WRITER - All of which apply to me... meh. It's worth it!

1. When you ask yourself a question as one character and respond as another one.

2. When you begin to compare what a friend says to something one of your characters would say.

3. When you are talking to a friend and you suddenly scream, “Oh my god! I just got the greatest idea for a story of mine!” and your idea has
NOTHING to do with what you were talking about.

4. When you lock yourself in your room, crank up the music, and act out an entire story…and then forget everything you thought of.

5. When you are listening to a song and go “Oh my god! This song is exactly what (Insert story here) is about!”

6. When you run around the house dancing and thinking of an idea, acting all crazy, and write the scene that turns out to be a very sad, calm scene.

7. When you fear to daydream because you are afraid of your characters hunting you down and killing you for the torture you put them through.

8. When you can’t fall asleep without thinking about what is going to happen in your next chapter.

9. When you begin to envision your own version of someone else’s fanfic.

10. When you think out loud and start giggling and jumping around talking to yourself when you come up with a good idea.

On November 27 I lost my best friend and squad member. Just a month shy of his 35th birthday, Christmas day. He was the glue of our chosen family and he will be sorely missed by Hulk, Farkle, and myself.

RIP Pedro, SYOTOS

Shade