Better get comfy, the long pointless stuff is ahead. But if you want a laugh or two, or to know me a bit better, go ahead :D

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...where)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere)

Why America has some Issues

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Copy & Pastes

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) or played a game so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in your profile. I also enjoy the confused glances I get when I do.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading all of the fanfictions you can, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're one of the few people who actually reads profiles, copy and paste this into your profile

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that poor Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile..

If you think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this to your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Quotes and Sayings

I tried being normal. But I didn't like it.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

People that don't know me, think I'm mature. People that know me, wish I was.

I speak Sarcasm as a second language

Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Screw hugs. I’m going to punch you when I see you.

--Eagles may soar, but wolves don't get sucked up into jet engines.

--Procrastinators Unite!...tomorrow.

--Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

--Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that it doesn't matter. You're a mile away from him and you got his shoes!

--Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?

--I'm not suffering from insanity...I'm enjoying every minute of it!

--We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction.

--They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

--Whoever said "anything is possible" never tried to slam a revolving door.

--Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-- Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in some other part of the world!

--I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?

--Drive like you stole it!

--Everyday I think people can't get any dumber. Every day I'm proven horribly wrong.

--I didn't escape from the mental ward! Those sirens are a complete coincidence!

--Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

--Never knock on death's door. Ring the door bell and run like heck. He hates it.

--Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

--Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight of stairs.

--It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

--Normal people worry me.

--And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution!

--There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.

--Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

--I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now.

--I do not have an attitude problem! I have an attitude, but I just can't find a problem with it.

--I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads.

--I don't need your attitude, I have my own.

--I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.

--You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you

--I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.

--Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me.

--That which does not kill me had better run pretty fast!

--Someday we'll look back on all this and crash the car.

--There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

--My Reality Check bounced.

--On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

--The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

--I didn't fall for you, you tripped me.

--I am being driven insane. And I must say the scenery is nice.

--Would you like a cookie? So would I!

--A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

--The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

--Slinky Escalator = Endless fun

--If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

--A day without sunshine is like...Night.

--Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

--Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

--I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

--One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

--It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

--Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

--Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise!

--"If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed."

--Most learn by observation. Some learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually touch the fire