I believe in the cock, the pussy, the small f a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap.

I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter.

I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.