tara nitengale
Hello out there. Hmmmm what to say? nothing much to say. should have made one of these long ago. I'm a female that needs to start living her own life and not getting lost in fanfics and mangas. But then I would just be day dreaming so I don't see the point. Then again I would have real friends not just the ones in my head. Oh well. On to the next story! The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK. When I grew up I was BLACK. When I'm sick I'm BLACK. When I go in the sun I'm BLACK. When I'm cold I'm BLACK. When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK. When you grow up you're WHITE. When you're sick, you're GREEN. When you go in the sun you turn RED. When you're cold you turn BLUE. And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism! Homophobia and you: Stop the hate and spread the love! I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I was a lesbian. Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it! Girls Girls Don't realize these things; I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy" I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not a jerk I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy. I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date I'm sorry That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend I'm sorry If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along. I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care But most of all I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world. I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for... I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it. I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family. I'm Sorry That I cared I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different. Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you. If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry' 5 Truths of Life. 1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue 2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it 3. The first truth is a lie 4. You're smiling right now because you know you fell for it... (Idiot!) 5. You still have a stupid smile lingering on your face Now, if you fell for it (I KNOW you did), copy & paste this into your profile. Oh well… I already knew I was an Idiot .! 5 Truths of life: 1. You can kiss your elbow 2. You are now thinking you are not falling for that one again 3. You think you're so smart 4. The fact is that that is a lie 5. You are now trying to kiss your elbow Spread the Stupidity Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America ...do people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America ...do people buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. Only in America ... ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. Random Quotes "Who lit Toph on fire?"-Sokka-Avatar "It's a giant mushroom, maybe its friendly!"-Sokka-Avatar "I'm bringing sexy back..." If you never even knew sexy was gone, copy and paste this into your profile. Don't call me small! I break off your feet and stick them on your head!" -Edward Elric "I'm not short, I'm fun-sized!" "I'm not small, I just live in a world of giant people." "Smile. It makes people wonder what you're up to." "Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over." "I'm not so good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" "Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird." "Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door." "I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me." "Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun" "Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up." "When all else fails, blow shit up." "I reject your reality and substitute my own." -Adam Savage "We are always the same age inside."-Gertrude Stein -"All the good guys are from anime, married or gay"- Random author -"Some day Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube will combine to make YOUTWITFACE!"-- Conan O'Brian -"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." -I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it. -Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. -I don't obsess! I think intensely. -The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. -Always forgiveyour enemies. Nothing annoys them more. -Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. -Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? -Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. -If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? -Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that. "Best friends through thick and thin! -Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky and yell "Storms Suck" -You say psycho like it's a bad thing! -Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. -When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it -When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate -When life gives you lemons, throw them at the mean people and hope it gets them in the eyes -If at first you don't succeed, burn all the evidence that you tried -The only reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answer I accept -Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered, "Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?" -Everyday I think people can't get any stupider. Everyday I am proven horribly wrong -All sane people who worked here quit -Everything is funny as long as it's happening to some one else -One by one penguins steal my sanity, but since when have I been sane -I've been given sugar. Please use this time to prepare for the end of the world -What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding -It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with contentious and angry women -A vase is basically a flower torture device; you rip it from its home, put it in a small container and watch it die slowly -I will temporarily rule the world, forever -One bright day in the middle of the night two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. Then a deaf policeman heard the noise and drew his gun and stabbed the boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too. And if you don't believe the blind, ask the deaf he heard it fine. -If you don't like the way I drive stay off the sidewalk! -A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. "I think, therefore I get a headache." "I smile because I have no idea what's going on." "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." "Death is life's way of telling you you're fired." If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. Post this on your profile if you have ever had a major fan girl moment. 'So I'm in love with several fictional characters from books and 'cartoons', your point is?' God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die. There are very few problems that cant be solved by using a large amount of explosives. You know what! Earth sucks, I’m going home! Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you keep on talking. "What is this 'kindness' you speak of?" Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them! "Somehow, in some way that was all your fault." Retreating! Hell no, we're just attacking the other direction! Organized people are just too lazy to look for things. Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss. There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots. The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good I'm not as dumb as you look The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people... Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating. That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. When in doubt, push random buttons! Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter If you can't beat the computer at chess, try kickboxing. When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing Silence is golden but duct tape is silver. Anything thrown hard enough should hurt. Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?" When I was born, I was so shocked that I didn't talk for a year and a half. Where there's a will...I want to be in it. Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already. The trouble with life, is there's no background music. I couldn't repair you brakes, so I made your horn louder. A clean house is a sign of a broken computer! Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I will not follow. If you want to walk besides me, go far it, but don't expect a big reaction... For people who like peace and quiet: Get a PHONELESS CORD! I don't get even, I get odder. I have a photographic memory, but it takes a day to develop. I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly, if it's worth it. Light travels faster than sound. That is why...some people seem bright until you hear them speak. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!" If Fed ex and UPS merge, they would be called Fed UP. Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Love me, Hate me, make a voodoo doll of me and stick it full of pins, I will continue to be indifferent to you. To be alone is to be different; to be different is to be alone. The beatings will cease once moral improves. Excuse me while I find a container for my joy. People who think they know everything annoy those of us who do. What makes life 100 percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100 percent. How about achieving 103 percent? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. If: is represented as: then: H A R D W O R K K N O W L E D G E but: A T T I T U D E and: So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, And look how far this will take you... A S S K I S S I N G Think about it... and have a nice day at work... :) ~There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. ~Most people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them. ~Be optimistic. :) The people you hate will eventually die. ~What happens if you get scared half to death... Twice? ~Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. ~Life is like a Pack of Gum... I've yet to figure out why. ~Can I take your picture? I collect photos of Natural Disasters. ~He who laughs last thinks slowest. ~It takes 47 muscles to frown, and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face. ~How important does a person have to be before a person is considered assassinated instead of murdered? ~We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at showing it. ~If you can't beat them... Arrange to have them beaten... ~When I said "I'd hit that!" ... I meant with my car... ~When people don't laugh at our jokes, I don't think of it as a "You had to be there" type of thing... It's more of a "You have to be Mentally Retarded like us" type of thing... Things my mother taught me 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him. You And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came My dad sent me a link for this a wall back. "So, You wanna date my daughter?" by Bruce Cameron It even as a contract that must be signed Things I Must Not (Must) do at Hogwarts Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 1.I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office. 2. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. It will not get me extra credit. 3. Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda. 4. I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month", no matter how sympathetic I think I am to the situation. 5. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my older brother's old Calculus book. 6. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls. Nor am i allowed to use the theme from Mission Impossible. 7. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs. 8. "Draco Malfoy, Is My Snuggle Bunny" is not an acceptable quidditch chant. 9. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. Or Lucius Malfoy. Or Hitler. 10. I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort. 11. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. 12. Bringing fortune cookies to Divinations class does not count as extra credit. 13. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps. Why Chocolate Frogs are allowed and not these is beyond me. 14. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintball. 15. I will not wear A MUDBLOOD AND PROUD OF IT shirt to DE meetings and act surprised when they attack me. 16. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree-house in the whomping willow 17. I will not use silencing charms on my professors. 18. I will not scream bloody murder everytime I see Filch 19. I will not ride around hogwarts in an uncontrollable cart going really fast with no breaks, and chase Snape around while causing general chaos. 20. I will not throw a surprise party for Snape and write him romantic poems no matter how much I think he needs a hug. 21. I will not purposefully run face on into every wall I see. 22. I will not make popping sounds with my mouth(like Donky from Shrek)and laugh when the teacher gives you a funny look. 23. I will not look at the ceiling for along time, and when I see other people looking at the ceiling too, trying to figure it out, say "What are you looking at?". 24. I will not grimace painfully while smacking my forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" while around the younger students. 25. I will not answer the professors' questions with meows. 26. I will not draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other students that this is my "personal space." 37. I will not get a black dog, name it Grim, and take it to Divination class. 28. I will not invent a cereal. There are no such thing as Voldios, and they are not magically delicious. 29. I will not yell "Pick me! Pick me!" when Snape hands out detentions. 30. I will not sing The Song That Never Ends. While drunk. In the Great Hall. To the first years.. 31. I will not wait for Snape to run away from me to yell "Why are you doing this, Severus? YOU KNOW THIS IS YOUR BABY!" 32. I will not send Snape love notes signed "Wormtail"." 33. When called upon in class, I will not insist that the correct answer is 42 34. I will not add "according to the prophecy" to raise my Divination grade (though that could work) 35. I will not tell Muggleborn first-years that Bertie Bott's Every-Flavor Beans taste better if you them all at once 36. Im not allowed to bother Snape and Dumbledore does not do "naked time" 37. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice 38. The four houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Brainiacs and the Junior Death Eaters. 39. My headmasters name is Albus Dumbledore, not Gandalf 40. Yelling "to infinity and beyond" was only funny the first time I took off from my broom. 41. I will refrain from calling Fred and George - Merry and Pippin, Harry and Ron - Frodo and Sam, and it probably isnt smart to call Draco Legolas either. 42. Telling Draco to "make like a ferret and bounce" is always a bad idea. 43. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout “To the Batmobile, Robin” 44. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm. 45. No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them. 46. I will not tickle the sleeping dragon “just to see what happens” 47. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here 48. I will not refer to the DADA profs or Gryffindors as “Red shirts” 49. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry’s prized Firebolt 50. I will not scare the First years with wild tales of an omniscient Author who controls our very destinies. 51. Making a Polyjuice Potion and walking up to the person I copied to make them act crazy/ act like a human mirror is not funny 52. Ron Weasley does not appreciate being called “Boy Wonder” and he definitely does not want to wear green tights 53. Putting a Snitch in Malfoy’s pants really isn’t funny, even if it does make him scream like a girl. 54. Putting fake spiders in Ron’s bed is certainly not funny, especially when he tries to jump out the window. 55. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees". 56. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can produce, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 57. Growing marijuana (or weed for everyone else) is not an extra credit project for Herbology. Although it might win the war if I can get Voldemort addicted. 58. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. 59. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball 60. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "Let me out". 61. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful". 62. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept. 63. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers 64. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason. 65. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. 66. I will not lick Trevor. or kiss him. Even if he could turn into a Prince. It might be Snape anyways, and he wouldn't be too happy with me. 67. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is just plain gross. 68. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty". 69. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong. 70. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape/McGonagall s/he takes himself too seriously. 71. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick. 72. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. 73. Tricking a school house elf into stripping does not mean that they are now mine, even if I yell "Pwned!" 74. Speaking like Yoda, does not a happy professor make. Funny, it is not. 75. During the Spring Annual Good vs. Evil Match I will not raise my wand in the air and yell “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!” 76. “Ooh ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang is not a spell. 77. I am not a sloth Animagus. 78. I am aloud to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not, however, allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha. 79. I do not weigh the same as a duck 80. I will stop asking my Arithemancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 81. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul are completely coincidental 82. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed to as: Admiral Naismith or Mon Capitan or Napoleon. 83. Asking a Gryffindor, How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense? and walking away is only funny the FIRST time. 84. 42 is not the only answer to every questing on the OWLS 85. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall that she takes herself to seriously. 86. I am not allowed to owl suspected Death Eaters a list of Evil Overlords. 87. I will not offer to make tandoori owl. 88. I will stop asking Snape when we will make Love Potion No. 9 89. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp. 90. My name is not Captain Subtext 91. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion. 92. Professor Flitwicks first name is not Yoda. 93. I am not the Defense Against Boring Classes professor. 94. I am not allowed to use the words pimp cane in front of Draco. 95. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed, and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the outcome would be. 96. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled Firewhiskey. 97. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes. 98. First years are not to be fed to fluffy. 99. A wand is for magic. Not for picking noses, playing snooker, or practicing my drum playing no matter how bored I become. 100. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in potions class 101. First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow. 102. Novelty and Holiday themed ties are not appropriate for school uniform. 103. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot 104. I should not refer the DADA teachers as the canaries in the coalmine. 105. I will restrain myself from saying: Dude, get a life. When facing Lord Voldemort. 106. I am not allowed to place muggle fairytale books under the history section of the library. 107. There is not now, nor will there ever be a fifth house at Hogwarts. I am not a member of this house, or the founder. 108. I will not refer using the Accio charm as Using the force. 109. Albus Dumbledores proper title is Headmaster, not: The Gandalf Wannabe 110. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesized her death. 111. I will not use Gryffindors and Slytherins as Christmas decorations. 112. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel and sick joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists. 113. If asked in class what the Avada Kadavra curse does yelling, IT DOES DEATH!! I not the appropriate response. 114. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here. 115. Ravenclaws do not in any circumstance find a sign saying: The library is closed for an indefinite time. Amusing in any sense. 116. I will not try to recreate the Key of Time in Transfiguration class. 117. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I will not install one in one of my muggle cars. 118. I am not allowed to use any silencing charms on my Professors. 119. I will not set Hermiones time turner to rotate every half hour. 120. If the thought of a spell causes me to giggle for more than 15 consecutive seconds, I must assume that I am not aloud to use it. 123. I will not refer my X-files videos to be: Auror Training Videos. 124. When being interrogated by the staff, I am not allowed to wave my hand and announce, These are not the droids you are looking for. 125. Albus Dumbledore is not the devil. 126. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort. 127. I will not follow potion instructors in reverse just to see what happens. 128. I am not to claim that there is a prequel to Hogwarts, one that explains the about Bilbo Baggins. 129. I will not, under any circumstance, ask Harry Potter who died and declared him boss. 130. I am not allowed to refer Susan Bones, Hanna Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles. 131. I will not cast the occasional Obliviate spell on Dumbledore, even though it would be amusing. 132. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix. 133. I will not lock the Gryffindors and Slytherins in a room and make bets on which House will come out alive. 134. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are, in fact, real animals. 135. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 136. I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches. 137. I will not douse Harry Potters invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he becomes visible when walking in front of the fire in the common room. 138. I will not tell the first years that Moon Prism Power is the basic spell for Transfiguration. 139. I will not yell, Believe it. OR NOT! in random parts of Dumbledores speeches. 140. My name is not Dark Lord Happy Pants and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such. 141. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation. 142. I will not try to magically animate my marshmallow peeps. 143. Never ask Harry if is Scar Senses are tingling. 144. Voldemort is not Gonandorf and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts. 145. I am not to sing the entire Multiplication Rock, song during Arithmancy exams. 146. I will not charm the suites of armor in the Great Hall to do a reenactment of the musical number, Were knights of the Round Table. For the Christmas Feast. 147. I will not refer Professor McGonagall as: McGoogles. 148. I am not aloud to make lightsaber noises with my wand. 149. Wearing my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT shirt to school is not a good idea 150. I am not allowed to recreate famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the Charms corridor. 151. I am not to declare an official: Hug a Slytherin day. 152. I am not to refer myself as Tim the Enchanter to first years. 153. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use my war cries every time I enter a classroom. 154. It is not necessary to yell, BAM! every time I apparate. 155. I am not allowed to commandeer Gryffindors sword from Dumbledores office and use it to patrol the hallways. 156. I cannot sing Attack of the Killer Tomatoes theme song during Herbology. 157. I am not allowed to pain the house elves blue and refer to them as smurfs. 158. I will not organize the Hogwarts Fight Club 159. It is a bad idea to tell Snape that he takes himself too seriously. 160. I will not tell first years that Snape is the voice of God. 161. I will not dress up as a Dementor and use a dust buster to use on Harrys lips to try to convince him to do what I want. 162. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall 163. To conquer the earth with my army of flying monkeys is apparently not the best career option.. 164. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife 165. It is not necessary to yell, Oooo BURN! every time Snape takes points from Gryffindor. 166. Yall check this bad boy out! is not the appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell. 167. I will not hold my wand up in the air before casting a spell and shout, I have the power! 168. I am not the king of the potato people and I do not have a flying carpet. 169. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do a time warp will not get me extra house points. 170. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and have students say Ni while hiding about the corridor Laws to live by: Murphy's law: 1. If anything can go wrong, it will." 2. "If there's more than one possible outcome of a job or task, and one of those outcomes will result in disaster or an undesirable consequence, then somebody will do it that way" 3. "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way." Godwin's Rule of Nazi Analogies: As a discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. Hanlon's razor: 1. Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. 2. Never assume malice when stupidity will suffice. Amara's Law: "We tend to overestimate the effect of a technology in the short run and underestimate the effect in the long run. Benford's law of controversy: The Passion of an agruement is inversely proportional to the amount of real information available. Dilbert Principal: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. Gall's Law: "A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked." Herblock's Law: If it's good, they'll stop making it. Hutber's Law: "Improvement means deterioration". Littlewood's Law: Individuals can expect a miracle to happen to them at the rate of about one per month. Meadow's Law: One is a tragedy, two is suspicious and three is murder, until proved otherwise. Muphry's Law: If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written. Okrent's Law: The pursuit of balance can create imbalance because sometimes something is true. Parkingson's Law:Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. Peter's Principle: In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Reilly's Law: People generally patronize the largest mall in the area. Roemer's Law: A hospital bed built is a bed filled Rothbard's Law: Everyone specializes in his own area of weakness. Sayre's Law: "In any dispute the intensity of feeling is inversely proportional to the value of the stakes at issue." By way of corollary, the law adds: "That is why academic politics are so bitter." Schneier's Law: Any person can invent a security system so clever that she or he can't think of how to break it. Segal's Law A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure." Skitt's Law: a corollary of Muphry's law, variously expressed as "any post correcting an error in another post will contain at least one error itself" or "the likelihood of an error in a post is directly proportional to the embarrassment it will cause the poster." Stigler's Law: No scientific discovery is named after its original discoverer. Sturgeon's Revelation: 90 percent of everything is crap. Sutton's Law: Go where the money is. Wiener's Law: There are no answers, only cross-references. |
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