Name: DontBeDirty (Also known as 'Just put down the bottle, we can hash this out...')

Age: I AM ETERNAL (Actually 22)

Catch Phrase(s): 'Community service?! What the bloody hell do you mean that I have to do community service?! What's it ever done for me that I owe it any sort of 'service'? Fuck the community! Fuck it with a flaming pole! Oh, I need it for my grade? ...I'll volunteer at the library, I suppose. (I went to high school in the U.S., where apparently community service is a prerequisite...Those rotten fuckos...)' 'Well, yes, I indeed built the shotgun tripwire trap, but they're the ones who walked into it.' 'And that's why mummy and daddy left you here for the night. Now shut the hell up and go to sleep.'

About Me: I am an English expatriate to the U.S. whom enjoys writing about anything and everything (yes, I am a legal citizen, so call off the bloody immigration police already.) Especially crack, so by all means, PM me your insane whims and I will do my best to oblige you, or at the very least, infuriate you with my terrible workmanship. Also, I love small fluffy animals, watching MMA, going on pub crawls, sarcasm, dark humour, horror films, some anime (huzzah for Hetalia, Perfect Blue, Deadman Wonderland, Panty and Stocking, Elfen Lied, etc.), Invader Zim, and the cooking of sugar-laden delights. On another note, I have a mind-numbing phobia of the old television programme Pipkins; seriously, those dodgy puppet monsters were nightmare fuel incarnate, especially that mangy-looking bugger Hartley Hare. *shudders* Ugh, damn my brother for recording episodes when he was a kid and then showing them to me in the nineties...

Other: My family history includes former pirates, self-proclaimed witches, diehard Catholics, rich heiresses, Native American medicine men, people who ran afoul of the Italian mob, a stage magician, a dodgy man with a scarred face and a sword hidden in his umbrella, a former bounty hunter, several Miss America contestants, a mad old Chinese man whom resembles the Buddha and used to sell marijuana (hi grandpa!), edged weapon enthusiasts, horse wranglers, and too many mountain men to count. And yet I'm still considered the weird one. Hm...