THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR WHILE UNDERGOING SURGERY:

1. "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

2. "Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."

3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

4. "Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

5. "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"

6. "Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingy."

7. "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."

8. "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"

9. "Damn, there go the lights again..."

10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them."

11. "What do you mean you want a divorce?"

12. "Ooooops!"

17 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!", or "I choose YOU, PIKACHU!!"

16. Have a friend push you down the aisle in a shopping cart as you yell "THE REDNECKS ARE COMING! THE REDNECKS ARE COMING!"

17. Shout at the top of your lungs "WALDEMORT IS TAKING OVER!" and count how many people turn to look at you.

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .

Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

Quotes:

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”
-Chuck Palahniuk

"Pickles are a pregnant woman's chocolate"
-Me (Ashley MacKinnon)

"It's not the world that's mean; it's the people in it."
-Me (Ashley MacKinnon)

"Aaaah, when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born."
-Ron-HP

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"
-Legolas-LOTR-TT (If you don't get why I put it here, type it into YouTube.)

"You need people of intelligence for this sort of mission...quest...thing."
-Pippin-LOTR-FotR

"If a tree falls down in the forest, and no one's around to hear it, how the heck did it fall down in the first place?!"
-Me, a random thought.

"DOOMED! They're all doomed. Notice I didn't say what kind of doom it was, so whatever happens to them, I will have predicted it.
How very wise of me"
- Angela - Eragon

"I believe, if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Then try to find someone who's life's giving them vodka, and have a party."
-Ron White.

"Silence! I kill you!"
-Achmed

"We're orphans." "Orphans? But, my dears! Surely not!" "We got seperated from our caravan, our circus caravan. The ringmaster told us to meet him at the gas station if we got lost, but he may have forgotten, or maybe he meant a different gas station. Anyway, we're lost. Is that food I smell?"
-Percy and Medusa -Percy Jackson, The Lightening Thief.

"I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck." "How lucky can they be? They're dead!"
-Mulan's mom and grandmom -Mulan