ALLO ALLO!!

HOWDY! and all those ways to say hello as well... Um ok, so here's what's new:

Torchwood: Still hate gwen, love tosh/owen, serious Janto shipper (just started a new series a moment ago and chapter one is up)

Doctor Who: i totally missed the finale, which pissed me off to no end. I will start writing it once i finally get to see the finale .

NCIS: my new series is actually torchwood/ncis

In general: am thinking i am full lesbian now, Anywho. I still love cookies, and I still will put random quotes in my work, and don cookies to people who can name the ownership to said quote. SPEAKING OF QUOTES:

I didn't lie--I was writing fiction in my mouth. (Homer Simpson)

Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers, for you are cute and go well with other men.

Never knock on Death's door... ring the bell and run away... he hates that.

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. (Laurence J. Peter)

Someone's boring me. I think it's me. (Dylan Thomas)

Sorry I couldn't make it to church--I was busy practicing witchcraft.

Equality is a myth. Women are better.

Your face is like the sun--not because it is beautiful, but because I can only look at it for a minute.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot
Warning: Survivors will be shot again.

It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

You say you dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

God did not create men and women equal...don't worry; give him time, and he'll evolve.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.

He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged.

For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

I like work. It fascinates me. I could sit and look at it forever.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Don’t play dumb with me, I'll always win.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you.

There are two ways to argue with a woman. Neither one works.

I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. ..

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Drink beer Save water .

Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing?

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

Love is a battlefield.

If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life.
- Tommy Lasorda

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

I’ve got problem for your solution.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein

Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk.

Half of the people in the world are below average .

I don’t pray because I don’t want to bore God.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.
Short Funny Quote by Homer J. Simpson

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
- Steven Wright

A cat is a tiger that is fed by hand.

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.

God made the cat in order that man might have the pleasure of caressing the lion.

Every dog has his day - but the nights are reserved for the cats.

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

The cat was created when the lion sneezed.

I am as vigilant as a cat to steal cream.

The smart cat doesn’t let on that he is.

Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.

A meow massages the heart.

Dogs eat. Cats dine.

The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.

cat pours his body on the floor like water.

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

So there are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat.

Don’t kill the dream - execute it!

Sometimes, a cute friend makes an acutely painful enemy.

No guy is worth your tears & the ones who are won’t make you cry.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheaper than medicine…

To the world you may just be one person, but to one person you may be the world”

The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.

You laugh because I’m different, I laugh because you’re all the same.

I’m cute in gym shorts! I’m slim and trim, and you’d be impressed - I’ve good calves.

Never live life unnoticed .

You’ve got you’re perfect hands on my nervous heart.

In order to be irreplaceable, you must always be different.

You laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same.

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.

Cute is when a person’s personality shines through their looks. Like in the way they walk, every time you see them you just want to run up and hug them.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Having nothing, nothing can you lose.

Don’t drown the man who taught you to swim.

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

You are well-educated and you look cute, but that’s not going to cut it.

Nothing improves the memory more than trying to forget.

Insanity is hereditary you get it from your kids.

Cats are magical - the more you pet them the longer you both live.

It’s funny that those things your kids did that got on your nerves seem so cute when your grandchildren do them.

Never look back unless youre planning to go that way.

What lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters to what lies within us.

Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away…

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Half of the people in the world are below average.

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn’t jump with them, I’d be at the bottom to catch them.

Love is just something you can’t explain, like the look of a rose, the smell of rain, or the feeling of forever .

Life is not a game so don’t play it, if you don’t know how to win it.