1) Remember to laugh in a crazy way. It lets people know you mean business.

2) Think highly of yourself. It helps to repeat phrases like "I'm a genius", "I'm brilliant", "Everyone else is such a fool...because I'm such a genius!" And remember my motto: "Those who want to rule the world do - and those who can't, aren't real evil geniuses, are they?"

3) When forming your brilliantly evil plan, make sure that you've chosen to do something that you really shouldn't do, and that will make the whole world know that you're not playing with a full deck.

4) During the course of executing your plan, you will probably be stretched, dropped, blown up, and set on fire at least once. And that is if everything goes RIGHT. Just remember: Never give up.

5) Always leave a forwarding address in case your secret lair is destroyed or you're sent to prison.

6) Choose a sidekick who's not as smart as you. When one of your evil plans goes wrong (and they always do - trust me), you will at least have someone else to blame.

7) Finish school and get a degree. Every evil genius I know went to college. My major was complete and total world domination, with a minor in marketing. I can't tell you how much those years in college helped me. (Conquering the world is a lot easier than sharing a bathroom with three other girls).

8) Be prepared to have perfect strangers tell you that your brilliant plan is against the law or a threat to society. This is not a time to rethink your plan and see if it could be "less evil." Remember - you're an EVIL genius. Evil is what we do, so leave the nice stuff to the good guys.

9) If your goal is something big, say world domination. always prepare a backup plan. I have several backup plans, from the big (stealing the moon) to the small (not rewinding rented videos).

10) Plotting against the forces of good is hard work. What you wear is important because that's how you're going to be remembered. Frankly, anyone can blow up the planet. But the real skill is doing it in a red sequined gown, 5-inch heels and a feather boa.

Silence is golden, but shouting is fun!

Classifieds:
Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

W e do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

(`'·.¸(`'·.¸ ¸.·'´) ¸.·'´)
´¨`·.¸¸.*lil green alien*.·´¸¸¨`»
(¸.·'´(¸.·'´ `'·.¸)`' ·.¸)