Why won't you let us use the percent, insert, and, astrik, underscore, brackets, braces (aka squigglydoos), verticle line, or less than symbols Fanfiction?? WHY!?

I SOOOOO need one of these, even if the commenters don't agree! It's an interrobang! go sign this petition!! -

this is the God's mansion/palace/court house from 'Down to Earth' only imagine it Greekier

this is the church that Jeb's working out of only fixed up, from 'When the World Breaks'

yes I have have pictures of everything, anything, and nothing! what ya got to say about it?!

Thoughts on life

Life- From Diapers to Dignity to Decomposition

Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.- Mark Twain

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life is something that everyone should try at least once.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.

My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.

Life, loath it or ignore it, you can't like it," -Marvin

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim

Today is the last day of some of your life.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

There are things easier than trying to find a nice guy in life...like nailing jelly to a tree for example.

If you really want something in life you have to work for it, now quiet, they're about to anounce the lottery numbers.

There used to be copy/paste-y things here, but there were too many. I got rid of them.

QUOTES OF AWESOMESAUCENESS

The idea hovered and shivered delicately, like a soap bubble, and she dared not even look at it in case it burst. But she was familiar with the way of ideas, and she let it shimmer, looking away, thinking about something else. -Northern lights

If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. ~Elbert Hubbard

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~Author Unknown

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. ~Evan Esar

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. ~Harry Kalas (le gasp it's an emo fang!)

And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!" ~Author Unknown

The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg. ~Author Unknown

All I need is a sheet of paper
and something to write with, and then
I can turn the whole world upside down~Die Weisse und die Schwarze Kunst

I reject your reality and substitute my own." -Adam Savage

'You weren't able to talk sense into him?'
'Well, we kind of tried to kill each other in a duel to the death.'
'I see. You tried the diplomatic approach.'" Sea of Monsters, Percy and Hermes.

One of the things Ford had always found hard to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical. -Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen." -HGttG

He reached out and pressed an invitingly large red button on a nearby panel. The panel lit up with the words Please do not press this button again. -HGttG

"The Answer to the Great Question, of Life, the Universe and Everything is Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm. -HGttG

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened. -Resturaunt at the End of the Universe

In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. -RstEotU

"You may not instantly see why I bring the subject up, but that is because my mind works so phenomenally fast, and I am at a rough estimate thirty billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you an example. Think of a number, any number."
"Er, five," said the mattress.
"Wrong," said Marvin. "You see?"
The mattress was much impressed by this and realized that it was in the presence of a not unremarkable mind. -Life, the Universe, and Everything

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss! -HGttG

Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity. Not so sure about infinity... -HGttG

The sign said:
Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
"It seemed to me," said Wonkothe Sane, "that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to includea set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane." -Goodbye and Thanks for all the Fish

"We apologise for the inconvenience." (God's Final Message to His Creation, written in letters of fire on the side of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains.) -GBaTfAtF

There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind. -GBaTfAtF

Now logic is a wonderful thing but it has, as the processes of evolution discovered, certain drawbacks. Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by something else which thinks at least as logically as it does.

People knew how to have a good time, and if they didn't there were courses they could sign up for which would put that right.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light. except for bad news, which follows its own special laws

"Don't tell me about the future," said Ford. "I've been all over the future. Spend half my time there. It's the same as anywhere else. Anywhen else. Whatever. Just the same old stuff in faster cars and smellier air."

Douglas Adams -
- In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

Douglas Adams -
- I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams -
- It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

Douglas Adams -
- Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

"What's been happening here?' he demanded.
Oh just the nicest things, sir, just the nicest things. can I sit onyour lap please?'"
"Colin, I am going to abandon you to your fate.'
I'm so happy.'"
"It will be very, very nasty for you, and that's just too bad. Got it?'
I gurgle with pleasure.'"

-- Ford and Colin the robot. Mostly Harmless

"She hit me on the head with the rock again.'
I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.'
Sweet kid.'
You have to get to know her,' said Arthur.
She eases up does she? '
No,' said Arthur, but you get a better sense of when to duck.'"

-- Ford and Arthur Mostly Harmless

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen.
Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. ~Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

"I feel like pudding, Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy-Angel Experiment

"Holy (insert swear word of your choice here.)" -Fang-AE

"I look like prep school Barbie. Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just one of her friends." -Nudge-Schools Out Forever

You... are...a... fridge...with...wings...We're...freaking...ballet...dancers! -Fang-SOF

Jeb turned to her. "She's incorruptible." Bully for me. "At least by power." I said. "You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes" -Max and Jeb-Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports.

"I vill now destroy ve Snickuhs Bars!" -StWaOES

"Those wacky Brits called fries 'chips'. And potato chips were 'crisps'. And cookies were 'biscuits'. I had no idea what real biscuits were called. Wangdoodles?" -Max-StWaOES

"DOOMED! They're all doomed. Notice I didn't say what kind of doom it was, so whatever happens to them, I will have predicted it.
How very wise of me" - Eragon

"South America. It'll be warm. They have llamas. You like llamas." -Max-MAX

"I believe misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat." -Dumbledore-Harry Potter

"We could be killed, or worse, expelled." -Hermione Granger-HP

"I want to fix that in my memory forever, Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..." -Ron-HP

"Oh, are you a prefect, Percy? You should have said something, we had no idea."
"Hang on I think I remember him saying something about it, once..."
"Or twice-"
"A minute-"
"All summer-" -Fred and George- HP

"His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque like his mother," said Ron. "Is that normal, Hermione?" -Ron-HP

"Not this brave at night, are you?" sneered Dudley.
"This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this." -Harry and Dudley-HP

(this was before stew, but everything was after stew. When man came climbing out from the mud, their first meal was stew.)...(but this was after taxes, but everything was after taxes. Even stew was after taxes.)-The Princess Bride

1st soldier: You're using coconuts!
king Aurthur: What?
1st soldier: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
king Aurthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
1st soldier: Where'd you get the coconuts?
king Aurthur: We found them.
1st soldier: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
king Aurthur: What do you mean?
1st soldier: Well, this is a temperate zone
king Aurthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
1st soldier: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
king Aurthur: Not at all. They could be carried.
1st soldier: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
king Aurthur: It could grip it by the husk!
1st soldier: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
king Aurthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
1st soldier: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? Am I right? - Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Sir Bedevere:What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: ... I got better.
Crowd: Burn her anyway! -MPatHG

King Aurthur: One, two, five!
Sir Galahad: Three sir!
King Aurthur: THREE! -MPatHG

We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.We are now the Knights who say... ”Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm. -MPatHG

And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Fourshalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbestthou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. -MPatHG

ARTHUR: Where?
TIM: There!
ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?
TIM: It is the rabbit!
ARTHUR: You silly sod!
TIM: What?
ARTHUR: You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.
ARTHUR: Ohh.
TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide; it's a killer!
GALAHAD: Get stuffed!
TIM: He'll do you up a treat mate!
GALAHAD: Oh, yeah?
ROBIN: You mangy Scots git!
TIM: I'm warning you!
ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!
Rabbit flies at Bors’s throat and savages him to death
ROBIN: I done it again!
TIM: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--
ARTHUR: Oh, shut up!
TIM: Do they listen to me?

-MPatHG

Praline: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shopkeeper: Oh, yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?
Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's resting, look!
Praline: Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
Shopkeeper: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
Praline: Resting? it's stone dead!
Shopkeeper: No, no--it's just resting.
Praline: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
Shopkeeper: (jogging cage) There it moved.
Praline: No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
Shopkeeper: I did not.
Praline: Yes, you did. (takes parrot out of cage,shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot,wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's stunned.
Praline: Look my lad, I've just about had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was dueto it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Praline: Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
Shopkeeper: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Shopkeeper: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and VOOM!.
Praline: Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
Shopkeeper: It's not, it's pining for the fjords
Praline: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!

-Monty Python- Parrot Sketch

“Okay,“ Fang said. “First we steal all the Snickers bars from a candy factory. Put those away.
Then we find someone who can make robots that are extremely lifelike and always mistaken for a human, we buy one , or steal it, whatever floats your boat.
After that, we make the robot run for president, Use the Snicker bars, we should have stolen over 70 million, to buy votes. Steal a billion Hershey bars. Put those away.
When the robot becomes president we’ll use our remote to make him make chocolate illegal in the US. Using the black market, we sell the Hershey bars. We’ll be rich.

Then, we’ll hire a creepy-looking guy to 'assassinate' the robot president, make sure it is all caught on tape and is all over the news as soon as it happens. Therefore, the 'murderer' is all over the news, classified as highly dangerous, and thrown into jail for the rest of his life.
Then, we’ll use our earnings from selling the candy bars to bail him out, tell him to go into Max's room with a gun and threaten to kill he if she does not hand over the disk right now. Since the murderer has been all over the news and classified as highly dangerous, she should hand over the disk.” That was the most I had ever heard Fang say. Ever.

“Fang,” I said in a caring sisterly way, “what the heckle have you been smoking?”

-Fangy-poo and Ella-bell, Rainy Day Games with the Flock by Fangalicious08

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. -Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Random/funny/useless facts

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.

An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights.

Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark.

It's against the law to slam your car door in Switzerland.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.

Los Angeles's full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula

A cow in Thailand says 'oo-ah'

The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

4,000 people are injured by teapots each year

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

There was once a town in West Virginia called '6'

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

If Barbie were life-size she would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

If a human hair were the thickness of nylon rope, it could support a train engine

The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'

Both George Washington and Thomas Jefferson grew cannabis sativa (marijuana) on their plantations.

X-ray technology has shown there are 3 different versions of the Mona Lisa under the visible one.

William Shakespeare had 11 different ways of spelling his surname

The vocabulary of the average person consists of 5,000 to 6,000 words.

For a short time in 1967, the American Typers Association made a new punctuation mark that was a combination of the question mark and an exclamation point called an 'interrobang' It was rarely used and hasn't been seen since

Cashews are botanically classified as the seed of a tropical and semitropical fruit called the cashew apple

All US Presidents have worn glasses, some of them just didn't like to be seen wearing them in public

The abbreviation for one pound, 'lb,' comes from the astrological sign Libra, meaning balance

The first words spoken by Thomas Edison over the phonograph were: 'Mary had a little lamb'

Jaw muscles can provide about 200 pounds of force to bring the back teeth together for chewing.

Man is the only animal that cries

When glass breaks, the cracks move at speeds of up to 3,000 miles per hour

Chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine (PEA), a natural substance that is reputed to stimulate the same reaction in the body as falling in love.

The longest English word consisting entirely of consonants (and not including'y' as a vowel) is the word 'crwth' which is from the fourteenth century and means crowd

A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel

Donald Duck lives at 1313 Webfoot Walk, Duckburg, Calisota

Theodore Roosevelt was the only U.S. president to deliver an inaugural address without using the word 'I'. Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Dwight D. Eisenhower tied for second place, using 'I' only once in their inaugural addresses.

Strawberries have more vitamin C than oranges

Johanna Sebastian Bach wrote an operetta about coffee

Americans eat more bananas than any other fruit: a total of 11 billion a year.

Louis XIV insisted that none of his courtiers sit in chairs with arms

If you can see a rainbow you must have your back to the sun

A fog belt 50 ft deep over an area of 104 square miles contains no more moisture that single bucket of water

'Ough' can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence contains them all: 'A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.

John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son

The soldiers of World War I were the first people to use the modern flushing toilet. The inventor: Thomas Crapper

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy