![]() HI!!My name is JUILANA and i am a huge bookworm.i love books that inculde vampires ive read such books a twilight (who hasent),vampire academy,night world...ect. im 13 years old uhmmmmmmm...im a girl..lol sorry my life isnt very interesting : Are you ever going to tell me how old you are? There’s nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night. I don’t remember it well — it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade. I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It’s not an easy thing, not something you could forget. It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us… I don’t think you could find his equal throughout all of history. She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. She sees things — things that might happen, things that are coming. But it’s very subjective. The future isn’t set in stone. Things change. Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There’s a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It’s nice to be able to go out side in the day. You wouldn’t believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years. I couldn’t picture it, this godlike creature sitting in my father’s shabby kitchen chair. I was curious about you. You spied on me? You’re interesting when you sleep. You talk. I knew I talked in my sleep, of course; my mother teased me about it. I hadn’t thought it was something I needed to worry about here, though. You miss your mother. You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it’s less often now. Once you said, ‘It’s too green.’ If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not ashamed of it. Should your father know I’m here? You look kinda keyed up. None of the boys in town your type, eh? Well, you’re too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking. Just give me a minute to restart my heart. Can I have a minute to be human? I tried not to think of Edward, sitting in my room, waiting, because then I had to start all over with the calming process. It was very difficult, while he was touching me, to frame a coherent question. It seems to be… much easier for you, now, to be close to me. Mind over matter. Would you like a round of applause? In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn’t believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it’s all new to me, that I’m good at it… at being with you… It’s not easy. But this afternoon, I was still… undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so. I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough… And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome, I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could… I’d never seen him struggle so hard for words. It was so… human. I’ve had the scent of you in my head all day, and I’ve grown amazingly desensitized. If I’m away from you for any length of time, I’ll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think. Bring on the shackles — I’m your prisoner. Isn’t it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It’s incredible, isn’t it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it? I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt — I didn’t recognize what it was at first. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn’t ignore you any longer. I’m new at this; you’re resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it’s fresh. For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet. You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that’s surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what’s that worth? You are a terrible actress — I’d say that career path is out for you. Just because I’m resisting the wine doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the bouquet. Yeah, it’s an off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell. Why do you do it? I still don’t understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… are. Please don’t misunderstand, of course I’m glad that you do. I just don’t see why you would bother in the first place. But you see, just because we’ve been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn’t mean that we can’t choose to rise above — to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can. Let me get this straight — I’m the baby seal, right? Are you sure you won’t vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all. I won’t leave you. I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse. It’s just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we’re together so that I don’t hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident. You don’t realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I’m with you. I may not be a human, but I am a man. He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear. |
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