Kouetsu!! That is Reviewers in Japanese. I am the big Tsukishima lover of the world who loves the number 13! The author of various other awesome stuff you shall read once you get through my amazingly hilarious profile!

Konnichiwa (yes I am teaching myself Japanese), and arigatou gozaimasu for visiting me! Well, no one knows what I look like, so let's start with that.

I have brown hair, brown eyes, a little chubby but tall body. Now for more crap that doesn't matter but is fun to put anyway( mainly because I love to torture- I mean educate people). I am a smart person in advanced classes, and as the typical, I'm not the best in gym. But, I still do well in games, just not fitness tests and running. I am amazing in Art,Language and Health, although I suck in Tech/Woodshop. My favorite anime is currently Bleach, though everyone should check out Ghost Sweeper Mikami, HighSchool of the Dead, D. Gray-Man, Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood too), Himawari, Princess Resurrection, FATE/Stay Night, Psychic Detective Yakumo, Xenoglossia, Hellgirl, Elfen Lied, Fruits Basket, Death Note, Fairy Tail, The World God Only Knows, To-Love Ru, Motto To-Love Ru, Hidamari Sketch, Black Butler, and/or Angel Beats! if they get the chance to. I also warn that I am quite possibly an official insane person, so I say be careful. If I drive you nuts, I'll be there with a cake that says I told you so on it. You have been warned.

Nationalities: American, Native American, British, Irish, Scottish, French, German, Dutch, Italian. It's weird, because my dad's side of the family were pirates, but I still will always hate One Piece.

Now on to friends. I have some charming and at times annoying as hell friends, but they're still good people. Usually. I'll refer to people other than best friends as their personality match from FMAB.

Bff: She's definatly a talker and at times, redundant (Which annoys me like crazy), but she's cool. We could potenially be sisters, if we did't look the opposite of each other. I am offen refered to as the "Real life female counterpart of Ed" (minus the milk and height problem), while she's definatly Al. Or, I'm Mustang and she's Hawkeye. NOT HOW I MEANT TO PUT IT! NOT ROMANTICLY SPEAKING!Any D.Gray Man fans out there know that "akuma" can mean either devil or demon. This is completly true. She also likes FMA, but she says to watch: Bleach, Kaze no Stigma, Black Butler, X, D.Gray Man, Nabari no Ou, Fruits Basket, Ouran High School Host Club, School Rumble, Mushi Shi, This Ugly Yet Beautiful World, Noir, Death Note and Angel Beats! She also like Pokemon, which is a plus for me. So, check this girl out on BrightWings111's profile.

Envy: I don't necessarly consider him as a friend; more along the lines a an acquantince. He is annoying 95% of the time, but the five in which he's not, he's not that bad. I love to refer to him as the Cross Dressing Palm tree for the hell of it. And (as a bonus) since, I'm refered to as Ed or Roy (or even Greed or Kimblee) we are sworn enemies. I still don't get how Al and Envy get along, but if a tall kid who likes milk can be called Ed, what the hell. I'll go with it

Winry: I'm not kidding, we seriously have a Winry at our group. She's definetly wild, but I don't get to see much of her anymore, kinda like how Ed doesn't see Winry that much as they get older. Hmm...

May Chang: She's a little problem healer, that's for sure. She finds out all we need to know, and tries to stay out of any fights we have (usually me and Envy fights; those aren't fun), so she's nice to have around.

Lan Fan: She's a little different then you would expect. She'll do what she can for herself, but Lan Fan seems like she's trying to serve a hierarchy that I'm not famliar with yet.

Time for more favs!

Favorite Colors: Blue, black, purple, magenta, red, orange (in that order)

Favorite Show: The Big Bang Theory (Who doesn't love Sheldon) and Family Guy (Brian And Stewie!)

Favorite Anime: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Ghost Sweeper Mikami, Angel Beats, Soul Eater, Infinite Stratos, HighSchool of the Dead and Bleach

Favorite Characters from said anime: Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, Greedling, Alphonse, Lust, Kimblee (Greedling's obvoiusly '09, but you still gotta like him)

From Bleach: (Yes, finally in order) Shukuro Tsukishima, Kisuke Urahara, Sosuke Aizen, Gin Ichimaru, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, Izuru Kira and Kugo Ginjo

Favorite Yaoi pairings: AiHara and AiGin

Favorite Pairings that may be somewhat functional: AlMei, RanZuru, IchiRuki(Sorry, but IchiHime ain't happenin'),MayUno, KenFon, HiSane, GrimmChiru, GrimmNel, KisuYoru,TsukiRuka, AiHime

Favorite Movie: Bleach: Memories of Nobody

Non-Anime Favorite Movie: Argo/Wreck-It Ralph

Favorite Food: Shrimp and Chocolate

Favorite Drink: Milkshakes. Chocolate. Shaken, not stirred.

Favorite Saying: Speak of the Devil; and she shall appear (you could probably guess why if you've read two of my stories...)

Favorite kind of Alchemy: FIRE! AND EXPLOSIONS! AND EPIC!

Favorite Zanpakutos: Kyouka Suigetsu, Hyourinmaru, Shinsou, Wabisuke, Pantera, Suzumabachi, Benihime, Ashizogi Jizo and Fornicaras

Favorite Fullbrings: Book of the End, Invaders Must Die, Cross of Scaffold, Dollhouse and Dirty Boots

Favorite Weapon: Wakizashi, Katana and a desert eagle (if you gave me this, then congrats, you just started the apocalypse D:), Rocket launcher, flamethrower

Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi all the way!

Favorite song (currently): American Beauty/American Psycho: Fall Out Boy

Favorite Band: Breaking Benjamin, Thousand Foot Krutch, Skillet, Three Days Grace, Evanecsence, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Green Day, The Offspring, Matchbox Twenty, Fall Out Boy, The Script

And Favorite Person in the Universe: ME! Or maybe Tsukishima...if the anime universe counts. Otherwise it's me. Get your love somewhere else.

UPDATES AND STATUSES!!!! Unless you actually plan on reading my stories, stop here. The rest of this page is pointless if you're not actually gonna read my stories.

FMA Songfic Collection: I don't know...I lost my muse. When something pops up, I'll write it. Until then, don't expect an update, it's already been 8-9 months.

When Worlds Collide:Your not-so-average T or D IN STORY FORMAT! crossover of Bleach and Fullmetal Alchemist. The show with absolutely no plot whatsoever is great for those who need a good laugh. Join myself, my OC Kaede, my friends Rin and Tyco and the talking Emo corner Elmo (no, not from Sesame street idiots) for the most random stuff ever!

The Girl Who Came From Hell: Diary of the Devil I- The Hunt for Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (Fullmetal): God, I hate typing that title... too damn long! What was I thinking? Anyway, my only complete non-oneshot story. Heavy amounts of swearing and some sexual inneundo toward the end. Edward goes missing and it's up to Kaede Nikoli-Hultz to find him and his brother with the help of Col. Mustang, her best friend. And why would the military go out of their way to hire a 21-year old woman not even affiliated with the military? Well, that's what you get for being the Devil in disguise. Book one of a series.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It: Inspired by Inuyoshie's Bleached Armageddon and not the first of it's kind, Sierra Riviera, 16, Krisstie Michaelson, 15, Yuki Kitsumi, 16, and Marie D'Alene, 15 wake up one day to find that the peaceful town of Saranac Lake, NY, along with presumably the rest of the world, has been struck with apocalypse. When Sierra, Krisstie and Yuki notice Marie isn't here, their search for her finds them Grimmjow and Gin, along with Marie, who has mysteriously turned into a cat. Into the Bleach world the four go, as they soon meet the Bleach cast, and another survivor, Jocelyn Sparks, 17. What adventures will they have there? I'm still writing this. Season 1 is done however, and I'm working on Season 2, which is in Soul Society.

All That Glitters Isn't Silver: Just a funny story as a oneshot for Gin's birthday, which is September 10th. Apparently I'm good at crack!...No, not that way, idiots! *slaps those who thought I meant drugs* I'm not even in High School yet!

Ask A Stupid Question (If You Dare...): Similar to the T or D, except it's just Bleach, just me, just one cast member, and just questions. But it's all kinds of questions for anyone you want, as long as you vote for them in your review!

Saido-San (Side Three): Basically Ginjo, Girko and Tsukishima, who as of Bleach 518 are in Rukon, are secretly plotting revenge against Ichigo and the Soul Society, but, learning their lesson, they set out to find and release someone. That someone being Sosuke Aizen, the only other man Soul Society has been in serious trouble facing. And with Ichigo up with the Royal Guard, Soul Society in ruins and chaos, and the Thousand Year Blood War in progress, it seems this may actually work. They are the third side of this war. It's basically just speculation on how I'd want Bleach to end, but I KNOW (with, like, 110% accuracy) that this isn't what will happen.

FUTURE IDEAS/ UPCOMING STORIES!

My muse is missing... I need an inspiration. If you have any ideas, let me know!

A white man said "No coloured people allowed here." And the black man said. "When I was born I was black, when I grew up I was black, when I am sick I am black, when I go out in the sun I am black, when I am cold I am black, when I die I'll be black, but you, you. When you were born you were pink, when you grew up you were white, when you are sick you are green, when you go out in the sun you turn red, when you are cold you are blue, and when you die you'll be purple and you dare to call me coloured?" The black man sat down and the white man walked away. If you're against racism copy and paste this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you're not paying attention when the teacher is rambling and you think of something funny from the other day that you don't realize is funny til that moment and you burst into hysterical laughter and the entire class turns around and stares at you and you look the other way and pretend you don't notice. Crazy is when you star in your own movie and pretend to be an assassin... multiple times. Crazy is when you scream for no reason or sing nursery rymes. Crazy is when you have a post-book comatose state after reading a book and then half an hour later are spouting off random qoutes, character facts and character descriptions to people you know don't give a (inert swear word of choice). If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this into your profile

If you . . .

love to read and act crazy,

laugh and have fun,

ignore people who call you names or think you are less than them,

are always there to help your friend in their greatest time of need,

run bare foot through the grass just for the joy of the sea of cold green that tickles your feet,

spend as much time outside as you do reading or on the computer,

are a night owl who hardly sleeps,

act weird and crazy just to scare other people or make them laugh with you,

then we would be great friends. :D Copy and paste this in your profile if this is you, and add your name to the list:

I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares

DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympians

Devil'sEyeAlchemist13

FRIENDS: Know what pisses you off.

BEST FRIENDS: Use that to their advantage.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run, girl, run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DANG!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried... just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad, here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this thing!

8 reasons not to mess with kids

Reason 1 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

Reason 2 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

Reason 3 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Reason 4 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Reason 5 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out,”And there’s the teacher, she’s dead. ”

Reason 6 A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face..” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

Reason 7 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want - God is watching the apples.

Reason 8 A little girl was going to school one day. When she got there, she asked her teacher if she believed that she would go to hell. The teacher said no. She asked everyone at school; they all said no. When she got home, she told her mom "Mommy, everyone is going to hell." The mom replied "Why is that, sweetie?" "Without missing a beat, the girl replied. "Because the Jewish girl at my school said if you didn't believe in her religion, you would go to hell, and all the other Catholic students replied that if you didn't believe in their religion, you'd go to hell."

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

Silence is golden, but duck-tape is silver.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

The road to success is always under construction.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

What you call dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Duck tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh cause I just farted!

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

He who laughs last didn't get it

Painting your middle finger your favorite country is a bad idea

Painting your thumb your favorite country is a good idea

Why are ramen noodles ramen if the guy's name isn't Ramen?

The man who says life is good has not lived.

Suicide is supposedly a way to go to hell. Why do people say that they're leaving hell if they're actually entering it?

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Or my mom?

There are three sides of an argument: your side, my side and the right side

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse."

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

You know the speed of light, so what is the speed of dark ?

I think animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life.

I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize.

I have a first place ribbon in doing nothing, it's the same color as last place... It's purple.

"Only two things are infinite, human stupidity, and the universe... And I'm not even sure about the latter."-Albert Einstein

"Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." Lily Tomlin

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." -Homer Simpson

"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." - Robert Bloch

"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." - Mark Twain

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." - Henny Youngman

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils..." - Louis Hector Berlioz

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Justin Bieber falls off a building. 90% of the girls are crying. 9% are watching while eating popcorn. 1% are pushing Justin off the building. If you are part of that 9 or 1%, copy and paste this into your profile.

Twilight goes extinct. 95% of the girls are dying, 4% are enjoying the show of genocide, and 1% are burning the books. If you aren't in that 95%, ditto.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wanted to go into a book and slap/ scream at a character copy and paste this onto your profile

If you dream of killing a character in a book so you can go out with their boyfriend, post this in your profile.

I can tell you right now some stuff, and I could tell you later some stuff, so why do people consider stuff that I can tell you later less important? If you have ever thought about this, copy and paste this in your profile. After all, it is the same stuff, just at different points in time.

People say that money makes the world go round. If we need a lot of money, which in 2012 is scary freakin true, then shouldn't the world have ended years ago? If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.

The United States government is a Democratic republic. So why do we have to choose one or the other? If you agree, then copy and paste this into your profile.

Facebook is known by many as the "Social Network". Why is it that more kids are being killed by anti-social reasons then ever before because of this site? If you've ever pondered this thought, copy and paste this into your profile.

The awesome pick ten of mine!

1. Shukuro Tsukishima (Bleach)

2. L (Death Note)

3. Teru Mikami (Death Note)

4. Sosuke Aizen (Bleach)

5. Kugo Ginjo (Bleach)

6. Near (Death Note)

7. Yuu Kanda (D. Gray Man)

8. Stein (Soul Eater)

9. Kisuke Urahara (Bleach)

10. Natsu (Fairy Tail)

1 asks you on a date!

Me: God loves me so much...he made the most coldhearted bastard ask ME on a date...my life is complete.

2 finds a kitten in the street and wants you to have it.

Me: Wait, L gives me a cat? Since when would he care?

3 invites you to a party at a bar!

Me: Teru drinks...? I'm confused.

4 is your bartender.

Me: ...WTF, man?! Someone drugged me!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! NO WAY IN HELL IS THIS HAPPENING D:

Aizen: You're not drugged.

Me: :P *turns around* :)

5 asks you for your special.

Me: Ramen?

6 brings the cops to the bar.

Me: No...Near, Kira is not here...

Near: I'm pretty sure he is. Now, where is Light Yagami?

7 wants to show you the coolest thing ever!

Me: What could you show me that's cool than Yuu...?

Kanda: Call me by first name again and I will chop your head off with Mugen.

Me: Whatever, Yuu...

8 calls you awesome.

Me: Of course he would! Insane people must band together!

9 needs help opening a business.

Me: Kisuke, you already HAVE a business. You have a candy shop.

10 wants to go for a walk with you.

Me: Epic! Just don't get us into a fight. I am not a wizard.

7 gets in a fight with 4. Who wins?

Me: ...That is such a stupid question.

Why do you say that?

Me: The winner is so obvious.

Not necessarily.

Me: Yes necessarily. Aizen would kick Kanda's ass.

Not true. Kanda has a fighting chance-

Me: To get his ass kicked. Now, I have a better question.

What?

Me: Why am I arguing with myself?

Just move on, already.

You're at a bar and hear 1 and 2 singing a duet.

Me: L CAN SING?!?!? WHY HAVE I NOT HEARD THIS YET?!

3 and 5 are also in a barfight.

Me: It better be in words, otherwise Mikami's screwed.

10 jumps up on the stage and starts singing...horribly. Tomatoes are thrown.

Me: Understandable.

6 fights the police. How long does it last?

Me: Impossible. Near is a little kid; your argument is invalid.

6 also accidently blew up the bar. Who do you call to fix it?

Me: Really man?! REALLY?!

Near: Not my fault.

Me: Orihime. She can fix anything. For FREE!! :D

And last, who takes you home?

Me: 1 or 4. Preferably both, if you know what I mean...

Not that way! I was just involved in an explosion in a bar where I'm technically not legally old enough to be in! I need some protection from the cops!

Well, if I could slap any one character, it would be Envy for being Envy, Wrath (anime) for being Wrath, Havoc for smoking, Alphonse for being too nice, Ling for stealing all Ed's money, Hughes for ranting on too much about his family to Mustang, Riza for not making a move when it was possible, Roy for growing a mustache, Kimblee for not watching out for Heinkel, Pride for not doing anything, Armstong (both) for the heck of it, and Ed because he won't let Alphonse keep a cat.

If I could kill anyone, the people on my list would be: Heinkel, Envy, Wrath, Gluttony, Sloth, Rose, Envy, Winry, Hawkeye, Dorochet, Martel, Archer, Bido, Sig and Envy. For Bleach, Hinamori, Tosen, Nnoritora, Yumichika, Hinamori, Omaeda, Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, Uryuu, Keigo, Don Kanonji, Byakuya and Hinamori.

I am the girl ... that doesn't go to school dances, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on My Space, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or a regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird, who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words, and knows the importance of the little things.

Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.

PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, DEFiiANCE, Angel of Apathy, Vic Taylor, Erma Buckles, butterfly1415, NotEverJulietNeedsARomeo (got this from fictionpress.net), Kisara the BlueEyesWhiteDragon, L Lawliet 4ever, C-ChibiPenguin, OrangePyroManiac, Yami-The-Dark, Devil'sEyeAlchemist13

This poem touched my heart and soul, please don't laugh or make fun of it, if you think this is funny then I damn your soul to hell and back!

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen.

I cannot see,

I must be stupid,

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My parents so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long.

When I'm awake

I'm all alone

The house is dark

My parents aren’t home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the far wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted with unimaginable hate

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

If you are against child abuse put this poem on your profile!

It pains me that my beloved fanfiction.net has made this new rule, but I suppose the only thing I can do is start a petition to save the MA rating. So please, copy and paste the folloeing list onto your profile and add your name to the list. Also, if you wish to add your name to this list on my profile, please PM me saying so.

Signers:

Psudocode_Samurai Rocketman1728 dracohalo117 VFSNAKE Agato the Venom Host Jay Frost SamCrow Blood Brandy Dusk666 Hisea Ori The Dark Graven BlackRevenant Lord Orion Salazar Black Sakusha Saelbu Horocrux socras01 Kumo no Makoto Biskoff Korraganitar the NightShadow NightInk Lazruth ragnrock kyuubi SpiritWriterXXX Ace6151 FleeingReality Harufu Exiled crow Slifer1988 Dee Laynter Angeldoctor Final Black Getsuga ZamielRaizunto Fenris187 blood enraged arashiXnoXkami Masane Amaha's King Blueexorist Nero Angelo Sparda Konoha's Nightmare renjiyamato Nara110 Psudocode_Samurai Rocketman1728 dracohalo117 VFSNAKE Agato the Venom Host Sakusha Saelbu Exiled crow Mystic 6 tailed Naruto ElementalMaster16 Dark Vizard447 Darth Void Sage of the Force Shiso no Kitsune The Sinful Kage640 Ihateheroes swords of twilight Kyuubi16 darthkamon narutodragon bunji the wolf Cjonwalrus Killjoy3000 blueexorist White Whiskey Ying the Nine Tail Fox Gin of the wicked smile tstoldt The wolf god Fenri JazzyJ09 sleepers4u The Unknown 007 Gallantmon228 MKTerra Gunbladez19 Forgottenkami RHatch89 SoulKingonCrack Dreadman75 Knives91 The Lemon Sage Dark Spidey VioletTragedies Eon The Cat of Shadows kazikamikaze24 animegamemaster6 LLOYDROCKS demented-squirrel swords of dawn The Immoral Flame blueexorist Challenger Shywhitefox drp83 Bethrezen Dragon6 bellxross unweymexicano The First Kitsukage kingdom219 brown phantom littleking9512 kurokamiDG Auumaan FrancineBlossom BDG420 Her Dark Poet bloodrosepsycho Shen an Calhar NarutoMasterSage4040 Masamune X23 Kuromoki Sliver Lynx devilzxknight86 Unis Crimson Zero X Limit SinX. Retribution reven228 JAKdaRIPPER Third Fang IRAssault Grumpywinter absolutezero001 Single Silver Eye animekingmike Daniel Lynx zerohour20xx arturus Iseal Silvdra-Zero YoukoTaichou Leonineus Aragon Potter Kur0Kishi ruto-kun-nata-chan Raptorcloak Little Kuriboh Yami-The-Dark Angelucie GinnNekoChanAngel Devil'sEyeAlchemist13

If you've ever attempted alchemy by clapping your hands or drawing an array, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever read past two in the morning, copy this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

If you can be quiet one second and hyper in another, but don't have mood swings, copy this in your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you often walk into rooms and five seconds later don't remember why you came in there for, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.

If you actually (sometimes) take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.

Put this in your profile if you ever saw a boy and girl hugging and was tempted to scream, "NO! DON'T DO IT! SHE'LL FIND OUT ABOUT THE CURSE!"

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects, copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister. It is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be loosing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

There is absolutely no point in having an "M" rating if the content is not, in fact, mature. I feel it would be both fairer and more practical to simply make the "M" rated section of the site unavailable to anyone who does not have a profile on. All users should have a date of birth put in during sign up. In this way you can ensure that M-rated fics are inaccessible to anyone who is not willing to verify that they are 18 years old or older. It is ridiculous to limit fanfictions in the way that you are proposing. While, yes, some stories are simply pornographic there are many times that adult situations or violence can be used to make a more effective point. It should not be in your power to make that judgment call. After all, the author of the best selling fiction series "50 Shades of Grey" had her start in erotic "Twilight" fanfiction, which only illustrates my point. For a website whose entire purpose is the proliferation of creativity, your attempts to stifle such works is at best hypocritical and at worst straight up censorship...which should be a dirty word for anyone who loves reading.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

Psudocode_Samurai

Rocketman1728

dracohalo117

VFSNAKE
Agato the Venom Host
Jay Frost

SamCrow

Blood Brandy

Dusk666

Hisea Ori
The Dark Graven

BlackRevenant

Lord Orion Salazar Black
Sakusha Saelbu

Horocrux

socras01
Kumo no Makoto

Biskoff

Korraganitar the NightShadow

NightInk

Lazruth
ragnrock kyuubi

SpiritWriterXXX

Ace6151

FleeingReality

Harufu
Exiled crow

Slifer1988

Dee Laynter

Angeldoctor

Final Black Getsuga

ZamielRaizunto

Fenris187
blood enraged

arashiXnoXkami

Masane Amaha's King

Blueexorist

Nero Angelo Sparda

Uzunaru999

The Next Muse

Yumiko21

Asmileadaykeepmeway

Youwillnotstopme

Firewillburn

917brat

jeevesandwooster

crazzyredhead

TheBlackSeaReaper
Shadow the Ranger
DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympians

Devil'sEyeAlchemist13

When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I'm not cynical, everything just sucks.

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.

It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her".

If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.

If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.

Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.

Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.

Repost this to your profile, and spare yourself the emotional stress.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list:danyan, Zutara Lover, Archangel's Requiem, Lady Sakura of the Fated,Animefangirlforever, Rethira, BluCmonkE, Lady Yuuki,deixsaso, obsidianLight16, Rengoku Akashi, LolAvatarWolfs,The-Music-Loving-Anime-tard, Ayukazi With Kitty, SakuraKiss444, Devil'sEyeAlchemist13

If you think that it's not fair that the guys in manga and anime are almost always better than the guys in the real world, copy and paste this in your profile! Then add your name. List: Mit-chan007, Ni-Chan, vampgirl8, XxGaarasGirlXx, painterofemotions, SakuraKiss444, Devil'sEyeAlchemist13

If your profile has more than five "copy & paste this in your profile's" copy and paste this in your profile

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

- If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

- If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever said that an anime character is sexy and you love them and you mean it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever tune out of reality when reading any kind of manga (especially manga you like) and don't pay attention to surroundings, copy this onto your profile!

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is planning to dominate the world, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever panicked because you can't find your glasses and then realise you're wearing them, copy this in to your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy this to your profile

If Fanfiction is your way of escaping reality and the rest of the boring people in the world and truly "unleashing your imagination" then paste this in your profile and add your name: Emerald Princess 14, StardustFromThePlanetGallifrey, NarnianFairypirateatwilight, Storms-Are-My-Nature, ShadowRose18, arabella malfoy, mth999pop, Roxi2Star, Mrs. FizzyIngleTweakMcCormick, InFearandFaith, SakuraKiss444,

If you have a really great friend you've met over the internet and think that the paranoid people who say you shouldn't talk to people over the internet should go shove their megaphones somewhere unpleasant, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list. Neassa, anime-adorer2006, WinterLoveSong,otherrealmwriter, Grogie13, RulerofFire,XxX-Curly-Wurly-XxX, 00GIRL'SNIGHTOUT00,TheSoulAlchemist,MrMagicFox, Luppi-tan, The Z-RP, SakuraKiss444,

If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you have the most RANDOM dreams, copy this.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you think you've read over a hundred fanfictions, copy and paste this into you're profile.

If Fanfiction consumes your life (but love it!), copy and paste this into you're profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are a girl and loathes shopping, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have gone into histerical laughter when someone has gone into a swearing fit, copy and paste this on your profile.

understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why can't the paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear it up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shoot, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you dunderhead."

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

If you are ever stuck in a horror movie, here are some tips on how to survive:

When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not go search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run. *NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone.

As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.

If you are searching for something which caused a loud noise and you find out it’s just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don’t fool around with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.

If you’re running away from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas late at night, don’t go to the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill. Stay in the car.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any device made from deceased companions.

Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking violins.

If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion.

Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.

The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat.

The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat.

Along with the guy that is always making jokes

When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the damn lights!

Never back out of one room into another without looking. It’s always behind you.

If you are traveling with friends, never let any hitch hikers into the van with you. It’ll be the worst (if not the last) day of your life.

Never babysit.There are enough babysitter-in-danger-thanks-to-a-stupid-killer flicks out there already.

If you ARE stupid enough to babysit, never try on the mom’s nightgown collection. You’ll only end up showing more skin. Remember: Skin=Death.

If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He’ll just pop through and kill you.

Same goes for leaning against the window.

If you are at your Senior prom, and the school reject has just won prom queen, slowly back away and run for the exit. All hell is about to break loose.

Always remember — SEX=DEATH!

For Other Life Saving Tips

If you are a stoner among other stoners, be the quiet one or the lovable one. All the other stoners will be killed.

If the killer has stalked you over the phone lines, don’t take a job as a phone counselor.

Never let someone hypnotize you at a party.

Stay away from sewers.

If you sense something is behind you, don’t bother turning around to check. Just run.

If you are trying to escape the killer, sliding through the cat door in the electronic garage door will not help you any.

After you manage to kill the monster/killer, never sit beside it and cry. It will suddenly pop back up to finish the job.

Never go to camp or become a counselor. You’ll be dead by the end of summer.

Never say “I’ll be right back.” You won’t be back. End of story.

Don’t ever do something just because someone dares you to.

If you ever visit some distant planet and find objects that look like eggs, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!

Then when one of your spaceship’s crew members finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of breaking the previous rule), don’t let him back on the ship.

When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of breaking the previous two rules) NEVER wander off alone to hunt for the ship’s cat.

If someone tells you to do or not to something (example: DON’T fall asleep, DON’T go out there, DON’T go look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding psychopath by yourself) by all means, LISTEN TO THEM!!

A small town’s little summer celebration might sound like fun. But if you hear the locals say things like, “Why you’re the guest of honor! We couldn’t even have the barbecue with out you!”, run like hell.

If you are trapped in a house surrounded by demons, making coffee will not help anyone.

Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.

Clowns never have, nor will they ever be helpful to hang around while in a horror movie. As harmless as the might seem, they WILL kill you once you let your guard down.

Never go back for anything you lost.

Avoid people with pointy teeth.

Avoid people with lots of facial hair.

Avoid people with pale complexions who sway and moan,

If the barber remarks on the “666″ tattoo your kid has, abandon the kid and move to Irkutsk.

If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a chainsaw, DO NOT stick around to see if he’s with the Philadelphia Flyers.

Never buy your kid a toy that talks back.

Remember: Just say “NO” to human blood.

Never watch a horror movie while you’re in a horror movie.

Never, under any circumstance, plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th.

Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been funny.

If the young girls of the neighborhood start singing songs about bogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.

If you hit a man with a car in the middle of the night and try to roll him off of a dock, make sure that he is dead!

Never EVER play with any Ouijia board that you find in the basement of your newly bought, run-down house.

Never run into a deserted graveyard at night,

If you are running away from the killer/monster, don’t even try to start the car. It doesn’t matter if the car is brand new, it won’t start.

If running from the monster/killer, try to make the least amount of noise possible. Especially if you are female. Panting, crying and screaming is not going to help you hide any better.

For pete’s sake…NEVER stick your hand down the garbage disposal. Especially if you just heard strange noises in your house or while sinister music is playing.

Don’t marry a guy that has Satan Worshipers as friends. They will want you to birth the new Anti-Christ.

Never answer the phone when you are babysitting. Just get the hell out of there and leave the kids for dead.

If you think you see your girlfriend/boyfriend and they are wearing a mask, not talking, or conspicuously hiding their face, it’s not them.

Don’t be mean to the new kid. They will just end up killing you.

If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to, oh let’s say a severed head falling to the floor, don’t go trying to find out what it is.

Never touch something that just oozed out of a comet that landed near an abandoned farm house.

When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There’s no hope for you anyway.

Never wait until you NEED the gun to check and see if it’s loaded.

If you have to stay out in the woods or at camp you’re pretty much screwed. But at least you’ll have a fighting chance in the cabin. Never EVER take the tent.

Never try to unmask the killer.

Never hide in a closet.

If you buried your child in a strange place and he came back as a demon, DON’T bury your wife in the same place.

If you find the mangled body of a friend, camping partner, janitor, or whom ever, don’t stay and investigate. Run like hell.

Don’t spend a lot of time in houses decorated with an excessive amount of medieval weaponry. It will be used eventually.

Don’t make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees.

If you are going to the bathroom in a movie theater and you think you hear a guy and a girl making out in the stall next to you, don’t put your ear closer to the wall to listen.

If you see a short guy wearing green and wearing a shamrock hat, I wouldn’t stick around to ask about his pot of gold.

Never transport the killer in an ambulance from one place to another. Even if they’ve been in a coma for 10 years, they’ll wake up.

Never listen to strange voices on the telephone.

Never say “Who’s there?”

If your hand has been possessed by the Force of Evil, do NOT chop off your hand. Doing so will merely allow the disembodied hand the freedom to wreak havoc independent of your body. And now you have to spend the rest of the film trying to track it down,

If you have a feeling you’ll end up being chased by zombies during the night, remember to wear comfortable running shoes.

After babysitting, don’t walk down any deserted streets with lots of trees and bushes, but no lights.

If you are a girl with long blond hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed.

Always check the backseat of your car before you get in.

When running away from the killer/monster, NEVER run upstairs.

If you see someone who is within screaming distance while running from the killer/monster, for the love of god, SCREAM!!

If a giant shark is chasing your family, don’t go swimming. Actually, stay away from the water, period.

If you are babysitting, don’t let the kids play with the Chucky doll.

If one night you see a dark haired girl carrying around dolls with the eyes scratched out, back away slowly, then run like hell.

If you go to your school library and there are a lot of books having to do with vampires and demons…move away ASAP

If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good:

A. The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where you are.

B. The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway.

C. The supernatural being has assumed the form of a cop and just when you think you are safe…he will kill you.

If the locals say the camp is haunted, it probably is.

If people in your neighborhood have been disappearing and there’s talk about a surge of any type of insect…move. stubborn home owners always die.

When and if you fall while running and the killer/monster is near you, don’t just sit there screaming like someone will hear you. Get up and RUN!!

Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study “it,” or take “it” back to the corporate masters, or learn from “it” at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he’s going to sacrifice you anyway.

If the killer is after you and you somehow manage to knock him down, don’t get up and run for help. Believe me, he will stay down much longer after you kick him a couple times.

If the movie is directed by someone named Wes Craven or John Carpenter, you’re pretty much screwed.

If the killer/monster is dead, don’t dig up his grave to try to do a final resurrection. He will only come back to life.

If you disobey the previous rule, don’t try cutting off his head or anything cheap. Stick a grenade in his mouth and run for it.

If the killer is standing three feet in front of you, don’t just stand there and scream while he comes running towards you. It may comes as a shock, but he DOES in fact want to kill you.

A female should never wear a white shirt without a bra while escaping the monster. It will only increase your chances of falling and causing a freak rainstorm that will make your shirt transparent and result in your immediate death.

If you live in Maine and your hometown includes a clown driving a car he calls Christine with a large ,rabid St. Bernard in the backseat, while residing in an old, haunted hotel near a strange Pet Cemetery and hangs out with teenage girls with telekinetic powers….you’re pretty much screwed.

If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it’s in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick ass, no explanation needed.

Stack up on ammunition. A lot of it. Monsters/killers tend to require enough bullets to down a small army. Tho for some reason you seem to be better off with handguns - automatic weapons tend to be regarded as hubristic. So yeah, lots of ammo, two or three handguns.

Never look behind you. Ever

Its not a bottle opener, its an ax.

If the music suddenly gets faster, start running.

If the music suddenly stops, start running. One of your friends just died giving you time to escape.

If you're in the desert and you come upon a rundown gas station with a creepy old man who spends his time in the back room, DON'T take his advice and use the "short cut" to the highway. Always follow the long, familiar road.

If your kid steals your lipstick and starts writing on the walls about strangely-colored alcoholic drinks, kill the kid and run like hell before your husband gets home!

If invited to live in a Glasshouse, don't make quips about throwing stones. Get back in your truck and return to your rundown apartment.

If a spooky voice says "Don't go in the basement". It's probably the best idea to not go in the basement. As a matter of fact, you probably just shouldn't be in the house.

If a naked guy walks towards you, don't even wait for him to ask to have your clothes. Take them off and run for he will rip your heart out.

If your roommates boyfriend is visiting that night, don't even bother calling home - they're both dead.

The barking dogs know all.

Wearing headphones while listening to loud music is death.

If you are a little kid you are guaranteed to make it out alive. You may need years of counseling after you a) almost got sucked into hell, b) are running from a robot more badass than Arnold even though Arnold himself is watching your back, c) were born to a dad whose buddies were Satanists, d) are staying alone in a creepy Colorado cabin in the dead of winter that's been known to drive people insane, e) were possessed by demons, or f) are staying at a camp/ in a house where the babysitters/counselors are being picked off one by one...but you will make it out alive.

Imaginary friends will always end up killing you or the child that imagined it. Or both. Always. Get over it. Or just kill your child.

When you believe the smell of blood is enriching and you have signs of "the mark of the beast", kill yourself. You'll save everyone from a really bad ending to a low-budget Horror.

If tall dark handsome men start stalking you, don't flirt with them, RUN!

If someone gives you a warning, TRY LISTENING!

Wear a cross at all times.

never ever stop at an abandoned rest stop after seeing a yellow pick up truck.. that can only end up badly..

never take a shower after almost escaping the killer.. you will die.

Never, ever go anywhere by yourself if you can help it, and don't go to the bathroom, cuz then the killer or whatever will just kill you there in some terrifying way.

Oh, if random people come up to you and they don't speak (or just grunt) and REALLY smell, run away from them; chances are, they want to eat you.

Stay away from children in general. Especially freaky little girls.

If someone looks like they've been deprived of oxygen lately, leave.

If there's a really cool house on the market that NO-ONE else is interested in and the selling price is way too low and the locals won't go near it to save their souls, don't buy it.

If you're stuck in a zombie or a vampire movie, stay away from the graveyard

Invest in cloves of garlic and silver weaponry...

Don't consult a priest. Chances are they'll really piss off the spirit and make things worse.

If you are one of a bunch of college kids who are incidentally on a road trip and (incidentally) your car breaks down for any reason at all... You're probably going to die a brutal death, probably at the hand of some genetic feak. Or if you live... you're going to die in the sequel.

Podpeople are not and never will be your friends.

Do not watch your neighbors, who maybe, kinda, possibly, might be a serial killer who has succesfully killed a shit load of people. Chances are, he knows you've been watching, and he's already killing your best friend. And girlfriend. And mom.

If your Asian... congrats... You've survived. (Unless your in some cheesy knock-off of a Japanese or Asian film)

Rule of thumb: If you are running away from the killer, run to the kitchen. There are enough pointy objects there that accidental deaths happen all the time.

If the killer was just "right there", but now is nowhere to be found, he's above you. Always. Don't look, just run.

Don't investigate the noise in the attic. Or basement. Especially if you know that people have had their souls ripped out in the attic/basement.

Ditto about the guns. Handguns are lighter too.

How to tell if you're a (good) writer...

1. If you constantly talk to yourself.

2. If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself

3. If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person

4. If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!

5. If you live off of sugar and caffeine.

6. If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.

7. If you know what writer's block is.

8. If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random, or full of critisism.

9. If, when replying to someone elses e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.

10. If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.

11. If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.

12. If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.

13. If you memorized your keyboard.

14. If people think you might have A.D.D.

15. If you think itd be cool to have A.D.D.

16. If you have a grudge against Mary-sue's...even though you wrote a story with one in the past.

17. If you know what a Mary-sue is.

18. If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no apparent reason.

19. If your friends dont even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.

20. If you go crazy over simple spelling/ grammar errors.

21. If you don't like critisism, although you are a critic yourself.

22. If you tend to dream about your stories at night.

23. If you write stories based on your dreams.

24. If you can recite the alphabet backwards.

25. If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.

26. If you can type/ write fast. REALLY fast.

27. If you write 1000-word rough drafts for your story, then erase it and write something totally different for the final.

28. If you know basic writer terms (ex: beta-, canon, lemon...etc.)

29. If you know what 'etc' really means, and know the elongated written version of it...

30. And finally, the number one way to tell if youre a good writer: If you failed English 101.

Did you know...

1) Kissing is healthy.

2) Bananas are good for period pain.

3) It's good to cry.

4) Chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

5) 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

6) Lying is actually unhealthy.

7) You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.

8) It's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.

9) 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

10) It's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.

11) Chocolate will make you feel better.

12) Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.

13) A good friend never judges.

14) A good foundation will hide all hickeys...not that you have any.

15) Boys aren't worth your tears.

16) We all love surprises.

17) Now...make a wish.

Wish REALLY hard!!

WISH WISH WISH WISH.

Your wish has just been received.

Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next fifteen minutes and...

Your wish will be granted.

Your One and Only Wish

Do it one by one, don't look ahead!

1. write the name of a person of the opposite sex.

2. which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue,yellow and green.

3. your first initial?

4. your month of birth?

5. which color do you like more, black or white?

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

7. your favorite number?

8. do you like California of Florida more?

9. do you like the lake or ocean more?

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one.)

are you done?

If so, scroll down

(Don't cheat--)

The Answers

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:

Red: You are alert and you life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue: you are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the one you love.

Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

3. If you're initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and you love life is soon to blossom

S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If You were born in:

Jan-Mar: The year will for very well for you and you will discover the you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr-June: you will have a strong love relationship that will no long but the memories will last forever

July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.

Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

5. If you choose...

Black: your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you and you will be glad for the change.

white: You will have a friend who completely confides in ykou and would do anything for you but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.

8. If you choose...

California: You like adventure.

Florida: You are a laidback person.

9. If you choose...

Lake: You are loyal to you friends and you love. And you are very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people

10. This wish will come true only if you Re-post this bulletin in one hours and it will come true before your next birthday

Copy and paste this if you've called someone a baka/teme/etc. before, and then remembered they don't watch anime and can't take offense.(Aha, his face was PRICELESS...)

Copy and paste this if you've had a dream about Bleach before, and almost cried when you woke up and it was all gone. (...Let's not talk about it.)

Copy and paste this if you've fallen off a chair while you're watching anime, because it's just that amazing.(Then you jump up as fast as you can so you can keep reading the subtitles.)

Copy and paste this if you're the one who when someone says, "What's wrong with you?" You respond, "Many things...many things..." (Heheheheheh)

Copy and paste this if you've ever accidentally said "Osama" when you meant to say "Obama"... Even though you voted for Osama

Copy and paste this if you didn't notice the error I just made, went back to check, and laughed your head off.

If you've ever called your cat by the name of the main character of whatever anime you're watching, copy and paste this in your profile. (Aha, my poor cat, "Toshiro, come he- wait, what did I just say?...")\\

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Things that do NOT actually work, despite the fact that they seem really cool in anime

1. Magic

2. Jumping off of buildings and landing on your feet

3. Defying the laws of physics with “mad martial arts skills”

4. Slapping your best friend to make them see how stupid they are being (this usually only pisses people off)

5. Meeting eyes in unspoken consent and kissing under the sunset

6. Pulling a sledgehammer out of thin air

7. Using said sledgehammer to pound lecherous boys

8. Talking animals

9. Lame ass excuses that seem to fool everyone despite how utterly insane they are.

10. The excuse “I fell down the stairs”.

11. Humans that turn into talking animals

12. Getting off from peeking at a girl’s panties with little more than a slap across the face

13. Being known as the cool and handsome brooder (doom and gloom just annoys people)

14. Miraculously surviving a ten story drop with just a broken arm

15. Being the “cute dingbat”. Dingbats are just a pain. Trust me, I know.

16. Giant fighting mecha

17. Perverted nosebleeds

18. On that note, loveable perverts. Nobody likes a pervert. I know about that, firsthand, too

19. Lewd comments being funny (they aren’t funny. They are sexual harassment, and in this country, you can be arrested for it)

20. Being blatantly truthful (Trust me, nobody likes an honest asshole. Lying makes the world go round)

21. Darkly chuckling at something and then walking away. It annoys people more than it intrigues them

22. Being the class clown (Nobody will like you)

23. Shotacon (That’s pedophilia)

24. Lolicon (Same as above

25. Dressing as a boy to go to an all boy’s school.

26. People thinking that you are “sexy” because you’re a transvestite

27. Boys that look like girls in every way.

28. Offering to give a girl a “full body inspection”

29. Giant-ass swords

30. Steam shooting out of your ears when you are embarrassed

31. Sweatdrop appearing on your head when you’re thinking “what the fuck!?”

32. Vein mark appearing on your forehead when you are angry

33. Flash step

34. Kamehameha!

35. Triple wall jump

36. Regeneration

37. A brilliant comeback at the very last minute due to a totally obvious realization about yourself

38. Coming back to life

39. Extra lives

40. Being utterly unable to die because you are the hero

41. Dropkicking your son to the face to make him fight you

42. Being charred alive and having your skin blackened

43. Shaking said blackened skin off and being completely fine

44. Getting electrocuted by 10,000,000 volts and surviving

45. Punches that can break a stone pillar

46. Throwing someone off a cliff just by tapping them with your pinky

47. Surviving being cut in half by a katana

48. Amazingly discovering your true potential at the last second and saving the day

49. Saving the day and getting the girl

50. Being so angry that a thunderstorm appears over your head

51. Eating a huge meal in five seconds (Doesn’t happen, no matter how ravenously hungry you are)

52. Vampires

53. Angels

54. Demons

55. SUPER SAIYAN 3!!!

56. Eyes that are larger than the nose

57. Hairstyles that defy gravity

58. Natural breasts larger than size double D (No matter how much guys pray to the god of boobs)

59. Reverse vampires

60. Costume changes in three seconds with character going naked first

61. Having no dick or boobs when they do go naked

62. A glare sufficing to shake someone down

63. Smacking someone and sending them flying

64. Cooking that looks like toxic waste

65. Creating weapons out of pure energy

66. Falling over when something stupid happens

67. Harem situations

68. Ghosts

69. Mind control

70. Espers

71. Aliens

72. Time travelers

73. Shinigami

74. Post apocalyptic utopias

75. Girls growing penises

76. The power of an attack being directly proportionate to how loudly the person yells its name, and, less frequently so, how long the name is.

77. Eating so much that you get a pot belly and then losing the belly ten seconds later

78. Boys that should in all respects be girls

79. Evil overlords who seemingly have no flaws, but then finding the flaw at the last moment and kicking their ass.

80. Swords that can cut through steel

81. Humans having godlike powers

82. Quincy

83. Super strength

84. A five year old being smarter than Einstein

85. Integrated Data Thought Entity

86. Dragons

87. Spellcasters

88. Dhampirs

89. Death Notes

90. Flying castles

91. Guys who eat only candy

92. Prosthetic bodies

93. Swords that have souls in them

94. Jumping 20 feet in the air

95. Chakra

96. Racial memory

97. Innocence

98. Ridiculously overpowered supervillains *coughcoughaizencoughcough

99. Foxlike grins *coughcoughgincoughcough*

100. Final battles that destroy an entire city.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have music in your soul, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you've been copying and pasting random things into your profile you know what to do

FANFICTION- UNITED NATIONS!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? WTF!? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), NaraTemari011 (Puerto Rico), Lala girl in Lalaland (USA), Kakashi Forever (England), ChiyoChiyamamoto (USA), Crazy-Monkey13 (USA), Luppi-tan (USA), Devil'sEyeAlchemist13 (USA)

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever busted a move/ burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world & like it that way, Copy & paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, Copy & paste this into your profile.

If you believe Preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

If you think that -/_\- looks like Itachi, copy this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane copy this into your profile.

If you are hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If several inanimate objects hate you post this on profile (lets see... doorframes, doorhandles, stairs and trees)

If you think Japan is cool copy this to your profile.

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then start walking away then remember, copy this into your profile.

Life, it's like God's way of kicking your sorry ass out of heaven and yelling, "AND DON'T COME BACK!!"

Death, it's like God's way of dragging you back up to heaven by your collar, mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..."

"I'm bringin' sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you didn't even know sexy was gone.

If you can raed tihs, cnorgadluatoins! you are one of the samrt peploe who dno't need to look at the wrod idniviudlaly, but as a wolhe! Olny samrt poelpe can raed tihs bceuase tehy are good raedres. Msot good raedres can raed wrdos wehn the frist and lsat ltetres of the wrod are the smae, and tehre are the smae auomnt of ltetres in the wrod... if you could read that, copy and paste this into your profile!

(\ _ /) (O.o )

Bunnies!!

You Know You Live in 2007 When...

1. you go to a party, sit down, and take myspace/facebook pics 2.you haven't played solitaire with real cards in years 3.the reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/Live Journal/myspace/facebook 4.You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of pushing the button on the TV (me: I forget about that button...O.o) 6. your evening activity is sitting at the computer 7.you read this list, and keep nodding and smiling (me: O.o is this list psychic?!) 8.You think about how stupid you are for reading this (me: omc, it is!) 9.you were too busy to notice number five 10. you actually scrolled/looked back up to see if there was a number five 11.and now you're laughing at your own stupidity 12.put this in your pro is you fell for it. (me: you know you did, I know you did, everyone else might as well know it too)

Stupid test:

18 or lower means you’re not stupid.

Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking.

Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking.

You have ran into a glass/screen door.

You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.

You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.

You have ran into a tree.

It IS possible to lick your elbow

You just tried to lick your elbow.

You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same rhythm.

You just tried to sing them.

You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.

You have choked on your own spit.

You have seen the the Matrix and still don’t get it.

You didn’t notice that in the last question “the” was spelled twice

You just looked at it.

Your hair is blond/dirty blond.

People have called you slow.

You have accidentally caught something on fire

You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes/cheek.

You have caught yourself drooling.

You’ve fallen asleep in class

If someone says “fart” you laugh.

You just laughed.

Sometimes you just stop thinking

You tell a story and forget what you were talking about

People are often shaking their heads and walking away from you

You are often told to use your “inside voice”.

You use your fingers to do simple math.

You have eaten a bug.

You are taking this test when you should be doing something important

You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it

You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand or pocket

You sometimes post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t even when you know it won’t happen to you.

You break a lot of things.

Your friends know not to use big words around you

You sometimes tilt your head when you’re confused

You have fallen out of your chair before

When you’re laying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling

Do YOU remember the 90s??

Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if you remember:

You remember watching -Doug -Ren & Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Animaniacs -Gargoyles You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!" You just cant resist finishing this . . . "in west Philadelphia born and raised . . ." You remember -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World

So tell me whatcha want, whatcha really, really want!! I'll tell ya what I want what I really really want!! You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You remember reading "Goosebumps" You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not When everything was settled by -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -ms. mary mack When kick ball was a daily activity. When we used to obey our parents You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape. You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular. You remember The Original Game Boy. You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny. You remember watching -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow -and Ghostwriter on PBS You remember when Yo-Yos were cool. You remember those Where's Waldo books. You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum.

You remember watching -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -ghost busters=You remember Ring Pops. you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!" You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players. Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your life with them. You played and/or collected "Pogs" You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere. One word. . . . . . . .trolls. Windows 95 was the best. You watched the original cartoons of -Rugrats -Wild Thornberry's -Power Rangers -Rocket Power. All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand. You collected Beanie Babies. You remember Carebears You know that Lambchop's song never ended. Silver dollars, which were cool to have. Everyone watched the WB. If you even know what an original walkman is. You know the Macarena by heart. "Talk to the hand" . . . enough said You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace. You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground. Before the MySpace frenzy . . . Before the Internet & text messaging . . . Before Sidekicks & iPods . . . Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . . Before Spongebob . . . Before Tupac was shot. When light up sneakers were cool. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs. When gas was 0.95 a gallon. When we recorded stuff on VCRs. You had slap bracelets! You Actually played outside until it was dark! Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

You Remember Surge Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days . . . .

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ...

Post this on your profile to make someone smile thats just like you!

7 Ways to Scare your roommates

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

If you have an odd love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this onto your profile.

If you're one of those people who get really excited when they get a new review, copy this onto your profile.

If your profile is really long, copy this onto your profile to make it even longer.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have siblings that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that you have scared people with your obsession, place this on your profile.

The next two sections are only for Dungeons and Dragons fans. If you don't play D&D You very well may not get this.

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

"Of course it’s evil, kill it!"

"It can't talk to us like that!"

"What do you mean, how many hit points do I have?"

"Was that thunder, or were you rolling damage?"

"No really. I can do this."

"Okay, if I max out this round and win initiative next round, maybe..."

"I open the coffin...SLOWLY."

"Boost me up."

"You mean it was a GOOD dragon?"

"I'll steal the 20 level mage's pouch."

"What the hell, there's six of us and only 5 type VI demons."

"A wish? Okay, genie, make me a ham sandwich."

"Hey, all I need is a two or better to save vs. poison."

"YO! Grendel! Your momma wears combat boots!"

"I dunno what a tarrasque is, but it can't be TOO tough."

"What do you mean, the dragon wakes up?"

"Wait! What's deathspell do?"

"Go ahead and drink it."

"I'll never surrender."

"It was a joke."

"Hey guys, where are you?"

"I mix the potions and drink."

"There's no such thing as a bottomless pit. Everybody knows that."

"Featherball! I mean, featherrrr..."

"Do you realize what you just did?"

"Tell me this is an illusion."

"What do you mean, my spell expired."

"I'll cast Fireball."

"Let's go in."

"Let's not go in."

"I follow them."

"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."

"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."

"I kill it."

"No problem."

"Let me handle this."

"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"

"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."

"I though YOU brought the food!"

"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

"Trust me."

"I never get lost."

"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"

"They're only kobolds!"

"Hey, this chest just bit me!"

"I try to move silently in plate armor..."

"I didn't find any traps!!"

"Wonder what this button does?"

"Don't worry, he's probably just first level."

"This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."

"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolich holding up my mirror"

"Can I eat this green slime?"

"What's your alignment?"

"My character WANTS to go out in a blaze of glory."

"I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly"

"Why is this man speaking in sign language?"

"This type of undead can't drain levels"

"I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"

"We're in luck! The dragon is sleeping"

"That's only a statue"

"There's no trap on the door, so let's open it"

"I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"

"Don't worry, the DM won't hose me"

"The DM's an idiot."

"We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet."

"I see HOW MANY wights?!"

"It was only the wind."

"Don't worry; wyverns don't attack unless they're provoked."

"You watch the door; I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding the treasure."

"A Nightmare, huh? I'll attack for one round and prepare to run."

"I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."

"They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible"

"I throw a rock at the eight-legged lizard to get it's attention."

"Who's the bitch with the spiders?"

"We killed all monsters on this level."

"I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."

"Well ..., I'll touch it again"

"I'll scout ahead."

"I attempt to disbelieve"

"I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."

"My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me? OK, I shoot again!"

"Where'd that thief go now?"

"Hey guys...wait up."

"Trap? What trap?"

"So what?"

"Ya know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire."

"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill it."

"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"

"No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll prove it."

"Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off after we kill this fire lizard."

"Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he promised not to betray us."

"So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties."

"Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!"

"Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinintesimal."

"Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me."

"So that giant fell into the pit? I'll jump over it and get his treasure."

"Me first. Me first."

"Try me, sh*t breath!"

"Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you."

"Come on, we haven't found any traps so far."

"Diamonds ... Gold... Saphires!!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're fabulously wealthy!!!! Terry...Terry...??"

"Let's walk this way."

"Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the dungeon exit."

"I never get to have any fun!"

"You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?"

"Hey, I know a dragon when I see one."

"What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?"

"Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?"

"Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed."

"I'm invincible!"

"A sign labeled pit'? I walk up to it."

"No problem. That's easy!"

"Hah! I'm not dead yet. I still have five hit points."

"I don't care. I have a Ring of Regeneration."

"Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points."

"I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up."

"I wonder what's in here?"

"He wouldn't try that trick again!"

"Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around."

"What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!"

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

"I'll open it."

"It seems easy enough"

"I think he can be trusted."

"Those noises are probably nothing."

"I'll pull the lever."

"Money!"

"Magic is for wimps."

"Oh. He'll miss. Just look at my AC."

"Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?"

"AGAIN!?!?!"

"I'll use my taunt skill."

"Your mother was a Gully Dwarf."

"My God will protect me."

"You don't look like a mage!"

"It'd be stupid to trap this!"

"Here, hold this rope while I go down."

"Well, if you didn't belch, who did?"

"I know an illusion when I see one."

"There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be safe."

"I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly."

"Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?"

"A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?"

"So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't have a very big militia."

"What do you mean, Your wand ran out of charges.'?"

"Oh these, I've fought them before..."

"He looks like a sunburnt elf?"

"All that noise we heard and there's only one drow here?"

"You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!"

"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"

"I can't possibly miss..."

"I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!"

"Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you."

"Is this one really able to breath fire?"

"What do you mean, 'How many hit points do I have RIGHT NOW?'?"

"Come on, EVERY evil wizard's tomb has a way out!"

"It can't be a beholder, we're only first level!"

"When nobody's looking, I go back to get some more gems."

"It's an illusion. No spell can reshape the side of a mountain like that. I disbelieve and walk off the 500' cliff."

"He's only an ordinary 15th level magic user."

CLICK! "What do you mean, 'The trap WASN'T armed.'? What was that Remove Traps roll for anyway!?"

"How was I to know that that orc would tell the truth about us not wanting to come in here!"

"What do you mean, 'Green slime ain't always green.'?"

"Nah...the game's just started...he wouldn't put a fatal death trap in yet.."

"You don't get Humanoid 8th level wizards. He's only bluffing"

"(To Angry Red Dragon) Did anyone tell you you had bad breath?"

"There's HOW many Githyanki sleeping bunks in this chamber?"

"A red WHAT swoops out of the sky at us?"

"I'll swim across."

"I throw the rock into the dark cave."

"I run down the hallway alone."

"I'll use the wand of wonder."

"I want to check out the magic tome."

"Hmm...I'll try Chain Lightning"

"Ok, the dragon's asleep. You guys wait back here with bows and stuff. Getafix and I will go up in front of it and cast light on it's eyes to blind him, then we'll blow his brains out with psionics."

"Garth, you be the anchor. I tie the rope around myself, take the slack [700'] and jump in."

"There's only 10 kobolds and there's 8 of us. Attack!"

"I dive through the fire."

"Follow those lights!"

"There's a company of 100 barbarians guarding the pass" "I don't think they want us to cross these mountains." "So what?"

"It's only a naga."

"I'm not going to waste spells on THEM!"

"That's right, I'm going to polymorph into a pergrine falcon and attempt to land on the back of one of the 12 griffons flying above us."

"I think we can take it down."

"There only a pack of kobolds."

"Does a three save?"

"C'mon guys -- he can't kill _all_ of us!"

"I use animal empathy to calm the charging Triceratops."

"There's only three of them. Watch the one that looks like Death, though."

"Just because you can breathe fire doesn't mean you can push *us* around."

"Hmm...how do we know you are the REAL Angel of Death?"

"Hey, it's only a black dragon, a vampire, and a lich... and we've got a horn of bubbles!"

"I sneak up to the Lich and pick its pockets."

"This is a wimp dungeon."

"What does this lever do?"

"If I were you, Demon, I would sit back down!"

"That purple robe really clashes with your burning eyes..."

"Bow to a Demon? Never!"

"Elminster, you old fart, I thought you were really mad for a minute."

"What do you mean I turn into a bug?"

"Oh, please! Vampires have so many weaknesses, you can't help but kill them!"

"What do mean feather fall wears off?"

"Okay, we'll attack the small boulette first."

"What do you mean, the Wall of Ice vanishes?"

"They CAN'T have initiative!"

"You've got 80 hit points; YOU open the treasure chest"

"The Hall of Blades? Hey, I've got an 18 dex."

"What do you mean my axe bounces off him? What's Stoneskin do anyway?"

"C'mon guys...how bad could it be?!"

"Cmon guys, it was only a rumor, theres nothing here"

"So what, I have the artifact"

"Ok, so there’s a few more of them"

"But I just got a little prick!"

"Did he say he had Plate Mail 5? I stop running and fight him!"

"Hey, do you guys think that this might just be an illusio...(whack)"

"I pick the lock on the magic shop window."

"We charge!"

“Let’s go hide in that fog bank.”

“I challenge you to a duel!” *glove slap*

“Resistance is futile!”

“I don’t get it.”

“I give him the finger.”

“Why don’t you make me!?”

“Dragons are really just reptilian Jews.”

“You’ve not seen the last of us!”

“We already staked the vampire. What more do we need to do?”

“I’m sure if we talk to them, we can work this misunderstanding out.”

“Whites are the Backstreet Boys of dragons.”

“Hey, octopus face! Come get me!”

“If we play dead, it should leave us alone.”

“We’re in the sewers. There’s nothing down here but rats.”

“Quick, let’s hide in the creepy castle.”

“I shout at the monk, ‘Run Forrest, run!!”

“The power of Christ compels you, beeotch!”

“SKADOUCHE ROLL!!!”

“I face the vampire, and say ‘I vant to suck your blood!!”

“Of course crosses kill vampires!”

“Oh no you didn’t!!”

And the ultimate famous last word:

"Oops."

Let us cast our minds back to the early days of fantasy role-playing... In the early '70s, Ed Whitechurch ran "his game," and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson, a veritable giant of a man. This story is essentially true: I knew both Ed and Eric, and neither denies it (although Eric, for reasons that will become apparent, never repeats it).

The gist of it is that Eric... well, you need a bit more about Eric.

Eric comes quite close to being a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimum solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise in all respects a superior gamer, and I've spent many happy hours competing with and against him, as long as he is given enough time.

So... Eric was playing a neutral paladin (Why should only lawful, good religions get to have holy warriors? was the rationale) in Ed's game. He even had a holy sword, which fought well and did all those things holy swords are supposed to do, including good or evil (by random die roll). He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:

ED: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?

ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.

ERIC: How far away is it?

ED: About 50 yards.

ERIC: How big is it?

ED: (Pause) It's about 30 feet across, 15 feet high, with a pointed top.

ERIC: I use my sword to detect whether it's good.

ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.

ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

ED: No, Eric. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (rolls to hit). What happened?

ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?

ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus-three arrow!

ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#%$*& gazebo!

ERIC: (Long pause - he has no axe or fire spells) I run away.

ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.

ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin...

At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is. This is solely an afterthought, of course, but Eric is doubly lucky that the gazebo was not situated on a grassy knoll.

If I ever become an Evil Overlord:

My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible."

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll shoot him, and then say "No".

After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push".

I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

I will not build a large and convoluted machine that will slowly lower the hero to his death on a chain into a vat of sharks, piranhas, or any other kind of carnivorous fish.

Similarly, I will not dissolve my enemies in a vat of acid and use an icam to show them while they die to the entire world over the internet. Rather, I will use the much more boring, but also surer method of a private firing squad in a secluded and inaccessible spot.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident: I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.

I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses.

Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructable except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather, he will be so startled and confused that I will easily be able to dispatch him.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

I will never build only one of anything important. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.

I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main sqaure of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code.

Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell.

If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengance towards me in my old age.

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.

When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?" I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatable with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks. I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!" I will say "Oh well'' and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you act completely, well, crazy and make a total fool of yourself and not even care. Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being (every cell in your body) to Twilight and fanfiction. Crazy is when you go into build-a-bear workshop and walk up to little kids saying "That's my favorite bear" in a creepy voice and then run like heck when their soccer-moms glare at you. Crazy is when you get jacked up on sugar on your school field trip to bush gardens, laugh for two hours straight WHILE riding roller coasters, then still laugh after you get slapped by your friends, and they pour a cold water on you, and you just stop suddenly, and when they asked why you laughed you say " I felt like it." Crazy is when for some strange reason your wardrobe scares you so you have to army roll to your bed from your door. Crazy is hopping to class, and when asked why, you blame it on the bunnies. Even if there were no bunnies. Crazy is when you get into the wrong car when being picked up after school. Crazy is when every time your throat hurts, you hope you somehow turned into a vampire without knowing it. Crazy is when your friend goes up to a blonde, pale doctor, tells him she knows his secret, and you let yourself get dragged out by security with her, and are still her friend. Crazy is when you like to read stories that make your cry. Crazy is when you spend a whole hour wondering how awesome you would be if you were a talking vampire pikachu who was married to Joe Jonas. Crazy is when you are constantly making up new species like the Penguillamaroo and talking in third person and saying na no da at the ends of all your sentences just to throw people off and overusing the word "and" like it's going out of style. Crazy is going over the loudspeaker at your job and requesting “would the real Slim Shady please stand up?”. Crazy is singing loudly in the middle of a crowded room, even when you know that you haven’t got the talent. Crazy is telling off the biggest asshole/bitch in school because you know they deserve it, even if it makes you look bad, because you know that for every person who does dare to stand up to them, there are at least ten who are too nervous to do so. Crazy is shouting “look out behind you!!” and “don’t go in there, you idiot!” at the television screen when you’re watching a horror film. Crazy is a boy liking Hello Kitty, and buying said paraphernalia at conventions. Crazy is owning over 200 graphic novels. Crazy is owning over 100 books on Dungeons & Dragons, and spending a good portion of every day devoted to said hobby, and more on your day off from work when you DM a campaign that you created yourself from scratch with creatures, templates, and a world all your own. Crazy is wanting to learn the entire “I Like War” speech made by the Mad Major, just so you can confuse and scare the crap out of your friends. Crazy is having said speech translated into German, and then delivering it in your best impersonation of Hitler himself (just make sure no real Germans are around. They may take umbrage.) Crazy is speculating the crap out of an anime on pairings that totally should be, and every conceivable scrap of evidence in favor of said pairing. Crazy is always speaking “in character” to your anime character name on your facebook acoount when you instant message. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley bored, Gem W, Bara- Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Carzy Billie Joe loving freak, shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/ fairy to be, The Gypsy- Pirate Queen, MCR Rocks, Andrew Laplante, Twilight's October Sky, LittleGothGirl13. KagomeMiko92, apparox148, the-purple-fuzzle, Tinatheturtle,doubletime twins, giadolphin, Arrowshot, KennethRose,Scarhead62, Luppi-tan, Devil'sEyeAlchemist13

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

-A good friend will bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying "damn that was fun".

-A good friend will care for you when you hurt, a true friend will be sitting next to you laughing their ass off at you.

-Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

-If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!

-The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

-I love Deadlines! I like the whoosh noise they make as they go by.

-Curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back.

-In a dog-eat-dog world the best thing to do is become a cat.

-If the good die young then the bad die old; thus leaving us with only politicians left.

-Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes i have to wonder if i'm a goldfish.

-A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.

-A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in her address book.

-A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps themselves.

When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating.

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I'm not cynical, everything just sucks.

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.

It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you have ever made one of those "copy and paste this into you profile" thingies, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think it's weird there's so much Yaoi, copy and paste this into your profile.

95 percent of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas brothers on top of a skyscraper about to jump off. Copy and paste this into your profile if you're the 5 percent that would shout "Jump assholes!"

Copy and paste this into your profile if you would gladly rip off Edward Cullen's skin, make a dress out of it, then give it to the next girl you see.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or have an insane friend, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both... copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, Copy & Paste this into your profile.

If you have ever wished that an anime character would come to life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe Itachi has secret laughing fits when no one is watching, copy and paste this in your profile.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. If You Haven't Died Yet Copy And Paste This Onto your Profile.

If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you absolutely LOVE anime, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever left one room to get something from another room, then once you were in the other room, forgot what you were trying to get, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this in your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think the kids should just give the rabbit some freaking Trix, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school, he told his friends that it was cool , and when he pulled the trigger back

It shot with a great crack! Mummy I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold

But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye, I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry

When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another, and all because he got the gun from his older brother

Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much, and please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush

And tell my little sister that she is the only one now, and tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best

Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest, mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class, and never to forget this and please don't let this pass

Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this, mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss

And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try, I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry

Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest, but mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest, mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack

Mummy listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new, I guess I'm not going with daddy, on that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress

Mummy I wanted to live, but mummy I must go now the time is getting late

Mummy tell my Chris, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date , I love you mummy I always have, I know you know it's true

Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you", In memory of the Columbian students that were lost

Please if you would, pass this around, I'd be happy if you could

Don't smash this on the ground, if you pass this on, maybe people will cry

Just keep this in heart, for the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

--copy and repost if you care --

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend named Common Sense, whom has been with us for many years.

No one knows how old he was, since any record of his birth was lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always ‘fair’ and ……maybe, just maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student that only worsened his condition.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band Aid to a student – but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot: she spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge $ettlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his “parents”, Truth and Trust; his “wife”,Discretion; his “daughter”, Responsibility, and his “son”, Reason.

He is survived by three “stepbrothers”; “I know my rights”, “Someone else is to blame” and “I’m a victim and entitled to compensation”.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Pass this on….. if you still remember his name.

98 percent of teenagers does or has tried smoking pot.If your one of the 2 percent who doesn't copy and paste this into your profile.

100 Rules of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first. Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers. Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song. First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy". First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect) Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors. Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome "Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: 1) be female. 2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation. 3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage. Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: 1) The Hero/Leader 2) His Girlfriend 3) His Best Friend/Rival 4) A Hulking Brute 5) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: 1) Extreme Coolness 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace". First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa. First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect"). First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are: 1) They forgot that the person is telepathic. 2) They just don’t give a damn. The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are: 1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else. 2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic. 3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits. First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late. First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy". Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring: a) The control device being broken. The control device being taken by the "Good Guy". c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good Guy". d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes: a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look. A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping". Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis. First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the maneuver. Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either: a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and exposition), Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls, or c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible. First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in: a) The hero escaping. Clean-up for the underlings. c) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics: 1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples. 2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death! First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because: 1) It’s his girlfriend’s. 2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so. 3) Chicks will dig him more. Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because: 1) It’s her boyfriend’s. 2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so. 3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...") First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle... Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect). Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur. First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members: 1) The captain 2) His Lieutenant 3) Various female technical staff 4) A hotshot pilot 5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not) 6) The Doctor 7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not) Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include: 1) Extreme coolness/luck 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible irritation 4) Extreme cuteness 5) Irresponsible drunkenness 6) Homophobicness 7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

The previous was created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources inorder to help others understand the things that happen in anime. So to help others understand anime affter you have read this please copy and paste this to your profile thank-you.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly (about 24 hours now not counting the few hours of sleep), Alleyanna Cullen,hugz.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6 (hoo yeah), GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc.(:D), AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, Mrs.DiAngelo, Percabethrox17, Nico's Future Wife, DaughterofPoseidon32498, Follower of Pan, ilovecrossovers, DeathRider25, LoveDragonsForever, MissSilverfox666, Devil'sEyeAlchemist13

WAYS TO FIND OUT IF YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH BLEACH

If you:

- Every time you write with a pen shout 'WRITE UPON THIS GOLDEN PAPER, SHAININGU-ORI!'

- When you meet someone new the first thing you ask is what squad they are from

- At the beginning of a race shout 'SHUNPO!'

- Stay up and watch a black cat all night to check if it's Yoruichi

- Find a cave and train there to try and achieve bankai

- When your friend rings you up on the phone shout 'HOLLOW!'

- Memorize the kido spells

- When there is a thunder storm, run out side and shout 'Way of destruction number 33: Blue fire crash down!' or Hadō #33,Sōkatsui

- Call your little brother lil' shiro

- Give each of your friends a squad and make them memorize it

- When your worst enemy passes you by, shout 'AIZEN!' and kick them (Yeah, right! Aizen ain't evil, he awesome! You should be shouting "ICHIGO!")

- Put 'Bureau of research and development' as your screen saver on your computer

- Buy all three bleach games

- Draw Kon's paw print on both hands in permanent marker

- Put all your school books in a thin white satchel that looks like the one Hanataro wears

- Be able to list every squads Captain, Vice captain and their zanpaktous

- Spray the Gotei 13 symbol on the back of your school uniform

- Call your teachers -Taicho

- Write your location as 'The human world' and your job as 'Shinigami' every time you get asked either question

- Spray you hair white when ever you have a cough

- Buy a shining pink swimming suit and wear it to the beach

- Buy a chappy and take it everywhere with you

- When your trying to explain something use little bunny pictures on a sketch pad

- Put the bleach theme tune as your ringtone

- Put black tattoos on your head and chest with a marker

- Pile your desk with paperwork

- Cut the sleeves off your favourite t-shirt because you know they'll get ripped off when you use Shunko

- Wake up and shout 'MATSUMOTO!!'

If you're a fangirl, post this up on your profile. You know you're a fangirl when...

1. You read fanfiction and squeal out loud.

2. You write fanfiction.

3. You know all the fanfiction terms ex. lemon, lime, flames, etc.

4. You hate mary-sues with a passion.

5. You watch a movie/ read a book and then automatically think of all the different pairings.

6. You own merchandise of your favorite character.

7. You own a deviantart account.

8. You browse through deviantart.com and google pictures for the sole purpose of finding fanart.

9. Your computer screen background, screen saver, and and mobile screen background are all pictures of your favorite anime character

10. You occasionally wonder why anime guys aren't real.

11. You start learning japanese.

12. You are often called childish for your love of anime, movies, and cartoons.

13. When people call anime 'cartoons', you are outraged.

14. You wish you could cosplay.

15. You cosplay

16. You are overjoyed when people say you look 'anime-ish'.

17. You know who 'L', Naruto, and Inuyasha are.

18. You hate anime dubbed into english.

19. You know more about the japanese culture than your own.

20. You occasionally glomp people.

21. You hyperventilate when you see someone who resembles an anime character.

22. You hyperventilate when you see a japanese person.

23. You hyperventilate when you see anime merchandise at an affordable price.

24. You tend to hyperventilate a lot.

25. You wish you could visit Japan.

List your Top 10 Bleach Characters and ANSWER THE RP QUESTIONS!

1.Tsukishima

2. Kisuke

3. Aizen

4. Mayuri

5. Gin

6. Izuru

7. Ginjo

8. Harribel

9. Yoruichi

10. Nelliel

What would you do if...

Number 1 woke you in the middle of the night? (Tsukishima) Hello...you’re not going to mindf*ck me, are you? I DON’T WANNA BE A VEGETABLE!!!

Number 3 walked into the bathroom while you're showering? (Aizen) *grabs towel* I thought you were only a perv in fanfics...

Number 4 announced he/she's going to marry 9 tomorrow? (Mayuri and Harribel) ...I’m sorry, WHAT?!

Number 5 cooked you dinner? (Gin) Thank you, Ichi-chan! ...You didn’t poison this, did you?

Number 6 was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping? (Izuru) Aww, that’s just adorable!

Number 7 suddenly confessed to be part of your family? (Ginjo) HA! I CAN use Fullbring!

Number 8 got into the hospital somehow? (Harribel) AIZEN YOU BASTARD!!!!

Number 9 made fun of your friends? (Yoruichi) She’s a cat, so I’d spray her with water.

Number 10 ignored you all the time? (Nel) She’s so childish...

You're on a vacation with 2 and manage to break your leg. What does 2 do? (Kisuke) He’d fix it with kido, of course. Then, I get his hat. :)

It's your birthday. What does 3 get you? (Aizen) Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 do? (Mayuri) Adds fuel to the fire, then dissect my roasted body when the fire dies out.

You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarrassed. What will 5 do? (Gin) Get it all on camera.

You're about to marry number 10. What's 1's reaction? (Nel and Tsukishima) A) That would never happen. B) He’d probably back away slowly then run for the hills.

You got dumped by someone. How will 7 cheer you up? (Ginjo) He gives me a bowl of ramen.

You compete in a tournament. How does 9 support you? (Yoruichi) She just chants.

You can't stop laughing. What will 10 do? (Nel) Make me laugh more.

Number 1 is all you've ever dreamed of. Why? (Tsukishima) I’d tell you, but that’d double or triple the length of my profile, so...CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!

Number 2 tells you about his/her deeply hidden love for number 9. (Kisuke and Yoruichi) WE KNEW IT, KISUKE! IT’S NOT HIDDEN!

Number 4 loves number 9 as well. What does that mean? (Mayuri and Yoruichi) Yoruichi, run. Just run.

You're dating 3 and he/she introduces you to his/her parents. Would you get along? (Aizen) 0.o Probably. If he’s anything like his parents, probably.

Will number 5 and 6 ever kiss? (Gin and Izuru) Probably not, but I really wish they did...GINZURU FTW!

Number 6 appears to be a player, breaking many hearts. What will you do? (Izuru) Take him drinking, and leave him there wasted. That’l l teach him!

You had a haircut and 7 can't stop looking at you. What goes on in your mind? (Ginjo) Either it’s really bad or it looks like ramen...maybe both...

Number 8 thinks he/she’ll never get a girl/boyfriend. What will you tell him/her? (Harribel) You live with Aizen. That’s your first problem.

Number 9 is too shy to face you and confesses their love by sending an email. Now what? (Yoruichi) Please tell me this is a mistake and that she meant to send it to Kisuke...

You spot 10 kissing 1. How do you react? (Nel and Tsukishima) NOT HAPPENING! *splits the two of them apart* Nel, you’re supposed to be with Grimmy. Tsukishima...uh, I don’t know...wait, yes I do, ME!

You notice that 3 and 4 have been inside that hotel room for MORE then a few hours. What are you thinking? (Aizen and Mayuri) Why has no one come up with AiYuri...oh, that sounds so cool!

Could 1 and 6 be soul mates? (Tsukishima and Izuru) Nope.

Would 2 trust 5? (Kisuke and Gin) Nope. Never trust a fox.

Number 4 is bored and pokes 10. What happens after that? (Mayuri and Nel) That would also never happen.

5 and 1 are forced to go back to school together. What study will they pick? (Gin and Tsukishima) I don’t know, literature?

If 6 and 3 cooked dinner, what would they make? (Izuru and Aizen) I don’t think Aizen can cook...

7 and 9 apply for a job. What job? (Ginjo and Yoruichi) The CIRCUS!

8 gives 5 a haircut. Is that okay? (Harribel and Gin) Sure, it’s just a trim!

9 sketches what 6's perfect girl/boyfriend should look like; will 6 be happy? (Yoruichi and Izuru) Yes, because we all know it’s Matsumoto.

10 and 9 are blushing while they talk. What is their conversation about? (Nel and Yoruichi) Probably gossip about guys.

1 accidentally kicked 10? (Tsukishima and Nel) Nel would kick him back and steal his book.

2 sent a message to his/her Bf/Gf but 9 got it. What would happen? (Kisuke and Yoruichi) Who cares!? It’s the same person!

6 noticed he/she wasn't invited to your birthday? (Izuru) I'm sorry, man, but I didn’t want you having a heart attack from Gin being here.

7 won the lottery? (Ginjo) Now he doesn’t have to depend on Yukio for money!

8 had quite a big secret? (Harribel) Like what?

9 became a singer? (Yoruichi) She sounds pretty good.

10 got a daughter? (Nel) I wonder what she’d look like... and who’s the dad?

What would 1 think of 2? (Tsukishima and Kisuke) More than a lowly candy shop owner XD

What would 4 envy about 5? (Mayuri and Gin) I really have no clue...

What dream would 5 have about 6? (Gin and Izuru) You don’t wanna know...

What do 6 and 7 have in common? (Izuru and Ginjo) They’re both dead.

What would make 7 angry at 8? (Ginjo and Harribel) If Harribel stole his ramen.

Where would 8 meet 9? (Harribel and Yoruichi) Never..at nowhere.

What would 9 never dare to tell 10? (Yoruichi and Nel) That Ichigo’s probably taken and that her bros are idiots.

What would make 1 scared of 10? (Tsukishima and Nel) If Nel threatened to kill Ginjo.

Is 3 Gay? (Aizen) So much controversy it’s ridiculous...he’s hopefully bi. Then, I could date him, and then he could date Kisuke, or Gin...or even Tsukishima! Now, that would be cool! I mean, why don’t people pair Aizen and Tsukishima? They’re the two main villians! I think if you can do a YamamotoxOC, you can do TsukiAi, you know?

How do you feel right now? (Moi) I really wanna read a TsukishimaxAizen story now...but there are none!

Now that your horrific incident of terror is over, let's read some stuff you actually WANT to read! :)