Name: Del Paradox. I have a TON of other names and aliases, but that’s the truest one I’ve got. Just call me Del.

Hair: Red and jungle-ish.

Eyes: Pale Green-blue, but half of my left eye is more blue. Bluer? Whatever. Weird, just like the rest of me.

Age: 17 (Physically)

Real Age: Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna tell YOU. Besides, I’ll live for so long that I’d have to change it constantly, and that’s just annoying. ‘Annoying’ translating to mean I’m just too lazy to do it.

Occupation: Professional Annoyance and General Nuisance to Society (And I'm proud of it!) Also, I'm a cryptozoologist, interdimensional wanderer, inventor, bibliophile, author, obsessive researcher, criminal mastermind on the level of a Magnificent Bastard (see Tvtropes), collector of weird and rare objects, dreamer, and soon to be planetary architect (assuming I can get Sasha to help me out; I don't have the juice to pull off something like that on my own, but we seriously need a home of our own with all the interversal travel we do).

Gender: Just to be clear, I’m a dude. Most people on this site are girls, so I figured I’d point that out.

Goals: At the moment, to get back home! I tried traveling to a really faraway universe and nearly burned myself out with the effort, so I don't have the power to get back in one jump. I'm now traveling across Existence to get back there before Sasha goes nuts and really does kill me. Luckily, the GIZMO has an Existential map, so I'm not lost forever. It's just a matter of making it home. Problem is, I keep landing in worlds I'm too obsessed with to ignore, which is making me lose major time. My other goal is to find a planet that we Paradoxes can live on in peace. Granted, we'll probably want to change it a bit for coolness, but I already have an awesome name in mind. No, I'm not going to tell you. I don't want anyone stealing it.

Family:

Sasha Paradox, my (evil) twin sister. Red hair and green eyes like moi, but much brighter on the hair and a darker emerald eye color. She enjoys nothing more than driving me up the wall - except for doing that old finishing each others' sentences to freak people out twin act. ...Did that last sentence make any sense? Anyway, don't mess with her. I won't kill you (probably), but she WILL. Slowly. And. Painfully. She's not actually evil or anything like that, but she has a much shorter fuse than I do. It's hilarious that she's a deadly fighter and loves every minute of it, but will go EEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! like some ditzy valley girl if she sees shoes on sale. (She keeps trying to break into my account to delete that last part, but I locked her out. ;)

In terms of personality, it’s like she’s my total opposite, and yet we’re both a lot alike. She’s freakishly cheerful and trusting (but not to the point of stupidity), is OCD about fashion to an extent that scares even me with my uber-fanness of many things, and heartily disapproves of my criminal and sneaky tactics. Conversely, she’s willing to do what has to be done when things get serious even if it clashes with her morals. I may be a thief and an all-too-frequent guest of government holding facilities, but I can’t even make myself squish a mouse caught in a sticky trap. I’m willing to break my (admittedly loose) moral code for minor stuff, but I don’t like to really hurt people. Sasha, on the other hand, has much stronger ethics in everyday life, but has a much easier time shoving them aside when it counts and there’s no other option. In a lot of ways, we balance each other out to make a more effective team. All four of us Paradoxes do to some extent, so that any one of us helps complement another one’s talents.

Next up is my partner in crime, Link. He's my little brother, only four-and-a-half years younger than me and Sasha. FYI, I know perfectly well that that's improper grammar. I just don't give half a crap. Or a whole one, either. Back on topic. Link's got bluish-gray eyes and blond hair, and is my biggest rival for the illustrious title of Craziest Person in the Family. He's a big fan of animals and vehicles. Even so, don't EVER ask him to pet-sit. He kills pet rocks. Don't let him drive, either. He's a menace on the road. He's not likely to actually hit you, but you'll probably be 99% sure he's going to and swerve off the road to get the heck outta Dodge's way. But seriously, Link's a pretty cool kid.

He and I tend to work as a team even more than Sasha and I because he’s good at pretty much everything I’m not. For example, I can’t read a road map or remember directions to save my life, but he’s an expert navigator. He’ll see a neighborhood once, just passing through, and he’ll be able to tell you where every house and restaurant is a year later. It’s kind of scary. Another thing is that he can drive anything, even if he drives it like a maniac. Cars, planes, alien battleships – it doesn’t really matter. If it has an engine/other form of propulsion, he can move it. I can drive most things, but I don’t even like taking a big truck onto the open road and the overcomplexicated controls on a lot of the vehicles Luna comes up with are beyond me. To be fair, even Luna can’t drive half of them. She just builds the things.

Plus, he doesn’t bug me about silly questions like whether stealing a doomsday device is legal or not. He loves driving supervillains (And everyone else) crazy and relishes every opportunity he gets to go crazy and kick their butts. Considering I’m not so much about the fighting, it’s good to have him around when I can’t simply trick the Villain of the Week into blowing up his base or something.

Last but far from least (especially in raw brainpower) is my little sister Luna. She's almost exactly ten years younger than me, but has an IQ of like, 700. No offense to her, but that is beyond creepy on someone who likes to go around as a seven-year-old. Even after all these LONG years I still haven't gotten used to it. She's kind of quiet, but pretty quick to jump in with a sarcastic comment on the rare occasion she manages to beat me to the punch. Luna spends a lot of time inventing things in the lab, but also loves to get out and terrorize evil henchmen every now and then. She's not your stereotypical nerd, but then, neither am I or Link (although Link’s still in denial about being a nerd). And, not to brag, but even though Luna makes the average genius look like a village idiot, I can still run circles around her when it comes to sheer cleverness. It's not for nothing that they used to call me Devious.

Luna may not get out in the field much, but she’s majorly important – she makes most of the crazy crap I throw at the Big Bad ­du jour (Today’s is Megatron, by the way.) She’s the supreme head poobah of Paradox Industries, our massively non-small inventing company. I used to work with the company, but I don’t like all the techno-babble and sciencey mumbo-jumbo, so Luna and I worked out a deal. The one thing she lacks in that ginormous brain is a touch of madness, a spark of true random ingenuity, so I feed her ideas for inventions that pop into my wasteland of a mind even though I don’t feel like making the stuff myself. In return, I get my own small division that nominally answers to me and builds all the weird stuff I think of that Luna doesn’t want to make. AND I get to name most of the inventions with my crazy Kids Next Door style acronyms. Such as my favorite toy, the GIZMO. It stands for Generally Incredible Zero Matter Object. That sucker can do almost anything I want. Another crowd-pleaser is the OMNITOOL: Object Morphs Neatly Into Tools Of Obvious Likability. And no, not everything has 'object' in the acronym. I just happened to pick two that do.

Things you don't really need to know about me but I'm going to rant about anyway.

1. I have mental problems. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What was I talking about again?

A. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I'm proud.

B. You'll never guess it, but I'm addicted to Fanfiction, cartoons, awesome fiction books, and cheap comedy. But then, you probably are too if you're reading this.

2. Favorite Shows: Doctor Who, Danny Phantom, Ben 10: Alien Force, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Sanctuary, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, et cetera and so on. Yeah, I'm a geek. DEAL WITH IT!! Or be eaten by were-poodles. Your choice.

3. Favorite Books: Oh, jeez. If I list them all, I'll be sixty years older by the time I finish this silly profile, so I'll just list a few. Maximum Ride (sans The Final Warning because that one was totally suckish), the Tunnels series, Artemis Fowl, Abarat, The Bartimaeus Trilogy, the Inheritance Cycle, Harry Potter (sort of), Cryptid Hunters and its sequel Tentacles, the Lionboy trilogy, and NOT FREAKING TWILIGHT!! It's a load of bloody romanticrap! Pun unintended. I didn't even realize till I finished typing it. BTW, I don't have an issue with people who do like Twilight. I just needed to vent because I'm so tired of EVERYONE asking me if I like it. Sorry if that offends anyone, but romance just isn't my thing.

...That wasn't very short after all. But to me, that is just a few. I owned over three hundred books by the age of fourteen. I'd read at least four times more than that. Hence why I spend so much time on this site. I've pretty much run out of things to read, considering I moved to a town with NO local library worth mentioning. Even the school one got its funding cut in 1998 and HASN'T GOTTEN ONE FREAKING BOOK SINCE. And the few good ones that were there either got stolen years ago or are falling apart into oblivion. THE HORROR!! For a bibliophile like me, it is hell on Earth. Pity my soul.

4. Favorite Word: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, the fear of long words. Someone has a twisted sense of humor I have to admire. The scary thing is that I can spell it perfectly by memory. It's really fun to torture people with it at Hangman or deflate an arrogant 'I'm so smart' nerd dude/supervillain's ego by asking them to spell it.

5. Favorite Food: Pizza. Supreme. With all the black olives picked off because I find them nasty. Equals nirvana.

6. Favorite Music: Complex question. I like classic rock to an extent, but I like alternative better. I'm also into techno, weird Celtic/pseudo-Scottish songs like The Mad Piper, and more. I DO NOT like country, with one or two exceptions. Odd, considering I grew up in the middle of nowhere. I am definitely not a city person.

And now for some random crap to copy and paste into your profiles. Have a laugh and a half.

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something

right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be

stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the

fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those

who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he

will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12

people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! (I sincerely wish I could claim credit for this quote. Alas, I cannot.)

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set. (Sounds like a lot of people I know.)

The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in. (Sounds like my hometown. But I kind of like the quiet.)

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. (Tell me about it. I went to one, and woke up with my spleen missing. He was supposed to check my sore throat.)

A smile is the shortest distance between two people. (Ugh. Sap-tacular. How'd this one sneak onto my profile?)

Tell the truth and run. (One of my favorite pastimes. Annoy them beyond reason, then run like heck!)

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. (This has been scientifically proven by the top experts at Paradox Industries. Who all work for me and my crazy family, so that may not mean much...)

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. (This is how I handle things. I don't swear unless I have a reason. If I do have a reason, though, let the verbal floodgates burst.)

Education is important, school however, is another matter. (Amen.)

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? (You're me.)

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. (Ditto. I'm such a massive procrastinator, it's not even funny.)

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... (I'd take that as a hint.)

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? (Nope. What Sasha spends on clothes is over the limit. WAY over the limit.)

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? (To be honest, R movies never especially bothered me. I saw Army of Darkness when I was ten and was utterly bored. Link, on the other hand, had nightmares that night. Well, obviously at night. Hm. What do they call nightmares if you have them during the day, anyway? Daymares just doesn't have the same ring to it.))

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? (Dat'th tho annoyink.)

How is it possible to have a civil war? (Seriously, it's an utter oxymoron.)

When French people swear do they say pardon my English? (One of the important cosmic questions, in my opinion. I'm part French and I don't even know.)

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? (I don't know. All that leftover cake from Link's last birthday party tasted pretty good when I stole it from the fridge in the dead of night. ;)

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? (Nope. Or if they're supposed to, they never actually do it. I speak from personal experience.)

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? (I have to say, this sounds wrong.)

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? (Ditto. See above.)

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse? (Totally. Luckily for me, I have a compulsive hatred of that bloody mouse, so I avoid the place like the bubonic plague, which is coincidentally carried by mice. Or rats anyway. What's the difference?)

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? (You know, I've always noticed that the so-called stupid people are more likely to be nice than the so-called smart ones. Excepting the dumb jocks, of course.)

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" (It'd make more sense to me if it came out to Evil Stepmother.)

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? (LOL. What a piece of cosmic irony. And accurate, too.)

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable? (I AGREE! CHOCOLATE SHOULD BE A VEGETABLE!! By the way, I am now hyper because I ate a TRUCKLOAD OF IT!! SUGAR!!)

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? (Seriously, people. Use your heads.)

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it? (Yeah, why? I don't just eat my cake, I eat everyone else's too.)

"When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade" (I'm pretty sure I actually did that to some guy who said that to me when he was trying to persuade me to run a lemonade stand. The lemons hit him in the eyes and landed him in the hospital. I feel so guilty - I didn't MEAN to do it - but I can't help laughing at the same time.)

Assassination is an extreme form of censorship. (Heavy, man. I don't do the whole killing thing.)

The sun has set, the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison! (I've said this right before several jailbreaks. Then I realized how stupid it sounded and just set the explosives on the wall without any comments.)

Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery. (TELL ME ABOUT IT! I love using this tactic to drive people up the wall, but I HATE it when it's used on me.)

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. (The nimrods at school are still trying to figure this one out. They really don't have two brain cells to rub together.)

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much (True. But it'll annoy them even more if you UPS them a skunk genetically engineered for even worse stinkitude.)

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something (I'm nagged by this feeling a lot. I'm savvy enough to know when the universe is about to hit me over the head.)

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. (Accurate. I DO respect the military, though, even when I think the reason for war is stupid. Not that 9/11 was a stupid reason to go over and kick asses. Totally justified, even if it has gotten seriously dragged out.)

Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick. (A TAZER stick. It's both painful AND shocking.)

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? (True, Del. But then, you are crazy after all.)

Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later. (Seriously, let me know so I can use it to annoy you for future reference.)

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons! (This is Link's strategy. Mine is to watch through a camera from six miles away while he implements this strategy.)

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. (Meaning I'm utterly non-gangster.)

When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say. (Feh. I hate text-speak.)

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling (Oh, yes I will. It's too funny to resist.)

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office. (Same as above.)

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. (Or at least my psychiatrists tried. All six of them failed.)

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us! (Come on, you KNOW you're jealous!)

Darth Vader-Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Luke Skywalker-Nah, the rebels have cake.

Darth Vader-ooh! Can I be a rebel! (I'm with Vader. I'll sell my soul to the Dark Side for a donut. A creme-filled one with chocolate frosting. Mmmm.)

I smile because I have no idea what's going on! (Correction. I smile because YOU have no idea what's going on and you have no idea that I just picked your pocket, stole your jewelry, and shut down your doomsday weapon while you weren't paying attention. I'm only a MOSTLY reformed criminal. But I will always be a mastermind, and a dangerously genre savvy one at that. Hence why I am INVINCIBLE! ...Crap. Whenever someone says that, they immediately die.)

I ran with scissors, and lived! (Oh, the horror! Very terrifying it was.)

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder (At least if you're evil. If you're a good guy, I probably won't laugh unless it's only like a two foot cliff and you're whining that your butt hurts.)

I don't obsess! I think intensely. (Who am I kidding? I'm totally OCD, at least about some stuff.)

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it." (Luna's still trying to figure out how I did that. She claims it defies all known laws of physics or something like that. Pffft. Physics.)

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it." (If anyone in charge of the army is reading this: TAKE A HINT! We keep going into a war, not finishing the job and beating them down hard enough, and having ANOTHER war within twenty years to clean up the mess left by the first one. I hate violence, but I also understand the concept that some people just need to be taken out behind the woodshed and have some sense beaten into them. I always respect the military and what they do for us even if I don't always agree with them, but I wish they would finish the job the first time so we don't have even more people die years later. You know what I mean? Look at our history. This has become a recurring pattern.)

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else" (Yeah, seriously. Everyone is secretly a nerd in some way, shape, or form, so stop picking on the ones who actually look like nerds and embrace your talents/obsessions.)

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not." (I love this line. It's one of the biggest philosophies in my life. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, that's their problem, not mine.)

"A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man, that was fun!'" (While I sort of agree here, I have to say that an even greater friend would talk you out of it first, or at least make sure you never get caught.)

"If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side." (Not sure what this means, but it sounds good, doesn't it?)

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo. (LOL. No further comment.)

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy. (I'd rather be the guy in the coffin. I HATE talking up in front of a crowd. Besides, every time I kick the bucket, I just keep coming back anyway. Like spicy Mexican food.)

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? (This is TOTALLY not me. I'm not being sarcastic AT ALL about not being sarcastic.)

Quotes that I happen to love:

"Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.” ~ Anonymous (Yep. So enjoy every day. I've been down the whole depression route, and trust me, you don't want to go there.)

"My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.” ~ Anonymous (I know what you mean.)

"If you know me, chances are you hate me." ~ Anonymous (Especially if you're a supervillain threatening someone in one of my OCD fandoms/my family. Or I just feel more obnoxious than usual on the particular day that I happen to meet you.)

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous (This is me. Hence why I just can't seem to die, even after X,000 years. Yep, I'm still not going to tell you just how old I really am. Na-na-nana-na! ...Geez. For someone so old, I'm such a three-year-old.)

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. (Amen. Enjoy yourself already! Even if people look at you weird when you're sixty and still love cartoons.)

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. (I disagree. There are stupid questions and stupid people. They aren't mutually exclusive.)

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. (This scares me, considering I've been in a vehicle with someone who falls asleep at the wheel over long car trips. And yet, I still find it kind of funny.)

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? (This is my philosophy in life. Okay, not really. I am notoriously lazy, but I'm willing to buckle down and work my butt off when push comes to shove.)

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. (I disagree. The greatest pleasure in life is seeing their faces when you do what they say is impossible.)

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. (Eh. I threw mine out a high window into the neighbors Dumpster after it decided to catch a little cold that completely destroyed all my game files. Luckily, I had my fics on my flash drive. Moral of the story: always have a backup.)

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. (True, in most cases. But not all. I'm happy to listen when someone has a better idea than me. And constructive criticisms on my writing. I can only improve, after all.)

I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!! (Personally, I do my best essay work at 5:00 in the morining. The day it's due. Link always calls me Master Procraster, but he's really an even worse procrastinator. I'm only like the duke of procrastination.)

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. (Cough, politicians, cough. Ahem. I should really take something for this cold.)

How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits He’s lost? (Not many, in my case. I'm enough of a man to admit I need help and ask for directions. I'm perfectly aware of the fact that I can't navigate my way out of a wet paper bag.)

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin (I can't help but agree with this, and I'm a dude. Example: WHY CAN'T AUTHOR'S PUBLISH BOOKS FASTER THAN I CAN READ THEM SO I DON'T GET BORED WITH REREADING THINGS? JUST BECAUSE I CAN READ AN EIGHT-HUNDRED PAGE BOOK IN UNDER NINE HOURS IS NO EXCUSE NOT TO KEEP ME ENTERTAINED!)

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein (Tell me about it. School goes on FOREVER, but my me time feels like seconds compared to it.)

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” (But I didn't really mean anything in the first place; I'm just screwing with your heads.)

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. (This seems oddly familiar...)

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch (I'm grinning now because I can blame FanFiction's awesome addictiveness for not doing my work in Computer class. It's not my fault this site is so addictive. ;)

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz (Except for me. Yet, oddly, I still fail to learn from my mistakes even after thousands of years.)