ReaderZero
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Joined 11-01-02, id: 287915
Author has written 1 story for Matrix.
I am a Reader first and foremost...But who would have thunk it... I actually can write too. ( and yes, I know thunk isn't a word. )

Most people know me as the Big Bad Reviewer. Listen up, I just keep things real. I'm not gonna kiss ass and go with the flow. However I've decided to stop flaming. By that I mean that even when I get pissed, I won't resort to slamming the author themselves...unless warrented.

Otherwise If you've got a lot of reviews and you don't deserve them...I'll let you know. If you make stupid mistakes, I'll let you know. And if you're story isn't living up to potential, I'll let you know.

It's the downsize of freespeech, friends. You also have the right to have jerks like me review your stories. I'll never ever flame ( though people may take my harsh critisicms as flames ), but I won't kiss ass either. I call it like it is. If it's crap, I'll say it's crap. I'll tell you why, and that makes it not a flame. Get used to it.

I borrowed this from a member named ThatBitch. It's pretty relevent, especially concerning Mary Sues. It's mostly what glares out at me when I read a bad fic:

Violation of Tasteful Fanfic Laws and Statutes:

( ) You have a Mary Sue in your story.
( ) Your characters are wildly out of character
( ) Your story is not feasible because of basic logic
( ) You have misrepresented characters from canon in your fanon.
( ) The following plot points are extremely overdone already: Long-lost secret crush. Long-lost returned but secret crush. Antognistic and hateful canon characters. Long-lost daughter of a popular canon character, long-lost niece of a popular canon character, beautiful dead mother, bratty angst-ridden orphans...etc
( ) You have engaged in the following Mary Sue cliche(s): Giving your Mary Sue an exotic foreign name WITHOUT REASON, giving your Mary Sue rare powers FOR NO REASON, using your Mary Sue to work out your own anger at the world.
( ) Your spelling is atrocious.
( ) Your grammar is non-existent.
( ) You need to learn how to separate paragraphs.
( ) Failure to finish the game/book/movie/anime that your story comes from.
( ) Failure to maintain canon.
( ) You have written a song fic that has more song than fic.
( ) You have interrupted the flow of the fic with unwarranted Author's Notes.
( ) You left the CAPS lock on.
( ) You are begging for reviews.
( ) You are not knowledgable enough to be writing about what you're writing about.
( ) You are admittedly under the age of 16 and writing about graphic sex.
( ) You've knowing underatted ( PG-13 when it should be R ) your fic.
( ) You have inserted ridiculously long Author's Notes.

At the same time, I've decided to write a short list on How to NOT make a Mary Sue OC ( specifically for a Harry Potter fanfiction )

1) Overwrought descriptions ( her hair was like a crystalline waterfall of prismic colors that flowed like along her back like the serene winds ) SUCK! K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid!
2) Your character is NOT smarter than Hermione ( if she goes to Hogwarts ). Hermione is a freak who reads entire books within days...if not hours. The chances of many people like her going to the same school is extremely slim. If your character is smart, tell us why. Give us her Motivation
3) There is pretty, which is good and there is incandecantly beautiful, which is bad! Really really bad! Don't give your girl strange eye colors without a good reason! This goes back to the key word, which is MOTIVATION
4 Your character doesn't have a dumbass names. If you want to pull a JKRowling and give her a name that means something...that's good. There are sites out there that can help you with that. However, giving her an anime or japanese name is BAD. If your character's name is Sakura or Serena, STOP WRITING NOW!
5 Your character is probably not more powerful that most kids 2 grades above her. If she is, then tell us why. MOTIVATION. Your character is definately NOT stronger in magic than Harry Potter, Dumbledore, Neo ( for Matrix fanfics), Voldemort, or ANY TEACHER!!! There are limits to a kids strength! In the EXTREME example that she is...TELL US WHY!!! It's motivation, and you'd better have a damn good explination! 2 lines will not cut it.
6)It might be advisable to plan...PLAN your fic before posting anything. And by planning I mean maybe a couple of days...or in the case of really good fics, weeks of planning.
7)A good tip: SPELLCHECK! GRAMMAR CHECK! 1 speaker per Paragraph! And for God's sake, Stop writing Authors Notes while within your story!!

If you're one of the few who recieves a review from me, consider yourself blessed, listen to my advice and try to ignore my harshness.

One more thing. People seem to think that I hate Slash fics. Well guess what, you're right? You wanna know why? Well it has nothing to do with homosexual pairings ( even though I don't tolerate child/adult pairings ).

You wanna know why I hate Slash. I hate Slash because without fail it is usually THE most poorly written stack of clap-trap in fanfiction land.

Despite the fact that it's horribly out-of-character ( don't give me that bunk about how unless the Original Author maps out the entire sexual history of their character in a book, then anything goes ), most Slash fanfics are overly angst written, emotionally wraught and just plain insulting to any Reader worth his or her salt. Here's an example of your typical Harry Potter Slash fanfiction:

Draco is sad. He finds Harry alone in the woods, who's also sad. They kiss, then they f&*k. Now they're happy. But they can't tell anyone because everyone else in the world is homophobic, so now they're sad again. Someone finds out and one of them commit suicide. The end.

No joke, this is how about 95% of Slash fanfiction is written. Now I know that there are some good Slash fanfictions out there, but they're obliterated by the drowning number of crap out there, and I don't get to read them.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of romance fanfiction ( even straight ones ) are garbage too, written by people who have no use for pen and paper ( or keyboard and screen ). However, people wanted to know why I seemed particularly adverse to Slash.

And now you know.

That's all I have to say about that. Now, more about me:

Age: I'm not 25. I don't know where you got that idea. I'm actually 21
Gender: Male

Fav Shows: Forensics, Law and Order, CSI, American Justice, Star Trek Deep Space Nine.

Fav Authors: Max Berry, King, Robert Jordan, David & Leigh Eddings, Terry Brooks, Terry Goodkind, JK Rowling ( Yes... JK Rowling ) and Tom Clancy.

Other Favs: Movies, Music, Anime, Cartoons and Reviewing. ( hee hee hee )

um... Yes I do have another account with a couple of stories in it. Search for 'Reader' under fido... They're in my favorites list anyway. My old email address was killed...and I forgot my old accounts password.

Aint none of us perfect.

One Last Note:

I have quite an extensive favorite story and author list. This isn't because I like these people or are big fans of their all of their work. It's because these stories are good basically good and worth your time. My favorites list is up for YOUR benefit.

Check out the stories I have there. ( Except for mine, of course. ). These stories are what I consider to be some of the best in this section. Of course, one man's trash is another person's treasure.

ANONYMOUS REVIEWS RULE!!! Feel free to email me, but if you ask me to review your stuff, be warned, I WILL NOT GO EASY ON YOU.

I have written several stories on both ff.net and fictionalley and believe me or not, they have gotten rave reviews. However they are not on my list, and I won't tell you which they are ( I wrote them under different names in a different style ). WHY? Simply because there are those who hold a grudge against MY reviews. So, I won't have them take their revenge on my stories, which just about everyone agrees are original, exciting, and technically sound. They do well without my cross-promoting.

That's all.

"Tell my tale to those who listen. Tell it truly, the ill deeds, along with the good, and let me be judged accordingly. The rest...is silence." -Dinobot's last words.
My Livejournal

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Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time by Arxane reviews
Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. This is an update. Link and Ruto continue to explore the Water Temple, while a fight breaks out in the Kakariko Vilalge cemetary.
Legend of Zelda - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 61 - Words: 511,021 - Reviews: 1665 - Favs: 848 - Follows: 297 - Updated: 11/16/2006 - Published: 3/14/2001
The Destiny Stone by Snowsilver reviews
A sequel to 'An Act to Follow.' What if the Heroes of Time were forgotten? New Chapter - A long awaited battle, the return of Evil's Bane - and a foreshadowing of tragedy.
Legend of Zelda - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 32 - Words: 298,405 - Reviews: 196 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/7/2005 - Published: 11/2/2002
Spirit of the Desert by Weegie reviews
This story chronicles the story of Nabooru and her rise in power among the Gerudo tribe. A sort of intimate biography of the Sage of Spirit.
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 80,627 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/1/2004 - Published: 3/25/2003
Legend of Zelda: The Return by Rose Zemlya reviews
Takes place after OoT with the assumption that Link lost all of his memories of the events in the game when Zelda sent him back in time. COMPLETE
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 42 - Words: 232,633 - Reviews: 1590 - Favs: 2,343 - Follows: 518 - Updated: 10/31/2003 - Published: 7/7/2001 - Link, Zelda - Complete
Being Ron by Why must I be Omelette reviews
It's never easy being Ron. Takes place in sixth year. Features OotP spoilers and a distinct lack of fluff.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,920 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/10/2003 - Ron W.
Her Story by The Kirby Kid reviews
[UPDATE] There's a new Blueeyed Devil in town...it's the kid named Link. He's back, and he's after Invincible's killer. Will Zelda learn to always 'Be Careful What you Wish For' [Chapter 13. SONG REPLACED]
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 89,623 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 5/30/2003 - Published: 11/4/2002 - Zelda
Legend of a Wind Waker by Rockpopple reviews
Yikes! Another Wind Waker Story! It's based on the events of Wind Waker, but ...er... with a twist. Lame I know. Caleb devides to take on the Forsaken Fortress...but why? And for whom? **Ch. 3 is up! Please R&R**
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,036 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 4/28/2003 - Published: 4/24/2003
The New Divinity :Incomplete: by The Kirby Kid reviews
16 years after the events in The Gerudo Keepsake, another young Link is caught in a private mission; rescue Queen Zelda's daughter from the Dark World. [ INCOMPLETE ]
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 52,408 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/29/2002 - Published: 4/21/2001
The Gerudo Keepsake by The Kirby Kid reviews
[COMPLETE! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!]. The curse of the Ghanim threatens to destroy all of Hyrule. Can a young Link master the strength of the living & the Dead and stem the coming tide? My first in a Zelda fanfiction trilogy. Enjoy. o'.'o
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 91,967 - Reviews: 256 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/19/2001 - Published: 7/14/2000 - Link, Zelda - Complete
Dark Destiny by TEMBWBAM reviews
At last he speaks. Yep it's my first fanfic. ( From A While Ago...Chaptering up for You Good folks! ) TK, holder of Hope, falls into Darkness. It is up to his friends and family to pull him back into the light.
Digimon - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 35,232 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/30/2001 - Published: 4/9/2000
A Hylian in Tapwater Springs by Reader reviews
What happens to Angela Anaconda when Link pays a visit? Check it out...it's mostly for the lil ones,, or those who like AA. *Sigh* You can tell I watch this show a bit too often.
Legend of Zelda - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,431 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/23/2000
Parody of Matrix Fan Fiction by Byl Glinka reviews
Try not to take it too personally, everyone makes these mistakes.
Matrix - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,737 - Reviews: 170 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/29/2000
The Matrix Reloaded: For Dummies reviews
The world famous reviewer Reader in only my 3rd story under this penname. This story is for everyone who saw the movie and went 'DUH!!!'. Oh, vengeance flames are accepted and encouraged. I'm a sick guy.
Matrix - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,332 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/9/2003