Name: kiyomos

Age:timeless

Sex: male

Super powers: None yet awakened/discovered

Fighting skills: leave much to be desired

Stealth skills: medium

Favorites:

Hobbies: reading(any thing I find interesting), learning(anything that might interest me), sleeping, eating, anime, researching(any thing I find interesting), fighting, playing video games, annoying those around me,

Anime/Manga/Games/Other: Mixed Martial Arts, Naruto, Bleach, Halo, Supreme Comander, Devil May Cry, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, RTS/RPG games, One Peice, Marvel, Code Geass, Monopoly, Witch Blade, Battle Angle Ailita, Digimon, Robert Frost, Star Trek, Foamy the Squirrel, Jurrasic Park, Edgar Allen Poe, Walt Whitman, the first season of Pokemon movies, Dark Horse, DC, Marvel

Animals: oarfish, foxes, kittens, puppies, cats, big dogs, raptors, rats, mice, lemurs, monkeys, lions, tigers, bears, panthers, leopards, prairie dogs, gorillas, pandas, raccoon, squirrels, reptiles, turtles, dragons,

Food: just bout anything that tastes good.

Music: Linkin Park, Dragonforce, Kamelot, Serj Tanakin, Rhapsody of Fire, Hammerfall, Avantsia, Kanye West, Jay-Z, Black Eyed Peas, Sean Kingston, Kid Rock, Eminem, Aqua, Smile .DK, Cascada, DJ Tiesto, System of a Down, Orange Range, Stance Punks, Basshunter, P.O.D, Flobots, Alfred Yankovich, Eiffel 65, Poison, Stratovarius, Jason Derulo, Jay Sean, Chris Brown, Usher, Katy Perry, Snoop Dog, Fergy, Lady Gaga, Alestorm, Gamma Ray, Derdian, Akon, Groove Coverage, Prezioso, Tiao Cruz, Justin Bieber, Iyaz, Kid Cudi, Kobojsarna, Caramell, Judy Crystal, Dream Evil, Axenstar, Dragonland, Helloween, Edguy, Laser inc., Special D, Italobrothers, Crazy Frog,

Web sites: lfgcomic.com, leastIcoulddo.com, stuffwhitepeoplelike.com, pandora.com, fanfiction.net, mangafox.com, youtube.com, runescape.com, google.com, wikepedia.org(and its branches), mail.com, rule34.paheal.net,

Things: guns, knives, swords, explosives, personality quizzes, trees, nerf

Pairings:naruxhina, naruxfemkyu, naruxfemhaku, naruxanko, naruxhana, naruxyugi, naruxtema, naruxharem

Dislikes:Tsudere! Sappy stories, Emos, People who hate Rock/Metal/disco/hip hop, People who can't properly spell the names/tech's of anime/manga characters, rapists, giant slabs of text

Writing Skill: I can do blue prints and correct spelling and grammer errors but thats about it

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going
to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and
break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth
and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt
on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if
a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when
you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing
your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do
you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."

And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

1. You accidentaly enter your password on your microwave.

2. You haven't played solitare with real cards in years.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your freinds is they don't have a screen name or my space.

4. You would rather look all over the house for the remote rather than just pushing the buttons on the t.v.

6. Your boss dosen't even have the ability to do your job.

7. As you read this list keep nodding and smiling.

8. As you read this list you think of sending it to all your freinds.

9. And you were to busy to notice # 5

10. And you scrolled back up to see if their was a # 5

11. Now your laughing at yourself stupidly.

12. Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Favorite Quotes:

1."Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

2."Knowledge is power."

3."Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."

4."Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting."

5."Can you really trust a sane person?"

6."Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

7."The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive."

8."Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."

9."I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

10."May the force be with you/us"

12."Use the force if that doesnt work just carry a gun."

13."power does not equal wisdom, wisdom equals power."

14."Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its students."

15."It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."

16."The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

17."Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

18."Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

19."Someone else's pain is another's pleasure"

20."If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid."

21."Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?"

22.“Do not ask for who the bell tolls, for the bell tolls for thee...”

23."Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative."

24."Know your guest before you offer them hospitality."

25."Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."

26.“Go to heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

27.“Evil is a name given to someone when they act oppositely to another. That is the truth of evil.”

28.“For want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost. For want of a horseshoe, the steed was lost. For want of a steed, the message was not delivered. For want of an undelivered message, the war was lost.”

30."The efficiency of the truly national leader consists primarily in preventing the division of the attention of a people, and always in concentrating it on a single goal."

31.“Light and Dark are two sides of the same coin. One cannot live without the other.”

32."'I am richard, cheif warlock of the brothers of darkness, lord of the thirteen hells, master of the bones, emperor of the black, lord of the undead, and mayor of a little village up the coast.' 'Your name is richard?' '...You were suposed to pay attention to everything after that part.'"

33."Bad news cale, I am afraid that your position as my closest and dearest companion has been replaced by the fellow who just tackeld a dragon."

34."A mountain that eats people...I want one!"

35."Genious by birth, slacker by choice"

36."Hate is just a special kind of love you give to people who really really suck"

37."Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds that darkness has always got there first and is waiting for it"

38."The next statement is false. The previous statement is true."

39."Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

40."Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes."

41."I am focused! I am ready! I am - OH a penny!"

42."Find something to believe in and find it for yourself. And when you do, pass it on to the future."

43."Assume nothing, question everything

44. Four out of five voices in my head say 'Go for it'.

45. I don't suffer from INSANITY, I enjoy every minute of it.

46. Too many freaks, not enough circuses

47. Eveyone has the right to be stupid, but your abusing the right

48. Evil squirrels are after my nuts.

49. One by one the penguins are stealing my sanity

50. Does a fall kill you? No, but the stop at the bottom might.

51. In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."

52. Happiness is the dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."

53. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?"

54. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."

55. When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!-

56. There is nothing to winning, really. That is, if you happen to be blessed with a keen eye, an agile mind, and no scruples whatsoever.

57. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

58. "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -Napoleon Bonaparte

59. The world will end in five minutes. Please log out."

60. I have a very creative imagination and it often out-runs my common sense. Result: major trauma after imagining my Math teacher in shorts..."

61. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target."

62. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police."

63. Eat right, exercise, die anyway."

64. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?"

65. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."

66. The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy."

67. If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation."

68. Sarcasm is one more service we offer."

69. I hear voices and they don't like you."

69.5 Smile -- it confuses the enemy."

70. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence."

71. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."

72. Whoever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree."

73. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature."

74. If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it."

75. The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."

76. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff...I laugh harder."

77. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."

78. Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

79. God must love stupid people - He made so many."

80. (Sign shown in a non-smoking zone) "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

81. Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'"

82. The whole world is going to hell, and I'm driving the bus!"

83. Diplomacy: Think twice before saying nothing."

84. Committee - A group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide nothing can be done."

85. I intend to live forever... so far, so good."

86. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

87. My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.'"

88. If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candle light."

89. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you tomatoes, make bloody-marys. When life gives you machine guns, NOW it's telling you something."

90. If your phone lines are down, please call your operator."

91. When life gives you lemons, find people with paper cuts."

92. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to have made it worth your while."

93. A rose by any other name would likely be deadly thorn bearing assault vegetation."

94. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

95. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

96. Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them."

97. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."

98. An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."

99. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"

100. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."

101. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives."

102. If I'm not as mean and cruel as I possibly can be, you have no room to complain. I am being remarkably restrained in how bad I could be.

103. And now for the creed of all janitors everywhere: Any kid can make a mess. But it takes a man to clean it up.

104. Actions speak louder than words.

105. Advice when most needed is least heeded.

106. After the feast comes the reckoning.

107. All cats are grey in the dark.

108. All that glitters is not gold.

109. The best medicine is good food.

110. Ask and you shall receive.

111. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

112. Better late than never.

113. Better safe than sorry.

114. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

115. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

116. Birds of a feather flock together.

119. A closed mouth catches no flies.

120. The habit does not make the monk.

121. Do as I say, not as I do

123. Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

124. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

125. One should not drown in a glass of water.

126. Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today.

127. The shrimp that falls asleep, is carried off by the current.

128. Don't spread yourself too thin.

129. God helps the one who gets up early.

130. Easier said than done

131. Eat to live, don't live to eat.

132. Talking much and saying little go hand in hand.

133. There's no evil that does not bring some good.

134. With the years come the disappointments.

135. Forewarned is forearmed.

136. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

137. Give credit were credit is due.

138. A good deed is never lost.

139. Good neighbors are hard to find.

140. Some say what they know and others know what they say.

141. Healthy mind, healthy body.

142. He that knows nothing doubts nothing

143. He who laughs last laughs best.

144. Better a bitter truth than many sweet lies.

145. He who walks with wolves learns to howl.

146. In unity there is strength.

147. Apprentice of everything and master of nothing.

148. Knowledge is power

149. If you want to know your neighbor, find out what he reads.

150. let sleeping dogs lie.

151. Live within your means.

152. Look before you leap.

153. love is blind.

154. Man does not live on bread alone.

155. Tell me who you walk with and I'll tell you who you are.

156. Man is the master of his destiny.

157. Misery loves company

158. A moment on the lips, a lifetime in the heart.

159. Necessity is the mother of invention.

160. Even the best warrior slips on wet grass.

161. Everything has a solution, except death.

162. The scalded cat flees from cold water.

163. Love is paid with love.

164. The floor of one is the ceiling of another.

165. One swallow does not a summer make.

166. Eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel.

167. Children and crazy people tell truths.

168. Better cunning than force.

169. "A pictures worth a thousand words." -Napoleon Bonaparte

170. A place for every thing and everything in its place.

171. Possession is nine-tenths of the law.

172. Hell is full of good intentions, heaven with good works.

173. Rome wasn't built in a day.

174. Seeing is believing.

175. Before doing any thing, consult your pillow.

176. Something is better than nothing.

177. Child who does not cry does not nurse.

178. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

179. There's no honor among thieves.

180. there's none so deaf as those who will not hear

181. To each his own.

182. Too many cooks will spoil the broth.

183. A watched pot never boils.

184. What is done is done.

185. There where you go do as you see.

186. When one door shuts, another opens

187. A house without a mother, is like a river without a course.

188. Even if a monkey dresses in silk, its still a monkey.

189. You can't turn back the clock.

190. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

191. You reap what you sow.

192. Your never to late to learn.

193. You've made your bed now lie in it.

194. "An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea." -Buddha

195. "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." -Buddha

196."Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." -Buddha

197. "However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?" -Buddha

198. "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." -Buddha

199. "The mind is everything. What you think you become." -Buddha

200. "The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed." -Buddha

201. "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." -Dalai Lama

202. "Sleep is the best meditation." -Dalai Lama

203."We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves." -Dalai Lama

204."With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's ability, one can build a better world." -Dalai Lama

205. "I came, I saw, I conquered." -Julius Caesar

206. "I had rather be first in a village than second at Rome." -Julius Caesar

207. "If you must break the law, do it to seize power: in all other cases observe it." -Julius Caesar

208. "It is not these well-fed long-haired men that I fear, but the pale and the hungry-looking." -Julius Caesar

209. "No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected." -Julius Caesar

210. "The die is cast." -Julius Caesar

211. "A lie told often enough becomes the truth." -Vladmir Lennin

212. "One man with a gun can control 100 without one." -Vladmir Lennin

213. "There are no morals in politics; there is only expedience. A scoundrel may be of use to us just because he is a scoundrel." -Vladmir Lennin

214. "A sincere diplomat is like dry water or wooden iron." -Joseph Stalin

215. "Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs." -Joseph Stalin

216. "History shows that there are no invincible armies." -Joseph Stalin

217. "I believe in one thing only, the power of human will." -Joseph Stalin

218. "I trust no one, not even myself." -Joseph Stalin

219. "If any foreign minister begins to defend to the death a "peace conference," you can be sure his government has already placed its orders for new battleships and airplanes." -Joseph Stalin

220. "If the opposition disarms, well and good. If it refuses to disarm, we shall disarm it ourselves." -Joseph Stalin

221. "One death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic." -Joseph Stalin

222. "You cannot make a revolution with silk gloves." -Joseph Stalin

223. "A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights." -Napoleon Bonaparte

224. "A throne is only a bench covered with velvet." -Napoleon Bonaparte

225. "Ability is nothing without opportunity." -Napoleon Bonaparte

226. "An army marches on its stomach." -Napoleon Bonaparte

227. "Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily." -Naoleon Bonaparte

228. "Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets." -Napoleon Bonaparte

229. "Great ambition is the passion of a great character. Those endowed with it may perform very good or very bad acts. All depends on the principles which direct them." -Napoleon Bonaparte

230. "He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat." Napoleon Bonaparte

231. "I am sometimes a fox, sometimes a lion, and sometimes a sheep. The whole secret of victory lies in knowing when to be the one or the other." Napoleon Bonaparte

232. "If you want a thing done well, do it yourself." Napoleon Bonaparte

233. "If you wish to be a success in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing." Napoleon Bonaparte

234. "Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools." Napoleon Bonaparte

235. "In politics stupidity is not a handicap." Napoleon Bonaparte

236. "It requires more courage to suffer than to die." Napoleon Bonaparte

237. "Men are moved by two levers only: fear and self interest." Napoleon Bonaparte

238. "Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide." Napoleon Bonaparte

239. "One should never forbid what one lacks the power to prevent." Napoleon Bonaparte

240. "Public opinion is the thermometer a monarch should constantly consult." Napoleon Bonaparte

241. "Riches do not consist in the possession of treasures, but in the use made of them." Napoleon Bonaparte

242. "Soldiers generally win battles; generals get credit for them." Napoleon Bonaparte

243. "Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in." Napoleon Bonaparte

244. "The battlefield is a scene of constant chaos. The winner will be the one who controls that chaos, both his own and the enemies." Napoleon Bonaparte

245. "The best way to keep one's word is not to give it." Napoleon Bonaparte

246. "The first virtue in a soldier is endurance of fatigue; courage is only the second virtue." Napoleon Bonaparte

247. "The human race is governed by its imagination."

248. "The strong man is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses and the mind." Napoleon Bonaparte

249. "The surest way to remain poor is to be an honest man." Napoleon Bonaparte

250. "There are only two forces in the world, the sword and the spirit. In the long run the sword will always be conquered by the spirit." Napoleon Bonaparte

251. "To do all that one is able to do, is to be a man; to do all that one would like to do, is to be a god." Napoleon Bonaparte

252. "What is history but a fable agreed upon?" Napoleon Bonaparte

253. "You must not fear death, my lads; defy him, and you drive him into the enemy's ranks." Napoleon Bonaparte

254. "I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion." Alexander the Great

255. "There is nothing impossible to him who will try." Alexander the Great

256. "fools make feasts, and wise men eat them." Benjamin Fraklin

257. "Be slow in choosing a friend, and slower in changing." Benjamin franklin

258. "Keep thy shop, and ty shop will keep thee." Benjamin Franklin

259. "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise." Benjamin Franklin

260. "Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead." Benjamin Franklin

261. "God helps those who help themselves." Benjamin Franklin

262. "The rotten apple spoils his companions." Benjamin Franklin

263. "An open foe may prove a curse, but a pretended frind is worse." Benjamin Franklin

264. "a true friend is the best possession." Benjamin franklin

265. "A small leak will sink a great ship." Benjamin Franklin

266. "'Tis easier to prevent bad habits than to break them." Benjamin Franklin

267. "Well done is better than well said." Benjamin Franklin

268. "A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the toung you may never get over." Benjamin Franklin

269. "Genius without education is like silver in a mine." Benjamin franklin

270. "doors of wisdom are never closed." Benjamin Franklin

271. "Love your neighbor, but dont pull down your hedge." Benjamin Franklin

272. "Glass, china, and a reputation are easily cracked and never mend well." Benjamin Franklin

273. "A great empire is most easily diminished at the edges." Benjamin Franklin

274. "Mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." Benjamin Franklin

275. "Anger is never without a reason, but seldom is it a good one." Benjamin Fraklin

276. "Any fool can critizise, condemn, and complain and most fools do." Benjamin Franklin

277. "At 20 yrs. of age the will reigns; at 30, the wit; at 40, the judgement." Benjamin franklin

278. "Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn." Benjamin Franklin

279. "By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." Benjamin Franklin(Think about this one)

280. "Distrust and caution are the parents of security." Benjamin Franklin

281. "Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing," Benjamin Franklin

282. "Fatigue is the best pillow." Benjamin Franklin

283. "experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn from no other." Benjamin Franklin

284. "Even peace may be purchased at too high a price." Benjamin franklin

285. "He does not possess wealth, it possesses him." Benjami Franklin

286. "Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?" Benjamin Franklin (poetic no?)

287. "I look upon death to be as necessary to our constitution as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning." Benjamin Franklin

288. "I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up." Benjamin Franklin

289. "In general, mankind, since the improvement of cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires." Benjamin Franklin

290. "It is the eye of other people that ruin us. If I were blind I would want, neither fine clothes, fine houses or fine furniture." Benjamin Franklin

291. "Love it or leave it, but you gotta review it!" Jaytang

292. "Friends looked out for each other even if the whole world lined up against them." Scribe of the Apocalypse

293. Humans fear what they don't understand.

294. Anyone can start, but only the thoroughbred will finish.- fortune cookie

295. "thank you captain obvious..." "your welcome lieutenant sarcasm!"

296. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

297. When you want what you've never had, you must do what you've never done.

298. The trouble with resisting temptation is that it may never come your way again.

299. In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.

300. A word to the wise is often enough to start an argument.

301. The highest form of wisdom is kindness.

302. "Wealth unused might as well not exist." -Aesop

303. "Union give strength" Aesop

304. "A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety" -Aesop

305. "Be not grieved above measure for thy deceased friends. They are not dead, but have only finished the journey which it is necessary for every one of us to take. We ourselves must go to hat great place of reception in which they are all of them assembled, and, in this general rendezvous of mankind, live together in another state of being" -Antiphanes

306. "Old age is, so to speak, the sanctuary of ills: they all take refuge in it" -Antiphanes

307. "All pain is one malady with many names" -Antiphanes

308. "Fifteen referees. I want fifteen referees to be at this fight because there ain't no one man who can keep up with the pace I'm gonna set except me. There's not a man alive who can whup me. I'm too fast. I'm too smart. I'm too pretty. I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked" -Muhammed Ali

309. "I'm the best. I just haven't played yet [on his golf game]" -Muhammed Ali

310. "Superman don't need no seat belt. [Comment to flight attendant, who replied, 'Superman don't need no airplane, either.']" -Muhammed Ali

311. "Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even." -Muhammed Ali

312. "My toughest fight was with my first wife" -Muhammed Ali

313. "It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." -Muhammed Ali

314. "God gave me this illness to remind me that I'm not number One; he is." -Muhammed Ali

315. "He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life." -Muhammed Ali

316. "To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. If you're not, pretend you are." -Muhammed Ali

317. "I say get an education. Become an electrician, a mechanic, a doctor, a lawyer — anything but a fighter. In this trade, it's the managers that make the money and last the longest." -Muhammed Ali

318. "The man who has no imagination has no wings" Muhammed Ali

319. "Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." Muhammed Ali

320. "Give me a firm place to stand, and I will move the earth. [Said with reference to the lever]" Archimedes

321. "Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind" Aristotle

322. "The quality of life is determined by its activities" Aristotle

323. "In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous" Aristotle

324. "We cannot learn without pain" Aristotle

325. "Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach" Aristotle

326. "Happiness is a state of activity" Aristotle

327. "Happiness depends upon ourselves" Aristotle

328. "There was never a genius without a tincture of madness" Aristotle

329. "The educated differ from the uneducated as much as the living from the dead" Aristotle

330. "In educating the young we use pleasure and pain as rudders to steer their course" Aristotle

331. "How many a dispute could have been deflated into a single paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms" Aristotle

332. "It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen" Aristotle

333. "Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods" Aristotle

334. "Bring your desires down to your present means. Increase them only when your increased means permit" Aristotle

335. "We make war that we might live in peace" Aristotle

336. "Time crumbles things; everything ages under the power of Time and is forgotten through the lapse of Time" Aristotle

337. "The actuality of thought is life" Aristotle

338. "That which is common to the greatest number has the least care bestowed upon it" Aristotle

339. "Inferiors revolt in order that they may be equal, and equals that they my be superior. Such is the state of mind which creates revolutions" Aristotle

340. "Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime" Aristotle

341. "It is more difficult to organize peace than to win a war; but the fruits of victory will be lost if the peace is not well organized" Aristotle

342. "Nature does nothing uselessly" Aristotle

343. "Liars, when they speak the truth, are not believed" Aristotle

344. "He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander" Aristotle

345. "Youth is easily deceived because it is quick to hope" Aristotle

346. "To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill" Aristotle

347. "There is a foolish corner in the brain of even the wisest man" Aristotle

348. "The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal" Aristotle

349. "The secret to humor is surprise" Aristotle

350. "Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow" Aristotle

351. "Men regard it as their right to return evil for evil - and if they cannot, feel they have lost their liberty" Aristotle

352. "Seals are a ninjas way of saying 'Fuck reality, were doing it anyway!'"

353. "Surely God would not have created such a being as man, with an ability to grasp the infinite, to exist only for a day! No, no, man was made for immortality." Abraham Lincoln

354. "If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six hours sharpening my ax" Abraham Lincoln

355. "I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends." Abraham Lincoln

356. "Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm."Abraham Lincoln

357. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

358. A friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

359. A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.

360. We are not makers of history. We are made by history. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

361. A friend to all is a friend to none. Aristotle

362.

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

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Respect The Bro Code

1) Bros before hoes. The bond between two men is stronger than that between a man and a woman because on an average, men are stronger than women. That’s just science.

2) A bro is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his bros are all doing it. For example... If only one Spanish dude were to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would have been like "Dude, come on!!". The license to be stupid is why we have bros in the first place.

3) If a bro gets a dog, it must be atleast as tall as his knee when full grown. Corollary to this states, naming a lap-dog after a pro-wrestler or a character from a Steve McLain movie does not absolve a bro from this article.

4) A bro never divulges the existence of the bro code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason.

NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within. Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.

5) Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports.

6) A bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other bros in a gym locker room. Corollary to this states, if a bro gets naked in the locker room, all other bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while at the same time immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage. If your towel drops to the ground, so should your eyes.

7) A bro never sends a greeting card to another bro. There are no sentiments between two bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail.

8) A bro never admits he can’t drive stick even after an accident.

9) Should a bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three" or "Wow!! Quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball!!" It’s still a hi-five and that bro still has a lot of balls, metaphorically speaking of course.

10) A bro will drop whatever he is doing and rush to help his bro dump a chick. It’s normal for a bro to get confused and disoriented when dumping a chick. For some reason he is worried she will become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to hook up with her friends. This is when a bro most needs his bro to remind him that there are plenty of chick in the ocean and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time- consuming. How to dump an chick in 6 words or less...

- “Maybe try a side salad instead."

- “Cute!! You ‘re growing a moustache too!!"

- “She looks like a younger you!!"

- “I will finance a boob job."

- “Sorry I threw your shoes out."

- “Your sister let me do that!!"

11) A bro may ask another bro to help him move. But only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large furniture pieces. If the bro has vastly underestimated, his bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are, in most cases stuck in a door-way.

12) Bros do not share dessert.

13) All bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman.

14) If a chick enquires about another bros’ sexual history, a bro shall honor the Br-ode of silence and play dumb. Better to have women think that all men are stupid than to tell the truth.

15) A bro never dances with his hands above his head.

16) A bro should be able to recite anytime the following reigning champions: Super bowl, World series and Play Mate of the year.

17) A bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of screaming. America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder and the tradition has been screamed to generation from generation. But you just can’t scream at anybody. You can only scream beneath you.

18) If a bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group.

Note: To avoid confrontation it’s a good idea to jettison the receipt before returning to the party.

19) A bro shall not sleep with another bro’s sister. However, a bro shall not get angry if another bro says "Dude, your sister’s hot!!". Corollary, it is probably better for everyone if bros just hide pictures of their sisters when other bros are coming over. When in doubt refer to the check list for bro-proofing your home.

20) A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.

21) A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.

22) There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro. Women make excellent bros because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the chick code (Chick do have the chick code!!).

23) When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, women's athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs.

24) When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

25) A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name. The average relationship between a man and a woman lasts 83 days. The relationship between man and his skin lasts a life time and must be nurtured because the skin is the largest and second most important organ a man has.

26) Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

27) A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach. Corollary, a bro with a coat of fur on his back, keeps that thing covered at all times even at resort, pool or beach.

28) A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a fight between two fellow human beings of the female variety. If an informed bro is unable to witness the fight first hand, a spotter bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of girl fight via pictures, video or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.

29) If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40pm. Also despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

30) A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

31) When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.

32) A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty.

33) When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to basketball toss his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional.

34) Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Three-way.

35) A Bro never rents a chick flick.

36) DD: When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.

37) A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they're not that heavy.

38) Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.

39) When a Bro gets a chicks number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her. The reason is Bro-flation. An unreasonable increase in female expectations about how bros should act. You call a woman the next day, she tells her friends that you called the next day, and soon enough, women everywhere will expect guys to call them the next day. Before you know it, bros the world over will find themselves trapped in relationships and all because you couldn’t wait 96 little hours.

40) Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party."

41) A Bro never cries. Exceptions- Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend retire (only first time he retires).

42) Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.

43) A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.

44) A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro. Exceptions – If the Bros are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator.

45) A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club. Reasons – a) Cloth pockets are roomier and elastic allowing for a thicker wad of cash. b) Denim clashes with the club’s leopard, zebra or other safari animal motif. c) One word, two syllables, three hours in the ER – Zipper. d) It’s a performance and deserves respect. e) You don’t feel it as much on your… you know what..

46) If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.

47) A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe.

48) A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged. Corollary – A bro also never reveals how many chicks another Bro has banged.

49) When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I got it," whether or not he's actually got it. Exceptions – Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car and loading an expensive TV on to an expensive car.

50) If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

51) A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

52) A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday, though a phone call every not and again probably wouldn't kill him.

53) Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice.

54) A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy's Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13th)

55) Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.

56) A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/chick Ration at a party falls below 1:1. However, to avoid Bro-flation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further, a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

57) A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.

58) A Bro doesn't grow a moustache. Exception – While shaving it’s more than ok for a Bro to keep the whiskers around his mouth till the end so that he might temporarily experiment with different facial hair configurations.

59) A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive (Crazy expensive bail (years you've been bros) x 100)

60) A Bro shall honor they father and mother, for they were once Bro and chick. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.

61) If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

62) In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there. Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.

63) A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection. Bro-tection forms a central pillar or, more accurately, a plastic coating for the central pillar of the Bro way of life.

While not legally or physically responsible for any repercussions of failing to provide protection, it’s not uncommon for a Bro to experience pangs of guilt after a fellow Bro becomes infected with a disease. Some of which, such as children, can last an entire lifetime.

64) A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.

65) A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros. Exception - A Bro is off the hook if a Bro orders a drink with an umbrella in it.

66) If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

67) Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

68) If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. Exception - Dry spell trumps hot streak.

69) Duh.

70) A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.

71) As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party. Three Bros are cool - Three amigos, Three musketeers, The police, Apollo 13 Astronauts and the Three stooges. Four Bros are lame – Mount Rushmore, The Fantastic Four, The Monkeys and Michael Jordan’s team mates.

72) A Bro never spell-checks.

73) When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.

74) At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.

75) A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick. Chicks like to stretch the truth about their age, promiscuity and sometimes, with the help of extensive make-up and structural lingerie, even their body shape. As such, it is a fair game for Bros to exaggerate reality when asked about their Bro-fession.

76) If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic barry white-esque tone.

77) Bros don't cuddle.

78) A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman. Rack jack is to steal your wingman’s chick. To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between the Bro and his wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each face the other, place his left hand on the Bro code, raise his right hand, and recite the wingman pledge.

79) At a wedding, Bros shall reluctantly trudge out for the garter toss and feign interest for the benefit of the chicks present. Whichever Bro gets stuck with the garter shall light-heartedly pretend he's not mortified at the thought of being the next one to drop before scurrying to the bar for a very stiff drink and/or shots.

80) A bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle (engaging in a threesome), short of completing the tricycle himself. The total age of all the three should be less than 83.

81) A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.

82) If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologize to make amends. That's inhuman.

83) A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever " love" thy neighbor. In particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker. Exceptions – Coworker is an 8 or better, you are superior to the coworker, coworker dresses a little slutty, company recently sued for sexual harassment, someone makes a bet that you can’t, you are switching floors soon, you and coworker get stuck in elevator, coworker soon to be fired, coworker hits on you, coworker going through divorce, coworker not offended when you accidently email provocative self pictures to office.

84) Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV. Corollary – Also the Shawshank Redemption, Top Gun, first half of Full Metal Jacket.

85) If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros. Corollary – His Bros are required to whistle, even if they don’t know what they are whistling at.

86) When a Bro meets a chick he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her.

87) A Bro never questions another Bro's stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.

88) If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro's car, he shall not adjust the preprogrammed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.

89) A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro.

90) A Bro shows up at another Bro's party with at least one more unit of alcohol than he plans to drink. So if a Bro plans on chugging a six pack, he shall bring a six pack plus at least one can of beer. If the party sucks and/or there are too many dudes, the Bro is entitled to leave with his alcohol, though etiquette dictates he should wait until nobody is looking.

91) If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname.

92) A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance.

93) Bros don't speak French to each other.

94) If a Bro is in the bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees from fully closed.

95) A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman regardless of whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally. (The shoes tap, The eye redirect, The swift shin kick D cups and up only, please)

96) Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire.

97) Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend.

98) A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event.

99) A Bro never asks for directions when lost. Exception: A Bro may as for directions for a hot chick who seems to know the area. A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost. A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he himself is not lost at all.

100) When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection. Corollary: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look.

101) If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave and beyond if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death. This is what makes them Bros, not chicks.

102) A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.

103) A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it.

104) The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and /or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing...provided she looks good in it...but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes.

105) If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. It’s cool. No big whoop.

106) Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night.

107) A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging.

108) If a Bro forgets a guy's name he may call him "brah","dude", or "man" but never "Bro".

109) When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective rankings to the contrary.

110) If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome.

111) If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages.

112) A Bro doesn't sing along to music in a bar. Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke. Exception to exception: No chick songs.

113) A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick
Acceptable age difference formula: Chick's age = (Guy's age divided by 2) 7

114) If a Bro must crash on his Bro's couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall steam clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable.

115) A "clothing optional" beach doesn't really mean "clothing optional" for Bros.

116) A Bro shall not kill another Bro or that Bros’ chances to score with a chick.

117) A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel. Corollary – It is fully expected that a Bro will try anything to gain possession of the remote upto and including an attempt to flatulate his Bro out of the room.

118) When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.

119) When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar...a Brotorcycle.

120) A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name.

121) Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope. Corollary – If a Bro experiences a catastrophic wipeout, he can always blame his bindings or the conditions.

122) A Bro is always psyched. Always.

123) Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It" which, I guess, two Bros shouldn't do anyway, or at least not very often.

124) If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Browling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.

125) If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.

126) In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

127) A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to all his Bros.

128) A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its preferred that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally.

129) If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.

130) If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.

131) While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.

132) If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancée and results in a "no sex" penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ.

133) A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro. Exception – Pull my finger.

134) A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman.

135) If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copilot: (a) foot race to the car, (b) silent auction or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (c) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.

136) When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a disinterested "It was okay". A Bro can never bring a camera back from a bachelor party. The only memento a Bro is allowed to bring back is something that can be destroyed by penicillin.

137) When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros.

138) A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin. Exception: Unless he doesn't know the guy.

139) Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro".

140) A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date. (Lemon Law).

141) A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) its been longer than a month since his last manicure. Its called the Bro Code, not the slob Code.

142) A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.

143) When executing a high five a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand.

144) It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoonage by arm wresting to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.

145) A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion.

146) A Bro refrains from using too much detail when relating sexual exploits to his Bros. Providing graphic detail unconsciously forces your Bros to picture you naked and there is no coming back from that.

147) If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back. Exception: If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary looking guy. If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week. If the Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody's back.

148) A Bro doesn't listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.

149) A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.

150) No sex with you Bro's ex. It is never ever permissible for a Bro to sleep with his Bro’s ex. Violating this code is worse than killing a Bro.

100 Laws of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original
intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that
explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope
that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good
chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification: First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust: First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility: Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.

First Corrollory: Suzaku Kururugi

Second Corrollory: Vehicles possible of traveling at or near light speed

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color
(usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a
song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Effect)
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or
explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the
less you get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.(duh)

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and
exposition),
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The law that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age.
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

#101- Law of the Bunny- Plot bunnies can be inserted anywhere

The previous was created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources inorder to help others understand the things that happen in anime. So to help others understand anime affter you have read this please copy and paste this to your profile thank-you.

added by kiyomos 6/13/2010: As stated above these rules are ever changing. So if you have something to add/change please tell me so I can do so.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

RIP We shall remember