Name: I could tell you, but then i'd have to kill you.

Age: somewhere between 1 and 100 (best to leave a little mystery to keep you on your toes)

Looks: I have a face and a body, thats all you need to know.

Sex: Yes, but not as much as i'd like (Just to clear up though, I am a guy)

Favorite Poems:

By Dementor Delta:

If we are but dreams of life
Then what of the dreams we dream?
For if we exist though we are imagined,
Then what has happened
To the dreamer of this -
The story that does not exist.

"Vox Corporis"
Sara Teasdale

The beast to the beast is calling,
And the mind bends down to wait:
Like the stealthy lord of the jungle,
The man calls to his mate.

The beast to the beast is calling,
They rush through the twilight sweet-
But the mind is a wary hunter;
He will not let them meet.

There are only two worlds – your world, which is the real world, and the other worlds, the fantasy. Worlds like this are worlds of the human imagination; their reality, or lack of reality, is not important. What is important is that they are there. These worlds provide an alternative. Provide an escape. Provide a threat. Provide a dream, and power; provide refuge, and pain. They give your world meaning. They do not exist, and thus they are all that matters.

Do you understand?

Every once in a while, i browse around profiles and find things that are just hilarious. I admire some of these people like lord of the land of fire, maveric9871, and Kyuubi16. These are some of the things that i found.

Quotes and Sayings

As I’ve shopped around different sites looking for stories, I’ve come across some quotes on profile pages that I thought were absolutely genius. If you recognize one marked unknown from somewhere, let me know so that I can give credit where it is due.

Sephiroth’s Sword

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you to their level then beat you with experience.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

NamelessHeretic

"It takes real guts to admit you're a coward."

Zendura

Something taken is worthless, but something earned is worth everything.

Shit happens, find a toilet

Life’s a bitch, put it on a leash.

If hate breeds more hate, then wear a condom and hate all you want.

Who says beggars can’t be choosers, I could have just robbed you

When life beats you down, think of Apollo Creed in Rocky 4, and keep your ass there

When life throws you lemons, cut’em open and squirt the juice in its eye.

When life throws you lemons, throw a brick back.

When life throws you lemons, throw them at someone else.

My girlfriend is a cannibal...she eats kids by the millions.

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on bad parenting.

Whoever came up with ‘Sticks and stones...’ obviously didn’t take into account the viciousness of today’s youth.

MountainWind

I feel the urge to merge.

I like fleshy pink tacos, with extra special sauce

Unknown

When life throws you lemons, throw them back twice as hard.

When life gives you shit…Put it in a bag and set it on fire.

How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: ‘One. But it takes ten episodes, two level ups, Piccolo and all the human fighters dying and getting revived, and someone getting pecks the size of tires to do it.’ –Uzumaki Harry by: (fanfiction.net)

Ninety percent of the human race is shallow and simple minded. If you think it's not a mere coincidence that the same amount of people are FanFiction haters, copy this onto your profile.

92 percent of American Teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent who would laugh their asses off.

98 percent of teenagers smoke or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.,l

A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain; a best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, BITCH! RUN!"

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

93 percent of teenagers on this planet would go insane if Justin Beiber jumped off a cliff. Copy this into your profile if you would be part of the 7 percent who would sit on a lounge chair next to the cliff eating popcorn.

-so-i-went-to-dunkin-doughnut-bought-a-doughnut-and-they-gave-me-a-recipt-for-a-doughnut

-When-am-i-ever-going-to-need-to-prove-that-i-bought-a-doughnut? -

-the Time's reports that sixty three percent of American families are dysfunctional… damn… we're the majority!-

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmemories, Misfit Band Geek, Inuyashagrl101, Giggle Wiggles, Fox-Zodiac, Leafstar of LyokoKonoha, LoveIchigo, Inner-Hollow, Fullmetal Embers Gaarahottie, XxMileena-chanxX, Neko Ninja Hezza, motnahp-724, Willowed Moon, praize-the-GRR

THERAPY!!

1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf in The Coffee Maker for 3 Weeks. Once everyone has gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don’t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because you’re not in the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling

"Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...

POST THIS!!

It’s Called ... therapy!

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.

Your shin: a device used to find furniture in the dark

Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the cops.

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

My reality check bounced.

If you fear to some extent what would happen if your family members stumbled upon your fanfiction profile and then tried to talk to you about it, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I truly do fear for my life on this one... scary.)

Word Scrambles:

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD

If you have ever had an argument with yourself and LOST, copy and paste this on you profile.

25 Reasons I owe my mother.

1. My mother taught me to APPERCIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into next week."

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORSIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about,"

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

10. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?!"

11. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

" You'll sit there until all that spinich is gone."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a millon times. Don't exaggerate."

13. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

16. My mother taught me about about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing you eyes, their going to freeze that way."

18. My mother taught me about RECIEVING.

" You are going to get it when we get home."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I don't know when you're cold."

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come crying to me."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father!"

22. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Do you think you were born in a barn?!"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

" When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you."

Ways To Get To A Girls Heart--

1. Hug her from behind.
2. Grab her hand when you guys walk next to each other.
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4. Cuddle with her.
5. Dont force her to do ANYTHING!
6. Write little notes.
7. Compliment her.
8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9. Say I love you...and MEAN IT!
10. Brush the hair out of her eyes
11. Comfort her when she cries.
12. Love her with all your heart

Girls- add this if you think its sweet. Guys- add this if you would do any of it

It doesnt matter whether the glass is half empty or half full,just drink it and get it over with.

This world is full of crazy people.THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER!!

WARNING:Do NOT follow in my footsteps...I walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.

If you're the person with the insanely long profile just because you copy and paste everything you see, copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to the list: AkaruiTenshi

Stupid Racist People...

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me colored"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

EVER WONDER

where we are headed...?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why you have to click on 'Start' to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a 'Broker'?

Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport 'the terminal' if flying is so safe?

Here are some actual warnings on some consumer goods, just in case you needed further proof the human race is doomed due to its own stupidity.

On a Myer hairdryer:
'Do not use while sleeping'.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On another hairdryer
'Do not use while in the shower'.
(yeah...this one makes sense!)

On a bag of Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
'Directions: Use like regular soap'.
(And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners:
‘serving suggestion: Defrost'.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom):
'Do not turn upside down'.
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh?)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
'Product will be hot after heating'.
(And you thought...?)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
'Do not iron clothes on body'.
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication'.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
'Warning: May cause drowsiness'.
(One would hope!)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
'For indoor or outdoor use only'.
(As opposed to...?)

On a Japanese food processor:
'Not to be used for the other use'.
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts:
'Warning: contains nuts'.
(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts'.
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's superman costume:
'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly'.
(Talk about bad parenting)

On a packet of smoked salmon:
"Warning. May contain fish."
(well, no freaking duh.)

Now the Greatest of them All

On a Swedish Chainsaw:
'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals'.
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

if one synchronized swimmer drowns during a routine...do the others have to drown, too?

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiilling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

I got this from Shikikira's profile and found it an accurate description of what happens to all the nice guys who are "Just friends"

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

I'm sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If you're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

If you fear to some extent what would happen if your family members stumbled upon your fanfiction profile and then tried to talk to you about it, copy and paste this onto your profile. (... scary.)

FAKE VS. REAL

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.

REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.

REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.

REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.

REAL FRIENDS: Will re-post it