You know you've been slacking off when you...really bleeding just can't remember how to navigate fanfiction! Embarrassing!

I've had a long break from fanfiction, and now I'm back. I really miss it, and it's just so much fun.

Sometimes I require a gas mask, on account of my fragile work that extends but it is not limited to:

Theatre Performance/Acting

Clowning (does not extend to juggling)

Prison officer facilitating the control of multiple dangerous personalities

Quarantine officer: will confiscate any contraband items, including juggling balls

Dictator (the only sane body in the room, loves to dictate notes to said multiple dangerous personalities)

Occasionally writing, when sanity permits.

Stories In the Works:

Beyond Redemption

The Promise Price

Moving right along, I don't know who's more obsessed with Sweeney Todd, me, or YOU.

Let's check the check-list, shall we?

You know you're Sweeney Todd Obssessed When:

Not only do you own the DVD and the soundtrack - you know the lyrics off by heart.

You re-enact Helena's Worst Pies in London in your own kitchen.

You suddenly start singing "A Little Priest" while chopping the vegetables for dinner.

You think they should play "The Ballad of Sweeney Todd" at your cousin's wedding, instead of "Here Comes the Bride"

You choke up whenever you read/hear/are introduced to someone named either: Sweeney/Benjamin/Lucy/Nellie/Lovett/Barker/Turpin/Toby/Todd

You like to do the following past-times:

Sipping coffee

Dancing

Blowing out your candle while combing out your hair

Letter-writing

Flower-picking

Weather-watching

Whenever you get into a discussion about movies with your friends, you're out to convince them Sweeney Todd is the BEST movie ever made. Even if they look at you like this O_O.

You can't walk past a barber shop anymore without thinking of Sweeney Todd.

You can't think of PIES, FLOUR or ROLLING PINS anymore without thinking of Mrs Lovett.

When you're in the supermarket, you deliberately go searching in the frozen food section for meat pies. The little ones, mind.

Everytime you walk down to the sea, you start to hum/think of By the Sea. Believe me, it's hard. I live two hundred metres from the ocean lol.

You've written your own Sweeney fic.

Whenever a problem comes up or you get into a fight with someone, you immediately think: what would Helena/Mrs Lovett do?

You've tried doing your hair Mrs Lovett's style-messy...and worn it outside.

You want to name one of your kids after one of the Sweeney Todd characters. Well, if it's good enough for Helena, you think!

You've cosplayed/dressed up as one of the characters from Sweeney Todd.

You've not only bought/made the following articles Helena wears in the movie: her black lace gloves, ribboned boots, black corset,

red and white by the sea bustle dress...

Give yourself a gold star if you wear the said articles OUTSIDE. In public. How's THAT for devoted? Or just plain nutty...

You've got your entire Sweeney Todd Wedding planned out, dress, theme music, meat cough pies included. All you need is a gloomy, silver-streaked groom...

You catch yourself thinking/talking like Mrs Lovett. Wot, wot was that, love? Me ears isn't wot they once wos. Now, where's that flamin' Mr T gone to?

And now for a bit about little old me. I wish I was reincarnated as Helena, but, since that's not going to happen...

I'm pale. I have dark hair. Blue eyes. And since Australians are obsessed with tans, I always got the pitying: "OMG, you're so pale! Like a ghost! Why don't you go out in the sun?!" comments a lot. I'm a fifth generation Aussie, which means my ancestors were the ruddy convicts who got shipped from England for stealing bread...or possibly nothing, like Sweeney Todd. Lol.

Lacuna Coil, Type O Negative and Kane are my favourite bands. It annoys me no end how many people have no idea who they are! I read anything, people like Guy de Maupaussant, John Fowles and the Brontes, but Edgar Allan Poe is my favourite. Who doesn't love a drunk, tortured genius haunted by the memory of his dead mother and young bride? My my, dear Mr Poe is already sounding a lot like someone else we know - Sweeney Todd! See, I can't get more than a couple of sentences without referencing him!

Let's not even PRETEND Johnny Depp isn't the most beautiful man alive. Because you all know it's true. He can't even fill a room up with cigarette smoke without being poetic. I remember him on one of the Inside the Actor's studio interviews and he said something like: "forgive me for the poison of which I'm about to partake." Don't hear many guys our age spouting things like that, eh?

And Helena Bonham Carter. Helena, Helena, Helena. Where do I start with how crazy she is? If it weren't for her and her I-don't-give-a-crap fashion sense, I don't think I'd have the courage to walk out of my house with half the weird outfits I wear. Helena and her charming bovinisms amuse me no end.

She and Johnny are so talented, odd and yet HUMBLE it's a real inspiration to people who are jaded with the Hollywood stereotypes out there. I'm not elitist, it's just nice to know you can still be an individual and famous. You don't have to sell your soul. And Tim. Dear Mr Burton, we love you and Helena. Please don't stop spouting the weirdness. It keeps us sane.

UPDATE: ALICE IN WONDERLAND SUCKED. Sorry Tim, but you know it's true.

If I was forced to live in any century, it would be 19th century - only because I'd walk around the streets of London pretending I was Mrs Lovett searching for my Mr T. And wear those crazy corsets and dresses. He he.

I write for a hobby. But it's also my life. I've finished my first novel, now I'm onto my second. I love to sing, dance and mind-travel. I have no idea how that works x_X. At the moment I'm drawing a creepy kid's alphabet like Edward Gorey, except all my children kill other people, instead of being killed. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, google it now! He's amazing!

But the only thing that really satisfies me when life gets crazy is to write something fierce. It calms me.

Ever since I saw Sweeney Todd I'm obsessed with living in the South of England - by the sea, of course!

Kind of ironic, since I live right near the ocean anyway.

I LOVE hearing from all you crazy shippers, Sweeney or not, I wanna hear from you lot! Lol, I just rhymed. Too much singing Signor Pirelli's Miracle Elixir, me thinks.

Anyway, the point is, the stories I've read here are mind-blowingly good. I can't count the number of times I've yelled, laughed, or cried at my computer while reading someone's fic!

Now, I'm off to be comfy-cozy and read some Sweenett. =)