Hey, I know on a profile you put stuff up about yourself...and some other stuff, so let's do something like 21 questions to start, except, ya know, not 21! If you do read this (i hope you do), feel free to PM me. It means a lot, I mean it!

Whats your favorite color?

Whats your favorite animal?

Do you love to read?

Whats your favorite food?

What do you do for a sport?

Do you find pen clicking unbelievably ANNOYING?!

Do you have a good poker face?

Do you still watch Sponge Bob?

Team Edward or Jacob?

What is your favorite song?

Whats your favorite movie?

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

That awkward moment when someone yells at you to stop clicking your pen but you have to click it one more time to use it.

When you try to signal somebody something, but they get the wrong idea

If you laugh at awkward times, copy this into your profile

If you have a mostly guy side, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have a mostly girl side, paste this into your profile

Riddles! (Answers at end of section)

A)A man is condemned to death. He may choose between two rooms. The first is filled with a blazing fire, the second is a room full of assassins with guns, and the third has lions who haven't eaten in three years. Which room is safest for him?

B)A man lives on the 10th floor of an apartment and every day he will go down and after work back up. When someone is in the elevator with him after work, he will ride it all the way to the top. And on rainy days, he will also ride it all the way up. But on every other day, he will ride up to the 7th floor and walk up three flights of stairs. Why does he do this?(HARD!)

C)The king of a land is dying. He needs to figure out which of his two sons will be the next king. In order to decide, he sets up a race in which the owner of the slowest horse wins the kingdom. The youngest son jumps on a horse and races to the kingdom, yet he still got the land. How?

D)A dad and his son were riding their bikes and crashed. Two ambulances came and took them to different hospitals. The man’s son was in the operating room and the doctor said, “I can’t operate on you. You’re my son.”
How is that possible?

E)What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in one thousand years?

F)If an electric train is travelling south, which way is the smoke going?

G)You draw a line. Without touching it, how do you make the line longer?

H)A horse is on a 24 foot chain and wants an apple that is 26 feet away. How can the horse get to the apple?

I)The Smith family is a very wealthy family that lives in a big, circular home. One morning, Mr. Smith woke up and saw a strawberry jam stain on his new carpet. He figured out that everyone who was there that morning had a jam sandwich. By reading the following excuses, figure out who spilled the jam.
Billy Smith: “I was outside playing basketball.”
The Maid: “I was dusting the corners of the house.”
Chef: “I was starting to make lunch for later.”
Who is lying?

J)If there's a fire at the below mentioned 3 places at the same time:

1. Temple

2. School

3. Hospital

K)Please tell, where would an ambulance first put off the fire?

Figure out what the puzzle is saying:

1. Out

2. Out

3. Out

ANSWERS111111(stupid shift)!!!!!!!!!

A)The room with the lions because lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

B) The man is a midget, he can't reach the button for the 10th floor. When someone is with him, they can push the button for him, and on rainy days he can use the umbrella to push the button.

C) He jumps on someone else's horse!

D) The doctor is his mom

E) The letter M

F)There is no smoke, its an electric train!

G)You draw a shorter line under it, so it becomes longer!

H) The chain is not connected to anything!

I) It was the maid: a circular room has no corners

J) An ambulance does not put out fire.

K) Outnumbered three to one.

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself(Anonymous).

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail (Anonymous).

Don't take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.

My friend, remember that without stupidity, there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all (Anonymous).

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river(Anonymous).

Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.(Anonymous)

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Dave Barry

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’(Anonymous)

We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before police.

"Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio"

Anyone who doesn't think there are two sides to an argument is probably in one- Anonymous

Everyone has the right to be stupid but your abusing the privilege-Shiv Daddar

Great talkers should be cropped for they have no need of ears-Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Somebody tried to tell me there was 50 stats in America. Nuh uh cause the scientists found out that Pluto don't exists. We got 49 dumbass. (www.funnysayings.us).

Nothing is more disappointing than a birthday card with no money inside.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.

Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

Who gossips with you will gossip of you.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

- BOB MONKHOUSE

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

- ELAYNE BOOSLER

Sometimes, whenever I eat M&Ms, I like to hold two M&M's in between my fingers and squeeze as hard as I can until one M&M cracks. I eat the cracked one, and the one that didn't crack becomes the champion. Then I grab another m&m, and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of m&m gladiators. I do this until I run out of m&m's, and when there is only one m&m left standing, I send a letter to m&m's brand with the champion m&m in it with a note attached that reads: "Please use this m&m for breeding purposes."(www.funnysayings.us)

Every time I say "Life Can't Get Worse Than This" Life Says "Challenge Accepted".

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. - Anonymous

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits- Albert Einstein

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway- Anonymous

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. - Anonymous

S.C.H.O.O.L.=Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life

C.L.A.S.S= Come Late And Start Sleeping

F.I.N.A.L.S= Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit

You Can't Say 'Mmmmmmm' For 7 Seconds While Holding Your Nose... (prove me wrong)... (stop puffing out your cheeks).

Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?

Some people think that their life experience compensates for their lack of brain.

Once in a while, something fails to fail, and we call it success.

The panic begins with the first one to say ‘Calm down!’

The device will work much better, if you turn it on.

(They are texting)

Daughter: Mom will you PLEASE give me a ride to Ashley's party? Please please pleeeaaassssee?

Mom: Sgidifnsdkdovjfifhjufhfdu --Honey-- ddudufbisvhusdibhs2338rfaibc --I think were breaking up-- 23u8fbkzsuvqcB --no signal-- iuucyh;pfrtoufytdugffgvuv

Daughter: Oh, ok! Call me when you get a better signal!

Mom: ...I raised an idiot.

If you have ever purposefully left one piece of toilet paper on the roll just so you didn't have to change it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If Allegiant's ending permanently traumatized you, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

OMG! I just saw a Bieber. Everybody STAY CALM!

( Get it? A Bieber, like a beaver!)

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (really? I thought it would be cold)

On packaging for a Rowentairon: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."(It does not! does it? ohh it does)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (now they tell me)

On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children” (I should bloody well hope so!)

Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop" (That means you, Hulk! Put that bloody aeroplane down, you might drop it!)

Scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Again, I should bloody well hope so!)

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances" (That's right, who doesn't use their dusters as kindling?)

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!)

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeh. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae)

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!)

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (again now they tell me)

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Shit. Sherlock)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions-"Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food now?!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,

" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,

say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..

"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.

Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.

Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.

Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."

Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk".

Fill your taxes out in Roman numerals as revenge against the government

MY IQ is 135!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" That's a really good question...I wonder...

Keep calm and eat bacon.

Keep calm and quietly plot revenge.

Keep calm and call Batman.

Keep calm and stay alive (Hunger Games).

Keep calm and outrun monkeys.

Keep calm and use the force.

Keep calm and Google it.

Keep calm and play some Quidditch.

Keep calm and add more chocolate.

Keep calm and stay Boston Strong.

Keep calm and Hakuna Matata.

Keep calm and stay cocky.

Keep calm and stache on.

Keep calm its only Facebook.

Keep calm and throw cheese.

Keep calm nobody else knows what they're doing either.