SHIT! I HATE THE RULES THAT YOU CAN POST A NEW STORY BEFORE YOU CAN WRITE THE FUCKING STORY!!!!!!!!!!! You know you live in 2011 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played Solitaire with real cards for years. 3.) You're shocked when you hear that people CAN actually survive without cable. 4.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or MySpace. 6.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV. 7.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 8.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 9.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 10.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 11.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 12.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 13.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did It's sad that some people could actually be like this. When you were 5, your mom gave you an ice-cream cone. You thanked her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind. When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming to soccer to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back. When you were 10, your mom paid for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class. When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thaned her by talking on the phone all night. When you were 14, your mom paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter. When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got. When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn. When you were 20, your mom drove you to college. You thanked her by saying goodbye outside the dorm so you wouldn't have to in front of your friends. When you were 26, your mom paid for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world. When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents are to their children. Then on night she died quietly and everything you did came crashing down on you. If you love your mom, copy and paste this in your profile. If you don't, then you won't care if your mom dies, will you? 'At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping it all over his lap. When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house. When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked him by telling him he had no taste. When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You thanked him by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn. When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the country. When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your dad, post this on your profile. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole! Copy and paste this if you have ever wondered the same thing. Funny Quotes: It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together. Duct tape is silver, but silence is golden. Are you catching my drift? A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away. A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. I can resist everything except temptation. I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. I used to have super powers, then my therapist took them away. I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm. I dont regret it. Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over. If I ever get a firm grip on reality, I'm going to strangle it. An Inspiring story: A white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said, "Listen sir, when I was born, I was BLACK. When I grew up, I was BLACK. When I'm sick, I'm BLACK. When I go in the sun, I'm BLACK. When I'm cold, I'm BLACK. When I die, I'll be BLACK. But you sir, when you are born, you're PINK. When you grow up, you're WHITE. When you're sick, you're GREEN. When you go in the sun, you turn RED. When you're cold, you turn BLUE, and when you die, you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away. Really Dumb Store Labels On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how??) On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion). On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (Well...duh, a bit late, huh!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (And you thought...??) On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.) On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.) I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". 26 Fun Things to do in an Elevator 1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker" 2) When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!" 3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly. 5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down. 7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" 11) Meow occasionally. 12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?" 18) Say "Ding!" at each floor. 19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. 20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." 22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?" 24) Stare at another passenger and when they look at you say, "STOP STARING AT ME!" 25) Start jumping up and down. 26) Curl up into a ball in the corner and rock back and forth saying, "I'm okay." Books I like: Harry Potter (Kinda, gets boring after a while) Lord of The Rings Monster Blood Tattoo Knight & Rogue Inheritance Cycle H.I.V.E. Skullduggery Pleasant CHERUB Keys to The Kingdom The Old Kingdom Rangers Apprentice Percy Jackson Sherlock Holmes Percy Jackson Pledge I promise to remember Percy Whenever I'm at sea I promise to remember Annabeth Whenever a spider comes after me I promise to protect nature For Grover's sake of course I promise to remember Luke When my heart fills with remorse I promise to remember Chiron Whenever I see a sign that says free 'pony ride' I promise to remember Tyson Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side I promise to remember Thalia Whenever a friend is scared of heights I promise to remember Clarisse Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright I promise to remember Bianca Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother I promise to remember Nico Whenever I see someone how doesn't get along with others I promise to remember Zoë Whenever I watch the stars I promise to remember Rachel Whenever I see a limo pass by my car Yes I promise to love PJO Wherever I may go So that all may see my obsession Because I know what the PJO lovers know! You Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When… You go to the Empire State Building and you ask for the 600th Floor. There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!” Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes. When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses. You burn food to see if it smells good. You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!” You’re in a running/swimming race and you’re praying and sacrificing to Hermes/Poseidon. You think that your favorite singer is a child of Apollo. Someone close to you dies and you give them money (LOTS of it) just in case… Everyone else is creating a Twilight family and you create a PJO family. You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn’t The Princess Andromeda… You’re on a boat and you pray that Poseidon is in a good mood. You’re in the air (hang-gliding, cliff-diving, bungee jumping, flying, in a plane, etc.) and you hope Zeus is in a good mood and won’t blast you out of the air. You go to Aunty Em’s and say you’re camera shy. You find your true love and thank Aphrodite for sending him/her to you. You think George Bush is a son of Ares (he’s dumb and violent you know!). You know Muse is the best singers. Get it, the Nine Muses?? Bring a blue plastic hairbrush with you everywhere. When it gets really cold randomly, blame Kronos. You get a Greek mythology calendar for Christmas. You get really mad at Hades when a family member dies. You sometimes try to control water. You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months. You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address. Even though not diagnosed, you claim you have ADHD or dyslexia and blame it on your God parent. You yell "Annabeth!" everytime you see a NY Yankees hat. You make the PJO characters on Sims, as Miis on the Wii, and other video games. Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it is a Camp shirt. You are a PJO character for Halloween. Recite lines randomly from the books. When you see/hear about anything myhtology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it. Buy anything New York or San Francisco-related. You are going to the Camp Half-Blood in Texas. You are suddenly obsessed with Adidas shoes because they have the Hermes symbol. You claim that Percy IS real and lives in New York no matter how much your friends argue with you. You have dreams about PJO characters/events You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket. That everytime you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword. Everytime you play dodgeball, you bring a suit of armor. You go to San Fransisco looking for the Old Sea Man. You find yourself praying to Poseidon for rain. Whenever your internet slows down, you yell at the sky and say "HERMES! WHY DO YOU LOVE ANNOYING ME?!" You stuff your (ahem) Harry Potter books in the back of your closet so you have some more places for your PJ&O stuff. When someone gets married, you say: "I hope you shall not anger Hera" In the beginning of your first History class, you burst out "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!" You pretend (or actually) faint when someone asks "Who's Percy?" When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you scream "JACKSON!" When someone dies, you pray to Hades to allow them to go across Styx for free, because they don't have drachmas anymore. You are known to scream names of the characters at random times. You've got any copy of any book in all your backpacks/binders incase of emergencies You pray to Athena when you don’t study for a math test. And when you flunk said test, you blame her irritation on Percabeth. When you steal your friend's pen you believe it's justified because your dad is the god of thieves, and you thought it was Riptide and had to check to make sure Percy was still alive. You write PJO fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer. When your mom grounds you from the computer, you blame it on a combination of Nemesis, Hera and Hermes' little joke. You want Hephaestus to fix your iPod when it breaks. You give all your siblings god parents (Poseidon, Zeus, Hades.) You call the "Ares kids", or school bullies, Martians. You quiz fellow fans on the minor gods and win. You spend time doing pointless research, just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site. You still think Thuke could happen.(Nooooo!) You plan several statements to avoid Apollo's lines and remember he's a player, should he ever hit on you, and several ways to get out of being cursed. You imagine the gods alone, and what they really do on the Superbowl. You think Percy's extended family needs extensive therapy. You have a countdown to the Demigod Files because of the mention of Percabeth. You want Kronos buried under Witchita, Kansas in a safe deposit toothpick box. No one will ever look there, and hopefully he'll be too tiny to bother the locals. Your mother thinks you need to get a boyfriend, as does your father to cure your obsession. You blame your little brother's desire to turn off your Internet in the middle of this review on Hermes' anger that you've joked about all of them. You imagine random unwritten PJO moments during class and laugh. When one brave soul unaware of your obsession broaches the question of why you were laughing, you try to explain. They think you are nuts because you are laughing at Hades' wild card of Nico. You think of creative names for Percy besides Seaweed Brain, such as kelphead16 because his head is full of kelp and there's an 85 chance he'll die at the age of sixteen. You wonder if you'll be able to drive a car come your 16, provided Percy saves the world, because of that. You know you're obsessed when you lose something, and say, "Come on Hermes! Give it back!! You think all the popular girls at your school are children of Aphrodite. And say to all the braniacs at your school if Athena is okay. (Don’t hurt me Athena). You go on YouTube and look at PJO themes for characters.(hehe, did that) You read page 287 of BotL over and over again or say the lines in your head (Nico will Rule The World!) Your internet homepage is Rick Riordan's blog. You and your other PJO obsessed friend cracks up if any one mentions the word Canada or Canadians. You and your PJO obsessed friend start a fan club with only you two in it. You get other people obsessed. You have constant vivid dreams about the fifth book. You spend most of your time thinking what will happen in the fifth book. You jump up and down at the idea of LT becoming a movie.(Horrible! Wrong plot, wrong characters, name something that wasn't wrong!) You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, PJO and use it in conversations. Your favorite quote of all time comes from PJO. You and your friend has "diss-wars" using PJO CHARACTERS When someone dies, you give them a sack of red rubber balls for Cerberus. o Every time you see a guy in a wheelchair you think "Chiron!!” You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?" When your boyfriend dumps you, you take the oath of the hunters (not that I have any experience.) When you burn yourself, you curse Hephaestus/Hestia. ~You put an offering to Demeter next to your garden. ~You go up to a teacher in a wheelchair and say, "I know who you really are, Chiron…" ~You say "Maia!" when you are wearing shoes. You checked to make sure your principal doesn’t have a tail. You know which pages the good parts are on. You suddenly hate thunderstorms. You start hearing Percabeth in every song you hear. You started calling your dog Mrs. O’Leary. You start figuring out who your godly parent is. (Apollo or Athena) You never looked at a ballpoint pen the same way again. You ask the cashier at the store if they stock Mythomagic cards. You start doing pro/con lists in your head. During Math. When you’re supposed to be taking notes. Each day you check every fan site you know of for new information. You try to figure out how much food dye you need to turn chocolate chip cookies blue.(Four drops for every three cookies) You make references to it in school reports and/or to friends that haven’t read it. The first thing you ask someone when you meet them is, “Have you read PJO?” You yell “Mizzenmast!” whenever you enter a boat. You curse a god/goddess a lot. (I say, "Oh my Gods" and "What in Hades name are you doing?" and "What in Hades name am I doing" a lot) You have one (Or more) pictures relating to PJO in your room You know PJO better then most sane people You have links to every great PJO site You add things to the list every day You know what you would do if you were Percy You argue with your friends about if Nico should turn evil or not(No Way!) At least half of your friends have read all the PJO, or are going to in the very near future. You wish you could find a rainbow to see if Iris messages work(although i dont have a golden drachama) You give friends and youself a godly parent, You are trying to learn Greek. You keep thinking about one of the PJO books when you go on a trip.(Are yu kidding, I bring them all with me!) You think of percy every time you see a dark haried green-eyed boy. You just have to research more about greek mythology.(Alredy Have!) You want to learn Latin. You copy/paste this onto your profile.(obviously) Most of your fics are PJO related, even if it is a cross over You have taken every test you can find about what demigodly parent you would/do/should have, and your trying to get your friends to. (I got Hades!) You make sure all of your friends (Or most of them), have an idea about what you say when talking about PJO Your friends (At least one), think you are obbsessed with PJO, and you agree. You have one or more things related to PJO on your school stuff, and if someone asks you why, you tell them. You have something on your school things (Or home things), that says 'Daughter (Or son if you're a guy) of God/goddess', and you don't even try to hide it, even if it says daughter of Name of unliked god.goddess You’re nodding and smiling when you read this. You own every single book.(duh) You are planning on adding a lot more things to this list. You call yourself a demigod. You wish with every fibre of your being that the first page of The Lightning Theif told the truth, and the PJO series is real. You find yourself praying to a random god when you didn't study for a math test because you were too busy reading PJO. You've called someone you know a satyr. LOL :)