Name:

Guy Montag

Anime:

Bleach

Naruto

Mange:

Naruto

Fanfiction:

Naruto

Favoritive Pairings for Naruto:

Naruto.FemKyuubi

Naruto.Kushina

Naruto.Mei

Naruto.Karin

Naruto.Red-Headed Female

Naruto.Yugito

Naruto.Fu

Naruto.Female Jinchuriki

Naruto.Kurenia

Naruto.Anko

Naruto.Hana

Naruto.Older Female Harem

Naruto.Naruko

Naruto.OC

Naruto. No Pairing

Naruto.Minato ({Father/Son})

Naruto.({Sister})({Mother})({Friend})Relationship

Disliked Pairings for Naruto:

Naruto.Girls of This Generation/Age

Naruto.Sakura

Naruto.Hinata

Naruto.Ino

Yuri

Hated Pairings for Naruto:

Yaoi

Obituary For The Late Mr. Common Sense:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.

He is survived by his three stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

This Student Received The Only 'A.'

Chuck Norris Facts

-When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

-Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.

-Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

-Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs

-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down

-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

-Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

-Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

-Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

- Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.

-Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

-Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

-Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.

-If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

-We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

-Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right.

-At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

-A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

-Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

-If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.

-Geico saved 15 by switching to Chuck Norris.

-If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.

-They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Neither does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.

-Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

-Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

-The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.

-The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!”

-Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.

-Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.

-Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.

-Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.

-Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you".

-Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

-Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

-Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

-Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Post this on your profile if you hate racism!

Loveless

Prologue (Poem)

When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end

The goddess descends from the sky

Wings of light and dark spread afar

She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting

Act I (Poem)

Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess

We seek it thus, and take to the sky

Ripples form on the water's surface

The wandering soul knows no rest.

Act II (Poem)

There is no hate, only joy

For you are beloved by the goddess

Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds

-9-

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul

Pride is lost

Wings stripped away, the end is nigh

Act III (Poem)

My friend, do you fly away now?

To a world that abhors you and I?

All that awaits you is a somber morrow

No matter where the winds may blow

-9-

My friend, your desire

Is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess

-9-

Even if the morrow is barren of promises

Nothing shall forestall my return

Act IV (Poem)

My friend, the fates are cruel

There are no dreams, no honor remains

The arrow has left the bow of the goddess

-9-

My soul, corrupted by vengeance

Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey

In my own salvation

And your eternal slumber

-9-

Legend shall speak

Of sacrifice at world's end

The wind sails over the water's surface

Quietly, but surely

Act V (Poem)

Even if the morrow is barren of promises

Nothing shall forestall my return

To become the dew that quenches the land

To spare the sands, the seas, the skies

I offer thee this silent sacrifice

100 Rules of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. * Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.

First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.

Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)

Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.

Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo.

Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".

First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)

Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome "Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

1) be female.

2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.

3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologicallyappropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of QuintupularAgglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:

1) The Hero/Leader

2) His Girlfriend

3) His Best Friend/Rival

4) A Hulking Brute

5) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

1) Extreme Coolness 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".

First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa. First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").

First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female Wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:

1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.

2) They just don’t give a damn.

The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:

1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else. 2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic. 3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.

First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.

First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy".

Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring:

a) The control device being broken. The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".

b) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good Guy".

c) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:

a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look. A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. *(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-

First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".

Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.

First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the maneuver.

Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:

a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and exposition]), Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls,

b) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain Characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.

First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in:

a) The hero escaping. Clean-up for the underlings.

b) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics:

1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.

2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might havea tight and/or sensitive vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!

First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because:

1) It’s his girlfriend’s.

2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.

3) Chicks will dig him more.

Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:

1) It’s her boyfriend’s.

2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.

3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")

First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle...

Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).

Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.

First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members:

1) The captain

2) His Lieutenant

3) Various female technical staff

4) A hotshot pilot

5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)

6) The Doctor

7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)

Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:

1) Extreme coolness/luck

2) Amazing Intelligence

3) Incredible irritation

4) Extreme cuteness

5) Irresponsible drunkenness

6) Homophobicness

7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

Created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources

DOVER BEACH

By

~ Matthew Arnold ~

(1867)

The sea is calm tonight,

The tide is full, the moon lies fair

Upon the straits; on the French coast the light

Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,

Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.

Come to the window, sweet is the night air!

-9-

Only, from the long line of spray

Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,

Listen! you hear the grating roar

Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,

At their return, up the high strand,

Begin, and cease, and then again begin,

With tremulous cadence slow, and bring

The eternal note of sadness in.

-9-

Sophocles long ago

Heard it on the Agean, and it brought

Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow

Of human misery; we

Find also in the sound a thought,

Hearing it by this distant northern sea

-9-

The Sea of Faith

Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore

Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,

Retreating, to the breath

Of the night wind, down the vast edges drear

And naked shingles of the world.

-9-

Ah, love, let us be true

To one another! for the world, which seems

To lie before us like a land of dreams,

So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;

And we are here as on a darkling plain

Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,

Where ignorant armies clash by night.

Murphy's War Law

Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: -when they're ready. -when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five second fuses always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping. The Ol' Ranger's addendum: Or else they're trying to suck you into a serious ambush!

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire... For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during both).

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

Weather ain't neutral.

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.'

The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

Napalm is an area support weapon.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Interchangeable parts aren't.

It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.

The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.

The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.

Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.

The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).

Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.

Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.

To steal information from a person is called plagiarism, to steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that bill is filled by someone else.

When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack, when you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.

The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.

A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

Murphy was a grunt.

Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.

The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.

The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.

The crucial round is a dud.

Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.

There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you, if your ambush is properly set the enemy won't walk into it, if your flank march is going well the enemy expects you to outflank him.

Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.

The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.

The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).

There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.

Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.

The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.

Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands right at your feet.

As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.

Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.

Walking point = sniper bait.

Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.

If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you... and miss.

Don't be conspicuous; in the combat zone it draws fire, out of the combat zone it draws sergeants, if they can see you, so can the enemy... All or any of the above combined.

Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.

Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life.

Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration of shit.

Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.

A half filled canteens a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon.

When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.

It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.

If you survive an ambush, something's wrong.

If you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see yours too.

Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too.

Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas.

There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both. Addendum: When he's not there, when you're not there, or both.

Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're one of the casualties. Even using his cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot "just in case."

You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first.

Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up.

You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services.

You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right.

Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep.

"Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms.

Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.

NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy.

Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.

Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.

If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.

If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part.

Happiness is a belt fed weapon.

Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.

If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.

Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of fish in them.

A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.

Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.

Being shot hurts.

Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day, a few were even awarded.

There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.

C-4 can make a dull day fun.

There is no such thing as a fair fight -- only ones where you win or lose.

If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils.

If you lose you don't care.

Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow, what is important is what you are doing -- NOW -- to solve our problem.

Always make sure someone has a can opener.

Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.

Flying is better than walking, walking is better than running, running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac even if it is, technically, a form of flying.

If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.

Carrying any weapon that you weren't issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is Not A Good Idea! -A combat vet will know the sound of an unfamiliar weapon in an instant and will point and shoot. -Not only that, AKs use green tracers which mean "shoot 'em all and let God sort them out".

As has been noted, "Friendly fire isn't!"

Man Law

1. No wasted beer in the name of humour.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home)

5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favour will one day be replayed.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.

30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another man’s attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.

31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.

33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important then talking

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand."

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you can’t drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbour’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavoured that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.

1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.

2. Your date is using her teeth.

3. Anna Kournikova gets married (female’s identity is subject to change depending on time period Man Law is read).

86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-toeye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO.

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet.

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favour of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks it’s broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible, hole to hole or pole to pole is only acceptable. If it is pole to pole no eye contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as "Fag" may be deemed necessary. Resulting immediate demotion in man status.

Quotes:

NOTE: If a account name is next to a quote that means I cannot find who said the quote and ,instead of adding it to the Unknown designation, will instead use the the name of the to give some variety, since my quotes are in alphabetical order. NOTE: If a quote is from a story I will put the speaker afer the account name.

"Good, Evil... Really... Whats the difference? Is it right to hurt others for the greater good? Is it wrong to help another by stealing from those better off? Or, just maybe, have we all fallen off the true topic, is it Good and Evil anymore? Is it good to betray another, just because their doing the thing they feel is right? No... It's not... But still we think it is... The "Line" between what is Good and Evil has not just been blurred, it's expanded. The once simple border has been obscured so much that it has created an almost endless shade of Gray between the two. While one person may believe he is doing the right thing, others won't, but then again others also WILL... and yet that is why people like me exist... I believe in something no one else does... I believe in the edge, the combination of Good and Evil, being neither, but also being both. Why? Because... I've played the hero... And I got hurt... And being a Villain... Not my style. So, I decided, why should I give up everything? Just so some bastards can take it away... Why should "I" lose everything I've ever gained? Just so it can be destroyed in an instant...So as you can guess, I don't like to play the Hero anymore, I've only got one thing in mind from now on... What I should have done a long time ago, what I WILL do... I'm looking out for only one person now... Me... Number 1... No matter how lonely, it will be better than being betrayed again...They say it's easy to see the line between Good and Evil... They say it should be perfectly clear... The problem isn't in the line, it's in the person looking at it. How do two people perceive Good and Evil... In the same way? No... They see what they believe... As such, there is no Good, nor Evil in the world... Only an endless shade of gray... Like me... My name is Uzumaki Naruto... Former Ninja of the Hidden Leaf Village... " 26-Lord-Pain (Naruto)

"Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives." Abba Eban (1915-2002)

"There are only two things that are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

"In a mad world only the mad are sane." Akira Kurosawa

"Curiosity killed the cat, but it saved the dog, fed the snake, and amused the fox. Which are you?" AkumaKami64

"The end justifies the means. The question is can you live with the means." AkumaKami64

"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher." Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes the person one desires to be." Anna Louise Strong

"There is no way of writing well and also of writing easily." Anthony Trollope

"Any Idiot can face a crisis - It's day to day living that wears you out." Anton Chekhov

"Wit is educated insolence." Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

"Without charm there can be no perfect literature, as there can be no perfect flower without fragrance." Arthur Symons

"The Creed

Stay your blade from innocents

See but be unseen

Never compromise the Assassins

Nothing is true, everything is permitted." Assassins Creed

"War does not determine who is right only who is left..." beast keeper 9

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." Benjamin Franklin

"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly." Buckminster Fuller

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work." Colin Powell (Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff (1989-93) At present, US Secretary of State, 1937)(Kyuubi no Kitsune)

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and Third by experience, which is the bitterest." Confucius

"The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Confuscious

"Don't make a girl a promise... if you know you can't keep it." Cortana

"I'll miss you." "Wake me, when you need me." Cortana and Master Chief (John-117) respectively

"Achoo! Oh, sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." cyber viper42

"Music are the words for the things which there are no words for." cyber viper42

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Oh, it IS a gun!" cyber viper42

"Heroism comes not only in grand, sweeping gestures, but also in thankless work and in iron resolve." cyber viper42

"Every day I think people can't get any stupider, and every day they manage to prove me wrong." cyber viper42

"What matters in a story is neither the beginning or the end, it's what's between to convince the reader to reach the end." DarkShadowRaven

"Beauty in things exist in the mind which contemplates them." David Hume

"We are screwed. Totally, fatally, utterly screwed." Delfim the Black kitsune

"I really like writing novels. It's like the ocean. You can just build a boat and take off." Denis Johnson

"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book." Edward Bulwer-Lytton

"Be obscure clearly." E.B. White

"If you could only love enough, you would be the most powerful person in the world." Emmet Fox

"A man dies daily, only to be reborn in the morning, bigger, better and wiser." Emmett Fox

"Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit." Elbert Hubbard

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." E.L. Doctorow

"Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it." Eliza Tabor

"If a writer knows enough about what he is writing about, he may omit things that he knows. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water." Ernest Hemingway

'One fact, universally acknowledged, is that everything has an opposite. Opposites control everything, they can be found everywhere, and they cannot be changed. Nothing, absolutely nothing, exists without an opposite.

Every beginning has an end. Every life has a death. Up and down, religion and science, pleasure and pain, right and wrong. And, of course, the age old opposite... Good versus Evil.

For as long as there has been a good force in this world, there has been an opposite, evil force to keep things in balance. Evil has always existed. Throughout human history it has appeared many times, in many new forms. Beginning supposedly, with Heaven and Hell -salvation and damnation – all opposing forces. From there things got interesting.

The human race has always needed to fight a war. Whether it was with swords and bows, such as the Crusades. Or guns and bombs, such as a World War. Whoever fought in these wars, one side or another was considered to be good and the other was perceived as evil.

And this perception is more often than not decided by the victors.

In the Crusades, the majority of civilisation believed the side of good was represented by Christians, and their belief in the 'one true God' and that evil was represented by the Turks. You read this and you have to ask yourself a question: Did the Turks think themselves as evil? Who knows? Maybe they thought they were fighting justly, or that the Christians had wronged them and war was necessary. Depending on which way you look at it, evil could be either side – or not apparent at all.

World War II was another horrific period in human history and another story. Evil can be classified easily in this war. Its name was Hitler. A man who used the power of a nation to achieve his own personal aims. One of these aims being the eradication of an entire race of people. Under his rule, six million innocent Jewish people lost their lives. Unbelievable atrocities were committed during this period of human history. Though, as every evil must have an opposite, good was represented by the Allied nations. Good eventually prevailed in this war and Evil was gone, but at the cost of tens of millions of lives.' God

"Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable." Fancis Bacon

"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster." Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered." Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)

"It doesn't matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other." Good Will Hunting

"Even bad books are books and therefor sacred." Gunter Wilhem Grass

"If you can't convince them, confuse them." Harry S. Truman

"You either die a Hero or live long enough to see yourself become the Villian." Harvey Dent, The Dark Knight

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." Henry Ellis

"Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life. Fate is what kicks you in the ass to do it." Henry Miller

"I'm not crazy, you're just more sane than I am." H o r i z o n s

"They say guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Well, I’m pretty sure the guns help because if you stood there and shouted ‘BANG’ I don’t think you’d kill a lot of people." H o r i z o n s

"Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much."H o r i z o n s

"I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care." H o r i z o n s

"A place is only as good as the people that live in it." I am Number 4 (Movie)

"It's best to be unexpected." Ihateheros (Naruto)

'A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.' Ingrid Bergman

"Humans are more arrogant and greedy than any living creature. However, when they have something that they want to protect, Their power grows exponentially!" Inuyasha

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." Isaac Asimov

"...Every human being relies on and is bounded by his knowledge and experience to live. This is what we call "reality". However, knowledge and experience are ambiguous, thus reality can become illusion. Is it not possible to think that, all human beings are living in their assumptions?" Itachi

"This is how it ends.Not with a bang.Or a scream."But a whimper." Itachi

"Because love..surpasses any form of hate. With love..anyone can be redeemed." Itachi

"Black Rain does not fight to end wars, nor does it fight for peace. We merely fight to preserve the world." Ivan Davisky

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything." Ivana Trump

"I simply don't know how anyone can write at great speed, and only for the money's sake." Jane Smiley

"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

"The more you see and do, the further you'll grow. There's a joke in there somewhere but damn it I don't feel like going there today…

…And yes, that's what she said.

I couldn't help myself. I'm very disappointed with my endurance.

And that's also what she said." Jiraiya

"A true ladiesman isn't a guy who can seduce countless women, but a man with a good heart and quality so he could be any ladies man.'' Jiraiya

"If you would create something, you must be something." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Kyuubi no Ktsune)

"There are often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire." John C. Collins

"Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great." John D. Rockefeller

"Every writer I know has trouble writing." Joseph Heller

"Not all who wander are lost." J.R.R. Tolkien

"The lane of memories as you call it actually exists, its easy enough to find , it's the 3rd right turn on the Road of Life. I got lost there once, met up with a grey haired cycloptic scarecrow, he was one of the weirdest people I've every met, reading an orange book I've seen so many others reading." Kai

"Do you know what it's like going through life being better than everybody? It's hard." Kenchi618

"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?" Kenchi618

"I put no stock in Religion. By the word 'Religion', I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of god." in Kingdom of Heaven (movie)

"Holiness is in right action." Kingdom of Heaven (movie)

"Life is meant to be lived freely. Good or bad it doesn't matter, to me that's just people's way of judging others" Kisara

'It takes one person to forgive, but two people to be reunited.' Lewes B. Smedes

"Allow me to warn you that challenging my ingenuity is a dangerous sort of project, and may tend to make your life a lot more surreal." Less Wrong

"If you wish to be loved, then love." Lucius Annaeus Seneca

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." Mae West (1892-1980)

"An unjust peace is better than a just war." Marcus Tullius Cicero

"Substitute 'damn' every time you feel inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be." Mark Twain

"Thought I'd try shooting my way out, you know, mix things up a little." Master Chief (John-117)

"Sir, permission to leave the ship." "Why" "To give the Covenant back their bomb." Master Chief (John-117)

"You know me, if I make a promise-" "-you...keep it, I do know how to pick' em." Master Chief (John-117) and Cortana respectively

"The only cure for writer's block is insomnia." Merit Antares

"If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything; it is that you can kill anyone." Michael Corleone

"No matter how much we despise something, sooner or later we have to face it. How we confront it, depends on ourselves, be it peace or war." Mikhail Polenin

"Not doing the right when you know it is right is the coward's way..there are no weak soldiers under a valiant commander." Minato

"there is no glory in vanquishing the weak, no joy in subjugating the lame, and no triumph in slaughtering the pitiable." Minato

"Dude I'm going to kick your ass so bad not even my English dub counterpart would be able to believe it." Naruto

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." NamelessHeretic

"If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished." NamelessHeretic

"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by." NamelessHeretic

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it." NamelessHeretic

"Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you to their level then beat you with experience." NamelessHeretic

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door..." NamelessHeretic

"Nothing is set in stone. No matter how much you believe that fate is going to take you in a certain direction, unlikely decisions though will change the course of history. There is always a chance for you to change the future with determination. No matter how bleak the situation looks, if you have determination, anything is possible." Naruto Uzumaki

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your tricks of war." Napoleon Bonaparte

"Easy reading is damn hard writing." Nathaniel Hawthorne

"Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view." NeonZangetsu

"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success." NeonZangetsu

"Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough." NeonZangetsu

"Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine." NeonZangetsu

"Schizophrenia beats being alone." NeonZangetsu

"Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?" NeonZangetsu

"Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified." NeonZangetsu

"If you mess with anything long enough, it'll break." NeonZangetsu

"If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it." NeonZangetsu

"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success." NeonZangetsu

"Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive." NeonZangetsu

"I'm not a complete idiot... Some parts are missing." NeonZangetsu

"Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?" NeonZangetsu

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together." NeonZangetsu

"Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest." NeonZangetsu

"They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a truck. Then the truck backed up and ran them over again." NeonZangetsu

"Question: if some one with multiple personalities threatens to commit to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation??" NeonZangetsu

"You've gotta die in creative ways." NeonZangetsu

"Silence is golden, duck-tape is sliver." NeonZangetsu

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon." NeonZangetsu

"Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them." NeonZangetsu

"Many are called, but few get up." Oliver Herford

"Fortune and love favor the brave." Ovid

"This god has spoken..your time has come." Pain

"You cannot achieve success, without the risk of failure. And I learned a long time ago, you cannot achieve success, if you fear failure. If you're not afraid to fail, man, you have a chance to succeed. But you're never gonna get there unless you risk it all the way. I was a failure. Sometimes, half the fun is failing. Learning from your mistakes, waking up the next morning, and saying 'Okay. Watch out. Here I come again. A little bit smarter, licking my wounds, and really not looking forward to getting my ass kicked the way I just did yesterday.' So now, I'm just a little more dangerous." Paul Heyman

"In the end, you failed to realize war brings death to both sides." Pein

"I love being a writer. what I can't stand is the paperwork." Peter De Vries

"History is an editor of the only book that matters. Great men are those who survive the first draft." Pridefall

"A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends." Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There is then creative reading as well as creative writing." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Caboose: "Hey Church, ever wonder why we're here?"

Church: "You know, Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that has happened, you know what I learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant, or an idiot, or a know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise them on a personal level. Not because they're Red, or Blue, but because you know them, and you see them every single day, and you can't stand them because they are a complete and total fucking douchebag."

Caboose: "...I meant why are we up here in the sun when we could be standing down there in the shade."

Church: "Oh. Yeah, okay. Let's go stand in the shade." Red vs. Blue

"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion." Robert Pirsig (1948-)

"Rise and rise again until lambs become lions." From Robin Hood the movie (2010)

"A Free man defending his home is worth more than ten hired soldiers." Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves

"Yep, hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your enemies. Killing a man with your bare hands says 'We're all equals as men except I'm slightly more equal because I'm still alive and your dead.' Of course dropping a nuke on them from 50 thousand feet is totally acceptable. I mean let's face it, there just not enough time in this world to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling." Sarge

"Shotgun to the face is a great contingency plan! Wanna see how it cures insubordination?" Sarge

"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards, we regret coming to earth and we most definitely regret the corps blowing up our raggerdy ass fleet!" Sgt. Johnson

"For a brick, he flew pretty good." Sgt. Johnson

"Send me out... with a Bang." Sgt. Johnson, last words

"Arrogance will get you killed… miserably killed, by some lunatic, miles away from home." Shiho

"Before the problem of the creative writer, analysis must lay down it's arms." Sigmund Freud

"You should never avert your eyes from death, never look away from the lives you have taken. And you should never forget the people that you have killed, because I can assure you they will never forget you." Solf J. Kimblee

"Always desire to learn something useful." Sophocles

"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

"Walk softly but carry a big stick." Teddy Roosevelt

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge." Thomas Carlyle

"I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us, the less we use our power the greater it will be." Thomas Jefferson

"When one loves… there is the risk of hate." Tobi

"If there is a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." Toni Morrison

"If you have the choice between Immortality and Pie... choose the Pie! Immortality is overrated." Twin Silver Dragon

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." Unknown

"If I go back upon what I believe, who will I become?" Unknown

"There's five ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, the easy way, the usual way, and my way" Unknown

"Sometimes the greatest risk you ever take, is not taking a risk in the first place." Unkown

"Sarcasm is one more service I offer. Compassion costs extra." Unknown

"If you wish for peace, prepare for war" Unknown

"A relationship without friendship at its base is like a castle built on sand." Unknown

"Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. Without patience one gains nothing." Unknown

"Everything in the world is a gamble. Love is the biggest gamble of all because most of the time, you feel like you're winning, but it only takes once to loose everything." Unknown

"When the Character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." Unknown

"Idealist are fools, but they are fools that keep humanity from jumping into the abyss." U.N.S

"A true victory is not the defeat of your enemy but his utter destruction, to eradicate him from living memory, leaving no remnant of his endeavors, crushing utterly his every achievement and removing from all record his every trace of existence. From that defeat no enemy can ever recover. That is the true meaning of victory." U.N.S

"Don't do this, she's your sister!"Chibi angel Naruto said, appearing on real Naruto's right shoulder.

"Go ahead! Fuck this horny red haired bitch's brains out! She's begging for it anyway!" Chibi devil Naruto said, appearing on the left shoulder. "Besides, you want it just as much!"

"No, think about morality!" Angel continued.

"Fuck morality! There is a hot girl in front of you, begging for it! Go nail her!" Devil countered.

"Don't! She is your family!" Angel pressed.

"I've had enough!" Devil stated. "Mangekyo Sharingan!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Angel screamed, fully covered in black flames, which reduced him to a pile of crap in seconds.

"Now with this fool's gone… fetch!"Devil pointed at the girl. Way of the Rattlesnake

"Though I am alone, I am not lonely. The love of my comrade's will be with me and shine light into even the darkest of times forever." White Fang

"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." William James

"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." William Wallace

"Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that, my dear children is called cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." Willy Wonka

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few." Winston Churchill

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"Imagination grows by exercise, and contrary to common belief, is more powerful in the mature than in the young." – W. Somerset Maugham

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." Voltaire (1694-1778)

"Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies." Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan

"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away." Xiong