Wow. It's been years. Let's see... I went to college, got a degree, had a career and met a wonderful man. Four years together in December.

I was pregnant, and got preeclampsia. My beloved daughter died at 38 w 3d. Full Term. I nearly died having her, there was a crash cart in the room as i was in hypertensive crisis. I nearly had a heart attack. This was after the epidural, which lowers your pressure immensely. Then I bled really hard. And then... my beloved kitty son died 99 days after her birth. He was 15, and had spent his whole life as my kitty son. Then Bailey, a family dog whom I loved dearly died. 13 days after my cat.

I have to hold on to hope. There is so much left for me, but hope is all you can cling to when you cry in the night. My mother says that God won't serve more than a body can take, but I'm about at my limit. I came back here hoping to loosen up the words again, maybe even write out some of the hurt. We'll see what happens. I don't seem able to write what I need to, the words are stuck.

Pat a dog, hug a friend. Never be afraid to tell your loved ones how much they matter. That's one thing I can say I have never regretted. My family knows how much I love them. My friends know that despite my raging, utter hermitness, I love them dearly, even if I haven't seen them in years. All the loved ones I have lost knew how much I loved them.

I'll probably pull this bit down in a few days... I feel vulnerable. Either way, until I do, may kindness and love be your constant companions. SnH