Custard.Eater
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Joined 06-16-19, id: 12449799, Profile Updated: 06-24-19

Hey guys this is my new account and I am a reader only I dont write books

This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 percent of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 percent of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God.

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the Word...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in God and Jesus Christ his Son

then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...

" If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible, it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! if you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

One day, a dad comes home drunk and mad. He pulls out a gun and shoots his wife the turns the gun on himself. His little girls sits behind the couch, crying. The policeman came and took the little girl to a new home. The first day of school she walks into the classroom and sees a picture of Jesus on the cross.

GIRL: How did that man get of the cross?

TEACHER: He never did.

GIRL: Yes he did. When mommy and daddy fought, He sat next to me and said everything will be all right...

I know some of you won't repost this but remember the bible says, "DENY THIS IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIEND I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER." Repost this if you are not ashamed.

They Hurt Her

About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.

FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off. Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true. If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.

Funny quotes people say:

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Your laughing now because your older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

One day we will look back at this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

The toothfairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

God created man-THEN had a better idea!

Your year book picture still haunts me.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

You're a speacial kind of stupid, aren't you?

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions.

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Jogging is a slow sprinting, Coach!

If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?

I have CDO. It's like OCD but all of the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Jesus saves. Passes to Moses, he shoots, he scores!!

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You jump off a cliff, I laugh.

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Dang, that was fun!"

They never suspect the short one.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia?

I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead.

People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was.

I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.

You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.

DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S...tell your friends.

Hey stupid! Your sock is untied...

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together?

Procrastinators; the leaders of tomorrow.

Tu madre. You just got burnt in spanish.

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

It's okay pluto. I'm not a planet either.

Ever wonder why bologna and lasagna don't rhyme?

If people were all meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

Wanna hear a joke? ...miley cyrus.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicatd. Haven't they met themselves?

Don't follow my footsteps, I run into walls.

At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh?

Making us all wish we were blind:Speedo.

Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades.

If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.

I ROCK! Guitar hero told me.

There are two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe.

Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.

Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.

I have animal magnetism-- when I go outside, squirrels stick to my sleeves.

I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere

Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.

Forecast for tonight: darkness

I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.

Hell is full of musical amateurs

I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes

-sticks hand in electric box- CHIDORI!!

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner.

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.

God must love stupid people...he made so many

You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.

PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.

I have a dream and in it, something eats you.

Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.

Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then its hysterical

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.

If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.

I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words

Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?

I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.

By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life

I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday

Hi! I'm human. What're you?

Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass!

Life is like a circle. No wonder I'm so dizzy.

Yeah I'm a loser, but I'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet

Boys break our hearts, so why don't we break their necks?

When they laugh, we'll laugh along too. Because we know better. We know.

I wanted to send you something SEXY... but the mail man told me to get out of the mail box...

I'm NOT SHORT!! ... I'm fun sized!

Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses!

When you call us BITCHES we just look at each other and crack up, because we knew that WAAAAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOU DID!

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, WHERE THE HELL IS MY CEILING!?

Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?

I have the kind of friends where if my house was burning down, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen! (Yeah and they probably start it too..)

RAWR!! That means I love you in dinosaur!

Its not that I'm not a “people person”... its just that I'm not a “stupid people person”.

I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a... aww who am I kidding!

Exactly how much fun can I have before I go to hell?

HELL- Where all the fun people end up!

Ne the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says “Oh crap she's up!”

They keep saying the right person will come along... I think a truck hit mine!

Only You!... can help me hide the bodies!

I'm smiling cause I'm your sister, I'm laughing cause theres nothing you can do about it!

When I die, I'm going to haunt the HELL out of you people!

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

"Oh? Paper beats rock? Okay, you try defending yourself with paper when I throw a rock at you."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?"

"Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?"

knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."

"Don't attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot."

"'Let's eat Grandma' or 'Let's eat, Grandma'- Punctuation saves lives."

"A panda eats shoots, and leaves... Or... A panda eats shoots and leaves." YOU'VE GOTTA LOVE GRAMMAR!!

16 ways to perplex, confuse or just scare people in a Computer Lab

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my Gods! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

10. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

11. Type on Chatroullette for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

12. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

13. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

14. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

15. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

16. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.


37 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."