FACTS TO KNOW

1) I am Kantkiss Neverclean. I work as a telemarketer to support my poor family. I was somehow volunteered to be a part of the Hunger Games on Super Fun Day.

2) Pita Malarkey is an obese boy obsessed with eating. He smells like a bakery.

3) My mentor is Buttich Totalpathy. He taught me to be a lady and walk in heels.

4) The love of my life is Carol Handsomestein. He calls me Catpiss because I stepped in a puddle of cat urine when we first met.

5) I have a lovely sister named Princess 'Prin' Neverclean. She's clearly horrible and sarcastic and hates my guts, but I know her cheers were cries of pain when I volunteered to take her place on Super Fun Day.

6) I have a Capital snob who escorts me pretty much everywhere. Her name is Effu Poorpeople.

7) I have met the smartest baby in the world, Run Babyrun. She said her first word during the interviews. It was ketchup.

8) There's this huge guy named Smash. He always threatens to kill me, but whenever I help him out we always end up being even.

9) Archie Nemesis is my current boyfriend. He's a quarterback and almost killed me like a bazillion times, but he confessed his love for me before his allergies could kill him. We both won.

10) Mandy Kappagamma is the dumbest girl you will ever meet. She's some blonde Valley Girl bitch who isn't sure if Archie likes her.

11) There's also some thing named Dogface. She/He/It died from eating rocks Pita was gathering.

12) Oh, and there's Cinnabon. He does my outfits. One time he made me a gorgeous warrior mummy outfit by wrapping me in toliet paper and putting a cooking pot on my head.