Name: Amy Khan
Age: 17
Sex: Female
DOB: Mrach 18, 1995
Sign: Picses
location: Born n brought up in dubai { Middle east} , but currently living in Malaysia...
Hair:Black brownish
Eyes: Hazel green

APOLOGIES FOR AMY SPELLING OR GRAMMAR MISTAKE!!!!!

Hey, wats up . I hope i dnt bore you guys with my stories, da thing is i dnt think im a really good writer but im really imaginative so i have lots of ideas for stories, so hope u guys enjoy.

Well first thing you'd need to know bout me is that im really versatile, and i like diversity, different things... And my mood can actully change wid music , n the story i make can also depend on my mood ; how im feeling at da time... And i also love k-pop , j-pop and amine's3

I like fiction, any kind would be cool , but i have a special thing for supernatural which includes {vampires, wearwolves, witches, succubuses etc}.I also like thriller, action, romance movies n books. I don't do favourites. I LOVE FOOD, continental food , i just love eating lol. Im into vampire stuff alott!! I like horror movies even though i get really scred i love watching 'em. I love reading books, watching movies n just spending time alone, i like living alone, unfortunately have't gotten a chance to :(... Anyway so im very reserved, loner mostly n enjoy it , Oh n i usually like my male heroes/ characters strong n bad boyish like.. I have a thing for bad men lol not like joker bad men just like dangerous men wid a bad past or something ;)... Oh n for all da haters ; YOUR JUST JEALOUS :P Any way ENJOY :)...3

FUN STUFF!!

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long?)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(Like Nike says, "Just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave ‘em in the middle)

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If 2 gooses are geese, then why aren't moose meese, or when 2 foots are feet, why aren't 2 footballs feetballs? Milk tastes funny if you leave it out for too long. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If your random and proud of it, put this on your profile!

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you were going to say it, put this on your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes or more, place this on your profile.

If you have ever tried to lick your elbow even though you knew it was physically impossible paste this on your profile.

If you and/or your best friend are insane, put this on your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

if you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

if you have ever walked into a wall before copy this

If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever spent too much time of the computer, copy and paste this to your profile

If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste

If you have ever been worried for another person, copy and paste this into your profile. ( I worry over people ALL the time!! )

If you have ever shouted a random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you love to play pranks on your best friend, copy and paste this to your profile!

If you absolutely love anime guys with long hair, copy and paste this to your profile

If you listen to music and like it because you like the music, not because of the artist, copy and paste this to your profile

If you don't care about who makes the music, no matter how crazy they are (Britney Spears, Marilyn Manson), and you like it anyway, copy and paste this to your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy this into your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. Only a vegetarian, like the Cullens!

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile. (And multiple other Twilight words. Volturi, Carlisle, Irina, etc.)

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

I read New Moon and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD

If you like animals, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you have a story in your head, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a teenager, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

IF YOU LOVE TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND, TOTAL DRAMA ACTION,OR BOTH THEN DON’T JUST STAND THERE COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR PROFILE!

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile!

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would sigh and say: "where to begin?"

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

Stereotypes That I Hate That I Take Personal Offense To

I'm a GYMNAST, therefore I MUST be a whore.

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I HAVE GAY FRIENDS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm WHITE and have black friends, so I MUST think I'm black.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over-controlling and a bitch.

I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.

I am a FANGIRL, so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I'm INTELLIGENT, so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN, so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I am QUIET and POLITE, so I MUST be a pushover.

I use GOOD GRAMMAR, so I MUST be a snob.

I prefer FANTASY and SCI-FI, so I MUST be out of touch with reality.

I love TO LEARN so I MUST be boring.

I'm WHITE, so I MUST be a racist.

I am a GIRL, so boys MUST be better than me at sports.

I am a GIRL, so I MUST only be good at work.

I am WHITE and I like to DANCE, so I MUST be lame

I am SKINNY, so I MUST be sensitive about my weight.

I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST go to church every Sunday.

I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST not do anything on Halloween.

I am POOR, so I MUST not have good hygiene.

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I like READING, so I MUST be a Loner.

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.

I like to READ, so I MUST do nothing except read.

I'm a GIRL, so I MUST like to talk about crushes, dolls, not getting my clothes dirty, and parties.

I don't STUDY much but still get STRAIGHT A's, so I MUST be cheating.

I don't think VEGETARIANISM makes sense, so I MUST think all vegetarians are hippies.

I'm easily ANNOYED, so I MUST be bratty.

I LISTEN TO ROCK MUSIC, so I MUST be a rebel.

I'm a GIRL, so I MUST love cute/fuzzy animals.

I grew up with a SMOKER/ALCOHOLIC/DRUG ADDICT, therefore I MUST be one myself.

I got those from black burning heart66. And if anyone reading this hates these too, or feels personal offense to these, repost them on your profile.

You know you lived in 2008 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name or myspace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) You read this list, & keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You actually scrolled back up to check that there was a number 5.
11.) & now you're laughing at your stupidity.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for it. And you know you did.

Yeah, I fell for that! Lol.

Now for semoehtnig itnresitng...

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile.

I found this really cute thing by MissBlueEyes

Girl: just so you know i am extremely mad at you
boy: well just so you know...
i like your face.
love your eyes.
and when you laugh i get butterflies.
girl: still angry.
boy: still in love.

Haha. Isn't that cute?

Funny Love Quotes ( I so don't own these! ) Faves are italicized.

"Don't worry, I'm so over him. I honestly don't ca--"
he walks by
"Oh my gosh, he's gorgeous..."

I didnt fall for him...
my best friend pushed me

When you find a real man...
Ask him if he has a SINGLE brother!

Him: What time should i ask to be home?
Her: Never.
Him: Deal. . . think mom'll go for it?
Her: If not, i'll kidnap you.
Him: Its not kidnapping if i go willingly
Her:...pretend to fight me then!

Trying love a second time is like eating a hamburger, throwing it up, and then eating it again. ( Ew )

Girl: your amazing
Boy: why's that?
Girl: because your the only thing that keeps me sane
Boy: really because your the only thing that drives me crazy

Boy: who do you like
girl: some guy that doesnt like me
boy: well then he is missing out
girl: who do you like?
Boy: some girl who likes some guy whos missing out

Guys are horrible creatures
They break our hearts
And never bother to mend it
But yet we love them so ( very true )

Love is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel it's true warmth. ( as gross as this is I find it hilarious because I am that sick and twisted! Hahah! )

Ohh my, you clearly are oblivious to the fact that your eyes do so much damage.

I love him,
oh yes
i
do..
He's for
me
and not for
you
so if by chance
you
take
my place...
i'll take
my
fist and smash
your
face

Love is a stalker, it just never leaves you alone.

I was sad when i found out that you were taken...
but then i saw her and laughed cause she was UGLY!!

They say kissing is the language of love, "Care to indulge in a little convo?"

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

I didn't fall for you... You tripped me.

We have a communication problem and I don't wanna talk about it. ( Hahahahah! )

Its hard to pretend you love someone when you dont but its even harder to pretend you dont love someone when you really do

I just want one guy to come up and say to me "sorry my whole entire gender sucks" ( that would be hilarious if someone did that! )

He broke my heart...So I broke his JAW!!

I wish they sold hearts at walmart. I would buy them in bulk so when one gets broken I can shug it off and say it's ok I got more... then I would never feel this pain again.

"Guys are like babies, you never really know exactly what they want, but we can make a pretty good guess."

Pass the liquor.. the boy is still ugly!

he Said "i love you" and i sneezed and said "ohh sorry;; But im Alergic to :.B.u.l.l.s.h.i.t.

Every time i walk pass you my words jummble into something stupid ...so i come out with somthing like...i like your phone...it's very small..(ackward silence)

I have skittles in my mouth... wanna taste the rainbow?

Virginity is like a bubble, one tiny prick and it's gone.

.heres to the guys that have us.the losers that lost us.& the lucky b-astards that will meet us.

Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

GUY: you look familiar
GIRL:really?
GUY:yeah but idk where i saw you
GIRL:oh you probably just looked up beautiful in the dictionary

If nothing lasts forever, can i be your nothing?

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks.

When life gives you lemons trade them for guys.

Friends aren't suppose to be jealous
when you meet a new guy;
they're suppose to ask if they have a
brother!

A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary.

Girls don't make mistakes, we date them.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.

Some of the greater things in life are unseen thats why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream...

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil ( hahahah! I like this one! )

Don't be suprised if a fat guy in a red suit stuffs u in a bag in the middle of the niight because i asked for you for christmas

Friend- I feel like I'm the third wheel
Guy- You're not the third wheel...The fourth one just fell off

Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips.

“I walk away from love, before it walks away from me!”

They call it puppy love? why not kitty love?

Having a guy dump you and say "We can still be friends"
Is like having your mom say "Your dog died but you can still keep it"

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it. She Said: You wear pants don't you?

He Said: How 'bout you whisper those three words I know you're dying to say. She Said: Go to hell.

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.

Friends

When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing.

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail. But a best friend will be in the room next to you yelling "THAT WAS AWESOME LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

A good friend will call your parents Mr. and Mrs. But a best friend will call them mom and dad.

A friend has never seen you cry, a best friend had the best shoulder to cry on.

A friend would stand there laughing at you as you make a fool our of yourself, a best friend, would be up there with you.

A friend would let you have all the blankets on a sleepover, a best friend would leave you cold, and warm you up with a hug when you spit in their ear.

A friend offers you their seat, a best friend let's you sit on their lap.

A friend would tell off your stalker for you, a best friend would tell you how to tease them and mess with their minds.

A friend turns down the music when you ask them to, a best friend turns it up instead of down and smiles.

A friend never asks you for anything to eat, a best friend opens the fridge and makes themselves at home.

A friend will leave you behind if that's what the croud is doing, a best friend will always go with you.

A friend borrows your stuff and then gives it back a few days later, but a best friend loses something and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

A friend would knock on your door, but a best friend would walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

A friend you have to tell not to tell anyone, but a best friend already knows not to tell.

A friend would take away your drink when they think you've had enough. A best friend would say, "Bitch drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

A friend would help you up when you fall, but a best friend would laugh, and then trip you again.

A friend believes you when you say your fine, a best friend will know something is wrong.

Friends say sorry after a long fight, best friends never fight.

Friends get annoyed at you for calling after they have gone to bed. Best friends say, "What took you so long?"

Friends will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. Best friends will knock that person out.

Friends will try to stop you from hurting the substitute you hate, but a best friend would say, "There's a violin case over there."

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump of a bridge, I go get a paddle boat and save your ass!

Random Things To Know ( I get this stuff from other people's profiles, I think )

Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it!

People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.

I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.

Cute but psycho- things even out.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Hell issued a restraining order on me...oh the fun to be had!

My heart is not a playground

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge

I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one

I don't need your attitude. I got one of my own

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

I'm looking forward to regretting this.

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey!

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

Join the dark side. We have cookies!

I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I don't take orders, and I don't deliver death wishes. If you wish to die, kill yourself.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.

Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?

Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS!

There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

I see regular people! Run for your lives!

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.

You say physco like it's a bad thing (some people just don't understand)

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!

I hear voices, and they don't like you.

Normal people worry me.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

I think they named oranges before they named carrots. "Hey, what are these?" "They're Orange." "What about these?" "Ah Shit!"

If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, DAMNIT!"

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I intend to live forever... so far so good

Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again

Embrace the inner rebel - don't sit up straight

Sure I have super powers! I just don't wanna show you

You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you

I am not weird... just plotting

I don't obsess! I think intensely!

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Don't piss me off, I am running out of places to hide bodies!

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

You know you're stressed out when you can hear mimes.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried.

Shit happens. But mostly to me, so don't worry

Questions to Ponder...

Why can pizza get to your house faster then an ambulance?

Why are they called apartments when they all stick together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Am I the only one who finds it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

When the guy first discovered milk...what do you think he was doing?

Blonde Jokes !!! { no offense}

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.
"You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids."

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!!
March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!
June - Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition...learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm...car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C"...isn't it??
October - Hate M & M's...they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December - Couldn't call 911..."duh"...there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!
What a year!!

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ..."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him 5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her 50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him 5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde 50.00
The blonde put the 50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him 5.

Told you they made me feel smart!! Well...I might do the circle thing if I was rich :D But that would be because I am just amazing like that.

This is so sad!! I started crying when I read this!! And I rarely cry!!

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been beaten in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone.

Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

I feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us. If you believe in God and Jesus Christ is his Son. Then copy and paste this in your profile. If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

Oh my God, This is so sad!! It's about a little girl who was abused!! You will copy and paste this into your profile, if you're against this.

"My name is sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me.

People, seriously, child abuse is horrible! IT NEEDS TO STOP!!

Subject: a rape story
Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2006 15:55:38 1000

You are one sick person if you dont repost this i feel for you if
this dosent touch you because this is just wrong. read this. its disgusting

Walking in my nighty; rubbing my eyes
My fathers sitting on the sofa with his friend
He pats the seat in the middle; i sit
Shivering so cold; a quilt he lends

"Jessy you love me dont you" a smile; his
Their breathe spirts weep
"Daddy you know i do; what is it?"
He smiles at his friend; his hand creeps

His friend takes my hand; looks me in the eyes
Daddys creeping up my nightie; cold hands
I try to pull his hand away; grip is strong!
They look at one another; nod; something planned

I feel my palms sweat; Daddys under my knickers
"Daddy im going to bed! Night" Pulling again
But there grip is to strong for weak me
I look at both; and ask, who are these men?

His fingers going up me; pulling away
His friend leans forward; a kiss? Why?
His toungue moving mine; my eyes squint
Lean back and away; "Why are you doing this?"

No answer, i feel the pain inside me; him
Chucks the quilt on the floor; me to
I try and scamper away, but im not fast
"O Daddy please, i love you"

His friend; pulling at my nightie
And my Dad pulling my pants down
His friend pinning my hands to the floor
As my Dad lies himself on the ground

I squirm; as Daddy friend pulls me up
And places me ontop of Daddy; thrusts within
I cry; i bite; i scratch; i slap; i fail
"O Daddy please you win you win!"

I can feel my skin rip; my virginity breaking free
I can feel the blood seep down my leg
"Daddy your hurting me please"
I plead to him and his friend; not even a beg

Daddys laughing; why does he laugh?
His friend shoves himself in my mouth and moans
Tieing my hands togather; moving in and out
"Ride me Jessy" He laughs and groans

They smile at one another; laugh to
They roll me over and spread me wide wel
My daddy sits on my face; himself in again
While his friend talks and pushes himself inside

I can hardly breathe; i gag for air
I cough and splutter; cry and weep
I beg and plead; but its no use
Theyve already made me hurt and bleed

I stare into his eyes; that look upon me
This is not my Dad; where is he?
If he was still here; would he care
Would he actually even; see?

Finally they get of and lie me on the sofa
My cheeks blouchy from tears and pain
They play with them selfs; all over me
Rub it in; making me feel the shame

"Why Daddy? Please tell me why?"
Dad looks at his friend; and waves him away
"Jessy i love you" he smiles and kisses my cheek
"Is that all you have in your heart to say?"

He puts my nightie on me
I walks me to my bedroom door
Ever since that night; His friend
And himself every Friday come back for more

"Night sweet Girl; You are my life"
Closing the door, tears still down my face
Still the smell of him and his friend
Fade into me like disgrace

I watch the Moon go down; the sun come up
"Jessy its school" Knocking at my door
I cant help but cry; weep in pain
Because im so scared he wanted more

But one night daddy took it too far
Daddy and his friend came back for one last shot
They were worried they would get caught
So he and his friend took me to a cemetary lot

I was blindfolded and my hands were tied back
"Daddy please! Not tonight!"
Daddy and his friend both had their last fun
After that i tried to put up a fight

I begged daddy "Please no more!"
All he could say "Shut up you stupid whore!"
Daddy unblindfolded me at last
He said I love you so much

He went back into the car and pulled out a bat
"Daddy I swear I wont say a thing!"
I was dead
After only one swing...

Please if you care for all the children and women who have been raped
repost this bulletin with the Headline "A Rape Story"

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down. I bet you can't resist passing it on when you're done!

Girls don't realize these things;

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Friends

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN GIRL RUN!'

FRIENDS: Help you up when you fall down
BEST FRIENDS: Laugh and say, "Walk much, dumby?"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crappp!!

kissing is healthy.

bananas are good for period pain.

it's good to cry.

chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

lying is actually unhealthy.

you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.

it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.

89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. (I've proved this one wrong too!!)

chocolate will make you feel better.

most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.

a good friend never judges.

a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.

boys aren't worth your tears.

we all love surprises.

Now... make a wish.

Wish REALLY hard!!

WISH WISH WISH WISH

Your wish has just been recieved.

Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...

Your wish will be granted...

If i dont call you
Its because i'm waiting for you to call me

When i walk away from you mad
Follow me

When i stare at your mouth
Kiss me

When i push you or hit you
Grab me and dont let go

When i start cussing at you
Kiss me and tell me you love me

When im quiet
Ask me whats wrong

When i ignore you
Give me your attention

When i pull away
Pull me back

When you see me at my worst
Tell me i'm beautiful

When you see me start crying
Hold me and tell me everything will be alright

When you see me walking
Sneak up and hug my waist from behind

When i'm scared
Protect me

When i lay my head on your shoulder
Tilt my head up and kiss me

When i grab at your hands
Hold mine and play with my fingers

When i tease you
Tease me back and make me laugh

When i dont answer for a long time
reassure me that everything is okay

When i look at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When i say that i like you
I really do more than you could understand

When i bump into you
bump into me back and make me laugh

When i tell you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When i look at you in your eyes
dont look away until i do

When i miss you
i'm hurting inside

When you break my heart
the pain never really goes away

When i say its over
i still want you to be mine

5 Things You Must Do At The Mall

1. Go on the merry-go-round!!

2. Use those 1 dollar message chairs!!

3. Leave a trail of pennies everywhere!!

4. Go in Halmark, and open all those singing cards!!

5. Look for suspicious looking characters!! ( usually tall, mysterious, and hot! )

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book(Except dances I like to dance!). I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year(i dont think so). I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and isproud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15,Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, Tori_Lea, Sara93, imagination57

you no u love twilight when...

-you love Edward Cullen.
- you wish you were Bella.
- you smile when you see a Volvo.
- you can't put the book down once you pick it up to read.
- you threw New Moon at the wall..
- you cried so many times reading New Moon.
- you wish you lived in Forks.
- you wish you were close to death so the Cullen family can come and save you.
- your counting away the days for the twilight movie
- you have unethical expectations in men.
- you recite the quotes at random times.
- you often say words like "fabulous" and "excellent."
- you want a yellow porsche
- you have read the series over again, or plan to.
- you woudn't bet against alice.
- you wish your boyfriend would sparkle

Guy's point of view

This is very cute! And even written by a guy!

You might agree with it, but when it actually happens 99 of girls don't
realize it 'til it is too late and that guy who did it is so frustrated that
he has moved on to someone who will take notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room
and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us
off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without
even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a
little concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we
freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong.We'll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood I'm in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'

We enjoy doing it.

It's expected.

Smile and say 'thank you.'

Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the
need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you
own.

We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's
or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is
in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for
that.

Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'.

I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!'
instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.

On the other hand I'm not saying I wouldn't like it either.

Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A
GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY
DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION , AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH
UTTER RESPECT

Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.

Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes...and
say 'i love you' ...AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

Give the nice guys a chance

Holding Hands- Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a
couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

Cuddling- Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

Movies- Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your
head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

Loving each other- Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into
her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too...
And
mean it.

Laying below the stars- Girls : When you're both laying under the stars,
put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady
heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now
make a wish about something you would like to happen Between you and your
crush...

guys: no grabbing!

Stop!! Stop!! Stop!! Stop!!

If you haven't stopped seriously stop!

Guys repost this if you agree.

Girls repost this if you think it's cute.

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the
girls that read this will repost this

Kind of amazing how stupid some people are...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Try Not To Cry

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost

Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"
2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how
cold-hearted you really are...

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Fun things to do in an elevator:

1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside
ask:"Got enough air in there?"

2. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
Wear yours upside-down.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

4. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that
it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped
down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then
proudly announce: "I've got new socks on!"

6. Meow occasionally.

7. Holler "Chutes away!"whenever the elevator descends.

8. Stare at another passenger for a while, then
slowly back into the corner horrified, saying
“You’re one of THEM!”

9. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask,
"Is that your beeper?"

10. Say, "I wonder what all these do."
and push the red buttons.

11. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

12. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce
to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

13. Announce in a demonic voice:
"I must find a more suitable host body."

14. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes then stop suddenly
and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

15. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap
them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

16. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Smile, and go back for more.

17. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches
to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

18. Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you
have it, say: "Just in case..." mysteriously.

19. Look at your phone, and act as if your reading a text,
then get a frightened look on your face and scream:
"Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

20. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

21. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead
and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

22. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper,
"Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

23. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of
being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

24. When the doors close, announce to the others,
"It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

25. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and
in a deep voice announce "It is time."

14 Reasons To Date A Soccer Player

1. We have the right touch.
2. We are used to scoring.
3. We can go in soft or hard.
4. We will make you scream for more.
5. Sweating is no problem.
6. Skill is definite.
7. We will play anywhere and anytime.
8. We can go for 90 minutes in at least 11 different positions.
9. We have tremendous stamina & endurance.
10. We always are on the top.
11. We are not afraid to get down and dirty.
12. We have good ball skills.
13. We play the field until we score.
14. We know how to take it down the middle.

10 Reasons To Date a Dancer

1. We can do it in many positions.

2. We have perfect technique, good rhythm and great hip rotation.

3. We're used to having bruises on our knees.

4. We're used to performing in very little clothing.

5. Underwear doesn't get in the way because we don't wear any.

6. Straddling is our natural position.

7. After a quick intermission we're ready to go at it again.

8. We don't mind getting hot and sweaty.

9. We're not as delicate and fragile as we look.

10. And of course Flexibility imagine the possibilities.

18 Reasons To Date An Actress

1. We practice until its perfect.

2. We’re used to role playing.

3. We work well in big groups of people.

4. We’re trained how to project.

5. We’re used to performing in front of large audiences.

6. We’re used to adding to the scene.

7. We love to use our props.

8. We work for the pleasure of others.

9. We do things on cue.

9. After a brief intermission we’re ready to go at it again.

10. We always wear our costumes.

11. We’re used to quick changes.

12. We work onstage and Backstage.

13. We know how to put on a GREAT show!!

14. We do it on the spot.

15. We may take hours to get ready but in the end its all worth it.

16. We can stay in one position for hours and still make it enjoyable.

17. Our mouths know just how to move.

18. We will make you stand up and scream for more at the end.

Quiz!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. Ali

2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow? Red or Green

3. Your first initial? A

4. Your month of birth? March

5. Which color do you like more, black or white? black

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours. sana

7. Your favorite number? 1

8. Do you like California or Florida more? never been so dunno but i think california

9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? lake

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Travel the world

Are you done?

If so, scroll down

(don't cheat--)

THE ANSWERS

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:

Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you

love.

Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are

down.

3. If your initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to

blossom.

S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If you were born in:

Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you

fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but

the memories will last forever.

July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life

changing experience for the good.

Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate.

5. If you choose...

Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time

but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do

anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.

8. If you choose...

California: You like adventure.

Florida: You are a laidback person.

9. If you choose...

Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday.

The Stupid Test! Teehee. (put an x next to the one that is you, than in the end, add up all of the x's. if you have 18 or less, than u r not stupid.) p.s. this is not a real test, just something for fun!

(x) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. (I blame gravity)

( ) Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. (Unless I purposely spit it out, than nope!)

(x) You have run into a glass/screen door. (I think everyone has done that at some point in their life)

(x) You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. (Who waits for the complete stop anyways?)

(x) You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks. (All the time!)

total so far=4

(x) You have run into a tree. (I didn't really see it aha)

( ) It IS possible to lick your elbow. (How?!)

(x) You just tried to lick your elbow. (Dude, it's so not possible! Liars!)

(x) You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same rhythm. (OMG they do and I never realized that!)

(x) You just tried to sing them. (...Was I not suppose to?)

(x) You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen. (Shoelaces, chairs, little rocks, what don't I trip over?)

( ) You have choked on your own spit. (Surprisingly, no)

( ) You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it. (Never even heard of it. Well, I've heard of the ones used in Algebra 2?? But I don't think that's the same thing...)

(x) You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice (Oh, my bad, it was)

(x) You just looked at it. (SO what?!)

(x) Your hair is blonde/dirty blonde/has blonde in it. (Hey, I know plenty of brunettes more stupid than me!)

(x) People have called you slow. (It happens)

total so far= 13

( ) You have accidentally caught something on fire. (The things I've caught on fire, it was all on purpose)

(x) You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek. (Yeah, and I can't even explain how that happened!It just did!)

(x) You have caught yourself drooling. (Dreaming of hot guy...what can I say?)

(x) You’ve fallen asleep in class. (I was tired)

(x) If someone says “fart” you laugh. (Ahaha yes!)

(x) You just laughed. (Am I that predictable?!)

total so far= 18

(x) Sometimes you just stop thinking. (Yeah and I just zone out completely until someone gets my attention and I'm like "huh?")

(x) You tell a story and forget what you were talking about. (That doesn't mean I'm stupid! It just means I have a bad memory!)

(x) People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you. (Yeah, it happens.)

(x) You are often told to use your “inside voice”. (So what? I'm loud and fun! Ahaha)

(x) You use your fingers to do simple math. (Everyone does!)

total so far= 23

( ) You have eaten a bug. (Luckily, no!)

(x) You are taking this test when you should be doing something important (I probably should be writing and updating my stories, maybe doing homework...)

(x) You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it. (Haven't you? Like when you're tired and just put them on all messed up?!)

(x) You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand, pocket, head, etc. (My Ipod, cell phone, money, it all just disappears and its right in my hand or pocket)

total so far= 26

( ) You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you. (No I do them because they're fun)

(x) You break a lot of things. (Ananimate objects? Yes. My bones? Nope, never. Other people's bones? Not yet.)

(x) Your friends know not to use big words around you. (Yes, but maybe its because they don't know any ahaha just kidding...or am I?)

(x) You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused. (I don't mean it! It just happens!)

(X) You have fallen out of your chair before. (That's what I get for laughing to hard...or trying to reach for a pencil without actually getting up to get it...)

(x) When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling. (Yesh I do, either that or I think of what I'm doing tomorrow, or ideas for stories!)

Total all together=31 (Okay, so I'm only... far off from 18...but that's okay, I still have fun!)

- Violet's outft in chapter 15

FEMALE COMEBACKS!!
pick up line comebacks, add to it if you want

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: "Can I have your name?"
Woman:"Why? Don't you already have one?"

Man: "Can I buy you a drink?"
Woman: "Actually, I'd rather have the money."

Man: "How did you get to be so beautiful?"
Woman:"I must have been given your share."

Man: "Your face must turn a few heads."
Woman: "Your face must turn a few stomachs."

Man: "Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out."
Woman: "OK, get out."

Man: "I think I could make you very happy."
Woman: "Why? Are you leaving?"

Man: "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"
Woman: "Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time."

Man: "Want to see a movie?"
Woman: "I've already seen one."

Now this is pretty good...

You May Be A Writer If-

1. Every time you hear a song, you think of a new story or one you've already written.

2. You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names. (beginning and end, but no middle haha)

3. You often imagine your books becoming movies. (hellz yeah!!!)

4. Spell check is your best friend.

5. You give even the smallest of characters a huge background.

6. You hesitate before killing of one of your favorite characters. (I just love all my characters :) )

7. You smile really big when your gonna finally write a character love scene.

8. Every time you read something, you make your own story of the same thing. (not really...)

9. You'll spend an hour trying to find one word cause you won't dare use a synonym.

10. Not being able to write is like not being able to pee to you... you just can't hold it in for so long.

11. You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.

12. You have to tell at least one person your whole story before it's even written. (thats what friends are for!!! haha)

13. Things that are written bad annoy you and make you want to re-write it better. (on occasion)

14. You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself. (yup and I remember how funny I am!)

15. You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time. (sadly yes)

16. If you're note writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly.

17. You talk to yourself... constantly.

18. You forget what day it is when your writing.

19. When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away.

20. You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc. (nope)

21. You put off the last chapter of a story simply because you don't want it to end. (if I ever get to sitting down and writing the end out is more like it)

22. You start to cry when writing about a death or other depressing event you knew was coming, and you are the one writing it.

23. When on a roll, you will ignore hunger, sleepiness, or the urge to pee until you run out of ideas.

24. If a story, movie, show, etc. finishes without closure, you have a powerful need to write a suitable ending.(like if Delena ever comes onto vampire diaries, I'm rewriting that shit)

25. You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story. (allt the time)

26. You are in love with the Thesaurus.

27. You dream about your stories.

28. You dream of new stories.

29. You often revisit some of your old stories. (when I'm feelin it)

30. Someone can call your name twenty times without you hearing if you're writing